Backstabbing Friend at Work?

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    Nov 05, 2010 10:49 PM GMT
    I have a friend who I thought was my friend but She stabbed me in the back by trying to get my to loose my job. Im upset and didnt loose my job after clearing things up with HR but Im upset that she said false things that I had said about another supervisor. What would be the best thing to do in this situation when your working with an enemy and trying to conserve your job.
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    Nov 05, 2010 10:55 PM GMT
    Keep a level head.
    The one who gets the most irate is the one who'll be fired...eventually.
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Nov 05, 2010 10:55 PM GMT
    Make sure she knows that you know who did it. Then be perfectly civil with her. If she knows you're not going to play games she'll probably shut up.

    If she keeps at it, talk to HR, they usually have policies for things like that.
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    Nov 05, 2010 10:55 PM GMT
    It's generally best not to trust the people you work with to be your friends. Sure, be friendly and whatnot, but try your best to keep your professional and personal lives separate.

    As for your question, just go on about your professional life as normal. If you have to talk to her, keep all talk strictly business and keep a professional tone. Chances are if she's starting trouble, she probably won't be around very long. Best not to be around her when that happens, and just keep away from her as much as possible. If she starts trying to get chatty with you, just tell her "Sorry, I'm busy," and walk away. She sounds like a cunt, so no need to talk to her if you don't have to.
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    Nov 05, 2010 11:08 PM GMT
    She ended up making one of my other friends turn against me aswell and my other friend says you dont do that to friends? and I said my point exactly because your believing lies. I need to clarify stuff with my friend but like I said Im really upset about this backstabbing coworker.
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    Nov 06, 2010 4:07 AM GMT
    she's not your friend. not anymore anyway.
  • wildkatz

    Posts: 133

    Nov 06, 2010 4:14 AM GMT
    DAMN! Same thing just happened to me, a HUGE political shift at work and the two people who I thought where my friends bailed on me. I have lost my job, contract is up in January and guess what!!!!!!!? Her husband was just hired to replace me. It's so screwed up, but karma is a bitch and so is she!
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    Nov 06, 2010 4:18 AM GMT
    Be professional, but if she starts flinging crap, take notes, to be used if you're ever called into HR again. Facts (as in date/time/location/occurrence) trump generalized statements.
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    Nov 06, 2010 4:22 AM GMT
    coworkers rarely ever become friends...you know...part of that exclusive group you can count on one hand (and maybe two to three fingers).

    Keep moving. Do what you need to do to move ahead.
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    Nov 06, 2010 4:24 AM GMT
    Keep a journal; right down EVERYTHING she says and does that places you in an objectionable position.Include the time and date. This journal will serve as proof when you go to HR. And always notify your Chain of Command, ex., your manager. If your manager doesnt do anything, inform HIS manager.
    If everything else fails and youre let go because of her, get a lawyer and explain why youre being unlawfully terminated.
    Good Luck!
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    Nov 06, 2010 6:52 PM GMT
    Yes, it's vital to document everything, the names, who said what, who you talked to at HR... what was their response etc..
    Did you happen to ask the person at HR how they planned to follow up on this situation with your co-worker?
    Were they going to call her/him in?
    Or just leave things alone which is NOT the way it should be handled..
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    Nov 06, 2010 7:00 PM GMT
    Very good advice here and it is called a hostile work environment. Keep detailed records and keep in touch with HR if it continues. Don't wait till it all blows up. But no matter, do your job, do it well and do not retaliate against her. Be the bigger person! Best luck, not an easy position to be in.
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    Nov 06, 2010 7:02 PM GMT
    Assassination. icon_neutral.gif
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    Nov 06, 2010 7:03 PM GMT
    prancer saidVery good advice here and it is called a hostile work environment. Keep detailed records and keep in touch with HR if it continues. Don't wait till it all blows up. But no matter, do your job, do it well and do not retaliate against her. Be the bigger person! Best luck, not an easy position to be in.


    I agree with this.. listen to the prancer icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 06, 2010 7:06 PM GMT
    mnboy saidAssassination. icon_neutral.gif
    You're not supposed to ass.ass.inate females.
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    Nov 06, 2010 7:07 PM GMT
    Something to keep in the back of your mind when dealing with HR.

    Many employees are under the wrong impression that the HR department of a company exists soley to aid/help the employees. WRONG. HR departments exist to PROTECT the company first and foremost with an eye to avoiding lawsuits etc amongst other things..
    You can be damn well sure they are documenting everything, crossing their T's and dotting their i's so that's why you have to make sure you do the same and cover your bases completely. That's why you should ask what if anything they plan on doing to follow up on your unfortunate situation. If they say the will and they don't or that sort of harassemnt continues,, you have ammunition against them, provided you documented their response
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Nov 06, 2010 7:16 PM GMT
    Very good point about doing your own documentation in addition to HR.

    Also, be sure tht your immediate supervisor is in on things. Tell htem that the reason you may seem to be cool around the person is that lies have been told and that you have spoken with HR about it. Don't count on HR to communicate.

    As for the backstabber. Politely avoid. Do not speak about the situation with her. Give her no ammunition. Avoid.
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    Nov 06, 2010 7:17 PM GMT
    the best thing is to just be friendly to her, and just say the things you need to say, if you act to her you feel about her, things are only getting worse.
    show your profesionality and act nice to her, don't have to be friends or whatever, just nice.
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    Nov 06, 2010 7:20 PM GMT
    prancer saidVery good advice here and it is called a hostile work environment. Keep detailed records and keep in touch with HR if it continues. Don't wait till it all blows up. But no matter, do your job, do it well and do not retaliate against her. Be the bigger person! Best luck, not an easy position to be in.


    I agree with what prancer said. I have been there before and it is not pleasant. When everything blew up, I was the only one who actually had a job when it was all over with because I had detailed documentation that could be backed up. Dates, times, what happened, what was said, who else was with us or around us that might have over heard, etc. I even had documentation of what others heard her say when I was not around.
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    Nov 06, 2010 10:45 PM GMT
    Im going to start documenting everything that happens: time, day, etc. My supervisor said that if it was me or if any of this drama got to his fiance and he ended up not getting married that he would come after me for having his fiances phone number. So this girl that stabbed me in the back thought I had made up the rumor that her and my supervisor had something going on. HR brought me and her and to the office and I explained to HR that I was so upset that she thought I would start a rumor I told her she should get her facts right before starting to point fingers. HR told me and her that this needed to stop if it was me or not and to let others know at the workplace that the rumor that to stop. Again I had no idea or heard about this rumor and for some reason this "friend" of mine thought it was me who started it icon_twisted.gif
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    Nov 08, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    Those who said document the situation are exactly right. Keep the journal, but keep the journal as private as possible. And understand this: If you and those you call friends do see, speak to each, do anything with each other outside of work, they are not your friends. And in any workplace, professionalism should trump friendship on any given day.
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    Nov 08, 2010 2:41 AM GMT
    Use this as a life lesson and choose your friends wisely. I'm a strong believer that ppl receive the same energy they put out in the wrld. Full circle will come knock her on her ass eventually. Sit back and enjoy the show in the meantime kill her w/ kindness and act as nothing happened.