Do people ever really change?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2010 6:57 PM GMT
    Ive had bf's/friends & etc that have made promises to make changes in their life whether it be to me or to themselves & just telling me about it in conversation but seem to always revert back to their "old" ways.

    This could involve physical/working out, sexual, or emotional changes they want to make. Im all for someone trying to better their life but I get tired of the rollercoaster effect sometimes.

    Do people ever really change?

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 07, 2010 7:20 PM GMT
    I think motivation is the key to change. icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 07, 2010 7:25 PM GMT
    life requires accepting a lot of the annoying little things in people's personalities, as they are also expected to do with us. I believe it's called co-existence.

    A wise friend told me, with regards to having a stable and happy relationship, to ask yourself this question "when it comes down to the crunch, does it really matter?"....................Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Nov 07, 2010 7:26 PM GMT
    Can they change? yeah, and i think i know what you mean, where it's really "true" change, and not just temporary. with enough motivation/drive a person can change their ways in the midst of necessity, whether or not it stays constant afterwards really depends on the type of person...i think there are a multitude of guys who truly cannot change and but just as many more guys who are willing to change and for the better.

    i guess it's just our jobs to figure out who is which, but yes, i do believe people can change.
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    Nov 07, 2010 7:38 PM GMT
    It really depends. People are very unpredictable.

    The fun is in the mystery.


    The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing.
    -Marcus Aurelius
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    Nov 07, 2010 7:41 PM GMT
    I thought the thread title said "charge." I was hoping to see a price list.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2010 7:42 PM GMT
    And yes, people do change...sometimes on purpose, sometimes just by their experiences; but everyone changes.
    Life is fluid.
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    Nov 07, 2010 7:54 PM GMT
    True lasting change is something we effect for ourselves, when the time is right for us. It's not something we do for others, nor something we can ask someone else to do for us.
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    Nov 07, 2010 7:56 PM GMT

    Personal observations:

    People change.

    Some don't.

    Some try and fail.

    Some change without trying or even being aware of it.

    -Doug

  • vj2004t

    Posts: 203

    Nov 07, 2010 10:33 PM GMT
    It goes to motivation my tag line reads "This is your life are you who you want to be" . I looked at my life and decided I wasn't the person I wanted to be so I continue fighting to become the person I want to be and change everything I want to become. Val
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2010 10:35 PM GMT
    it depends how bad the person really wants it.
    mostly it's a no
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    Nov 07, 2010 11:06 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Personal observations:

    People change.

    Some don't.

    Some try and fail.

    Some change without trying or even being aware of it.

    -Doug



    couldn't agree more.
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    Nov 08, 2010 12:10 AM GMT


    I believe that people can change.

    The question is whether they have the will and the ability to change in the ways they say they want to.

    We can encourage, support and reward change in others, but we can't make it happen.

    My hands are full enough trying to guide myself through the changes I want to make in myself. So I find that things work best if I can accept other people - especially those close to me - for who they are and see any positive changes in them as a bonus.
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    Nov 08, 2010 12:13 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidAnd yes, people do change...sometimes on purpose, sometimes just by their experiences; but everyone changes.
    Life is fluid.





    Paulflexes, I like you more everyday.



    hahahahah
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 2:09 PM GMT
    People CAN change absolutely. Permanent has to come from within tho. Not gonna go in depth about my family dynamics but I think the greatest example of this would me my mother.

    She's a COMPLETLY different person then who she was when I grew up. Supportive, loving, positive, smiley.... in the space of just a few years she's changed completly.

    ... when it comes to boys tho.
    lol I believe it's usually safer to walk away from an unhappy dynamic than trying to change the person. It just never works. Many people will say:
    Yes but I love him...

    Im sure they do, but you also have to love yourself and if this relationship isnt fulfilling to you anymore. Respectfully walk away.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 2:35 PM GMT
    They do...
    I have.
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    Nov 08, 2010 3:06 PM GMT
    I think change can happen, but when it does it isn't usually sudden, not like Scrooge in A Christmas Carol, no overnight instant transformation. It's more typically a series of steps, and some reversals, that often frustrate the others around that person, if not the person himself.

    It's for that reason I used to individually graph my college PE students' weekly progress, so long-term trends could be visible. Only in that way could students see beyond daily performance variations, and realize they were making steady progress over time.

    So therefore I think in some of these behavioral issues we have to take a more patient and long-term view, and be prepared for setbacks. The proof is the trend line, not immediate gratification. On the other hand, if I see sustained change in the wrong direction, or no improvement at all over a significant length of time, then I lose any personal interest or even involvement I may previously have had with that person.
  • aiko14

    Posts: 332

    Nov 08, 2010 5:57 PM GMT
    for the better, for the worse... nothing is constant, but change...
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    Nov 08, 2010 6:05 PM GMT
    They can, but only for the worst.
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    Nov 08, 2010 6:10 PM GMT
    Tazo995 saidThey can, but only for the worst.



    hahaha i would change you for the better i am sure icon_biggrin.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Nov 08, 2010 6:10 PM GMT
    Anyone can change.

    I once worked around an officer who was always sullen and grumpy and one day, he was all of a sudden in a chipper mood. He changed as his mood and demeanor changed, however that may have occurred.


    The problem people face is that it is one thing to identify a need for change and another to actually plot a course in making that change. That's where people disappoint. No one can get to point B if they don't know how to get there.

    Maybe you can help them with that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 8:36 PM GMT
    our moods change, but our character doesn't .
    haven't you heard tons of mothers say about their sons
    "ever since he was a child.. blah blah " ?
  • tokugawa

    Posts: 945

    Dec 21, 2010 11:02 PM GMT
    Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one. But it takes a very long time, and the light bulb needs to want to change.
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    Dec 21, 2010 11:11 PM GMT
    It is known that the brain completes it's development 'till age 21-25! So whatever you learn and experience in terms of emotions and intellectuality, before your brain is done developing, is deeply rooted into your mind. Research shows that the brain will create pathways of anything you learn.
    Which means that anything you experience and learn before 21-25, is going to be VERY hard to forget or change. Most things you won't be able to forget or change in fact, but be able to overcome and take control of.

    For example, I grew up catholic most of my life. I don't believe in catholicism anymore but find myself doing catholic prayers at times i feel scared or vulnerable. See what i mean? It's been rooted into my head so i find myself back to it at times.

    Which is why many people find themselves going back to their old habits they may have picked up or experience before their brain was fully developed.
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    Dec 21, 2010 11:13 PM GMT
    It's a very existential question. It seems to me that believing in the possibility of change for the better is necessary for a better future. What else can you do with your time but try to change for the better? But that's too deep... I'd rather not think about it.