How long before moving in on a newly-single guy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2010 6:28 PM GMT
    I had a massive message but instead let me ask the fundamental question I have: How much time should you give a guy to get over his ex, before trying to make any serious moves?
    Long story short, I've had a crush on a friend for over a year and he's newly single from a 3 year extreme LDR. It's been 3 months, which I just now realized how short and ridiculous that sounds. It has felt like an eternity. The thing is I did express my feelings and found out they were mutual, but he's not ready for another relationship yet. Should I keep waiting and give it more time or move on? He says "no" while nodding his head "yes".
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    Nov 06, 2010 8:11 PM GMT
    He said the feeling is mutual, but he is not ready...this is a tough one.
    on one hand you don't want to push him thus alienating him.
    on the other if step back someone else may steel him away.

    I know if I were to break up, which I can't even imagine, I don't think I would ever want another relationship. It would take a confident albeit pushy guy to get me to open up again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2010 10:36 PM GMT
    Dissolving a relationship is a grieving process. Would you be asking the same question if the guy's partner had died 3 months ago? If he's into you, he'll be there when he's ready (given a reasonable amount of time) and if someone else swoops in and steals him away, then you'd have to wonder if you really were the right one.

    I would suggest being supportive, loving, caring, a very good listener and my guess is he'll see in what you, what he never saw in the last relationship.

    Good luck!
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 06, 2010 10:51 PM GMT
    dude, i am going to say this but if i were you. i would just be there for him. i would find my way into his heart by just being a friend to him. hell i would try to become his best friend.
    why don't you start taking him to do things that will get his mind off the ex or past and help him see the positive things that is out there now. this will probably be hard for you because of your feelings but you have to treat him like he was your best friends who happens to be straight or worst your little brother. that is what i would do. i am not saying it will work but it beats you trying to push him into starting something with you
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 06, 2010 11:07 PM GMT
    Let him know the ball is in his court and he has to make the next move because he will know when the time is right.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2010 11:36 PM GMT
    All good things take time
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2010 12:26 AM GMT
    Thanks.
    We are actually best friends and I have been there for him through out his relationship and after its tragic ending.
    I think recently I did start to try to push him on it and have been a little aggressive; I'm not usually like that and I guess I might have figured if I wasn't aggressive enough it would slip away like has happened in the past. Sometimes I read that he wants it but then he backs up so I end up really confused and doubt myself.
    I will make sure not to smother him and give each of us some space and just be friends. The past month has been a roller coaster but wow, it's really only been three little months.
    Thanks for the advice!