How to tell my family and friends that i am gay?

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    Nov 07, 2010 12:45 AM GMT
    Hello guys. I am new here. First i want to apologize for my written English but i am from Europe. For the past tree years i am leaving in Chicago. I moved here for only one reason because i am a gay and i don't want my family and friends to know that. I was working in the police there but was very hard for me with all this straight guys around. Here is the same all my colleges are guys. the worse is that two of them are gays and this is drive me crazy. Specially one of them. But again the ghost from my past is behind me because some of my roomettes is working in the same company. I don't want they to know that i am gay. They no my family and friends in my country. I am so afraid to share my secret with this two guys. I am trying to show them that i am like them not directly but. I don't know what to do. Whats your advice. Thanks.
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    Nov 07, 2010 12:57 AM GMT
    Welcome man. You live in Chicago to get away from your family and friends because you are gay. You don't owe anybody your personal life. Just be yourself
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    Nov 07, 2010 12:58 AM GMT
    Ich glaube, du trinken vielen bier sollen. Dann sagt "ICH BIN GAY!"
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    Nov 07, 2010 1:00 AM GMT
    Germany has a good number of gays...it is not an "unknown" in Germany.....the anticipation and imagination about the reactions you will get is always worse than the reality....coming out is always your choice. Have you considered getting help from a therapist to sort out your feelings and to make a plan on how to come out and to whom and when?.....many online sources and many great therapist that would help you....Your co-workers ....would be required by law to keep their mouths shut and keep their opinions to themselves...You are not dealing in the military but a unionized civil service environment...you got rights and tough shit if others in the union don't like it, you got union coverage....who and how could you be hurt? what can you do to minimize the problem? Living an honest and open life is a challenge if you haven't been doing it...but trust me it really is easier and less complicated to be real, honest and out....
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    Nov 07, 2010 1:01 AM GMT
    Mamaí agus daidí, táim aerach!
    I know how you feel with the English. Americans only seem to want to accommodate their versions of things.
    However, you need to tell your family at your own pace. Do it when you are ready.
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    Nov 07, 2010 1:03 AM GMT
    You moved halfway around the world to get away from your family so they won't find out you're gay.
    Then you moved in with roommates who know your family?
    Sounds like you need to just grow some balls and tell people you're gay.
    If you keep running, you're going to drive yourself insane at this rate, because you obviously keep running back to the past.
    Just be mentally prepared in case shit hits the fan. It probably won't, but be ready to take action just in case.
    Either way, once you're out for a year or so, you'll look back and laugh at yourself.
    Good luck. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 07, 2010 1:17 AM GMT
    We have an old biblical saying that fits here. "don't throw your pearls before the swine" In other words your being gay is something very personal of major importance to you, so don't throw that information out to just anyone. If your family are bigoted and would more than likely hate you over it, just keep it to yourself. Other than that you do need to "unto your own self be true" so find someone you like and enjoy some time with them, avoid living a lie, you just waste time that you will look back on later and wish you had not passed up opportunities to share freiendship/relationships with a guy you might like. The hell with what your "roomies" think, just don't flaunt it.
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    Nov 07, 2010 2:35 AM GMT
    It still puzzles me that in 2010 people are still in fear of coming out.

    I've been thinking lately of how I could ever tell my family if I got one of my girlfriends pregnant. That would be so awkward.
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    Nov 07, 2010 3:25 AM GMT
    Well... having a disgruntled ex employee steal your phone and txt your manhunt profile to everyone in your address book turns out to be highly effective. Maybe not recommended tho...
    But it turns out that pretty much nobody cares.
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    Nov 07, 2010 3:56 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidYou moved halfway around the world to get away from your family so they won't find out you're gay.
    Then you moved in with roommates who know your family?
    Sounds like you need to just grow some balls and tell people you're gay.
    If you keep running, you're going to drive yourself insane at this rate, because you obviously keep running back to the past.
    Just be mentally prepared in case shit hits the fan. It probably won't, but be ready to take action just in case.
    Either way, once you're out for a year or so, you'll look back and laugh at yourself.
    Good luck. icon_biggrin.gif


    True this. Just live your life for yourself and not for others.

    Oh, and how to tell your friends and family that you're gay (if and when you choose to)? "I'm gay."
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    Nov 07, 2010 4:02 AM GMT
    hey mate! Moving to a place like chicago where alternate sexuality is accepted is good for you.Trust me you are living your life. you just have to see it.
    You don't have to be open to everybody about your sexuality. Let them know it when they come to know.live your life mate. this life of yours. do not miss it.

    take care mate,
    venky
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    Nov 07, 2010 4:12 AM GMT
    From where i came from my culture, society and family will never accept me no matter what i do and how best i try to talk them over.. i thought to myself the best solution was to keeping running. But i got to the point where i say no, i have to stop else i will keep running all my life... I am at a point trying to stop and relaxed and let me just be me... i am coming out at every opportunity i get. The more i do the better is my life.
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    Nov 07, 2010 4:14 AM GMT
    if you feel like telling them and when thats your choice, you can chose not to since they are away, but I would recomend testing the waters with the ones you have close, so you dont feel like you cant be yourself.

    One of the best advices I got: "No one I know has regreted coming out"


    also... watch the "it gets better project" on youtube, and some coming out stories, you are not alone. icon_smile.gif
  • johnoc

    Posts: 87

    Nov 07, 2010 5:02 AM GMT
    I can only understand the angst and the weight of the pressure to tell your loved ones that you are gay.
    For myself.........if took WAY to long.......playing sports, being one of guys didn't really matter after all.
    I finally fessed up........at a dinner for me....my birthday...teary eyes...I told them and they said........."we knew...so what?...pass the potatoes...and pass the wine"..........WTF!
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    Nov 07, 2010 7:13 AM GMT
    I have been wondering the same thing, although I have told 2 ppl and the best way to do it is just to say it. It went well both times but im still in the closet to everyone else.

    Not trying to thread jack but a slight add on to your question. What the hell do I do with my friends?!?! The issues is I have a lot of guy friends and the problem is if I tell them and they ask me what kind of guys I like and stuff....they just about all fit the bill! Its going to be really uncomfortable ya know lol
  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Nov 07, 2010 10:43 AM GMT
    alf82 saidHello guys. I am new here. First i want to apologize for my written English but i am from Europe. For the past tree years i am leaving in Chicago. I moved here for only one reason because i am a gay and i don't want my family and friends to know that. I was working in the police there but was very hard for me with all this straight guys around. Here is the same all my colleges are guys. the worse is that two of them are gays and this is drive me crazy. Specially one of them. But again the ghost from my past is behind me because some of my roomettes is working in the same company. I don't want they to know that i am gay. They no my family and friends in my country. I am so afraid to share my secret with this two guys. I am trying to show them that i am like them not directly but. I don't know what to do. Whats your advice. Thanks.


    Be a man...have some balls, have some courage...Be true to yourself. There have been so many great people before us in history Gay or Straight that made a difference with their life and in the world and didn't question, you being Gay is really not that big of a deal in the "big picture" buddy. Allow yourself to be free and happy, not to mention drama free. good luck.
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    Nov 07, 2010 4:33 PM GMT
    JAKEBENSON saidIch glaube, du trinken vielen bier sollen. Dann sagt "ICH BIN GAY!"


    lol

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    Nov 07, 2010 5:10 PM GMT
    amar_m said
    JAKEBENSON saidIch glaube, du trinken vielen bier sollen. Dann sagt "ICH BIN GAY!"


    lol

    I did the same thing.. how funny! (especially when we understand it)
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    Nov 09, 2010 3:38 AM GMT
    Thanks guys. I think i know what to do. I can keep this secret to long is eating me from inside. Thanks again.
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    Nov 09, 2010 3:40 AM GMT
    Scally said

    get a picture and gain respect


    roflzzzzzz