ALMOST perfect...except HE'S missing

  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Nov 02, 2010 10:07 PM GMT
    RANT:
    Took the afternoon off to hang with three of my buds, all three of them very cool, fun, down to earth, chill guys from my gym. My trainer and two sheriffs deputies. All three straight, very evolved cool cats (the basic profile of 95 of my buds, always been that way.)
    Anyway, we planned a day on the boat, wakeboarding on the lake, tubing, relaxing, kicking back, just hanging out. Boat battery was dead, but we were all fine just sitting on the dock, hanging out. I grilled, they provided beer and water and trail mix and shit, and it was low-key, not drama. We pulled out kayaks and took those out instead, did the lake, swam, tooled around the canals, etc. It started to pour rain and we just kept going. Again, a practically perfect day

    EXCEPT

    I need a BF who will do this with me. And for the fucking life of me I can't seem to find a dude who just acts like a dude, who is low maintenance, likes shit like kayaking, lifting, biking, wakeboarding, relaxing with buds, just being a ...well being a guy. Sure, love the tux and the theatre, and the chinos and dinner out, but I'm driving home, soaked to the bone and thinking "nobody bitched, nobody was freaking because we improvised or it was cold and wet and stormy, nobody got upset over my sitting on my leather seats with muddy board shorts and soaked shoes. Where the fuck are the gay MEN like these dudes? Fit, intelligent, chill, adult (emphasis on the latter, believe me) and able to roll with life and take pleasure in the small stuff.

    I get home, walk the dog, in the rain, shower, and start dinner and the lonely kicks in BIG TIME. I swear, if I have to move to South friggin' Africa to find him, I would, but surely he's nearby, right? Today convinced me, I'm fishing in a sea of fussy pissy old women and I need a guy. Where the fuck are you, man!?! *sigh*
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    Nov 02, 2010 10:11 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack said And for the fucking life of me I can't seem to find a dude who just acts like a dude, who is low maintenance, likes shit like kayaking, lifting, biking, wakeboarding, relaxing with buds, just being a ...well being a guy. .... Where the fuck are the gay MEN like these dudes?


    I smell a "can't find a chill masc str8 actin' brah" thread.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Nov 02, 2010 10:14 PM GMT
    ...dude, c'mon, like YOU wouldn't have had a good day doing the same?
    C'mon. Don't go there.
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    Nov 02, 2010 10:16 PM GMT
    You have a preconceived mold of who you think you want. Maybe someone who doesn't fit your outdoors idyll could be a right match for you.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Nov 02, 2010 10:28 PM GMT
    It sounds like you're saying that maybe I'm closed off to somebody who isn't like the guy I'm describing, and that I should be open to accepting the guys who are attracted to me but in whom I have no interest.
    If so, that's a crock.
    A fit is a fit. I'm open, but it would be nice to have somebody who gets it, and goes with the flow, and can participate and not dismiss or be bored or fail to be fun to be around. Somebody not caught up in fashion and celebrities or too much pretense or gossip or fussy and timid or focused on socializing at bars and knowing what the fuck was on Oprah today.
    I think it's more judgmental to think that I'm being exclusionary than it is for me to want to find someone to whom I can relate. I don't understand the crime here, Ciarsolo. Tell me.
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    Nov 02, 2010 10:29 PM GMT
    Now thinking back years ago I knew a guy who sounds like he would have been perfect for you BUT he wasn't muscular, just tall and average. He absolutely loved outdoors stuff, camping, having people over to his cabin for pig roasts. Very laid back but still liked to occasionally go into town for a night of drinking and dancing etc. He was that kind of guy everyone liked right from the get go.
    Now somebody like that.. would you not be interested in just because he wasn't into the gym or had an athletic bod?
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Nov 02, 2010 10:30 PM GMT
    See the problem is I fit that perfectly. It's what I do all summer. It's what me and my girls do, and some guys, and my parents. My dad and I do that shit all the time.

    But you'd never guess it. I'm a competitive gymnast and dancer, I cook and like to read. And yeah I like getting shitfaced and dancing in a club.

    People take one look at me and think dumb bottom twink. My time, when weather permits is spent hiking, or sitting around a fire with beer and friends.

    Oh, and i wear foundation, because I like to look like I have good skin. And I pay a lot for my haircut, and sometimes I wear tight tops, and yeah I'd like to be more built, so I'm working on it.

    I'm not saying you haven't given people chances, but some people might surprise you.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Nov 02, 2010 10:36 PM GMT
    Beneful1, I said athletic, so why wouldn't that cat have been interesting to me? And I never said he couldn't be a diverse and complicated cat like Mizu5
    Where is this idea coming from that I'm closed off? Somebody clue me in.

    I'm sorry I started this fucking thread. It was a rant, anyway, and just mine.
    Sorry I even brought it here. (again.....FAR from chill go-with-the-flow responses, dudes....icon_rolleyes.gif )
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Nov 02, 2010 10:40 PM GMT
    Oh i'm not saying you were closed off. I just.., ranted to your rant? it's like ciomplimentary ranting icon_razz.gif

    but thennnnn chill-and-go-with-the-flow responses would eb boring, it would meane veryone was exaaactly the same.

    But I agree with you, it would be nice to find someone who was into that stuff.

    PS> Meow, I am complicatedcat. Meow. Purrrrr.
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    Nov 02, 2010 10:42 PM GMT
    I don't hear a Straight Acting thread at all. I hear a "where are the gay dudes who have a sense of adventure like my straight friends do" thread. On that point I hear you. I made so many friends when I took up whitewater kayaking. I was just camping up in WV with some of them to run the Gauley. Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. Closer to home, I meet all kinds of cool guys surfing, some uber-hot, some average and some homely but we easily connect.

    Then you go to some lame gay establishment filled either with zombies or prima-donnas and you're like, "what a waste of time!"

    Have you tried gayoutdoors.org. I gave that a shot but I'm afraid there is very little traffic there. And therein lies the problem.

    And Mizu I think it is great that you can be a gymnast, dancer, bottom twink and a rugged outdoor type at the same time. That is not complicated to me at all.
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    Nov 02, 2010 10:45 PM GMT
    This thread is pathetic.
    Grow up and learn to see outside of societal stereotypes.

  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Nov 02, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    LOL. Well, c'mere and I'll rub your tummy. Now just add twenty years to your age and we're good to go! (no doubt I'll hear something about being ageist now....)

    It's just that we get our knickers in a twist when somebody says anything that sounds like we're saying "not like you". So I post on what I'm hoping for, maybe even holding out for and I get snarled at for possibly starting a thread that seems divisive.

    I'll confess to being easily offended on any number of topics, but not THAT easily offended. Really. What's wrong with having a type or a flavor or a taste or a preference?

    I'm thinking RJ is getting too fucking politically correct for its own damn good at times.

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    Nov 02, 2010 10:47 PM GMT
    friendormate saidI don't hear a Straight Acting thread at all. ....
    Where are the rugged gay men who like to have the kind of fun my str8 buds and I have who know how to have fun?



    I guess now it is.
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    Nov 02, 2010 10:49 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo said
    friendormate saidI don't hear a Straight Acting thread at all. ....
    Where are the rugged gay men who like to have the kind of fun my str8 buds and I have who know how to have fun?



    I guess now it is.



    You gotta admit it's a fair question.
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    Nov 02, 2010 10:50 PM GMT
    Also, by buying into the stereotype that no gay guys are 'masculine' and scorning them for it. You are essentially displaying a trait of homophobia. icon_redface.gif

    Also, if you look around at the older men on here that are single... most of them are the ones who are almost obsessed with masculinity.
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    Nov 02, 2010 10:50 PM GMT
    OP, I hear you loud and clear. I know where you're going with this, and I can appreciate it.

    They're out there; they're hard to find, but I swear they are out there.

    I found mine, and I'm not letting the shit head go.
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    Nov 02, 2010 10:52 PM GMT
    Why are you shopping for a relationship?

    They are built on common experience and development. Its not like you can order guys out of a catalog and its love at first sight.

    Give other people a chance who don't do the things you normally do, you could get turned on to something new in life.
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    Nov 02, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    I have the opposite problem. I end up judging men for their skincare or the clothes they choose to put on their bodies. Most men I run into are clueless.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Nov 02, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    mnboy saidAlso, by buying into the stereotype that no gay guys are 'masculine' and scorning them for it. You are essentially displaying a trait of homophobia. icon_redface.gif


    Dude, really....please show me where the fuck I am stereotyping gay men as not being masucline? And please, for the love of God, parse my post and point out the word "masculine" or "feminine" to me, because for the life of me I can't find it no matter how many times I re-read what I wrote, or at least what I THOUGHT I wrote. If you feel personally rejected by my original rant, I'm sorry. Sincerely, no joke, I'm actually very sorry. But frankly, it wasn't meant to be directed to you personally. I swear to you it wasn't.

    Chainers saidWhy are you shopping for a relationship?

    They are built on common experience and development. Its not like you can order guys out of a catalog and its love at first sight.

    Give other people a chance who don't do the things you normally do, you could get turned on to something new in life.


    Bucko, I'm not shopping. Did I make it sound like I'm shopping? Really?! I'm lonely. I date. If that's shopping, then we're pretty much all shopping. It's not like some gay Beckett play and I'm in stasis sitting on a rock under a bare tree waiting for him to come along, either. I was bemoaning the fact that the one thing missing today was "my guy", the guy who gets me, hangs, has his own shit that I'd be happy to run him over in the drive way for - given the right moment - but who all in all would have fit in just right with an otherwise great day. The guy who would be there in the fucking shower with me washing off the lake muck and thinking "that was cool, c'mere, kiss me asshole!"

    Jeez... some of these responses are exactly the kind of shit that I'd prefer to leave on the dock or back at camp to whine all day to themselves. *swat* *flick*

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    Nov 02, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack saidRANT:
    Took the afternoon off to hang with three of my buds, all three of them very cool, fun, down to earth, chill guys from my gym. My trainer and two sheriffs deputies. All three straight, very evolved cool cats (the basic profile of 95 of my buds, always been that way.)
    Anyway, we planned a day on the boat, wakeboarding on the lake, tubing, relaxing, kicking back, just hanging out. Boat battery was dead, but we were all fine just sitting on the dock, hanging out. I grilled, they provided beer and water and trail mix and shit, and it was low-key, not drama. We pulled out kayaks and took those out instead, did the lake, swam, tooled around the canals, etc. It started to pour rain and we just kept going. Again, a practically perfect day

    EXCEPT

    I need a BF who will do this with me. And for the fucking life of me I can't seem to find a dude who just acts like a dude, who is low maintenance, likes shit like kayaking, lifting, biking, wakeboarding, relaxing with buds, just being a ...well being a guy. Sure, love the tux and the theatre, and the chinos and dinner out, but I'm driving home, soaked to the bone and thinking "nobody bitched, nobody was freaking because we improvised or it was cold and wet and stormy, nobody got upset over my sitting on my leather seats with muddy board shorts and soaked shoes. Where the fuck are the gay MEN like these dudes? Fit, intelligent, chill, adult (emphasis on the latter, believe me) and able to roll with life and take pleasure in the small stuff.

    I get home, walk the dog, in the rain, shower, and start dinner and the lonely kicks in BIG TIME. I swear, if I have to move to South friggin' Africa to find him, I would, but surely he's nearby, right? Today convinced me, I'm fishing in a sea of fussy pissy old women and I need a guy. Where the fuck are you, man!?! *sigh*



    Having cool buds to do stuff like that is great but I think you're setting yourself up for failure if you go around expecting a potential mate to fit into that role. The best guy for you could possibly be that kind you come home to after all those activities, the kind that will give you a rub down and be a confidant. Just saying. Expectations kill!
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    Nov 02, 2010 11:02 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack said
    mnboy saidAlso, by buying into the stereotype that no gay guys are 'masculine' and scorning them for it. You are essentially displaying a trait of homophobia. icon_redface.gif


    Dude, really....please show me where the fuck I am stereotyping gay men as not being masucline? And please, for the love of God, parse my post and point out the word "masculine" or "feminine" to me, because for the life of me I can't find it no matter how many times I re-read what I wrote, or at least what I THOUGHT I wrote. If you feel personally rejected by my original rant, I'm sorry. Sincerely, no joke, I'm actually very sorry. But frankly, it wasn't meant to be directed to you personally. I swear to you it wasn't.

    Jeez... some of these responses are exactly the kind of shit that I'd prefer to leave on the dock or back at camp to whine all day to themselves. *swat* *flick*



    "for the fucking life of me I can't seem to find a dude who just acts like a dude, who is low maintenance, likes shit like kayaking, lifting, biking, wakeboarding, relaxing with buds, just being a ...well being a guy. Sure, love the tux and the theatre, and the chinos and dinner out, but I'm driving home, soaked to the bone and thinking "nobody bitched, nobody was freaking because we improvised or it was cold and wet and stormy, nobody got upset over my sitting on my leather seats with muddy board shorts and soaked shoes. Where the fuck are the gay MEN like these dudes? "

    You really don't understand what masculinity and femininity is do you....
    Sorry, but any dude with half a brain would be well advised to stay clear of you. You assume Im whining when Im pointing out that you are sounding exactly like a homophobe in a way..
    You pretty much said that gay men don't like the outdoors and like to bitch and you expect someone like me not to speak up in protest of it. Have you meet a GLBT activist? We are no longer ignoring the homophobia in our own community.
    It seems to be common now for older gay men to be ignorant of the current issues in the GLBT community.
    Also, personally rejected? Yah, no I like my men intelligent and active...
  • hikerC

    Posts: 170

    Nov 02, 2010 11:02 PM GMT
    I completely get what you are talking about! There is a gay mens rugby team in Toronto that I am considering joining. I saw them marching in the pride parade last summer, and I met some of them at one of the booths set up in the village. Is there something like that where you are? I bet you'd find someone you have more in common with there. By the way, i've never played rugby before, and they said that didn't matter, they accept anyone willing to learn.
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Nov 02, 2010 11:03 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack saidRANT:
    Took the afternoon off to hang with three of my buds,
    ...
    a practically perfect day

    EXCEPT

    I need a BF who will do this with me.


    Well, all allowances for enjoyable rants aside, you've already got plenty of guys who will have that perfect day outside with you. And they're probably all happy to be spending quality time AWAY from their wives or girlfriends.

    So why not try being with someone who does what they like to do, while you do what you like to do. Then you can meet over dinner and the dogs back at the house and talk about how your disparate but individually perfect days were.

    If I had a BF who wanted to do everything with me all the time, it would drive me insane.
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    Nov 02, 2010 11:04 PM GMT
    Yeesh people, he's just got a hankering for a rugged rough-it kind of guy. I know a few. They also enjoy drag.

    He's not looking for a guy DEVOID of refinement, and I think he'd probably enjoy a man with feminine aspects that is ALSO a rugged rough-it kind of guy.

    -Doug


    PS he's saying he's not all that keen on fuss-budgets.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Nov 02, 2010 11:09 PM GMT
    mnboy saidIt seems to be common now for older gay men to be ignorant of the current issues in the GLBT community.


    You mean the ones we fought for that you take for granted, or the ones we fought for that we're still fighting for right along side you? Which ones?