Dating an older guy and new to things... am I doing things right?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 1:53 AM GMT
    Hi there, I'm 18 and new to this site and more importantly, the gay dating scene.

    I'm not out, but just starting to explore this side of me. I recently have started dating a man much older than me. We've gone on a couple dates, messed around a little but we haven't consummated things quite yet (it would be my first time all the way).

    We text each other daily, but we're both pretty busy and don't have alot of time to meet often. He's been really slow with me, and is really respecting my nerves and jitters, but I'm also doing my best to be comfortable with him. I really like him alot, he's sweet, funny and seems to be a really genuinely nice guy, but I feel like he isn't really opening up to me very much. (once again, I'm new to the dating scene, so I could just be oblivious). I don't even know how far it could even go, but I feel like we have potential.

    Any advice about things I should talk to him about, or anyone have a similar experience? I want to try and make things work as best I can.

    Thanks for any comments at all icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 2:53 AM GMT
    Be yourself....completely.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 3:00 AM GMT
    just realize this will not be your only relationship in life. nothing wrong with dating an older guy. have some fun and be safe.
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    Nov 08, 2010 3:10 AM GMT
    im in the exact. same. shoes.
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    Nov 08, 2010 5:13 AM GMT
    economister68 saidHi there, I'm 18 and new to this site and more importantly, the gay dating scene.

    I'm not out, but just starting to explore this side of me. I recently have started dating a man much older than me. We've gone on a couple dates, messed around a little but we haven't consummated things quite yet (it would be my first time all the way).

    Any advice about things I should talk to him about, or anyone have a similar experience? I want to try and make things work as best I can.

    Thanks for any comments at all icon_smile.gif
    First I would say be careful, not just physically but emotionally. It's great to be in a relationship but being in a relationship where there's a great age difference has a lot of challenges.

    I would suggest you take a look at yourself and think about what you're looking for in this relationship. An older guy will generally be very happy to have a young guy to hang with but think about what you have in common or perhaps more importantly, what you don't. Take it slow, enjoy each other, get to know him. Ask questions and try to determine what he's looking for also.

    Good Luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 5:13 AM GMT
    How much older (Yes, it does matter)?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 5:26 AM GMT
    Thanks for all the replies so far! He is 55, I'm 18. So yeah... pretty big age gap.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 5:28 AM GMT
    Worry more about doing things SMART.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Nov 08, 2010 5:29 AM GMT
    tumblr_l2kmajWtm61qzrip0o1_500.png
    http://ragb.ag/post/607179857/f-x-1-2-x-7-it-was-only-yesterday-that-i
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 5:30 AM GMT
    Somethings dumb 18 year olds should explore with other dumb 18 year olds.
    I know that is what I have been told by most of the older gay men I know (in jest) and that is what I am doing.

    HE IS 55.
    We call that being used not dating. No offense just no.
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    Nov 08, 2010 5:34 AM GMT
    mnboy saidSomethings dumb 18 year olds should explore with other dumb 18 year olds.
    I know that is what I have been told by most of the older gay men I know (in jest) and that is what I am doing.

    HE IS 55.
    We call that being used not dating. No offense just no.


    Can understand what you're saying, but he's definitely not using me at all. It's not like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 5:41 AM GMT
    No offense man but you aren't even out yet. How do you know what it is like.
    Have you ever been in a relationship prior to this?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 5:41 AM GMT
    economister68 said
    mnboy saidSomethings dumb 18 year olds should explore with other dumb 18 year olds.
    I know that is what I have been told by most of the older gay men I know (in jest) and that is what I am doing.

    HE IS 55.
    We call that being used not dating. No offense just no.


    Can understand what you're saying, but he's definitely not using me at all. It's not like that.


    Not sure what you would be able to talk to him about since there is such a large gap but be safe.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 5:42 AM GMT
    "A man who holds a cat by the tail will learn something about a cat he can learn in no other way."
    --Mark Twain (paraphrased)



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 5:50 AM GMT
    swimbikerun saidtumblr_l2kmajWtm61qzrip0o1_500.png
    http://ragb.ag/post/607179857/f-x-1-2-x-7-it-was-only-yesterday-that-i


    graphs make life much better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 7:02 AM GMT
    swimbikerun saidtumblr_l2kmajWtm61qzrip0o1_500.png
    http://ragb.ag/post/607179857/f-x-1-2-x-7-it-was-only-yesterday-that-i


    I told the youngin that has been hangin around with me that it's socially unacceptable and this chart proves it but I agreed a month ago not to mention it again .But at least my boyfriend is legal age.

    Guys commenting on the street that we are a cute couple however may suggest that the chart is a bit dated.
  • makersmark

    Posts: 6

    Nov 08, 2010 7:55 AM GMT
    sex with a much older guy? fine, I wouldn't do it, but I can understand it.

    DATING a much older guy? be skeptical.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Nov 08, 2010 9:05 AM GMT
    A 37 year age difference is...... a lot? The last relationship I was in had a 14 year age difference and I thought that was a lot. But he and I were in more similar places than the two of you are. You're looking at colleges, he's thinking about retiring. That fact alone is going to make this relationship relatively short lived, because you're not going to be able to hang out with each other's friends or relate to each other's lives the way you'd both like to. So if you like him, learn something from him, have fun, but don't expect much more than that. You'll have a lot easier time relating to people who are your age.

    Getting confused for his son (or worse, his grandson depending on how youthful he looks and how mature you look) is going to get old pretty quickly, too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 9:26 AM GMT
    mnboy saidNo offense man but you aren't even out yet. How do you know what it is like.
    Have you ever been in a relationship prior to this?


    This might be the first time i've ever agreed with a teenager, but mnboy is right on.
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    Nov 08, 2010 9:37 AM GMT
    wushu18t said
    graphs make life much better.

    So fucking true.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 11:21 AM GMT
    mnboy saidSomethings dumb 18 year olds should explore with other dumb 18 year olds.
    I know that is what I have been told by most of the older gay men I know (in jest) and that is what I am doing.

    HE IS 55.
    We call that being used not dating. No offense just no.

    Behold, in all its magnificent glory... An Idiot!

    Sweet heart, shut up.


    He might not be opening up to you because be's older, a little more seasoned, perhaps a little more hurt and a little more patient and desiring to move slowly and carefully with someone so young and unfortunately for you, but, the young have a habit of being jumpy and easily bored and leave to seek more excitement
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    Nov 08, 2010 5:22 PM GMT
    thanks for all the feedback. Constructive or not, it's helpful!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2010 6:40 PM GMT
    I don't think the profile is real. do you remember a guy who posted that he was dating a 70 years old? it turned out it was a joke.
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    Nov 08, 2010 6:59 PM GMT
    frenchatheart saidI don't think the profile is real. do you remember a guy who posted that he was dating a 70 years old? it turned out it was a joke.


    Really? That was a joke?

    I had no idea, how did we figure it out?
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Nov 08, 2010 7:00 PM GMT
    I wouldn't do it, but I'm not say you should or should not. I want someone to grow old with, share the same life experiences, make mistakes and learn from them together, but that's just me...