''NO HE'S GOING TO BE A FAIRY''

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    Nov 01, 2010 2:32 AM GMT
    I went over my house around 8ish because my sister was going to be there and i wanted to see my little nephews costume.He was a penguin and looked to cute but we were in the kitchen and my brother asked me what if i was still going to be batman for halloween and out of no where my dad said''no he's going to be a fairy''
    why is he always putting me down cause im gay,so that ruined my halloween and i just stayed in and im watching scary movies,orderd a pizza and blah
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Nov 01, 2010 2:34 AM GMT
    Nice. You didn't like what your dad said so you spent the night moping. You sure showed him. Grow a pair. If you wanted to go out, go out.
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    Nov 01, 2010 2:34 AM GMT
    Because he knows that if he insults you, you take it to heart and cling onto it because you care so much about what others think of you.


    Your father +1. icon_twisted.gif
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    Nov 01, 2010 2:40 AM GMT
    this isn't the first time tho and yes it hurts when your own dad puts u down,im a very nice person and i get upset fast, and maybe your right maybe i do need to grow some balls.
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    Nov 01, 2010 3:04 AM GMT
    You should have given him one of these.. LMFAO
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    Nov 01, 2010 3:14 AM GMT
    ...or said "No, Dad...I'm not wearing the same costume as you.
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    Nov 01, 2010 3:22 AM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite said...or said "No, Dad...I'm not wearing the same costume as you.


    Which would've ended up at PRINCETONY getting knocked the fuck out by his dad! (Which I'd love to see :lolicon_smile.gif
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    Nov 01, 2010 3:37 AM GMT
    Hypothetically…

    HEY, DAD
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    Nov 01, 2010 6:54 AM GMT
    PRINCETONY saidI went over my house around 8ish because my sister was going to be there and i wanted to see my little nephews costume.He was a penguin and looked to cute but we were in the kitchen and my brother asked me what if i was still going to be batman for halloween and out of no where my dad said''no he's going to be a fairy''
    why is he always putting me down cause im gay,so that ruined my halloween and i just stayed in and im watching scary movies,orderd a pizza and blah


    you don't know anything about counterattacking. that's too sad...
    me and my dad, don't have a nice relationship and many times he finds something bad to say about me but i always find something worse to shut him up or at least get him very mad. icon_twisted.gif

    you know your father, he has some weaknesses, you either answer the same way or you cope with him being mean to you. BUT STOP WHINING!!!
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Nov 01, 2010 7:40 AM GMT
    PRINCETONY saidI went over my house around 8ish because my sister was going to be there and i wanted to see my little nephews costume.He was a penguin and looked to cute but we were in the kitchen and my brother asked me what if i was still going to be batman for halloween and out of no where my dad said''no he's going to be a fairy''
    why is he always putting me down cause im gay,so that ruined my halloween and i just stayed in and im watching scary movies,orderd a pizza and blah


    Dont know your Dad, but a answer like "and you go as Beer Barrel or what?" would have worked better then whining.
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    Nov 01, 2010 7:44 AM GMT
    PRINCETONY saidthis isn't the first time tho and yes it hurts when your own dad puts u down,im a very nice person and i get upset fast, and maybe your right maybe i do need to grow some balls.


    Your father is not a father. No father would treat his childern the way he is treating you. He is a cowardly man who deserves zero respect from you. He may change... until then, don't waste your time.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 01, 2010 11:10 AM GMT
    Why did you let your father win in this situation?

    You wanted to go out? So Go OUT
    If your father is a negative influence in your life you have 2 choices to correct that
    either you Confront him head on and everytime he says something like that you correct him
    or
    you cut him out of your life so you don't Hear what he says

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    Nov 01, 2010 11:17 AM GMT
    Dude, you need to knock the fuck out of your father.
    Yeah he might hit back, but physical pain is only temporary...you can heal.
    The emotional pain he'll feel from being knocked the fuck out by a "fag" will be much worse than anything he can do to you.
  • bad_wolf

    Posts: 1002

    Nov 01, 2010 11:18 AM GMT
    If you were looking for the opportune moment to drop kick him, that was it.
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    Nov 01, 2010 11:18 AM GMT
    GQjock saideither you Confront him head on and everytime he says something like that you correct him
    or
    you cut him ...
    You could stop typing right there and be very correct. icon_wink.gif
  • DukeAtreides

    Posts: 64

    Nov 01, 2010 11:42 AM GMT
    You know, PRINCETONY, not all of us prefer the violent approach. Was your response the best possible? Hell no. Is violence or confrontation the only alternative? Hell no.

    Unfortunately, in those real-time decisions we often resort to responding reactively - and we don't have time to pause and come up with a suitable retort. When the exchange involves familly and strong emotions, that only makes it hard to come up with the most constructive response.

    Perhaps practicing a couple of neutral responses will better prepare you for the next time? It seems a given that something of the sort will happen again...

    One Michigander to another: Good luck, sir.
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    Nov 01, 2010 12:09 PM GMT
    Dude, don't listen to these guys who are telling you to punch your father or to confront him or cut him out of your life. It is something that you may regret later in life.

    I had the same issue with BOTH of my parents when I first came out. At first, I reacted exactly like you did. I let them win and it reinforced with them that that behavior could get the result that they wanted.

    The way that I counter-acted them was to confront it at the time in a non-threatening way. This is not a case where you fight fire with fire. I would say that I thought that was rude and walk out of the room without discussion and do what I wanted to do. I was very consistent with this. I did not let them get a rise out of me or deter me from doing what I wanted. I think that parents think that they can intimidate the gay out of you sometimes...

    The consistency of the action took all of the effect out of them making remarks like that. The second phase of that was to have a conversation about it at a time when we were either alone or in a place where they felt that it was safe to be vulnerable and honest. I told them how their statements affected me, were out of line and how I wouldn't stand for them. I told them that they were pushing me away. Again, this was a process that took time and consistency. I also stopped calling and visiting as often just to drive the point home.

    Now, after a few years of hard work, my parents are respectful and my dad is actually supportive. Don't get me wrong, it's not like we talk about who I'm dating or anything like that, but I know that that will come with time.

    The bottom line is that most parents love their gay kids. (Clearly there are some that do not, but this doesn't sound like the case in your family.) Their reaction is a selfish one based on "losing" their hopes and dreams for you. They just need to understand that you will still be a good person. That being gay doesn't change that. What you have to do is continue to be successful at what you do and patiently work on your parents to get them to come around.

    You can change friends like underwear, but these are the only parents that you will ever have. Don't make a rash decision now that you will come to regret down the road.
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    Nov 01, 2010 12:22 PM GMT
    2 scenarios here: are you sure he isn't kidding? You know him
    better than us, but it's just a suggestion.

    Also if he is being insulting and hurting you, have u talked to him about it. Maybe he isn't dealing with his perspective of the situation well and inturn is hurting you. communication is the key!
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    Nov 01, 2010 1:45 PM GMT


    "...and out of no where my dad said''no he's going to be a fairy''


    My reply: "Good guess, Dad! It was either that or go as a child hating father." and then I'd have walked out.

    -Doug
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    Nov 01, 2010 1:50 PM GMT
    score update:

    Tony's father: +7 improvement
    (Tony was in his house while his father was there, without substantial incident.)

    Tony: -10 digression
    (Tony let his father's stupid and mean childish comment unnecessarily ruin his Halloween, proving that Tony isn't in control, and his father has evidence now, perhaps encouraging his homophobia.)
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Nov 01, 2010 2:08 PM GMT
    Tony, read ksig121's post about five times and take it to heart!

    Notice that he didn't say to reply "Why do you do that?" He said to simply tell them that they did it [were rude, pushed him away, made him feel bad, whatever...]. Then he got away from the situation to give parents the message that he was not pleased. In other words, without making a big scene, he took control.

    Doing this will let your dad know that you are who you are, that you don't like it when he puts you down, but it will also give him a chance to have things go well when you both treat each other respectfully.

    It's hard work. Good luck with it.

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    Nov 01, 2010 2:42 PM GMT
    I'm not sure how your family deals with things, but my suggestion would be to actually sit down in private with your dad and let him know how you FEEL by the things he says, I'm pretty sure your dad loves you and he will listen and not want to keep hurting his son.

    The only way for this conflict to be resolved by any sort of relationship is to communicate 100%.
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    Nov 01, 2010 2:50 PM GMT
    ThatCrash saidI'm not sure how your family deals with things, but my suggestion would be to actually sit down in private with your dad and let him know how you FEEL by the things he says, I'm pretty sure your dad loves you and he will listen and not want to keep hurting his son.

    The only way for this conflict to be resolved by any sort of relationship is to communicate 100%.
    OMG, the sound of reason! Thank you Crash! I agree, your dad sounds like he's struggling with being comfortable about your sexuality. Find some private time and talk to him, let him know what he's saying is very unappreciated and uncomfortable. He's probably not really aware of how it's making you feel and just thinks its funny. Laughter maybe be his way of being more comfortable, unfortunately, it's at your expense. Hang in there!
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 01, 2010 2:55 PM GMT
    lol, i wanna hang out with ur dad.

    good comedic timing.
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    Nov 01, 2010 3:13 PM GMT
    PRINCETONY saidI went over my house around 8ish because my sister was going to be there and i wanted to see my little nephews costume.He was a penguin and looked to cute but we were in the kitchen and my brother asked me what if i was still going to be batman for halloween and out of no where my dad said''no he's going to be a fairy''
    why is he always putting me down cause im gay,so that ruined my halloween and i just stayed in and im watching scary movies,orderd a pizza and blah


    Don't be so dramatic, especially if your dad said it in a joking manner. Even if he meant it to be intentionally negative and derogaty, don't let it ruin your day. You need to be able to deal with simple things like this, especially with all the real hatred that you may encounter as a gay man.