"IT IS NOT OK TO BULLY. Even if you wrap it up in a bow and call it ‘concern.’" - 5 year old ridiculed for Halloween costume.

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    Nov 03, 2010 7:14 PM GMT
    My son is gay

    Read the actual blog post here: http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/
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    Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I don’t want to know you.

    I have gone back and forth on whether I wanted to post something more in-depth about my sweet boy and his choice of Halloween costume. Or more specifically, the reactions to it. I figure if I’m still irked by it a few days later, I may as well go ahead and post my thoughts.

    Here are the facts that lead up to my rant:

    My son is 5 and goes to a church preschool.
    He has loved Scooby Doo since developing the ability and attention span to sit still long enough to watch it.
    Halloween is a holiday and its main focus is wearing a costume.
    My son’s school had the kids dress up, do a little parade, and then change out of costumes for the rest of the party.
    Boo’s best friend is a little girl
    Boo has an older sister
    Boo spends most of his time with me.
    I am a woman.
    I am Boo’s mother, not you.
    So a few weeks before Halloween, Boo decides he wants to be Daphne from Scooby Doo, along with his best friend E. He had dressed as Scooby a couple of years ago. I was hesitant to make the purchase, not because it was a cross gendered situation, but because 5 year olds have a tendency to change their minds. After requesting a couple of more times, I said sure and placed the order. He flipped out when it arrived. It was perfect.

    Then as we got closer to the actual day, he stared to hem and haw about it. After some discussion it comes out that he is afraid people will laugh at him. I pointed out that some people will because it is a cute and clever costume. He insists their laughter would be of the ‘making fun’ kind. I blow it off. Seriously, who would make fun of a child in costume?

    And then the big day arrives. We get dressed up. We drop Squirt at his preschool and head over to his. Boo doesn’t want to get out of the car. He’s afraid of what people will say and do to him. I convince him to go inside. He halts at the door. He’s visibly nervous. I chalk it up to him being a bit of a worrier in general. Seriously, WHO WOULD MAKE FUN OF A CHILD IN A COSTUME ON HALLOWEEN? So he walks in. And there were several friends of mine that knew what he was wearing that smiled and waved and gave him high-fives. We walk down the hall to where his classroom is.

    And that’s where things went wrong. Two mothers went wide-eyed and made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is seeing the same thing I am. So I say, “Doesn’t he look great?” And Mom A says in disgust, “Did he ask to be that?!” I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly just stood there in shock and dismay.

    And then Mom C approaches. She had been in the main room, saw us walk in, and followed us down the hall to let me know her thoughts. And they were that I should never have ‘allowed’ this and thank God it wasn’t next year when he was in Kindergarten since I would have had to put my foot down and ‘forbidden’ it. To which I calmly replied that I would do no such thing and couldn’t imagine what she was talking about. She continued on and on about how mean children could be and how he would be ridiculed.

    My response to that: The only people that seem to have a problem with it is their mothers.

    Another mom pointed out that high schools often have Spirit Days where girls dress like boys and vice versa. I mentioned Powderpuff Games where football players dress like cheerleaders and vice versa. Or every frat boy ever in college (Mom A said that her husband was a frat boy and NEVER dressed like a woman.)

    But here’s the point, it is none of your damn business.

    If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.

    If my daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it. No one.

    But it also was heartbreaking to me that my sweet, kind-hearted five year old was right to be worried. He knew that there were people like A, B, and C. And he, at 5, was concerned about how they would perceive him and what would happen to him.

    Just as it was heartbreaking to those parents that have lost their children recently due to bullying. IT IS NOT OK TO BULLY. Even if you wrap it up in a bow and call it ‘concern.’ Those women were trying to bully me. And my son. MY son.

    It is obvious that I neither abuse nor neglect my children. They are not perfect, but they are learning how to navigate this big, and sometimes cruel, world. I hate that my son had to learn this lesson while standing in front of allegedly Christian women. I hate that those women thought those thoughts, and worse felt comfortable saying them out loud. I hate that ‘pink’ is still called a girl color and that my baby has to be so brave if he wants to be Daphne for Halloween.

    And all I hope for my kids, and yours, and those of Moms ABC, are that they are happy. If a set of purple sparkly tights and a velvety dress is what makes my baby happy one night, then so be it. If he wants to carry a purse, or marry a man, or paint fingernails with his best girlfriend, then ok. My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person.

    I hope I am doing that.

    And my little man worked that costume like no other. He rocked that wig, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

    =======================================================

    If you want to send her a twitter message go here:
    http://twitter.com/nerdyapple
    Or if you want to leave a comment on her post go here:
    http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2010 7:24 PM GMT
    What an awesome person... definitely a rockstar of a Mom.
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    Nov 03, 2010 8:00 PM GMT
    Child those boots are fierce, as is that little boy.
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    Nov 03, 2010 9:42 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo saidChild those boots are fierce, as is that little boy.


    "What an awesome person... definitely a rockstar of a Mom."

    Both very true.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Nov 03, 2010 9:51 PM GMT
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  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Nov 03, 2010 10:21 PM GMT
    Aww finally something from a straight parent that shines positively on our community rather than constant media attention debating whether were in fact people or not. Its nice to see something good for a change.
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    Nov 03, 2010 10:24 PM GMT
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  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Nov 03, 2010 10:41 PM GMT
    Ruh Roh, Shaggy! Three evil witches at twelve o'clock! Sounds like the kid went as Daphne and his Mom went as Velma. Meddling kids!!!!! icon_wink.gif What's even better is, IF (and really, does it matter?) but IF this kid is gay, being Daphne means he's looking for his Freddie, which is kinda' cool because he was kinda hot (for a dork). Cool kid. He would have been my best friend.

    Wow. Why can't I find a man like this kid's Mom? THIS is who should run for office, not the Stepford wives who got elected yesterday.

    (Confession.... embarrassing as it is for a guy who works in the animation industry a lot, at first glance I didn't see the Daphne thing, I just thought it was his version of Ann Margaret after a day shopping at Marshall's.)

    Best thing I've read all day.

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    Nov 03, 2010 11:24 PM GMT
    what am open and accepting mum you are. I can only hope that I could be so brave and courageous with my children. U really should watch this Belgian film called 'ma vie en rose.' it will shed light on ur situation and is a very eye opening film on how we mould kinds into their gender roles and how maybe we shouldnt. it is also simply a heart warming film of a little boy struggling to find his identity, or rather the parents and society struggling to accept what the little boy is very clear about which is that really, he's a little girl.
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    Nov 03, 2010 11:36 PM GMT
    Dude, I wish I would have thought of that. Dafny is a much better costume than a wrestler.
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    Nov 04, 2010 12:40 AM GMT
    Great costume, great mommage, and great writing.

    Also, that kid has way more balls then most of the fully-grown men I know.

    Edit: *THAN* most of the....

    Somtimes I'm super dumb. And that's actually most of the time.
  • mke_bt

    Posts: 707

    Nov 04, 2010 12:45 AM GMT

    All he wanted to do was dress up as his favorite cartoon character. It's not like he wanted to go as Liza. Even if he did, so what.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Nov 04, 2010 1:06 AM GMT
    This little boy looks so happy in his costume - bullies beware if they were in proximity of me and that little boy who is just trying to have fun.
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    Nov 04, 2010 1:07 AM GMT
    What a great woman!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2010 1:17 AM GMT
    That woman reminds me of my mom. What an awesome woman.

    Those other women are cunts
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    Nov 04, 2010 1:24 AM GMT
    Now that mom is what I call a super woman.
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    Nov 04, 2010 1:24 AM GMT
    "Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off."

    I died icon_lol.gif

    She is a fucking hero
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    Nov 04, 2010 1:24 AM GMT
    RYAN1000 saidThis little boy looks so happy in his costume - bullies beware if they were in proximity of me and that little boy who is just trying to have fun.

    +1
    Some days I am happy that the "filter" between my mouth and brain is prone to malfunction. I would be asking to see those other mothers in the hall before I laid into them. It is a kid- a sweet, innocent kid and you chose to project your adult values and moral judgments on him?
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    Nov 04, 2010 1:27 AM GMT
    If you want to send her a twitter message go here:
    http://twitter.com/nerdyapple
    Or if you want to leave a comment on her post go here:
    http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Nov 04, 2010 1:31 AM GMT
    Maybe it's growing up in the south, but while I agree that it should be okay for the kid to wear the costume I actually feel that the mom was probably being irresponsible letting him wear it to school. (The "probably" depending on the specifics of the community.)

    It's great when an adult makes a choice to buck stupid social conventions at risk of ostracization, etc. But the kid is 5 years old, he doesn't know what he may be risking; which could be many many years of difficulty socializing (for example). Poor treatment from other students and teachers.
    The fact that the mom is surprised that anyone would comment negatively on her child's costume indicates that's she's not just being 'brave', she's being incredibly naive.

    You wanna make a social statement. Fine. But you're supposed to protect your kid. The reactions of the other parents alone suggest she was not doing that. You can and should make him feel comfortable with his choices at home and among appropriate friends. But the world is a messed up place and it's your f'ing job to help him steer clear of the rougher spots until he can make his own decisions and weigh those costs for himself.

    I do not agree with what the mom did. She's not brave, she's blind.
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    Nov 04, 2010 1:31 AM GMT
    When i was 2 my mom dressed me up as a little secretary lady for halloween.. scarred me for life icon_evil.gif
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    Nov 04, 2010 1:47 AM GMT
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    Second that. God this made me really emotional.
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    Nov 04, 2010 1:50 AM GMT
    Holy hell.. That woman is class act!!! I wish more people would learn from her. If more parents and more people were like her this world would be a better place!

    How dare those other mothers tell her how to raise her child!
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    Nov 04, 2010 2:03 AM GMT
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  • jmanorlando

    Posts: 205

    Nov 04, 2010 2:32 AM GMT
    The Mom is great.
    Hopefully the kid had fun.

    And to Mom's AB and C, we often hear and news people ask "Where does bullying begin?"

    Well for the kids of Mom's AB and C, it most likely started on the way home from pre-school Halloween party when one of the mom's most likely made a comment about their schoolmate and mentioned that it was wrong or he dressed like a girl and that her little man or girl would never dress so strange.

    I just hope the kid enjoys being a kid.