Is there SOMETHING wrong with me???

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 02, 2010 4:37 AM GMT
    OK I was thinking to myself tonight about my love life (non-existent at the moment)

    I thought about the guys I go after.

    I realized that I tend to only be interested in guys that show me some attention but not a lot.

    It's like I love to chase after them and then when I finally get them, after a few months I'm over them.

    BUT

    If a guy gives me too much attention and too much leeway from initial meeting or hanging out then I'm DEFINITELY not interested.

    Am I some kind of weirdo or do you guys experience this as well??

    Thoughts??
  • aiko14

    Posts: 332

    Nov 02, 2010 4:40 AM GMT
    yeah i guess it happens a lot... we crave for something we cant have... and totally have no interest on whats in the menu
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    Nov 02, 2010 4:51 AM GMT
    TattJock said, " If a guy gives me too much attention and too much leeway from initial meeting or hanging out then I'm DEFINITELY not interested."

    ..perhaps consider why this is. These are two qualities that can make a great relationship.

    -Doug
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    Nov 02, 2010 4:53 AM GMT
    You know its probably more common than you think, for me I used to critize the guys that let my girl friends hanging, waiting, after all damage you can say, how could they not see how amazing they are.

    Now that Im in the guy's dating field I found myself to be a lot like those comitment-afraid guys I used to critized, always chasing someone but once you have him, looking for the next best thing.

    I wouldnt say theres something wrong with you, perhaps you are just not ready to commit.
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    Nov 02, 2010 4:54 AM GMT
    It may well be that you can't have your cake and eat it too!? I mean have you ever consider of the consequences when you want to hold on to something when you already have made use of it? what then? relationships is not about your needs alone you know!!


    Leandro
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    Nov 02, 2010 3:00 PM GMT
    ok so it's not just me it seems lol
  • monstapex

    Posts: 477

    Nov 02, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    Well enjoy it while you can .In a few years you'll be hoping someone will pay attention to you.
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    Nov 02, 2010 3:30 PM GMT
    You don't want commitment....its that simple...you like the chase...Seems plain as day to me...So you really can't complain about a "non-existent" love life when it is self-imposed since you admittedly reject men who are interested in you from the beginning or after a few months of dating...

  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Nov 02, 2010 3:39 PM GMT
    First you may want consider if you really do want a love life. Maybe all you want is casual dating and sex. Sometimes we find ourselves going through the motions to get what society tells us we should want, when in fact we really don't want it.

    Then let's assume for a minute that maybe you do want a relationship. Tell the guy up front that you want to take things really slow. Just come right out and tell him that if a guy is too into you too quickly, that it's a big red flag for you.

    I often say that one of the big differences between the east coast of the US and the west coast is that on the east coast most people pretend they don't like you when they first meet you, while on the west coast most people pretend they do like you when they first meet you. In both cases the truth becomes evident later.

    As for me, I'm the guy on the other side of your story. If I like a guy, my enthusiasm scares the crap out of them and they run away. I've never been able to fake indifference nor fake liking someone. C'est la vie!
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    Nov 02, 2010 3:52 PM GMT
    camfer said, "As for me, I'm the guy on the other side of your story. If I like a guy, my enthusiasm scares the crap out of them and they run away. I've never been able to fake indifference nor fake liking someone. C'est la vie!"

    ...me too. I wore my heart on my sleeve most of the time. It separated the men from the boys, so to speak.

    -Doug
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    Nov 02, 2010 3:57 PM GMT

    "Am I some kind of weirdo or do you guys experience this as well??"

    You're not a weirdo, you haven't fallen in love, is my guess, because when you do, you'll be grateful for his attentions/enthusiasm and his giving you lots of leeway. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
  • str8hardbody9

    Posts: 1519

    Nov 02, 2010 4:02 PM GMT
    TattJock saidOK I was thinking to myself tonight about my love life (non-existent at the moment)

    I thought about the guys I go after.

    I realized that I tend to only be interested in guys that show me some attention but not a lot.

    It's like I love to chase after them and then when I finally get them, after a few months I'm over them.

    BUT

    If a guy gives me too much attention and too much leeway from initial meeting or hanging out then I'm DEFINITELY not interested.

    Am I some kind of weirdo or do you guys experience this as well??

    Thoughts??


    Dude there's nothing wrong with you. It happened to me all the time. I tend to like the guys that I'm interested but if the guy keep chasing me I got turned off. You're alright dude keep looking for the right guy for you. It will come along even you don't look. Good luck and wish you well. God Blessicon_lol.gif
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    Nov 02, 2010 4:08 PM GMT
    monstapex saidWell enjoy it while you can .In a few years you'll be hoping someone will pay attention to you.


    hehe highly doubt that.... only 24 here ;)
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    Nov 02, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
    Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with you; but I do think it's going to take a special guy along with some work from you in order to maintain a stable relationship.

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    Nov 02, 2010 8:16 PM GMT
    Epathos saidWell, I don't think there's anything wrong with you; but I do think it's going to take a special guy along with some work from you in order to maintain a stable relationship.



    I can agree with that 100%
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    Nov 02, 2010 8:35 PM GMT
    That's the principle of what I call reach and withdraw. Metaphorically speaking, of course. If you approach someone with too much interest, it can be uncomfortable for that person, or even scary.

    Someone who reaches too hard, pushes you away. For instance, stalkers tend to reach way too hard, but have a creepy flow that accompanies it.

    There is nothing wrong with strong interest or enthusiasm. They are actually both higher and saner emotions than most others. But a little goes a long way, so learn to control it.

    I've tested this principle out in public. In my observation people are often extremely sensitive to being reached for with emotional interest. Reaching too enthusiastically is often interpreted as desperation, even though it isn't. As an emotion, enthusiasm is far higher and cleaner than desperation, but could be called a harmonic, since the affects are similar, just at different levels.

    The average person doesn't seem to be quite aware enough of this principle to know exactly how it works, but they do know when they are affected by it.

    If you want to repel someone you don't care to be around, this can be an affective way to do it. But, beware if the person in a stalker type, it may backfire on you.

    But, either way, don't worry about it, it's normal human behavior.