Is this cause for concern (stalker)?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2008 7:39 PM GMT
    This situation is a first for me. Anyway...

    His first mistake: Sending me a message without reading my profile first. It states not to contact me if you don’t have a pic with your profile. The exchange:

    *mashitx: “how are you today”
    XRuggerATX: “Who the f*ck wants to know?”

    His second mistake: replying by calling me a fatass and remarking that I don’t have a boyfriend because I am impolite to anonymous internet trolls.

    His third mistake: Revealing that he saw me in person “abusing a cigarette”, but still refusing to identify himself. (yeah, I might smoke one if out drinking...sue me)

    I’ve reported him to the RJ admin, but honestly, I’m a little creeped out and wish I hadn’t sent my initial annoyed response with the naughty censored word. Lesson learned I guess.

    *no pic, no writeup, nuthin’
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2008 7:43 PM GMT
    I must admit there are a few people I have come across on this website that are a bit creepy. Some of them have photos. Fortunately though there are a lot of great guys that more than make up for the flakes.

    I think it is kind of spooky that he saw you smoking a cigarette.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 11, 2008 9:04 PM GMT
    Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez, Rugger, I thought you were a nice guy icon_surprised.gif I wouldn't like to see your response to a rude message.

    I really don't see what the problem is with picless guys. So you cant see them. Do you talk to people on the phone? Anyway, that is your choice. I have got messages from picless guys, and they have been very nice guys, and most have sent me a pic at some point.

    He probably didn't read your profile. I notice that with some guys here. Also, I think this guy has just setup his profile, and maybe the pic is on the way.

    Is he stalking you? Not sure. Just because he has seen you smoking, does not mean he is stalking you. Maybe he has seen those threads where you organise your monthly get togethers, and he showed up, and was to shy to approach you. You see, you should have sent me the ticket, you would have known me icon_smile.gif

    Anyway, no offence, I just think you have issues with picless guys icon_smile.gif

    Mike
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2008 9:30 PM GMT
    I guess if I felt the same about picture-less profiles I just wouldn't have bothered to send a reply. I don't see the point of sending a nasty reply and creating drama.

    Like MikePhil I don't see the harm in sending a short but polite response. I mean, the guy's only 24 so he may just be on the verge of coming out or something. But then again, I like to believe in the good nature of people and try to give them the benefit of the doubt. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 1:30 AM GMT
    XRugger, I think what you did was pretty much on the mark. I think the guy who saw you was being an apparent a-hole. All this craziness could've easily been avoided if he had just fully read your profile and taken it seriously. It seems alot of people don't read profiles anymore and if they do they think they are above the simple requests one asks in them, which is form of disrespect.

    Examples: "If you don't have a pic please don't contact me."

    That's a pretty simple and basic request but yet the person chose to ignore it and so it's no surprise that you'd give that response.

    My profile is pretty much the same way and so far I've blocked like 4 people. They got all mad at me and I simply told them that had they read my profile and just done like I asked then I wouldn't have had to resort to such measures. By not reading it, and or reading it and not taking it seriously, is a blanat lack in consideration and a show of disrespect. Why would anyone want to deal with that I ask you?

    Mikephil, you're a gem. I can't feel sorry for a person who doesn't have a pic. If you want to look at it from another view here's one. A person is clearly at a disadvantage because the person knows what you look like but you have no knowledge of them or what they look like. It's rather creepy. As for the phone call part I don't see how they are the same. Since the person calling you probably doesn't know what you look like there's a sense of security plus I there's a thing called caller id. That's not a luxery computers have developed yet.

    Picless or not, that doesn't mean the person can't read a profile and respect it. If he doesn't have a pic then maybe that person should wait til he does and then contact him. That's pretty simple logic.

    I don't think it was rude at all. I think the guy screwed himself by reveiling way too much info on what he know about XRugger, which gives cause for concern. Those are defiantely stalker traits.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 1:34 AM GMT
    Sometimes I lash out at people, sometimes I'm nice. Depends on how I'm feeling that day.

    Rugger, if you need a bodyguard, let me know. I have some free time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 1:43 AM GMT
    then again it's not really fair to take that out on someone you don't know, is it WildCuddler?

    the way i see it is... what's the point of being rude to each other? he may not have had a picture or read your profile, but does that really call for talking to a human being that way?

    we need to relearn how to treat each other with respect, dignity and kindness. it takes absolutely no extra energy to say "i'm sorry, i don't talk to people without pictures as it makes me a bit uncomfortable. try me again when your profile is finished."

    better yet, it would've taken even LESS energy to just ignore him completely. sometimes i feel like a lot of people on this site experience something called "group think." ive seen several threads on the issue of picture less profiles so you may want to consider where your feelings are coming from. think about it. what made you feel so threatened by this person?

    bottom line: don't pre-judge someone. treat people like you would like to be treated
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 1:52 AM GMT
    You are wrong. It does take energry for an apology when one has to explain it, especailly when the ground rules are already explained to you in a profile. It's not being rude at all. If you want rude, then how about not reading the profile and not following the simple requests of the profile. That's being rude on two counts. You want respect, dignity, and kindness then read a profile and respect the wishes that profile.

    Treat others as others treat you...you basically called it right there. The guy duidn't treat XRugger with any respect so in turn XRugger did the same.

    A threat would be when someome says they saw you smoking a cigeratte and you have no clue as to what they look like. Kinda puts you at a disadvantage since they know what you look like and you know nothing about them.

    The world isn't fair and some people draw the short straw.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 1:56 AM GMT
    Not sure if he is stalking you but i definitely can relate to not responding to pictureless profiles. Especially if it is in your profile that you do not respond to them. I just ignore those type of advances.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 2:03 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidYou are wrong. It does take energry for an apology when one has to explain it, especailly when the ground rules are already explained to you in a profile. It's not being rude at all. If you want rude, then how about not reading the profile and not following the simple requests of the profile. That's being rude on two counts.

    Agreed. What about the guys who bug you to cam or chat each time you log in to the site? They seem to have no regard for your time or your types/interests. On top of that, they get offended when you say 'no' or 'not now.' I generally keep the site open while I'm at my desk, but in sort of a passive mode, checking mail every now and then.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 2:03 AM GMT
    Guy101 said
    Treat others as others treat you...you basically called it right there. Obvisouly the guy could treat read and din't treat XRugger in a way he wanted so in short the guy was dismissed.



    1. i wouldn't say im wrong i'd say i have a different opinion. who are you to say whats right and whats wrong.

    2. i didnt say "treat others as others treat you." YOU said that. i said: "treat others as YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED."

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 2:05 AM GMT
    ruck_us said[quote][cite]Guy101 said[/cite]You are wrong. It does take energry for an apology when one has to explain it, especailly when the ground rules are already explained to you in a profile. It's not being rude at all. If you want rude, then how about not reading the profile and not following the simple requests of the profile. That's being rude on two counts.

    Agreed. What about the guys who bug you to cam or chat each time you log in to the site? They seem to have no regard for your time or your types/interests. On top of that, they get offended when you say 'no' or 'not now.' I generally keep the site open while I'm at my desk, but in sort of a passive mode, checking mail every now and then.[/quote]

    that is a different story. that is pretty damn rude. but why not just ignore them? i get emails like that all the time, and from people with picless profiles. all i do is ignore them and they never contact me again.

    although there was one occasion when a guy kept trying to IM me even though i'd reject his requests. finally i just turned the damn thing off and emailed him and politely told him i wasn't interested.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 2:05 AM GMT
    gymguy1 saidNot sure if he is stalking you but i definitely can relate to not responding to pictureless profiles. Especially if it is in your profile that you do not respond to them. I just ignore those type of advances.


    THANK you. lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 2:10 AM GMT
    The sayings are the same just rearranged in words.

    As for me saying what is right or wrong I'm goning off the orignal posters profile. I read his profile and it's pretty cut and dry in what he wanted so in this case, yes, I would say I'm right. I'm basing it off of a fact that he (the orignal poster) has set. He set a standard for himself and apparenlyy it wasn't followed.

    Everyone has an opinion but you can't excuse a fact when it's presented and for someone to have go out of his way to make an apology which in undeserving DOES cost energy and IS a waste of time especially when it will go in one ear and out the other.

    Merely ignoring someone doesn't make the problem go away. Some can't take a hint so by not responding you end up getting a ridiculous amont of emails as YOU just pointed out. He basically nipped it in the bud by responding back in a way that was equivielant to the response he got from the individual who didn't read and take his profile serious.

    FYI...ignoring someone is just as rude if not worse. Just thought I'd point that out to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 3:11 AM GMT
    Thanks guys.

    I admit to being easily annoyed this morning, thus the kneejerk reply, but really I could have simply asked "who wants to know" rather than put the angry/cutesy "f*ck" in there. Same question.

    Still, the "how are you today" emails from picless people ALWAYS eventually become cam requests.

    Initial exchange aside, what I'm really wondering is if anyone else has had experience with an anonymous internet creep who claims to have seen you but doesn't reveal himself. That's sociopathic stuff.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 3:13 AM GMT
    And now his profile is deleted. Isn't that always the way it goes?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 3:15 AM GMT
    Yes. I've experienced it.

    I eventually did a little detective work of my own and did the same thing to my would-be stalker. He didn't appreciate and it made the situation even more enjoyable because he was married (imagine that). So after giving him a taste of his own medicine, he finally realized that what he did and how he had done it was wrong. I confronted him and he apologized for being so reckless and unmanly about his approach. After that, it was all groovey. he still thought I was cute and still wanted to do "things" with me but I couldn't for the simple fact that he was married and I'm not that kind of guy.

    Problem solved.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 4:12 AM GMT
    Hey XRuggerTX:

    Wanna cam?

    No?

    Too bad I know where you live, what you eat for breakfast, what kind of car your drive, oh and by the way, you might want to look at that rust spot near the left rear wheel well.....

    But hey, who stalks?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 11:36 AM GMT
    XRuggerATXI admit to being easily annoyed this morning, thus the kneejerk reply, but really I could have simply asked "who wants to know" rather than put the angry/cutesy "f*ck" in there. Same question.

    Still, the "how are you today" emails from picless people ALWAYS eventually become cam requests.

    Initial exchange aside, what I'm really wondering is if anyone else has had experience with an anonymous internet creep who claims to have seen you but doesn't reveal himself. That's sociopathic stuff.


    I say it pays to be polite. icon_confused.gif

    You could've just closed the window and be done with it.

    You never know who could be at the other end. His claim of having seen you may most likely be bogus though.

    I have experiences with picless/profileless people who are obviously just looking for cam2cam. I say politely that I can't and close the IM. Generally I have no problems with picless guys as long as they're polite.

    Obviously, NO experiences with stalkers though... icon_rolleyes.gif Who'd want to stalk moi? LOL
  • NickoftheNort...

    Posts: 1416

    Mar 12, 2008 11:56 AM GMT
    I'd say it isn't necessarily a cause for concern, unless you hear from him again.

    re: Sedative14
    Well, d'uh! Your stalker would be a mad scientist, looking to remove that wonderful brain of yours and insert into his doomsday device.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 12:02 PM GMT
    Carry a camera with you. If you can identify the creep, snap his pic and plaster it all over the internet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 12:08 PM GMT
    NickoftheNorthWell, d'uh! Your stalker would be a mad scientist, looking to remove that wonderful brain of yours and insert into his doomsday device.


    He'd be too late then. I'm already using it for MY doomsday machine. *cue maniacal laughter*

    McGay
    Carry a camera with you. If you can identify the creep, snap his pic and plaster it all over the internet.


    Fight fire with fire. Eh. icon_razz.gif Well, he doesn't even know WHO it was. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 12:10 PM GMT
    yet
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 12:13 PM GMT
    I wouldn't worry about it.

    I had a bad story where someone actually stole a lot of money from me. My partner and I received actual death threats, actual Sicilians at the door, and so on.

    We called the police every time.

    I came to the conclusion that the people who really do harm do not threaten nor do they titillate by dangling obtuse threats like they have seen you smoking a cigarette.

    The ones to worry about, unfortunately, we will never see coming.

    OK your response wasn't calibrated but your profile is clear and you are obviously a "Rugbista".

    I wouldn't expect to annoy you without being told where to go.

    You have no obligation whatsoever to anyone you don't know and who doesn't take the trouble to identify themselves on a website.

    Don't worry, it takes time out of your life and isn't worth it.

    Ciao
    Terry
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 3:15 PM GMT
    Well, I gave the RJ admin a heads-up yesterday as well. Perhaps RJ deleted his profile.

    Sometimes, we aren't in the mood to be polite to inconsiderate people. I'm sure that makes me some kind of monster though.