coming out

  • erickstheone

    Posts: 9

    Oct 30, 2010 4:23 AM GMT
    my sister has a problem. her sons keep using the phrase 'that's gay" in regards to various things. she can't stand the phrase and wants me to explain to them that 'gay' shouldn't be used in a negative way. she wants me to officially come out to them and explain to them why they shouldn't be using that word in such a way. my issue is, to me, they're my nephews (13 and 10 years old) and i feel they're still too young to grasp the concept of being gay. am i wrong? should i come out to these two young boys, who love me unconditionally and alter their world view?
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    Oct 30, 2010 4:37 AM GMT
    erickstheone saidmy sister has a problem. her sons keep using the phrase 'that's gay" in regards to various things. she can't stand the phrase and wants me to explain to them that 'gay' shouldn't be used in a negative way. she wants me to officially come out to them and explain to them why they shouldn't be using that word in such a way. my issue is, to me, they're my nephews (13 and 10 years old) and i feel they're still too young to grasp the concept of being gay. am i wrong? should i come out to these two young boys, who love me unconditionally and alter their world view?


    I came out at 11. By the time I was in high school everyone knew and no one cared. Could of been the fact Im good at sports or my charming personally but that really doesn't have any regards in this thread.icon_cool.gif
    The bigger problem here is that you are turning into a condescending adult. To underestimate the intelligence of those younger than you can be grievous.
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    Oct 30, 2010 4:57 AM GMT
    13 is definitely not too young and I probably think 10 is not either. Think back to when you were 13. I am sure by that time you had heard the word 'gay' and grasped the idea that some people of the same gender had sex together. Your sister seems to think they can handle it if you tell them. Can you handle it?
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    Oct 30, 2010 5:15 AM GMT
    I'm not really sure that it's your responsibility. My nieces are very much aware of my sexuality, and they don't care. My sister did a very good job of letting them know.

    I don't think that's too young either. When I was 10 or 11 my mother took me into a sex shop. She of course got permission from the owner first, but she showed me what sex was and a condom. I was very well educated from that point on, and I couldn't have asked for a better teacher. Thanks Momicon_smile.gif
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    Oct 30, 2010 5:23 AM GMT
    One of those kids that killed himself was 13. I'm pretty sure they're able to grasp the concept at 13.
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    Oct 30, 2010 5:24 AM GMT
    hauptstimme saidI'm not really sure that it's your responsibility. My nieces are very much aware of my sexuality, and they don't care. My sister did a very good job of letting them know.

    I don't think that's too young either. When I was 10 or 11 my mother took me into a sex shop. She of course got permission from the owner first, but she showed me what sex was and a condom. I was very well educated from that point on, and I couldn't have asked for a better teacher. Thanks Momicon_smile.gif


    Actually I agree with the above. It's not up to you - let your sister tell her kids, sounds like she's trying to avoid having this conversation with them.
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    Oct 30, 2010 5:54 AM GMT
    mnboy said
    I came out at 11.


    Wow, I didn't come out until 15. Ok, I officially worship you. I want to know more about you. You are the success story of the evolution of gays becoming accepted. I think RJ will benefit from you really.

    Yes I am drunk, but you are amazballz.
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    Oct 30, 2010 6:03 AM GMT
    I'll never forget the day, many years ago, when my nephew who was all of 6 at the time asked me if my partner and I slept together like his parents did.

    "Uh, yes." I told him. I never asked my sister why she was explaining the facts of my life to her six year old.

    He's out of college now, and a really nice guy.
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    Oct 30, 2010 6:52 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    mnboy said
    I came out at 11.


    Wow, I didn't come out until 15. Ok, I officially worship you. I want to know more about you. You are the success story of the evolution of gays becoming accepted. I think RJ will benefit from you really.

    Yes I am drunk, but you are amazballz.


    I think my acceptance had to do with the fact I've never thought or let people look down on me for being gay. Also, be careful what you ask for... My psych professor is literally scared of me after 'getting to know me more'. icon_twisted.gif
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Oct 30, 2010 6:57 AM GMT
    I'm not sure I understand....

    At this point, they're too young to understand "straight" as well. Tell them who you are, and allow yourself to be a part of their upbringing. You were invited to do so. Enjoy, and be a part of a newer, greater, more accomplished world order.
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    Oct 30, 2010 7:18 AM GMT
    Dude, tell them NOW


    The sooner you tell them and explain it... the LESS issues they will have with it

    Hiding things like this from your nephews NOW will result in them finding out later and sending the message across that its something that should be taboo ad kept a secret form them...a s if there was always something "wrong" with you, enforcing the general idea about gays

    NIP that fuckin stereotype in the BUD, babe!!!!
  • erickstheone

    Posts: 9

    Oct 30, 2010 7:59 AM GMT
    It's not that I'm ashamed by any means...I've always lived openly around them, but I've never had a 'relationship' when they've been old enough to understand (looooooooooooong story)...it's not that I fear they won't understand or accept, it's that i just don't want to make them too well aware at too young of an age to understand.
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    Oct 30, 2010 8:16 AM GMT
    erickstheone saidIt's not that I'm ashamed by any means...I've always lived openly around them, but I've never had a 'relationship' when they've been old enough to understand (looooooooooooong story)...it's not that I fear they won't understand or accept, it's that i just don't want to make them too well aware at too young of an age to understand.


    Ehm, like do they see men and women as couples?

    If so, they already have an understanding of "couplehood"... babe

    But ok, its your life, do as you will.. but delaying is not doing them nor your sister a favour babe
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    Oct 30, 2010 8:18 AM GMT
    hauptstimme saidI'm not really sure that it's your responsibility. My nieces are very much aware of my sexuality, and they don't care. My sister did a very good job of letting them know.

    I don't think that's too young either. When I was 10 or 11 my mother took me into a sex shop. She of course got permission from the owner first, but she showed me what sex was and a condom. I was very well educated from that point on, and I couldn't have asked for a better teacher. Thanks Momicon_smile.gif


    True that, your sister should tell them first, and allow you to answer questions they may have, though they probably wont.. when you tell kids somethign at that age, they are usually like this:

    "ok, so thats what the adults say, so thats how the world must work"
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    Oct 30, 2010 8:19 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    mnboy said
    I came out at 11.


    Wow, I didn't come out until 15. Ok, I officially worship you. I want to know more about you. You are the success story of the evolution of gays becoming accepted. I think RJ will benefit from you really.

    Yes I am drunk, but you are amazballz.


    Wow, 18 here, but Im Latino/Caribbean.. bit different over here..

    In fact I came out officially the moment I moved to Europe.. go figure... so many of us here do that (move away, then come out)

    And Jake, Imma steal that word from you
  • erickstheone

    Posts: 9

    Oct 30, 2010 8:51 AM GMT
    @MuchMore

    I hear you..and from that strength, I'll gain mine..I love my nephs...and I pray that they'll be ambassadors...to show the world...but i can only hope and pray....i'lll let the world know in 24 hours time..
  • erickstheone

    Posts: 9

    Oct 30, 2010 8:58 AM GMT
    on the other side..their father is such a disrespectible piece of human excrement...that's why i feel (and my sister, i'm sure) that if we can get my nephs to see that love knows no gender, than we can create a new order of view..my nephews mean the world to me...if i can help change what their father sees, than maybe i can save a life somewhere down the line...
  • erickstheone

    Posts: 9

    Oct 30, 2010 9:01 AM GMT
    that being said...if anyone knows how I can come out to my nephews, please, let me know!
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    Oct 30, 2010 10:10 AM GMT
    Let them find out for themselves or let your sister tell them
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    Oct 30, 2010 10:26 AM GMT
    danisnotstr8 saidAt this point, they're too young to understand "straight" as well. Tell them who you are, and allow yourself to be a part of their upbringing. You were invited to do so. Enjoy, and be a part of a newer, greater, more accomplished world order.


    No they're not. If they can say "that's gay" then they can sure as hell be told that gay means "two men or women who love each other" and therefore not use the term in a pejorative sense.

    FYI I knew I liked guys and hooked up in 1st grade. That's right. I was an elementary school WHORE.
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    Oct 30, 2010 10:58 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    danisnotstr8 saidAt this point, they're too young to understand "straight" as well. Tell them who you are, and allow yourself to be a part of their upbringing. You were invited to do so. Enjoy, and be a part of a newer, greater, more accomplished world order.


    No they're not. If they can say "that's gay" then they can sure as hell be told that gay means "two men or women who love each other" and therefore not use the term in a pejorative sense.

    FYI I knew I liked guys and hooked up in 1st grade. That's right. I was an elementary school WHORE.


    Awwwww, Jake you just get cuter by the post icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 30, 2010 11:01 AM GMT
    There are really two issues here:

    a. The use of "gay" as a pejorative word

    and

    b. Your coming out to your nephews.

    I would say 'a' is your sister's department and 'b' is yours.