Are you ever mistrusted around young children?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 10, 2010 10:13 PM GMT
    My nephew has severe autism. I love him to death, but he's a handful. As with most autistic children he needs round the clock supervision. And I mean round the clock. He pretty much can't be left alone a second of the day because of communication barriers and unpredictable behavior he might engage in. My sister-in-law constantly needs people to help her out in watching him, otherwise she literally can't get anything else done in her life. Caring for an autistic child can be very difficult and exhausting, but us, her family, understand this and try to be there to help out.

    Recently she had to leave town for a week to attend a conference on autism. My brother was out of town on business so she needed help watching him. My sister is usually her go-to person for this, she's constantly hounding her to drive up an hour to where they live to stay with my nephew. My sister works and has health problems, so she couldn't do it. My sister in law desperately recruited outside help, including my male cousin, who's 3 years younger than me, and who we NEVER see, his sister, my female cousin, who's 6 years younger than me and who is as equally a stranger, and a family friend of theirs. I was never asked, and I was more than available and she knew this.

    I realized she's pretty much never asked me to stay alone and take care of him, and considering how desperate she gets in recruiting people, including relatives we never see, it's odd to me that I, being someone she sees constantly and knows, am never asked. My nephew can't speak or communicate. I get the impression she doesn't trust me with him alone. And I get the impression it's because I'm gay and my nephew has no way to communicate if someone were to do something to him.

    Have you ever had a similar situation? Have you ever gotten the impression someone automatically thinks you're a sick pervert because you're gay?
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2942

    Nov 10, 2010 10:22 PM GMT
    If she won't ask you for help because you're gay, she's stupid and has been filled with all the gays-as-predators garbage. There's probably nothing you can do about it - but you shouldn't let it get to you. It's not your fault - it's her ignorance.

    But what does your brother say? Have you discussed this with him?

    I've been there. As a teacher, I was a national-level winning coach, teacher-of-the-year, and had the yearbook dedicated to me. Many of the kids are still close friends. But there were always a few parents who had a Big Issue, distrust, etc. it wasn't me - it was them. While yes, it did hurt, I was pretty good at ignoring the stupid ones.

    It hurts more in the family (my brother's children are all fundamentalists and don't talk to me). But it's still not your fault. If you're so inclined, be patient, keep offering, be there. But don't expect much, or let it get to you.

    Nat
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    Nov 10, 2010 11:01 PM GMT
    Go easy with the assumptions there.

    You need to discuss this with her and/or your brother. The reason she doesn't ask you to chip in could be completely harmless and not related to 'trust'. Maybe she's just waiting for you to offer. Or thinks you are to busy with your dating-lifeicon_wink.gif
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    Nov 10, 2010 11:08 PM GMT
    You need to discuss with the them
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    Nov 10, 2010 11:11 PM GMT
    yes...my friends mom is old fashioned(that bitch)

    my friend is stra8 and she thought i had aids just cause i was gay and she didn't even know me

    so i popped her wheel and she got in a car accident...but i still send her flowers
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    Nov 10, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    [side rant="rant"]

    There's so many autistic kids these days. I swear to GOD this is a side effect of one or more of these "shots" or "remedies" these asshole doctors tell you to take, saying, "oh no it's good for baby." This is just ridiculous. A disorder like this doesn't spontaneously proliferate in a matter of a couple of generations.

    [/rant]

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 10, 2010 11:47 PM GMT
    Yeah, I was supposedly doing things with my own daughters, of all things. Only because I continued to let them sleep in my king-size bed after the separation from my wife, with me in my undies, just as we had done for all of their lives. My question: what would a gay guy (even if a pedophile) want from girls, and b) my own flesh and blood?? Just the thought is nauseating...

    Talk to her. Maybe you can shed some light on the ignorance...
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Nov 11, 2010 12:15 AM GMT
    That's a shame.
    I would get that impression too, especially since she seems so desperate.

    old stereotypes and misconceptions die hard.
    A lot of people still think that because u like men, you will molest children.

    I don't really know hot to go about remedying this situation. Perhaps talking to her and letting her know that u are available and if she says "no thanks" u could engage her as to why she doesn't want ur help. icon_confused.gif

    I dunno dude, but it kinda makes me sad for some reason. Cuz if she is thinking that, than theres a lot of other people thinking that as well and I would never wanna be associated with pedophiles.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 11, 2010 12:35 AM GMT
    Being somewhat Aspergers myself, I would actually ask her about it (you know, that whole "not following social norms" bit...) You may find that it has nothing to do with your orientation, but rather that she does not see you as a "caretaker" type person. Possibly she actually does not believe (for one reason or another) that you would be willing to do so. People often act based on some stupid incident in the past that has no relation to their present situation (have you ever told her how busy you are in life, how you never seem to have free time for yourself- that you don't want to "take care of somebody" even if you meant a boyfriend and not a child?)

    Take a page from your nephews book (not worrying about how uncomfortable your actions make somebody else) and just ask her or your brother if there is a reason that they don't ever ask you (if nothing else, this will let them know that you are willing.) Be prepared for the worst- be prepared to have to forgive an ignorant response- but I have a feeling there is something more to it.

    I swear that sometimes I wonder if it is not the "normal, non autistic" who suffer a disability in trying to follow social protocols instead of just confronting others or saying what is on their minds...icon_cool.gif

    Import said
    I dunno dude, but it kinda makes me sad for some reason. Cuz if she is thinking that, than theres a lot of other people thinking that as well and I would never wanna be associated with pedophiles.

    But that is exactly the point- right now it is a guess; it is a "feeling". As of now, it is a feeling bad based on what he believes are the reasons. I know that it may be an educated guess, that knowing her there may be some history or past dialog that leads him to think this is the reason- but even the original tone of the post makes it clear that it is only a suspicion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 11, 2010 12:58 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said[side rant="rant"]

    There's so many autistic kids these days. I swear to GOD this is a side effect of one or more of these "shots" or "remedies" these asshole doctors tell you to take, saying, "oh no it's good for baby." This is just ridiculous. A disorder like this doesn't spontaneously proliferate in a matter of a couple of generations.

    [/rant]



    http://publicaffairs.umc.edu/news_and_publications/centerview/2010/011810/autism_research.html
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 11, 2010 1:03 AM GMT
    Most of my family didn't like me being around my nephew when he was growing up (even my brother) but I basically told them to go fuck themselves.

    Now he's 21 and the two family members he loves the most are me and his other gay uncle.

    Go figure... icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 11, 2010 1:12 AM GMT

    We were often in charge of Bill's nieces and nephews (6 of them) at family gatherings. We're god-parents to my niece and nephew, so yes, they have real fairy god-fathers.

    On a different note, we've had friends ask us to look after their kids, but you know, we always decline. This is because kids can make up tales if they get mad at you without realizing the seriousness of the consequences.


    -Doug
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    Nov 11, 2010 1:38 AM GMT
    My brother and his wife won't let me be alone with their children because I teach them how to curse. There's nothing as funny as a 3 year old calling his grandmother a fat, ugly bitch.
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    Nov 11, 2010 1:41 AM GMT
    TheProduct saidMy brother and his wife won't let me be alone with their children because I teach them how to curse. There's nothing as funny as a 3 year old calling his grandmother a fat, ugly bitch.


    LOL_face.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 11, 2010 1:41 AM GMT
    no.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 11, 2010 1:43 AM GMT
    Actually my sister (technically step sister) wishes I lived closer because her girls (3 & 6) tend to mind me and enjoy being around me.
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    Nov 11, 2010 1:46 AM GMT
    I've never had this situation. You should confront her directly. It's only between her and you.

    However, the interview process with my job and the boys was a little rigorous. They called all my references and asked so many questions. i.e. "If you had a loved one with mental disabilities would you want this person taking care of them?"

    They didn't do that with some of my other coworkers. Go figure.
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:11 AM GMT
    not a big fan of kids here lol
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:23 AM GMT
    Offer to help. See what happens. Hugs! Alan
  • MrPapo317

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    Nov 11, 2010 2:35 AM GMT
    That must really suck that she is that ignorant and would think that.

    i have really ignorant people in my family. im really cut and dry with them, have always been, I would just talk to her and ask what is the reason. I always try to break the stereotypes
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    TheProduct saidMy brother and his wife won't let me be alone with their children because I teach them how to curse. There's nothing as funny as a 3 year old calling his grandmother a fat, ugly bitch.


    OK, I wouldnt let you around my kids either though!!! Im very strict about respect with kids!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 11, 2010 6:23 AM GMT
    Timberoo saidActually my sister (technically step sister) wishes I lived closer because her girls (3 & 6) tend to mind me and enjoy being around me.

    well yeah, they're girls !

    i never run into this as a teacher . And parents know i'm gay and i teach lots of boys. But i'm very conscious of it and watch how i touch them - ( one has to when teaching piano )

    mothers are over protective to the point of appearing ridiculous to an outsider.
    But their " better safe than sorry " approach can't be faulted really.

    I have a great uncle who while visiting once abused my sister when she was 4. My grandmother found out, kicked him out and never allowed him in her house ever after.

    and, ciarsolo, in some remote way, as meninlove implied, she's also protecting you .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2010 12:29 AM GMT
    Perhaps she thinks that all gay men and/or performers are irresponsible or don't like or are uncomfortable around other people's children. Regardless, if she keeps neglecting you as a babysitter make lemonade by accepting her disregard for what it is - a gift!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2010 12:35 AM GMT
    TheProduct saidMy brother and his wife won't let me be alone with their children because I teach them how to curse. There's nothing as funny as a 3 year old calling his grandmother a fat, ugly bitch.



    hilarious..........Keithicon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2010 1:37 AM GMT
    A friend has a 6yr old son that I've babysat overnight for which I think is great. She knows I don't go out much, I get along with kids and want to have my own someday so there's no problems, it's great practice. I'm a big kid myself so I let him get away with a bit too much and I'm the one disappointed when he's already tired by 7pm!
    But the cutest thing is that he wakes up in the middle of the night and crawls into my bed. The last time he did that he stood near the bed and said 'do you mind if I join you?'. The eloquant scamp!