I saw my biological mother for the first time in 13 years yesterday.

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    Mar 11, 2008 2:51 PM GMT
    All i had to do was dial 411. I had been trying through DSS and all that jazz ever since i turned 18 and it took a not sleeping me at 534 in the morning to just pick up my phone and dial 411 and say her name. My feelings on seeing her yesaterday were mixed and i made a video about it.

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    Mar 11, 2008 3:51 PM GMT
    Hey Alex,

    As bitter sweet as the meeting sounds, I hope you in the least found a sense of closure in the situation. Your not alone with this at all. Almost everyone I know who was adopted have ahd simular experiences when meeting their bio-parents. Perhaps it may be becasue when your young you spend alot of time manifesting your fantisy of what they may be like. Well, as we all know, as in any relationship, that always ends up being a disaster.

    Have you choosen to maintain a relationship with her now that you have made contact? I would imagine how hard that would be for the both of you considering the opposing views. However, in the long run if you were able to maintain this relationship and a genuine love grew from it then you will give her no choice but to question her views.

    Sounds to me you are still digesting the situation. Hopefully you can take the experience and create something meaningful out of it; learn from it.

    I love your cat by the way!
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    Mar 11, 2008 4:08 PM GMT
    Try to get medical history of your family from her. You may need it. Also, names and stuff in case you want to know your family history.
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    Mar 11, 2008 4:20 PM GMT

    i am also adopted and can understand all the stuff you're going through. though i was adopted at 6 weeks old, i waited over 30 years to find my birth mother. once i found her i waited another few weeks because i wasn't sure if i even wanted to meet her. thankfully, my adoptive parents have always been very supportive of me making my own decision about this.

    it's such a weird mixed bag of emotions. part of me wanted to be mad at her, even though my adoptive parents are amazing. part of me wanted to feel some sort of connection to her as soon as i talked to her. part of me imagined that i'd missed out on some fantastic fantasy life. i was a mess.

    when i finally did call her, i didn't really feel anything. it was odd because i had built up so many stories in my mind about how it was going to be that it kind of wound up being a let down. however, i went the next step and met her in person. it's taken some time, but we have developed a really good relationship and i stay in regular contact with her.

    i don't know if you'll get to that point with your mother, but if you don't, please realize that you are still an amazing human and that people will love you just for you!

    if you want to talk or anything just let me know. i'm happy to help, if i can.


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    Mar 11, 2008 4:45 PM GMT

    I'm really sorry to hear that things did not go as you wanted with your Mom. I really don't know what it's like to be adopted so I can't comment on that. What I do know is that we don't get to choose our blood relations and often times they are not what we want them to be. In severe cases, they are down right evil and some of us are forced to spend 18 years of our lives with them.

    What you do have the ability to do is choose the people who you want to be close to you and who can be your family. Surround yourself with positive influences and build a family that will care for you as I'm sure you care for others.

    Good luck with your situation. You're a smart guy and I know you will come to terms and make the right decisions regarding your mom.

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    Mar 11, 2008 4:55 PM GMT
    Mine was a closed adoption in NY State, and it would be extremely difficult or impossible for me to track down my biological mother. The adoption agency gave me all the non-identifying info they had about my biological mother and told me that most of these reunions are bittersweet. It left me content to not pursue my biological mother's identity. What does interest me is my genetic background, and I may pursue that with DNA testing.

    And, yeah, the kitty is adorable.
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    Mar 11, 2008 5:03 PM GMT
    I just spent this weekend working on my family genealogy. Pretty cool results...back up into Canada and others over to Switzerland....... some branches are a disappointment...not back past great great grandparents.
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    Mar 11, 2008 5:05 PM GMT
    Congrats. It's good to see families connecting after such a long time. Too bad some of us won't have the option.
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    Mar 11, 2008 7:40 PM GMT
    Wow Alex that was pretty brave what you did. I am not sure I could do that at 19. I was sorry to hear she does not seem to be comfortable with gay people. Give her time, quite often people will say things they hear in society, but will change when confronted by someone close to them who is gay. I second Caslon's advice to gather information regarding her medical history. It comes in very useful when you get older.

    Ever since watching your video I have been thinking what it would be like to meet my mom after many years. Yikes what a thought, we are such different people. I would realize though where I got my myopia, brown eyes, and dry skin from.
  • MikePhilPerez

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    Mar 11, 2008 9:20 PM GMT

    Very brave what you done, and it was a good thing what you done. I don't think you need to tell her you're gay, so don't worry about that. I think you should keep in touch with her.

    Hope everything works out for you and you mom.

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    Mar 12, 2008 7:09 AM GMT
    thank you guys for responding so positively. I am going to develop a relationship with my bio mother and also it just made me further appreciate the family that adopted me and kept me from that until i was old enough and ready.
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    Mar 12, 2008 7:12 AM GMT
    That's awesome Alexander. Hope everything works out for you the you want it.

    "This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship."
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    Mar 12, 2008 10:55 AM GMT
    Congrats Alexander. Especially for appreciating your adoptive family. icon_smile.gif I hope everything will turn out alright.
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    Mar 12, 2008 12:09 PM GMT
    When the Open Adoption Law went into effect in Tennessee, I filed for information on my birth parents. The law was challenged by an organization backed by Pat Robertson - it took 7 years to finally get the info - my mother's name, and the file.

    Fortunately, her married name was unusual, and she was listed in the phone book. I called her and practically the first thing she said was "would you like to speak to your father"?

    Understand that I was about 48 at the time, and did not actually expect to find both alive. But they were very much so. My father lived in Slidell, LA, and my mother in Memphis, TN. She called him, he called me, and we spent some time exchanging phone calls and email messages.

    5 years ago, in fact, 5 years ago this week, Dave & I drove cross-country to see most of his family, and to meet my father & mother for the first time.

    The reunions were good ones, although "reunion" is hardly the right word. I'd been taken from her at birth, and he didn't know I existed until after I'd been put up for adoption. He & I had never met at all.

    Since then, with their blessing, I've changed my name to the name she gave me at birth, and his last name.

    Here's a snapshot taken about 10 minutes into our first meeting:


    Scary, isn't it? Turns out that I have 3 half-brothers, one of whom is gay, and I look more like my father than they do.

    All in all, it's a good story, and it's not over.

  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Mar 12, 2008 12:19 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear you're reunion with your mother didn't got as well as you'd have liked Alex, but I hope you have received all the love you've needed from your two adoptive mothers.

    Sometimes we hope for things that aren't meant to be. And believe me that having your biological parents around all the time sometimes doesn't work out for the best anyways.

    You seem to have turned out great though and should be proud of yourself.

    Keep your chin up and enjoy your life.


    Ps Joey, good to hear a nice story and, wow! how much do you look like your dad? (he's better looking obviously..haha)