I might have met the perfect guy for me but!

  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 06, 2010 11:15 PM GMT
    Yeah, there is always a but. Here is the deal. I met this really great super nice guy. He is so much like me but so different so many ways. Not all of them are in good ways but not necessarily a bad way either. We have been trying to get to know each other but he keeps jumping into relationship/marriage mode. We have not even been on a official date yet. He keeps fighting me (not literally) because he has all of these issues from his previous relationships. I have always been the guy who always wanted to be the guy to prove that there are good guys out there and to not give up hope. the only thing that usually ends up happening is i get frustrated in the end because they are usually too hurt and bitter to let go of the pain.
    I am seeing similar things with this guy but he is attempting to let me in but it is driving me crazy and i am really ready to throw in the towel. I told him before that if this was two years ago I would have just ran the other way. Guys, this is all new for me because the other times this had happen it was women but now it is a guy. however, i really like this guy and would like to see where it can lead. i really can see myself being in my first relationship with him. What do I do?
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    Nov 07, 2010 12:50 AM GMT
    If he is great guy, why don't you open your heart to him?
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Nov 07, 2010 12:55 AM GMT
    sounds like damaged goods
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    Nov 07, 2010 12:59 AM GMT
    Hunter9 saidsounds like damaged goods

    lol we're all damaged goods in some ways, some are just to damaged to realise it.
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    Nov 07, 2010 1:14 AM GMT
    If you're breathing, you're damaged goods. But, you need to evaluate just how much damage was done to him and if he is capable of letting go of it. If he cannot, then he will simply damage you too.

    Starting a relationship is a crap shoot ('scuse the pun) and you're taking risks no matter what. But, the benefits can outweigh the crap in many cases. You just have to determine what your crap limit is in ratio to the good and go with whatever is indicated.

    But, keep in mind that a good guy, someone that you are compatible with may not just be hard to come by, he may damn well be non-existent. Best of luck to you in this very difficult situation.
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    Nov 07, 2010 1:16 AM GMT
    I feel like most people you will meet will be like this. We've all been hurt. You can choose not to deal with this this time. But you will have to deal with some measure of it from anyone you meet in the future. It's unavoidable. I say give it a go.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 07, 2010 1:18 AM GMT
    RUMEL saidIf he is great guy, why don't you open your heart to him?
    dude, i have opened up my heart to him but i am not a open book for everyone to read. i only open up to people i care about and i care about him but he keeps bringing up too much to stuff and it just tires me mentally. i mean we all have baggage dude but the difference with me is that i leave my baggage at home when i meet someone new
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 07, 2010 1:19 AM GMT
    TheIStrat saidI feel like most people you will meet will be like this. We've all been hurt. You can choose not to deal with this this time. But you will have to deal with some measure of it from anyone you meet in the future. It's unavoidable. I say give it a go.


    Thanks thelstrat
    i am trying to keep a open mind and heart buddy but it is hard
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    Nov 07, 2010 1:22 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    TheIStrat saidI feel like most people you will meet will be like this. We've all been hurt. You can choose not to deal with this this time. But you will have to deal with some measure of it from anyone you meet in the future. It's unavoidable. I say give it a go.


    Thanks thelstrat
    i am trying to keep a open mind and heart buddy but it is hard


    I understand. But it's worth it. All the boys in DC are crazy! haha
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 07, 2010 1:35 AM GMT
    TheIStrat said
    tuffguyndc said
    TheIStrat saidI feel like most people you will meet will be like this. We've all been hurt. You can choose not to deal with this this time. But you will have to deal with some measure of it from anyone you meet in the future. It's unavoidable. I say give it a go.


    Thanks thelstrat
    i am trying to keep a open mind and heart buddy but it is hard


    I understand. But it's worth it. All the boys in DC are crazy! haha

    dude aint that truth
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 07, 2010 1:38 AM GMT
    Kell_la saidIf you're breathing, you're damaged goods. But, you need to evaluate just how much damage was done to him and if he is capable of letting go of it. If he cannot, then he will simply damage you too.

    Starting a relationship is a crap shoot ('scuse the pun) and you're taking risks no matter what. But, the benefits can outweigh the crap in many cases. You just have to determine what your crap limit is in ratio to the good and go with whatever is indicated.

    But, keep in mind that a good guy, someone that you are compatible with may not just be hard to come by, he may damn well be non-existent. Best of luck to you in this very difficult situation.


    Thanks Kella_la, i think he is worth it but the question is how much can i tolerate
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Nov 07, 2010 2:29 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    RUMEL saidIf he is great guy, why don't you open your heart to him?
    dude, i have opened up my heart to him but i am not a open book for everyone to read. i only open up to people i care about and i care about him but he keeps bringing up too much to stuff and it just tires me mentally. i mean we all have baggage dude but the difference with me is that i leave my baggage at home when i meet someone new


    actually, i would argue that you should not "leave your baggage at home" otherwise he is not seeing who you really are. that said, that does not mean either of you should just be dumping all of life's problems on each other before the first date. it's a delicate balance
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    Nov 07, 2010 3:07 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc saidYeah, there is always a but. Here is the deal. I met this really great super nice guy. He is so much like me but so different so many ways. Not all of them are in good ways but not necessarily a bad way either. We have been trying to get to know each other but he keeps jumping into relationship/marriage mode. We have not even been on a official date yet. He keeps fighting me (not literally) because he has all of these issues from his previous relationships. I have always been the guy who always wanted to be the guy to prove that there are good guys out there and to not give up hope. the only thing that usually ends up happening is i get frustrated in the end because they are usually too hurt and bitter to let go of the pain.
    I am seeing similar things with this guy but he is attempting to let me in but it is driving me crazy and i am really ready to throw in the towel. I told him before that if this was two years ago I would have just ran the other way. Guys, this is all new for me because the other times this had happen it was women but now it is a guy. however, i really like this guy and would like to see where it can lead. i really can see myself being in my first relationship with him. What do I do?



    My last relationship was with a guy who carry a lot of baggage from his previous relationship, and to add to that he was also dealing with other emotional issues from his past. Like you I gave it a try because despite my ex boyfriend's difficulties to deal with it head on there were qualities I liked about him, so I endure the frustrations patiently hoping that eventually he will come around!? but his inabilities, stubbornness, and insecurities to deal with issues from his past was taking a toll on my emotional well being! and I think he noticed how much it was affecting me even thou I never once let him know how I felt, simply because I was trying to be patient, compassionate, and understanding of his situation. So one day he called me on the phone and told me that he wanted out of the relationship because he wanted time alone to heal blah blah blah!

    While it is true we all carry a lot of baggage from previous relationships/and or from unfinished emotional issues in our past, it is also important to remind ourselves that we are no longer children but mature enough to know every time we embark on a new relationship we must learn to travel light and avoid carrying so much baggage. Good luck!!


    Leandro ♥
  • austinlee

    Posts: 96

    Nov 07, 2010 3:24 AM GMT
    I would say just go with the flow. Go as far as you can get with him and see how it develops! Just my 2 cents! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 07, 2010 4:11 AM GMT
    austinlee saidI would say just go with the flow. Go as far as you can get with him and see how it develops! Just my 2 cents! icon_rolleyes.gif


    True this. Also, do some shared adventures with each other. You'll know sooner rather than later if you two have enough trust and communication between each other to have a good shot at making it work.

    Taking an interpersonal skills course, or some other type of communications oriented workshop together might help you, and possibly him.

    Just be become a better "you", and if others follow suit, great. If not, then you'll be better able to be a great catch with another great catch.
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    Nov 07, 2010 5:45 AM GMT
    i dunno, slap him around a little and tell him to snap out of it ?!? icon_eek.gif
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    Nov 07, 2010 6:43 AM GMT
    I just had to drop a guy because he couldn't recognize much less get over bad behavior patterns that he learned from his father. He alwas bitches about his father;s behavior and then does the exact same thing!
  • hottt1980

    Posts: 50

    Nov 07, 2010 11:17 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    RUMEL saidIf he is great guy, why don't you open your heart to him?
    dude, i have opened up my heart to him but i am not a open book for everyone to read. i only open up to people i care about and i care about him but he keeps bringing up too much to stuff and it just tires me mentally. i mean we all have baggage dude but the difference with me is that i leave my baggage at home when i meet someone new


    Don't give up on him yet. Some of us are not as strong emotionally as the next person. It's a cry for help. He might be your diamond in the rough and he's needs to detox. He probably needs a true friend for the time being. Sometimes we keep things bottled in, and when we don't recondition the pain or hurt, it can rear its ugly little head. Remember, something about him tickles your fancy and peaks your interest. However, if he's dropping missiles on the wrong target (you), take a step back. Some of us need at times, need a push, or a hand to lead us in the right direction......I've been where he probably is...
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    Nov 07, 2010 12:22 PM GMT
    Caslon16000 saidI just had to drop a guy because he couldn't recognize much less get over bad behavior patterns that he learned from his father. He roils bitch about his fdrher's behavior and then do the exact same thing!


    My first bf was like that. Not good.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Nov 07, 2010 1:12 PM GMT
    Just have a nice quiet chat together if possible and tell all what you expect of a Lover and see his reaction?
    If that does not work then have another glass of wine!
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    Nov 07, 2010 4:09 PM GMT
    I am not saying for you to open book for him. Gay and straight are the same dramas as full of baggage. You never know what you are missing
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    Nov 07, 2010 4:30 PM GMT
    relationships are full of dynamics, sometimes we are the strong partner, sometimes the reverse. If you care for the guy, work with him, be patient. I have been on the embarassing side of wearing my emotions on my sleeve and so can identify with the other guy. Be patient, he is going thru his infatuation stage and you should be flattered. It takes time and effort and right now you are the stronger of the two....Keithicon_cool.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 07, 2010 11:20 PM GMT
    vetteset saidrelationships are full of dynamics, sometimes we are the strong partner, sometimes the reverse. If you care for the guy, work with him, be patient. I have been on the embarassing side of wearing my emotions on my sleeve and so can identify with the other guy. Be patient, he is going thru his infatuation stage and you should be flattered. It takes time and effort and right now you are the stronger of the two....Keithicon_cool.gif

    thanks keith, i appreciate the kind words.
    actually, i appreciate everyone's suggestion. i will definitely try and see where things can lead
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    Nov 07, 2010 11:44 PM GMT
    The question is, are you willing to make an investment in him and this relationship, whatever it may take? This requires commitment, and it's truly what love is all about. If you're willing and ready to do that, then go for it. Through thick and thin, ups and downs.

    If you're not, then you're not ready to love him any more than he is ready to be in a relationship with you, esp. if he's not willing to work through his own pain and baggage. If you're both on the same page in wanting to make it work, and if you think you each are the "one" for each other, then by all means, do your best to make it work.

    Of course, if this isn't the kind of starting point you would like for a relationship, just remember, that everyone has baggage. Some more than others. And, often, it's just a matter of when certain baggage comes to light.

    But your commitment to each other is what makes it work.
  • scothman

    Posts: 153

    Nov 07, 2010 11:52 PM GMT
    I say keep it up. If I were lucky enough to have a chance with a guy that is just perfect for me, I would do just about anything to help him out and get with him. Its work but isn't that what a relationship is?