The mail-order bride mentality

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 8:16 AM GMT
    Why do so many gay men have a checklist of what they want in a guy before they'll go on a date with them?

    Looks, age, income, location, likes, dislikes, straight-acting, hispanic, latino, non-asian etc etc.

    Are gay men living in a fantasy world?
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 12, 2008 9:47 AM GMT



    Ummm ..... Yes? icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 12, 2008 10:50 AM GMT
    I want to make sure that I will meet ONLY Jack Johnson.

    The rest must be weeded out. icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 12, 2008 3:55 PM GMT
    I see those lists as "nice to haves". In reality, you only need a little bit of criteria met and the rest is chemistry.
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    Mar 12, 2008 4:10 PM GMT
    yes.
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    Mar 12, 2008 4:16 PM GMT
    Yes, I suppose. It's definately easier than making a list don't wants! Lol! You only get one page on these websites. Not to mention that you get to see what somebody's like by seeing what types of guys they're interested in.

    Oddly enough, the guys I've had great relationships with, neither ever seen my online accounts and/or were totally different from what I expected them to be. Like XRuggerATX said, it's all comes down to chemistry... and luck! But it's not something I stress about. Learned not to over time.
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    Mar 12, 2008 4:18 PM GMT
    Some gay men are living in a fantasy world and are frankly foolish. Then they whine about how lonely they are and how they can't find a soulmate. Drives me nuts!icon_evil.gif

    Fact is even your "soulmate" will have attributes you could do without, he is human after all and different from you. But be reassured you will have attributes that drive him crazy as well. It all evens out in the wash as the saying goes.
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    Mar 12, 2008 8:53 PM GMT
    Sedative14 saidI want to make sure that I will meet ONLY Jack Johnson.

    The rest must be weeded out. icon_lol.gif


    I can sing kind of like Jack Johnson...is that close enough?

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    Mar 12, 2008 11:07 PM GMT
    Because guys generally have no clue about what they actually want in a relationship so they use a bunch of easily quantifiable characteristics they THINK they should look for.
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    Mar 13, 2008 6:54 PM GMT
    Got Bitterness?
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    Mar 13, 2008 9:12 PM GMT
    First, everyone has a checklist. Gay men, straight men, straight women, dogs, everyone.

    Second, we are sold quite a tale when it comes to romance. We get a fairytale story as kids and as adults we come to expect that. Just watch any romantic comedy, if you can stomach it, and see how it plays to our inner fantasies of a prince charming. We are all living in a gross fantasy world where the nerdy, bookish girl removes her glasses and takes down her hair and suddenly is hot enough for John Cusack.

    If people spent more time jerking off over these fantasies and less time pursuing them dating would be easier.
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    Mar 13, 2008 9:19 PM GMT
    i feel like i do, like have a checklist


    which pretty much consists of abs, and thats it


    but ive dated one guy with abs, so i guess i really do live in a fantasy world...


    sad really
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    Mar 13, 2008 9:52 PM GMT
    Erm..It's called having standardsicon_lol.gif

    seriously though

    I'd like to date someone that lives in the same city as me because that's usually a factor in how often I get to see them

    I like to date someone with a similar income and a similar stage of there lives. That way I can splurge and take him out to dinner and it's a treat for both of us, or we can take a trip and neither one of us is trading down. Being 20 something students means we have a similar outlook of not exactly raking it in, but not having any major responsibilities

    It doesn't really bother me if we like different things if your actually seeking a partner rather than a hook up you want to have comparable interests and compatible personalities. If I had a passion for something he had complete disinterest in then I can't see it going anywhere.

    As for straight acting. that's just an expression of internalized self hatred

    looks and race are more complicated it's a general feeling of attraction
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    Mar 13, 2008 10:42 PM GMT
    I just have to be attracted physically, emotionally, and mentally. Now what actually falls within the term "attractive" for me, in those three things, is a pretty massive range. I've dated some very, very, very different guys that I found to be equally amazing. So I don't have a check list, just a range and I see if people fall within it.

    It has nothing to do with living in a fantasy world and wanting a prince charming. It simply has to do with having standards. Relationships, of any kind, take hard work, effort, and time. I have priorities in my life: my family, my friends, myself (taking care of my health, hitting the gym, working on my future career, etc.). It's gonna take someone worth it for me to sacrifice those things on some level (you never have to sacrifice them completely, but definitely on some level)...and then, frankly, it doesn't even really feel like a "sacrifice" at all.

    So I'm not exactly thinking: "well he has to be rich and he has to look like a super model." I just have to be legitimately attracted to them, enough where it off-sets off the flaws that would usually bother me because let's face it, you're never gonna someone "perfect" and that isn't even the point in the first place. It's about finding someone that has so many things you like that the negative things that are unvoidably there are almost negligable.



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    Mar 14, 2008 7:59 AM GMT
    joescorpio1970I can sing kind of like Jack Johnson...is that close enough?


    Do you surf? icon_lol.gif j/k