Going out by yourself.

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    Nov 10, 2010 7:15 AM GMT
    Yes, I know it seems like it can be awfully patheticicon_cry.gif going to bars solo. yet I have done it time to time, I'm wondering any brave souls willing to give some advice when you show up to place by yourself how you mingle in with a group?
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    Nov 10, 2010 9:02 AM GMT
    hahaha, ye I know the feeling alright going to crowded places by yourself not the most comforting. Well if your going to a bar solo then just go in and be yourself and try to talk to people or go up to people and let lose. It might help to have a little drink to calm your nerves down if you get nervous or shy easily being alone. Maybe you can over hear a conversation about something and join in on it, or you go up to someone and talk to them.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Nov 10, 2010 10:10 AM GMT
    I have done this years ago and it can work. Talk to the bartender see who they know, ask him if he knows anyone in there that night and get an intro.icon_idea.gif
    I can talk to anyone.
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    Nov 10, 2010 12:03 PM GMT
    When I went to Sweden 2 years back for a business trip for my mom, I decided to go out one night and experience the night life.

    Of course I didn't know anyone. I went out and went to a gay bar. At first I was nervous, everyone was staring at me. But I approached a bunch of locals and said hi. We got a convo going and soon I was joining them dancing icon_razz.gif

    Found out why everyone was staring at me. Apparently Black hair and brown eyes was exotic. Everyone was blonde with blue eyes, lol. Oh, I had a fun night *wink*
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    Nov 10, 2010 12:39 PM GMT
    Not pathetic at all.

    When I went to bars I would have the best time going alone. Going with friends would be cool too but if you are wanting to meet someone then alone always seemed easier since people seemed to assume I was dating my friend.

    Not bar related but here in Austin there is The House of Torment.

    http://www.thehouseoftorment.com/

    I went alone both on Halloween night for the haunted house and again the weekend after to Darkstalkers. As anti-social as I have become lately I seemed to not have any problems talking with people in line. I kept getting told in line for Darkstalkers that I am very brave since I was going in by myself. LOL Good thing I don't scare easily.

    But anyway about the bar scene here is how I used to handle it.

    1. Be nice and tip the bartender you chose well. They will remember you and if anyone happens to ask him about you he will talk good about you. He may even warn you if he perceives trouble coming your way. Start with "How are you? I'd like a ." If he is friendly then have him as your bartender but if not then tip normally and go to another.

    2. Don't stand near a wall. If you are going to stand anywhere make sure it is lit and stand tall and confident even if you are not. If you are one to move with the music do that (unless there is no dance floor) and you may get asked to dance. Just don't stand in the way of where people normally walk and don't stand in one place too long. Just because you are alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely in a crowd.

    3. Make eye contact with everyone but not stalkerish and not like you are attracted to them. Just because you don't find the guy attractive doesn't mean he might not have a hot friend.

    4. Talk to anyone that instigates a conversation. Doesn't matter how old or young they are. There is nothing wrong with having bar acquaintances. You can always make excuses and get away from them if you need to.

    In other words if you are friendly enough and nice enough to everyone then the club could become a great place and it wouldn't matter if you go there alone or not. You will always have someone to run into that you have met before.

    Hope this helps
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    Nov 10, 2010 1:21 PM GMT
    I've done it alot... especially when I moved t Europe and didnt know anybody to begin with.... I usually wind up dancing with random people and making friends that way...
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    Nov 10, 2010 1:21 PM GMT
    simple_collision saidWhen I went to Sweden 2 years back for a business trip for my mom, I decided to go out one night and experience the night life.

    Of course I didn't know anyone. I went out and went to a gay bar. At first I was nervous, everyone was staring at me. But I approached a bunch of locals and said hi. We got a convo going and soon I was joining them dancing icon_razz.gif

    Found out why everyone was staring at me. Apparently Black hair and brown eyes was exotic. Everyone was blonde with blue eyes, lol. Oh, I had a fun night *wink*


    O yeah, its fun to be the exotic one icon_razz.gif
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    Nov 10, 2010 1:49 PM GMT
    Its not too uncomfortable or pathetic. I've done it and met some of the coolest ppl I know. Its about having confidence to start convo with the ppl around you
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 10, 2010 1:53 PM GMT
    I've never been to a bar by myself honestly. If I go (and it isn't often), I'm usually there to meet a friend(s) or a group.

    It probably wouldn't be my "cup of tea" to go alone, but where I used to say I NEVER would go to a bar by myself, today I probably wouldn't refuse to do it.
    I'm a confident person, may learn something in the process and am smart enough to know what's the right behavior and what should be avoided.
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    Nov 10, 2010 1:56 PM GMT
    I always do it and I usally dance the intire nightby unless someone comes and dance with me. I have met some of my cloesest friends when I have been out by myself. I actually like because, I hate baby sitting grown MEN!
    Which happens a lot when they have to much of the drinky...DRANK!

    An out of control drunk sissy is not a good look!icon_lol.gif
  • MrPapo317

    Posts: 515

    Nov 10, 2010 1:57 PM GMT
    I frequently go to one of my favorite sports bar alone. I invite friends sometimes they show most times they don't, but I'm always meeting and talking to some of the other bar regulars. As long as you're making conversion i think it's fine.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Nov 10, 2010 2:04 PM GMT
    MMADill saidYes, I know it seems like it can be awfully patheticicon_cry.gif going to bars solo. yet I have done it time to time, I'm wondering any brave souls willing to give some advice when you show up to place by yourself how you mingle in with a group?


    That is the ONLY way I am going out, and I am party animal...Why is that pathetic?? I think that pathetic is to go with bunch of friends or "friends", just so u don't look patethic!
    How u mingle?? Dude, are u deaf mute or blind or stupid? Or just shy? If u r shy, than stay home and watch www.wrestlehard.com
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    Nov 10, 2010 2:47 PM GMT
    I like to go to a few places alone, like: the cinema, gym, shopping, museums etc- I'm pretty happy in my own company.

    But, there are places where I would feel really self-conscious and socially awkward if i turned up stag, e.g., clubs, bars, parties

    I think it is because I'm not the bubbly extrovert that can pull it off. I'm more of the down to earth friendly guy, who gets into deep conversations on a one-on-one basis with new people i get talking to.


    I guess my worse nightmare would be feeling so awkward, starting a conversation with somebody in a group and totally feeling like a weird interloper- a 'beg-friend' as we call them in London lol.


    So those who do go to bars and clubs alone, do you go and start convo's with people in groups? Or other people there alone? Or wait for them to talk to you? Are you naturally very extraverted?

    icon_eek.gif
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    Nov 10, 2010 2:53 PM GMT
    It's not pathetic at all... I mean, c'mon. If you can't enjoy your own company, how can you have fun in a group?
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    Nov 10, 2010 3:02 PM GMT
    MMADill saidYes, I know it seems like it can be awfully patheticicon_cry.gif going to bars solo. yet I have done it time to time, I'm wondering any brave souls willing to give some advice when you show up to place by yourself how you mingle in with a group?


    Omg I go to gay bars by myself like every week and I'm only 19 lol! Some people think it's weird, sad, pathetic, embarrassing and all the rest of it but I do what my heart desires and am not governed by what people think I should be doing. The reason why I do it is cos I don't have any gay mates.

    When I go to a gay bar, always try to get in free - that's my first tip. Going alone and paying for entrance sucks! What I do is jump over the ropes most of the time, get stamped and then go somewhere else. When you go into a gay bar just find a way to have fun, get into the music, maybe even drink a little to help. Last week I turned up completely sober to a gay/straight bar, danced to the music and this girl invited me to dance with her and her friends. It doesn't always happen -- quite a few times I just sit there and watch other people dance -- but just be comfortable with what you're doing icon_smile.gif

    Sometimes people naturally try to approach you if you're sitting by yourself which helps those who are more shy but the really important thing is to be welcoming and open icon_smile.gif

    Hope I helped! icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 10, 2010 3:03 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 saidIt's not pathetic at all... I mean, c'mon. If you can't enjoy your own company, how can you have fun in a group?


    Precisely! Be your own best friend, I know I am icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 10, 2010 3:11 PM GMT
    Sage_Humour said

    So those who do go to bars and clubs alone, do you go and start convo's with people in groups? Or other people there alone? Or wait for them to talk to you? Are you naturally very extraverted?

    icon_eek.gif


    I am the introvert that appears extroverted so it sort of helps in situations like these. When I go to gay bars alone sometimes I just sit there, sometimes dance -- quite often people will just naturally come over to talk cos they see that you're 'lonely'. I'm always happy to talk to whoever starts a conversation with me (no matter who they are or what they look like) because from that point on I thrive in the conversation. My weakness is not being able to approach people (yet) but once someone says 'hi' I am perfectly confident in conversation. However not always do people come over to say 'hi: they're either busy with their friends or too shy themselves to approach so I just go dance by myself to ease things up. Nothing happens too quickly, but I'm alright with that because I'm only there to make friends.

    *edit* ALSO you don't have to call people up to go out or have friends call you when you don't want to go out. You're your own boss, and a free spirit. That's what I love about it: you choose what happens icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 10, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    Gbob said
    Sage_Humour said

    So those who do go to bars and clubs alone, do you go and start convo's with people in groups? Or other people there alone? Or wait for them to talk to you? Are you naturally very extraverted?

    icon_eek.gif


    I am the introvert that appears extroverted so it sort of helps in situations like these. When I go to gay bars alone sometimes I just sit there, sometimes dance -- quite often people will just naturally come over to talk cos they see that you're 'lonely'. I'm always happy to talk to whoever starts a conversation with me (no matter who they are or what they look like) because from that point on I thrive in the conversation. My weakness is not being able to approach people (yet) but once someone says 'hi' I am perfectly confident in conversation. However not always do people come over to say 'hi: they're either busy with their friends or too shy themselves to approach so I just go dance by myself to ease things up. Nothing happens too quickly, but I'm alright with that because I'm only there to make friends.

    *edit* ALSO you don't have to call people up to go out or have friends call you when you don't want to go out. You're your own boss, and a free spirit. That's what I love about it: you choose what happens icon_smile.gif


    I have to see this to believe it- next time you're going out on the town- hit me up ;]icon_cool.gif

    lolicon_cool.gifjk....Kinda
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    Nov 10, 2010 3:17 PM GMT
    Sage_Humour said
    Gbob said
    Sage_Humour said

    So those who do go to bars and clubs alone, do you go and start convo's with people in groups? Or other people there alone? Or wait for them to talk to you? Are you naturally very extraverted?

    icon_eek.gif


    I am the introvert that appears extroverted so it sort of helps in situations like these. When I go to gay bars alone sometimes I just sit there, sometimes dance -- quite often people will just naturally come over to talk cos they see that you're 'lonely'. I'm always happy to talk to whoever starts a conversation with me (no matter who they are or what they look like) because from that point on I thrive in the conversation. My weakness is not being able to approach people (yet) but once someone says 'hi' I am perfectly confident in conversation. However not always do people come over to say 'hi: they're either busy with their friends or too shy themselves to approach so I just go dance by myself to ease things up. Nothing happens too quickly, but I'm alright with that because I'm only there to make friends.

    *edit* ALSO you don't have to call people up to go out or have friends call you when you don't want to go out. You're your own boss, and a free spirit. That's what I love about it: you choose what happens icon_smile.gif


    I have to see this to believe it- next time you're going out on the town- hit me up ;]icon_cool.gif

    lolicon_cool.gifjk....Kinda


    Which part do you not believe lol? We could argue this all day haha.

    I go to Freedom a lot in Soho...that's the bar that I jump over the ropes - works every time! Try it out -- you are in London right?
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    Nov 10, 2010 3:22 PM GMT
    Gbob said
    Sage_Humour said
    Gbob said
    Sage_Humour said

    So those who do go to bars and clubs alone, do you go and start convo's with people in groups? Or other people there alone? Or wait for them to talk to you? Are you naturally very extraverted?

    icon_eek.gif


    I am the introvert that appears extroverted so it sort of helps in situations like these. When I go to gay bars alone sometimes I just sit there, sometimes dance -- quite often people will just naturally come over to talk cos they see that you're 'lonely'. I'm always happy to talk to whoever starts a conversation with me (no matter who they are or what they look like) because from that point on I thrive in the conversation. My weakness is not being able to approach people (yet) but once someone says 'hi' I am perfectly confident in conversation. However not always do people come over to say 'hi: they're either busy with their friends or too shy themselves to approach so I just go dance by myself to ease things up. Nothing happens too quickly, but I'm alright with that because I'm only there to make friends.

    *edit* ALSO you don't have to call people up to go out or have friends call you when you don't want to go out. You're your own boss, and a free spirit. That's what I love about it: you choose what happens icon_smile.gif


    I have to see this to believe it- next time you're going out on the town- hit me up ;]icon_cool.gif

    lolicon_cool.gifjk....Kinda


    Which part do you not believe lol? We could argue this all day haha.

    I go to Freedom a lot in Soho...that's the bar that I jump over the ropes - works every time! Try it out -- you are in London right?


    It isn't so much that I don't believe it, I just don't think i've seen it sucessfully done in action before ;p ....

    Yh i'm in London too, but haven't really been on 'the scene' (don't have that many young gay friends tbh--- i hear a tiny violiin somewhere ;)
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    Nov 10, 2010 3:38 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidI have done this years ago and it can work. Talk to the bartender see who they know, ask him if he knows anyone in there that night and get an intro.icon_idea.gif
    I can talk to anyone.


    That is exactly right, i've tried it when i first came out and didn't know any guys at the gay bars. So talking to bartenders, who are always friendly, at least to me. Now i show up alone and there are always friends that show up with one or two friends and then i am not alone. I always find someone to talk to. A simple "Hello..."always works
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    Nov 10, 2010 3:46 PM GMT
    Sage_Humour said
    Gbob said
    Sage_Humour said
    Gbob said
    Sage_Humour said

    So those who do go to bars and clubs alone, do you go and start convo's with people in groups? Or other people there alone? Or wait for them to talk to you? Are you naturally very extraverted?

    icon_eek.gif


    I am the introvert that appears extroverted so it sort of helps in situations like these. When I go to gay bars alone sometimes I just sit there, sometimes dance -- quite often people will just naturally come over to talk cos they see that you're 'lonely'. I'm always happy to talk to whoever starts a conversation with me (no matter who they are or what they look like) because from that point on I thrive in the conversation. My weakness is not being able to approach people (yet) but once someone says 'hi' I am perfectly confident in conversation. However not always do people come over to say 'hi: they're either busy with their friends or too shy themselves to approach so I just go dance by myself to ease things up. Nothing happens too quickly, but I'm alright with that because I'm only there to make friends.

    *edit* ALSO you don't have to call people up to go out or have friends call you when you don't want to go out. You're your own boss, and a free spirit. That's what I love about it: you choose what happens icon_smile.gif


    I have to see this to believe it- next time you're going out on the town- hit me up ;]icon_cool.gif

    lolicon_cool.gifjk....Kinda


    Which part do you not believe lol? We could argue this all day haha.

    I go to Freedom a lot in Soho...that's the bar that I jump over the ropes - works every time! Try it out -- you are in London right?


    It isn't so much that I don't believe it, I just don't think i've seen it sucessfully done in action before ;p ....

    Yh i'm in London too, but haven't really been on 'the scene' (don't have that many young gay friends tbh--- i hear a tiny violiin somewhere ;)


    Oh right, don't take me for a guy-pulling guru or anything lol. I did say that sometimes it doesn't work, that no one speaks to you -- but I just learn to feel comfortable by myself. If I didn't go to the gay bar I'd still be alone in my room anyway so no loss ;)

    Whoever talks to me I always talk back. However sometimes the conversation sort of sways towards having sex: this guy asked me for sex in a park and I got scared and ran away lol. I'm all for talking to guys until they ask for sex, that's when it stops.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Nov 10, 2010 5:35 PM GMT
    You're actually a guy I'd go up and talk to. Reading your profile, you're a catch!


    MMADill saidYes, I know it seems like it can be awfully patheticicon_cry.gif going to bars solo. yet I have done it time to time, I'm wondering any brave souls willing to give some advice when you show up to place by yourself how you mingle in with a group?
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    Nov 10, 2010 5:51 PM GMT
    i would come over and talk to youicon_smile.gif you have a sweetness in your eyes when you smile.
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    Nov 10, 2010 5:53 PM GMT
    On the very rare occasionthat I go out to a bar, Iofo to DC's c-w dance bar. It's easy to meet someone there...just go up and ask him to dance.

    Dancing is an excellent way to meet a stranger for both guys. Both of you have only made a commitment to be together for one dance. If you don't like the guy, you simply thank him very politely for the dance and walk away. ... You don't have to pretend to go to the men's room and never come back.