A love letter

  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Nov 04, 2010 7:33 AM GMT
    You still made my stomach turn and twist. You still make me blush and feel hot under the collar. You still make me see stars. You still make me wait everyday for a phonecall, even if it's just a hello. You still make my heart flutter when I hear you say my name, and your smile still gives me chills.

    I've been in love with you for over three years, and I know I only have myself to blame for us not being together. Tonight I realized just quite how deeply I do love you. And yet not deeply enough. I should be happy for you to meet a smart gorgeous boy when we go out together. But I'm not. I still want you all for myself.

    Every night when I go to bed i still wish you were there holding me. I still say goodnight to you. I still wish you'd come running up to me, and pick me up and tell me it was going to be okay. But it's not. And I only have myself to blame.

    And so i know, for every tear I've shed, and every moment I've spent thinking about you, I will remember the times I could have done something and did not. And now, and I sit here, with my heart breaking for the very first time, And I mean really breaking, I do not wish I had not met you, I wish i had known you better.

    I love you and cannot help it. I was saving myself for you. I don't plan on losing it ever, unless I feel as in love for someone as I still do for you.




    Say what you will, I'm not sure I'll read it, I just needed to say something. Anything. To anyone. I've never really had a broken heart. I've never felt so utterly empty and lonely. I've never felt so spent.



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    Nov 04, 2010 7:45 AM GMT
    /strokes head and feeds sushi and icecream/
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Nov 04, 2010 7:51 AM GMT
    Lostboy said/strokes head and feeds sushi and icecream/
    I really do wish I had someone to hold me and make me feel better without trying to make a pass on me. I havent cried this hard in years. I'm not used to this. I'm supposed to be cold, and mean. Then i dont get hurt.
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    Nov 04, 2010 10:20 AM GMT
    Lostboy said/strokes head and feeds sushi and icecream/


    lmao, babe, you iz now BEYOND awesome icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 04, 2010 10:21 AM GMT
    mizu5 said
    Lostboy said/strokes head and feeds sushi and icecream/
    I really do wish I had someone to hold me and make me feel better without trying to make a pass on me. I havent cried this hard in years. I'm not used to this. I'm supposed to be cold, and mean. Then i dont get hurt.


    No you're not babe, supposed to be cold, this happens to everyone... we learn from it, and it gets better, trust me, Im a jaded wreck icon_razz.gif
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    Nov 04, 2010 10:23 AM GMT
    BIG HUGS to you, mizu5!
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    Nov 04, 2010 12:15 PM GMT
    Why not do something about it now..?
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    Nov 04, 2010 12:27 PM GMT
    The letter is very sweet. icon_cry.gif

    In the world of love, everyone is chasing the perfect lover for ourselves, most of us actually ignored that the purest love is actually around us.
    The worst thing that could happen to us is when we in love with someone that probably will never in love with us, all he wants is only friends. To me, he said he likes me a lot and enjoy the time we were together but he probably can never love me like I loved him, I don't know if I should right here waiting till the day he loves me or should I walk away now.

    Here’s a song that I’m listening at the moment, just feel like I should do the same thing as the lyrics told. Its a Chinese song, I just translate it myself, hope it make sence tou you guys:
    Always want do something for you, something that could make you happy. Fortunately you could remembered my name in your heart. As time passed, the love seeds that I planted in my heart has ripped and I’m totally in love with you. However, in my mind, he probably a better option for you, cause compare with him, I’m not good looking and not as attractive as him. If I quit and go back to be your best friend, you would not feel exhausted as much as you are at the moment. Love you so much, so that I’m willing to let you go and flying to someone that can make you happier. Love you so much, only when I know you in love, so that I would be relieved and walk away quietly.

    It is beautiful when I saw him walking into your life. If I cried it’s only cause I’m happy for you both. On this earth, it’s so hard for people from different countries that running into each other’s life. Even I can’t be your boy friend I still appreciate that we met. Love you so much, so that I will not stop you chasing your happiness. Love you so much, only when I know you in love, so that I could walk away quietly.

    Sorry about my terrible English =(
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    Nov 04, 2010 3:52 PM GMT
    I
    mizu5 saidYou still made my stomach turn and twist. You still make me blush and feel hot under the collar. You still make me see stars. You still make me wait everyday for a phonecall, even if it's just a hello. You still make my heart flutter when I hear you say my name, and your smile still gives me chills.

    I've been in love with you for over three years, and I know I only have myself to blame for us not being together. Tonight I realized just quite how deeply I do love you. And yet not deeply enough. I should be happy for you to meet a smart gorgeous boy when we go out together. But I'm not. I still want you all for myself.

    Every night when I go to bed i still wish you were there holding me. I still say goodnight to you. I still wish you'd come running up to me, and pick me up and tell me it was going to be okay. But it's not. And I only have myself to blame.

    And so i know, for every tear I've shed, and every moment I've spent thinking about you, I will remember the times I could have done something and did not. And now, and I sit here, with my heart breaking for the very first time, And I mean really breaking, I do not wish I had not met you, I wish i had known you better.

    I love you and cannot help it. I was saving myself for you. I don't plan on losing it ever, unless I feel as in love for someone as I still do for you.




    Say what you will, I'm not sure I'll read it, I just needed to say something. Anything. To anyone. I've never really had a broken heart. I've never felt so utterly empty and lonely. I've never felt so spent.





    This touched me. Intensely.
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    Nov 04, 2010 4:05 PM GMT
    My heart goes out to you and all I can say is that one day, maybe in the distant future, you'll look back and smile...be glad that you met someone that made you feel this intensity...
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    Nov 04, 2010 4:41 PM GMT
    You've been in love for three years but have yourself to blame for not being together. You love so deeply but not deeply enough. Not to be cruel, but I'm not convinced this is love. Is love a conflicted state of mind?
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Nov 04, 2010 4:44 PM GMT
    I know the feeling of needing to say something, anything. I've written only one letter before - while in college. After nearly 2 years of dancing around the issue, I decided to do something. My 'love letter' ultimately went unanswered, but I think it was because he is a deeply closeted guy. On a brighter side after 2 years since I wrote that letter, I am kinda glad he didn't respond. We wouldn't have been a good couple at all.

    I'd like to add that in that year since I wrote that letter, I was able to decompress and I finally came to understand that it wasn't so much him I was in love with, but rather the 'idea' of him. He just happened to personify that idea after having him give me signals that he was interested. So, when I came to understand that, I realized that we, as people, would not have been a good match - I doubt we wouldn't have last long as a couple.

    AND! that was a very well-written and touching letter! icon_biggrin.gif
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Nov 04, 2010 5:38 PM GMT
    Thank you all.

    Kentuckytuss, there is really nothing to do about it.
  • gjoseph

    Posts: 250

    Nov 04, 2010 9:20 PM GMT
    To the OP I wish you the best and hope your feeling better. Reading your letter made me cry a little since I'm in the process of telling one of my best-friends that I'm in love with him even-though he's "straight" and has been messing with my emotions for the past year giving me mixed-signals and constant flirting. Good Luck and as I get older I realize "Love hurts" but eventually we will find someone who loves us for who we are icon_biggrin.gif.

    Best!!
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Nov 05, 2010 7:37 AM GMT
    gjoseph saidTo the OP I wish you the best and hope your feeling better. Reading your letter made me cry a little since I'm in the process of telling one of my best-friends that I'm in love with him even-though he's "straight" and has been messing with my emotions for the past year giving me mixed-signals and constant flirting. Good Luck and as I get older I realize "Love hurts" but eventually we will find someone who loves us for who we are icon_biggrin.gif.

    Best!!
    Go for it. i hope it works out. I made my bed, and Now I get to sleep in it.

    I've just never hurt so much. He's a great friend and I don't want to imagine him out of my life, I jsut don't know that I would make a good friend.
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    Nov 05, 2010 7:58 AM GMT
    I feel for you! I can tell from your words that you feel deeply and have a beautiful heart, and while the pain surely feels unbearable now, know that you're not alone. While it may not be a comfort now, years from now you will look on this situation in a very different light. The best advice I can give is to let yourself feel whatever you need to feel and in time the pain will ease. Be careful not to let this heartbreak embitter you. Don't wall your heart up, because the love you have to give will eventually find a willing and worthy recipient, it just doesn't always happen when or with who we expect!

    "The course of true love never did run smooth" - A Midsummer Night's Dream
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Nov 05, 2010 8:02 AM GMT
    I had walls up. I threw them up. it's what I do. I wall myself off and act like an ass toe very boy who catches my eye. Even online sometimes. Because then they can't hurt me. They can;'t reject me like everyone else. I don't get called names when I have walls.
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    Nov 05, 2010 8:14 AM GMT
    mizu5 saidI had walls up. I threw them up. it's what I do. I wall myself off and act like an ass toe very boy who catches my eye. Even online sometimes. Because then they can't hurt me. They can;'t reject me like everyone else. I don't get called names when I have walls.


    good luck with your journey, young padawan. it is amazing how cold these mental labyrinths we build can actually get. i've been freezing for as long as i can remember, and although i still walk out into the day, sunlight no longer touches me.