I hope Homophobia goes away

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    Nov 09, 2010 3:20 AM GMT
    I just went on a date with a guy tonight who I really like and am really into. I really like him as a person and I think we really have chemistry.


    I still struggle with the whole issue of masculinity. Me and him are a bit different. I am more traditional in what you would consider a normal average American male. You can somewhat tell he is gay by looking at him but that's just his style that's who he is and its whatever. We have different interests I like sports and different music but we get along awsome and really like being around eachother, we feel happy that way.

    I was walking down the street after I walked with him back to his car. As we walked we passed a group of 'thugs' ...i really don't know what else to call them just a bunch of young hoodlums sitting at the starbucks ( yea I know right). But as I passed by them I felt the tension of them staring at me and them making comments behind my back. I said goodbye to my friend and walked back down the parking lot.....I could literally feel the tension searing at this point. Because I was alone; it was worse. I just kept walking but didn't change my pace but I was just ready for a jeering comment but one never came. I hate feeling like this.. i don't want to feel like this forever for the rest of my life.

    It bothers me that it bothers them that I am to them exactly LIKE THEM. I walk like them talk like them (what I mean is I am just like a regular guy) and you can't tell by "looking at me" that I would be attracted to guys.If we got into a fight I could probably beat their ass in every way i am just like them except that i'm not an ignorant arrogant bigoted fuck...I am a guy. I enjoy being a guy. It makes me frustrated and uncomfortable that in this day and age I have to put up with dealing with shit like this. Some shit like this actually makes me want to go turn into a softer kind of guy just to say fuck it. fuck the whole thing...masculinity is a joke its a facade.....you people don't really know what its all about. Part of me wants to let myself stray further away from the traditional gender role just because I am sick of how its poisoned my life.


    Why is there homophobia.

    And why do people automatically have such a strong association in our culture with male male love being something feminine and less than what a man would do.

    Why.
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    Nov 09, 2010 3:27 AM GMT
    Why? Because of their asshole parents and upbringing. That's where they get it.
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    Nov 09, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    I just can't fucking stand being surrounded by ignorance any longer. Its really getting to me to the point where I just can't deal with it anymore. And yet I am immersed in it every day.
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    Nov 09, 2010 4:00 AM GMT
    Ignorance is everywhere. It's difficult to escape. The worst you can do is let it disrupt your own peace of mind, especially when you've just gone on a date with a guy you like. I know that's easier said than done.
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    Nov 09, 2010 4:10 AM GMT
    Maybe I misread your post. Are you saying that you want to be more "feminine" because you're gay and you feel compelled to fit in to the stereotypes that society impose on us?

    As for the thugs.. who cares? Hood rats just sit around and mad dog people. That's just what they do. You're assuming that they assumed you're gay. I think you need to get over your own insecurities.
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    Nov 09, 2010 4:16 AM GMT
    I think the best thing is to show our neighbors, friends and family that WE are not responsible,,,,,,,,,,nor a scapegoat for the bullshit or feakin "destruction"" of the family unit.

    It's not a political issue. I'ts how we show ourselves to whoever we meet.

    Be proud. Be PROUD that you like to KISS a man and Make Love To A MAN.

    Isn't that why we call it "MEN IN LOVE"?
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    Nov 09, 2010 4:29 AM GMT
    Sylas saidI just went on a date with a guy tonight who I really like and am really into. I really like him as a person and I think we really have chemistry.


    I still struggle with the whole issue of masculinity. Me and him are a bit different. I am more traditional in what you would consider a normal average American male. You can somewhat tell he is gay by looking at him but that's just his style that's who he is and its whatever. We have different interests I like sports and different music but we get along awsome and really like being around eachother, we feel happy that way.

    I was walking down the street after I walked with him back to his car. As we walked we passed a group of 'thugs' ...i really don't know what else to call them just a bunch of young hoodlums sitting at the starbucks ( yea I know right). But as I passed by them I felt the tension of them staring at me and them making comments behind my back. I said goodbye to my friend and walked back down the parking lot.....I could literally feel the tension searing at this point. Because I was alone; it was worse. I just kept walking but didn't change my pace but I was just ready for a jeering comment but one never came. I hate feeling like this.. i don't want to feel like this forever for the rest of my life.

    It bothers me that it bothers them that I am to them exactly LIKE THEM. I walk like them talk like them (what I mean is I am just like a regular guy) and you can't tell by "looking at me" that I would be attracted to guys.If we got into a fight I could probably beat their ass in every way i am just like them except that i'm not an ignorant arrogant bigoted fuck...I am a guy. I enjoy being a guy. It makes me frustrated and uncomfortable that in this day and age I have to put up with dealing with shit like this. Some shit like this actually makes me want to go turn into a softer kind of guy just to say fuck it. fuck the whole thing...masculinity is a joke its a facade.....you people don't really know what its all about. Part of me wants to let myself stray further away from the traditional gender role just because I am sick of how its poisoned my life.


    Why is there homophobia.

    And why do people automatically have such a strong association in our culture with male male love being something feminine and less than what a man would do.

    Why.

    Well, get ready, cuz you are in for a long life of misery, if you go around projecting stuff onto people and then get upset about it. And even if you dont project and they really do feel that way, you are still gonna be miserable. Because you are not going to change the world. There will always be people like that. You just gotta accept that that is the way people are. As long as you can walk up and down the street unmolested physically and verbally, be fucking happy. And stop worrying about everybody else.

    But, you know, I am not sure it is everybody else. Nobody said anything to you. You make this whole self-inflicted drama up yourself. Perhaps it is you that you need to be sick of. Perhaps you need to change you.
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    Nov 09, 2010 4:44 AM GMT
    They were at a starbucks.. they probably were commenting on your poor fashion sense or something along those lines. icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 09, 2010 5:50 AM GMT
    be who you need to be brother and fuck the world with all your might.....keithicon_cool.gif
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    Nov 09, 2010 6:09 AM GMT
    You know, this is so cool, "I was walking down the street after I walked with him back to his car. As we walked we passed a group of 'thugs' ...i really don't know what else to call them just a bunch of young hoodlums sitting at the starbucks ( yea I know right). But as I passed by them I felt the tension of them staring at me and them making comments behind my back. I said goodbye to my friend and walked back down the parking lot.....I could literally feel the tension searing at this point. Because I was alone; it was worse."

    Your friend is so lucky to have you as friend. Thanks for doing what you did, there are many guys, I think, that could use a pal like you.

    cheers! -Doug

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    Nov 09, 2010 7:02 AM GMT
    I'm sorry you had to experience that. I definitely hate the feeling of someone staring at/judging me. But at the same time, as I think someone else has pointed out, it may have all been in your head. I mean, there is really no way you can be sure they were judging you for being with another guy since they didn't actually say anything. I know me personally, I tend to think the worst sometimes and often make wrong assumptions of what people might be thinking of me.
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    Nov 09, 2010 10:17 AM GMT
    Sylas saidI was walking down the street after I walked with him back to his car. As we walked we passed a group of 'thugs' ...i really don't know what else to call them just a bunch of young hoodlums sitting at the starbucks ( yea I know right). But as I passed by them I felt the tension of them staring at me and them making comments behind my back. I said goodbye to my friend and walked back down the parking lot.....I could literally feel the tension searing at this point. Because I was alone; it was worse. I just kept walking but didn't change my pace but I was just ready for a jeering comment but one never came. I hate feeling like this.. i don't want to feel like this forever for the rest of my life.


    Sounds like you're looking for homophobia and the biggest problem is your schema which has got to the point where you're like, "OH MY GOD THEY MUST BE TALKING ABOUT ME SHIT TALK STYLE CUZ OF MY GAY SWAGGAH." You need to start standing up for yourself and learn how to fight...with words (maybe fists if you live in a shitty area.)
  • GQjock

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    Nov 09, 2010 11:10 AM GMT
    Homophobia IS awful and it does need to be stamped out at every given chance

    That being said part of it is in OUR minds and that's the part that we can readily change
    So what.... you friend is not so masculine
    and that he "appears" outwardly gay
    something attracted you to him and something keeps you coming back for more
    and as far as those thugs you were talking about
    yeah they might have been given you the eye ... but they didn't say anything or throw any punches so it's 50:50
    50 percent was what you saw and 50 percent was what you thought THEY saw
    yeah people are going to have impressions of us
    But unless they say something or hurt you ..... you shouldn't give a shit
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    Nov 09, 2010 11:14 AM GMT
    Sylas said...masculinity is a joke its a facade...
    The "All-American" ideal of masculinity is one of brutality, violence, and barbaric bullshit.
    I come across as "masculine" in demeanor, but have no problem showing my softer side.
    If people don't like it, they can go fuck themselves. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 09, 2010 3:16 PM GMT
    Cardinal724 saidI'm sorry you had to experience that. I definitely hate the feeling of someone staring at/judging me. But at the same time, as I think someone else has pointed out, it may have all been in your head. I mean, there is really no way you can be sure they were judging you for being with another guy since they didn't actually say anything. I know me personally, I tend to think the worst sometimes and often make wrong assumptions of what people might be thinking of me.

    Agree. Looks like you are letting your lack of confidence project attitudes on others that may not exist. Even if they have such attitudes, why do you let yourself be so affected by others who do not deserve your respect?
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    Nov 09, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    You guys know what gaydar is, right?

    Well, consider that some straights have that talent too.

    Some gays have bigotdar.
    So do some straights.


    -Doug



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    Nov 09, 2010 3:25 PM GMT
    Socal, "Even if they have such attitudes, why do you let yourself be so affected by others who do not deserve your respect?"

    ...because sometimes the others are a group of five guys that will beat the living daylights out of you. Sometimes it's two guys...


    http://www.straight.com/article-332053/vancouver/two-richmond-brothers-charged-gay-bashing-attack-peter-regier-and-david-holtzman



    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_Webster


    -Doug
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    Nov 09, 2010 3:37 PM GMT
    Maybe that is the point of the OP's frustration. The guys didn't say anything, but because we are so used to being judged and/or having to worry about our security at any time, you end up having to assume anybody is a potential problem, esp. a group of young guys like that.

    I was at a conference in Oct. and this was one of the things that was being discussed. One of the main barricades to overcoming homophobia is the source of most people's information on the topic: either their parents, clergy, coaches, etc. As the one speaker put it in the voice of the homophobe "I learned what I know/believe about you from someone I love(d) and trust(ed)" In other words by asking them to change their thinking you are often also asking them to "defy" someone who is/was an authority figure for them which of course also calls into question (for them) everything else they learned from that person... can be very uncomfortable.

    Obviously I'm not talking about someone who gaybashes, but the more subtle attitudes about LGBT people "They're not like us" , it's something to be avoided/pitied, what constitutes "masculine" behaviour, etc.

    The other thing to point out to people who are at least willing to engage on the subject but who think LGBT rights are "special rights" is that they were born into privilege, through no accomplishment of their own. The mere fact of not having to think twice about walking past a group of guys; to not have your masculinity, morals, worthiness to be trusted around children, etc., be open to debate by people who can control your future; to be able to be with whomever you want and make your own decisions about your kids, money, health care, etc. All of that is a privilege, a "special right", that we don't get.
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    Nov 09, 2010 4:57 PM GMT
    meninlove said Socal, "Even if they have such attitudes, why do you let yourself be so affected by others who do not deserve your respect?"

    ...because sometimes the others are a group of five guys that will beat the living daylights out of you. Sometimes it's two guys...


    http://www.straight.com/article-332053/vancouver/two-richmond-brothers-charged-gay-bashing-attack-peter-regier-and-david-holtzman



    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_Webster


    -Doug

    Not suggesting to be unaware of potential issues and to compromise personal safety, the OP did not mention that as a particular concern. In fact, he stated he felt he could take care of himself physically. His issue was more of being uncomfortable at their suspected attitude.
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    Nov 09, 2010 5:22 PM GMT
    His bigot-dar works, Socal.
    The intentions of others have no bearing on his ability to defend himself.

    Taking that reasoning further, if he was able defend himself successfully in an assault that would make the assault less of an assault? O.o

    -Doug

    There is a lot of implying that the OP is somehow paranoid. Given the current human rights wars climate in your country....

    As for Canada, in spite of laws, atrocities still occur, so it's still a good idea be wary when out in certain places.



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    Nov 09, 2010 5:26 PM GMT
    Homophobia and those ism's that lurk in the dark places of those that stand on the front lines of bigotry and ignorance. Unfortunately they will last longer than you or I.icon_cry.gif
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    Nov 09, 2010 6:32 PM GMT
    Your own fear of them has created your reaction and response in this thread and has resulted in your delusional perception. If anything you need to get over your own fear, ignorance, and homophobia...

    >I still struggle with the whole issue of masculinity. FEAR

    >Me and him are a bit different. I am more traditional in what you would consider a normal average American male. You can somewhat tell he is gay by looking at him. FEAR / PASSING JUDGEMENTS

    >As we walked we passed a group of 'thugs' ...i really don't know what else to call them just a bunch of young hoodlums sitting at the starbucks ( yea I know right). But as I passed by them I felt the tension of them staring at me and them making comments behind my back. FEAR/JUDGEMENTS/DELUSIONS

    >I could literally feel the tension searing at this point. Because I was alone; it was worse. I just kept walking but didn't change my pace but I was just ready for a jeering comment but one never came. I hate feeling like this.. i don't want to feel like this forever for the rest of my life. FEAR/DELUSIONS

    >It bothers me that it bothers them that I am to them exactly LIKE THEM. I walk like them talk like them (what I mean is I am just like a regular guy) and you can't tell by "looking at me" that I would be attracted to guys FEAR/JUDGEMENTS/DELUSIONS

    >If we got into a fight I could probably beat their ass in every way i am just like them except that i'm not an ignorant arrogant bigoted fuck.FEAR/JUDGEMENTS/DELUSIONS
    Look at your many judgmental delusional comments all out of your own fear dude!

    >I enjoy being a guy.

    Are you sure about that? Sure doesn't seem like it considering you're struggling with your own masculinity...

    >It makes me frustrated and uncomfortable that in this day and age I have to put up with dealing with shit like this

    You have to put up with your own mind's delusions and self-percieved thoughts of what others are thinking about you? LOL....You need a SHRINK!
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    Nov 09, 2010 6:38 PM GMT
    dajlelion saidYour own fear of them has created your reaction and response in this thread and has resulted in your delusional perception. If anything you need to get over your own fear, ignorance, and homophobia...

    >I still struggle with the whole issue of masculinity. FEAR

    >Me and him are a bit different. I am more traditional in what you would consider a normal average American male. You can somewhat tell he is gay by looking at him. FEAR / PASSING JUDGEMENTS

    >As we walked we passed a group of 'thugs' ...i really don't know what else to call them just a bunch of young hoodlums sitting at the starbucks ( yea I know right). But as I passed by them I felt the tension of them staring at me and them making comments behind my back. FEAR/JUDGEMENTS/DELUSIONS

    >I could literally feel the tension searing at this point. Because I was alone; it was worse. I just kept walking but didn't change my pace but I was just ready for a jeering comment but one never came. I hate feeling like this.. i don't want to feel like this forever for the rest of my life.
    FEAR/DELUSIONS

    >It bothers me that it bothers them that I am to them exactly LIKE THEM. I walk like them talk like them (what I mean is I am just like a regular guy) and you can't tell by "looking at me" that I would be attracted to guys FEAR/JUDGEMENTS/DELUSIONS

    >If we got into a fight I could probably beat their ass in every way i am just like them except that i'm not an ignorant arrogant bigoted fuck
    FEAR/JUDGEMENTS/DELUSIONS
    LOL..actually you are a ignorant arrogant bigoted fuck. Look at your many judgmental delusional comments all out of your own fear dude!

    >I enjoy being a guy.

    Are you sure about that? Sure doesn't seem like it considering you're struggling with your own masculinity...

    >It makes me frustrated and uncomfortable that in this day and age I have to put up with dealing with shit like this

    You have to put up with your own mind's delusions and self-percieved thoughts of what others are thinking about you? LOL....You need a SHRINK!



    And you need troll spray.

    Can't you tell he's trying to make an honest effort to explain this in non-judgmental terminology? I can clearly tell he did a lot more thinking than you did.

    Everything he says is both REAL and VALID. If he needs a shrink, then why the fuck would he need you to tell him to just "get over it"? If it really were that easy, shrinks worldwide would be out of business.

    And your usage of "bigoted", "fuck" and "lol" just means you're not to be taken seriously.

    So STFU and GTFO. If you don't have anything helpful to say just don't say anything at all.
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    Nov 09, 2010 6:42 PM GMT
    Homophobia will go away right after Racism...Which is probably never...

    Hell notice on Star Trek and Star Wars there are no gays, not even Aliens...AND THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUTURE!

    LOL
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    Nov 09, 2010 6:44 PM GMT
    Tazo995 said

    And you need troll spray.

    Can't you tell he's trying to make an honest effort to explain this in non-judgmental terminology? I can clearly tell he did a lot more thinking than you did.

    Everything he says is both REAL and VALID. If he needs a shrink, then why the fuck would he need you to tell him to just "get over it"? If it really were that easy, shrinks worldwide would be out of business.

    And your usage of "bigoted", "fuck" and "lol" just means you're not to be taken seriously.

    So STFU and GTFO. If you don't have anything helpful to say just don't say anything at all.



    His whole post is judgemental and based on his own delusions, if you would have actually read it. He is the one calling others "ignorant bigoted fucks", when they did nothing at all to him! He is delusional and needs to see a shrink. His fear and own delusions are his problem. Not anyone outside of himself!