Past mistakes...

  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Nov 04, 2010 4:27 AM GMT
    Back when i was 19 and heavily in the closet and also a virgin, I decided to hook up with someone regularly who i came to find out and have come to find out is a d-bag. Not hot at all either, I was just desperate to lose my v-card....

    Well I handnt taked to him in a while and he IMs me on facebook and starts talking about 3 years ago and stuff and just starts taking shots at me. Making fun of how I was in the closet, telling me how terrible I was at sex (which I will admit, I wasnt sure what I was doing in the bedroom back then but know now haha) And telling me how I was never dating material n stuff.......

    Ive changed so much since then and am fully out and everything, and whats funny is hes now in a relationship with a girl which I know he is faking for his family.

    I take a lot of hate and criticism in life anyway but im a confident guy and I always brush it off...Im not one to let losers get to me....but for some reason this guy reaaally bothered me tonight. I think im more mad at myself for allowing myself to have been with an asshole like that early on when I was finding out who I was.

    I really want to go at this guy and diss the hell out of him but maybe id be stooping to his level.....what do u guys think? just ignore him and say fuck it?
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    Nov 04, 2010 4:31 AM GMT
    If he's faking it with a female, he's probably not a happy guy. That might explain why he'd be taking shots at you. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with what you did in the past with him. Don't let him get under your skin.
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Nov 04, 2010 4:41 AM GMT
    yea, I know hes insecure...my skin has been gotten under lol.
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    Nov 04, 2010 4:47 AM GMT
    Best revenge would be to tell him how happy you are in life and how comfortable you are with yourself. And to twist the knife a little more, thank him for helping you see the changes you needed to make to find happiness.

    If he has anything else to say, let him say it your face.
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    Nov 04, 2010 4:52 AM GMT
    one of the prices you pay for being on the open web.......you're a black target to everyone and anyone.............Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Nov 04, 2010 4:52 AM GMT
    Total indifference is bliss. Don't address a single word to him ever again.
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    Nov 04, 2010 4:53 AM GMT
    They say ignorance is bliss...so ignore him and be blissful.

    My experience? People who try to tear you down are only trying to build themselves up. Their issue. Not yours.
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    Nov 04, 2010 4:55 AM GMT
    ChilaxinJOCK09 saidyea, I know hes insecure...my skin has been gotten under lol.

    Then stoop to his level. Maybe he swung at you in hopes that you'd swing back. Perhaps he's hoping you'd tell him how pathetic he is for living a lie when he'd rather be sucking cock.
  • tongun18

    Posts: 593

    Nov 04, 2010 4:58 AM GMT
    dude, you're a good looking guy who seems to have a good head on his shoulders, don't give him the satisfaction of a response. Misery loves company and he's seems to be desperately looking for company. Plus, sometimes there nothing quite so scathing as being ignored and forgotten. Forget him ;)
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Nov 04, 2010 5:04 AM GMT
    THANKS...love this advice icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 04, 2010 5:15 AM GMT
    You are an attractive guy who has learned from your life experiences, and are smarter and wiser....so Why would you empower him and give back that to him by even giving an iota of an audience? This is what he is hoping for you to do. I know it might be hard ignoring him and not even responding to him, but if you follow what everyone has already admonished you diminish the fuel that he has and will use against you because of his own insecurities...move on, do not respond, you will be a better man for it.
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Nov 04, 2010 5:36 AM GMT
    uombroca saidYou are an attractive guy who has learned from your life experiences, and are smarter and wiser....so Why would you empower him and give back that to him by even giving an iota of an audience? This is what he is hoping for you to do. I know it might be hard ignoring him and not even responding to him, but if you follow what everyone has already admonished you diminish the fuel that he has and will use against you because of his own insecurities...move on, do not respond, you will be a better man for it.


    Thanks. I like that, im def gonna ignore this guy. The funny thing is hes like 28 or 29 now and is still at this kinda crap
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    Nov 04, 2010 5:46 AM GMT
    ChilaxinJOCK09 saidBack when i was 19 and heavily in the closet and also a virgin

    Hey.. there's nothing wrong with being a 19 year old virgin. icon_redface.gif


    I wouldn't call this a mistake but a learning experience- think positive! It did help you come out of the closet and accept yourself right? icon_biggrin.gif

    -Now... doing this "I really want to go at this guy and diss the hell out of him but maybe id be stooping to his level" would be a mistake.
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    Nov 04, 2010 5:48 AM GMT
    OK my two pennies then:

    So revenge is a dish best served cold, and if you go for it go all the way, tear his life to shreds, out him to his family, fuck sinking down to his level and give it all you got.

    OR

    As said he's probably not a happy guy, and he's taking the classic d-bag approach of kicking others down to feel a little better about himself. Just ignore him, delete him from Facebook (after sending him a message in which you can say that you're sorry he's that miserable, "even though you're a giant douchebag and stuck in your own denial, I hope that even for you things will get better" (tearjerker).

    And maybe - being with him, knowing him, having him as a passer-by in life is just part of the price you have to pay for ending up where you are now.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Nov 04, 2010 5:58 AM GMT
    You learned he was a d-bag and yet you kept him in your life? He was a d-bag then, and he's a d-bag now. Why listen to him? You've grown and learned from your early experiences. Why let him take that away from you?

    Unfriend him and ignore him. You're a better person than he is.
  • cg220

    Posts: 208

    Nov 04, 2010 6:11 AM GMT
    I definitely think you are more mad at yourself for being with the guy. He sounds like he is miserable and you are an easy target. Take the high road mate, you are def a better man for it. Plus what you did in the past makes you the person you are today and it sounds like you are a good guy with a good head on your shoulders. Move onwards and upwards
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    Nov 04, 2010 6:21 AM GMT
    EricLA saidYou learned he was a d-bag and yet you kept him in your life? He was a d-bag then, and he's a d-bag now. Why listen to him? You've grown and learned from your early experiences. Why let him take that away from you?

    Unfriend him and ignore him. You're a better person than he is.



    i concur. wise words.
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    Nov 04, 2010 6:22 AM GMT
    I'm wondering why someone you haven't talked to in over three years and call a loser and asshole is one of your friends on Facebook? Just delete him, forget about it and move on. It seems like you've got your shit together now, so why do you need this guy's drama in your life? You're better than that.
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    Nov 04, 2010 6:51 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidIf he's faking it with a female, he's probably not a happy guy. That might explain why he'd be taking shots at you. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with what you did in the past with him. Don't let him get under your skin.

    This.
    For fucks sake this!

    Be the better guy. He'll come back to you anyways since he'll realize what he's done.
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    Nov 04, 2010 6:54 AM GMT
    Out him. It's not fair to the girl he's dating to be lied to.
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    Nov 04, 2010 7:05 AM GMT
    Hmm... I would say never say anything to him ever again. What a fucking loser. Finding you on facebook just to talk shit about you (when he hasn't known you for 3 years)? He probably wants to hook up again, or he just genuinely wants to upset you. In either case, he sucks, block him and forget about him. You're better than that!
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    Nov 04, 2010 7:08 AM GMT
    Don't forget to remove him from your friends/IM list. Who needs to hear crap like that. De-Friend him icon_smile.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Nov 04, 2010 8:19 AM GMT
    I think your anger and resentment is coming from your perspective on your own sexuality. Your self-actualization as a confident gay man now is at a crossroads with where you left off with him three years ago, and that your two time periods are somehow linked to now. You've made peace with yourself, about yourself, and you want to show it off to the guy that criticized you.

    My advice is don't contact him, at least yet. You have some more introspection to involve yourself with, because the truth is that it was his criticisms of three years ago that led you to where you are now. When you no longer resent him for criticizing you, you will be ready to contact him, if at all necessary, and thank him.

    And about his relationships, real or otherwise, that's not your issue. It's strictly his.
  • swogdog

    Posts: 143

    Nov 04, 2010 8:53 AM GMT
    He was talking to himself, if you know what I mean.
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Nov 04, 2010 9:07 AM GMT
    I would remove him from my friends list and not instant message him. It seems like you moved on with your life and he is stuck in the past. You are a very handsome guy with a lot going for you and it looks like you have a bright future, so I would concentrate on that and not be dragged back in the past. Good luck! icon_biggrin.gif