Always going for the wrong men

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    Nov 11, 2010 12:22 AM GMT
    Ok this is a topic that has been doing my head in lately.
    Long story short, I always fall for the wrong guys, of the two I have fallen for, both are/were exactly the same; arrogant, full of themselves, selfish, ignorant, but also free spirited, exciting, really funny and care free, and most importantly, they are/were unavailable.

    But when I meet a guy who is a real catch; sweet, caring, honest, and available, I don't have much interest and usually get bored. Why is it that I always go for the wrong men?
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    Nov 11, 2010 1:26 AM GMT

    You're willing to overlook and to suffer the 'arrogant, full of themselves, selfish, ignorant" because you're attracted to the 'free spirited, exciting, really funny and care free, and most importantly, they are/were unavailable.'

    The guys that are 'a real catch; sweet, caring, honest, and available' aren't
    really ''free spirited, exciting, really funny and care free" or you'd have mentioned it.

    As well, perhaps examine why you're attracted particularly to the unavailable.

    -Doug
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    Nov 11, 2010 1:29 AM GMT
    Dtimshell saidOk this is a topic that has been doing my head in lately.
    Long story short, I always fall for the wrong guys, of the two I have fallen for, both are/were exactly the same; arrogant, full of themselves, selfish, ignorant, but also free spirited, exciting, really funny and care free, and most importantly, they are/were unavailable.

    But when I meet a guy who is a real catch; sweet, caring, honest, and available, I don't have much interest and usually get bored. Why is it that I always go for the wrong men?


    I am going to take a wild guess ( please don't take it personally) via my own intuition, but I have a feeling that maybe just maybe you are a bit of an exhibitionist or a big time flirt!? it is been my experience that when you attract a certain kind of guy it is a reflection of what you subconsciously are or wish to find in others. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but if that is the case the wrong kind of men you attract, these guys are a huge turn off to the ones you described on your second paragraph as the real catch!? when I am dating someone I make it know that he and only he will be the center of my attention, and I in return will expect the same from him.

    Sometimes what we desire or the kind of people we attract aren't necessarily what we need to grow or matured as human beings. I can attest to that as being true now that I look back at the guys I thought I was being attracted to and the ones that were attracted to me!? as they always ended up being the wrong kind; so in essence it was like a sign of the type of guys I should have avoided in the first place. Confused? I guess what I am trying to say is that human relationships are extremely complex, thus sometimes the one we aren't attracted to can teach us a thing or two, nonetheless very important lessons in human compassion and understanding; and that my friend is the mission of our humanness in this life!

    What is the solution to attract and avoid the ones you need or don't need in order to grow and matured more wisely and happy? try to put aside your own prejudices and perceived ideas of what you want by starting to be more compassionate and understanding of the ones you don't feel an attraction for. I guarantee that once these two find a place in your heart you will seek attraction or appreciate beauty beyond your wildest dreams.


    Leandro ♥
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    Nov 11, 2010 1:30 AM GMT
    Same goes for me... I find a guy I really like only to find out he's straight icon_sad.gif. I'll see him kissing his girlfriend or something! Now that I think about it, all the guys ive really liked are straight.
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    Nov 11, 2010 1:35 AM GMT
    CHIdude saidSame goes for me... I find a guy I really like only to find out he's straight icon_sad.gif. I'll see him kissing his girlfriend or something! Now that I think about it, all the guys ive really liked are straight.


    The first guy I was smitten with was my straight best friend(straight hence unavailable) , ergo it ended disasterously icon_sad.gif
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    Nov 11, 2010 1:44 AM GMT
    dudeeee I feel you completely, maybe its just our age? haha but I always go for the wrong person. I say I like someone if im "intrigued" by them, and different things in different guys intrigue me, but regardless my mom says if i feel "intrigued" then i need to run the other way hahaha. I go for the mysertious guys, I over analzye everything, so Im most attracted to guys that its hard for me to analyze. I just want to figure them out sooo bad, and i ALWAYS end up getting hurt. My friends think I'm crazy, cuz everywhere I go there is someone trying to get with me/talk to me...but I show no interest, and they were probably really good guys....and I explain to my friends, its all about the "intrigue" lol....ughhh hopefully one day I find a guy that can hold my attention, but is also sweet and cares about me....Or im just going to end up jaded and bitter by the age of 30
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:01 AM GMT
    lol, well being in the 'old' category at 55, many of the guys I knew that were like some of you usually found their dream guy after deciding they'd been hurt enough to find the unavailable etc guys a huge turn-off.
    I noticed that eventually this happened when they were hurt REALLY bad. So perhaps, as hurt as you've been, the hurt hasn't been awful enough to turn you off of them. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

    PS I went for a couple of guys that were 'arrogant, full of themselves, selfish, ignorant, but also free spirited, exciting, really funny and care free, and most importantly, they are/were unavailable.' It took only a couple of burns to very quickly be completely be turned off by them.
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:27 AM GMT
    Dtimshell saidWhy is it that I always go for the wrong men?
    Because free spirited cocky dudes are funner. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:35 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]meninlove said[/cite]
    The guys that are 'a real catch; sweet, caring, honest, and available' aren't
    really ''free spirited, exciting, really funny and care free"

    O YES I AM!!!! I SWEAR!!!! IT'S TRUE!!!!
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:37 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Dtimshell saidWhy is it that I always go for the wrong men?
    Because free spirited cocky dudes are funner. icon_biggrin.gif


    But I'm fun, I swear it! I really am!!!! And Im NOT cocky!!!
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:44 AM GMT
    amar_m said
    paulflexes said
    Dtimshell saidWhy is it that I always go for the wrong men?
    Because free spirited cocky dudes are funner. icon_biggrin.gif


    But I'm fun, I swear it! I really am!!!! And Im NOT cocky!!!
    Of course you're fun to grope. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:45 AM GMT
    amar_m said[quote][cite]meninlove said[/cite]
    The guys that are 'a real catch; sweet, caring, honest, and available' aren't
    really ''free spirited, exciting, really funny and care free"

    O YES I AM!!!! I SWEAR!!!! IT'S TRUE!!!!


    Lol, I'm not talking about sweet caring honest available guys in general, or you, young Jedi. I'm talking about the ones the OP has dated that didn't do anything for him. icon_wink.gif


    -Doug
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:49 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    amar_m said
    paulflexes said
    Dtimshell saidWhy is it that I always go for the wrong men?
    Because free spirited cocky dudes are funner. icon_biggrin.gif


    But I'm fun, I swear it! I really am!!!! And Im NOT cocky!!!
    Of course you're fun to grope. icon_biggrin.gif




    Sigh icon_sad.gif
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:50 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    As well, perhaps examine why you're attracted particularly to the unavailable.
    -Doug

    My most obvious guess is that if I tend to find life currently easy I get wary and suspicuous. I guess that if I find someone it has to be hard for it to be the real thing. If you meet someone and you settle, how will you know if they are meant for you if there are no challenges.

    Or maybe I'm just a stupid kid who just wants what he can't have lol
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:50 AM GMT
    amar_m said
    paulflexes said
    amar_m said
    paulflexes said
    Dtimshell saidWhy is it that I always go for the wrong men?
    Because free spirited cocky dudes are funner. icon_biggrin.gif


    But I'm fun, I swear it! I really am!!!! And Im NOT cocky!!!
    Of course you're fun to grope. icon_biggrin.gif


    Sigh icon_cry.gif
    If you don't smile I'm gonna grope/tickle your abs. icon_razz.gif
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:55 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    amar_m said
    paulflexes said
    amar_m said
    paulflexes said
    Dtimshell saidWhy is it that I always go for the wrong men?
    Because free spirited cocky dudes are funner. icon_biggrin.gif


    But I'm fun, I swear it! I really am!!!! And Im NOT cocky!!!
    Of course you're fun to grope. icon_biggrin.gif


    Sigh icon_cry.gif
    If you don't smile I'm gonna grope/tickle your abs. icon_razz.gif


    I can tell which of the two types you are icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:56 AM GMT
    Dtimshell said
    meninlove said
    As well, perhaps examine why you're attracted particularly to the unavailable.
    -Doug

    My most obvious guess is that if I tend to find life currently easy I get wary and suspicuous. I guess that if I find someone it has to be hard for it to be the real thing. If you meet someone and you settle, how will you know if they are meant for you if there are no challenges.

    Or maybe I'm just a stupid kid who just wants what he can't have lol


    The real thing is definitely NOT defined by difficulty. I never settled and neither did Bill. It was a matter of bleshing (blending and meshing so naturally it was a little spooky).

    -Doug
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:56 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    amar_m said
    paulflexes said
    amar_m said
    paulflexes said
    Dtimshell saidWhy is it that I always go for the wrong men?
    Because free spirited cocky dudes are funner. icon_biggrin.gif


    But I'm fun, I swear it! I really am!!!! And Im NOT cocky!!!
    Of course you're fun to grope. icon_biggrin.gif


    Sigh icon_cry.gif
    If you don't smile I'm gonna grope/tickle your abs. icon_razz.gif


    Im too ticklish, but groping you can do anytime, you know that!!!
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:57 AM GMT
    Dtimshell said
    paulflexes said
    amar_m said
    paulflexes said
    amar_m said
    paulflexes said
    Dtimshell saidWhy is it that I always go for the wrong men?
    Because free spirited cocky dudes are funner. icon_biggrin.gif


    But I'm fun, I swear it! I really am!!!! And Im NOT cocky!!!
    Of course you're fun to grope. icon_biggrin.gif


    Sigh icon_cry.gif
    If you don't smile I'm gonna grope/tickle your abs. icon_razz.gif


    I can tell which of the two types you are icon_wink.gif


    O NO!!! Paul is BOTH fun AND sweet icon_wink.gif like me icon_razz.gif
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    Nov 11, 2010 2:59 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    The real thing is definitely NOT defined by difficulty. I never settled and neither did Bill. It was a matter of bleshing (blending and meshing so naturally it was a little spooky).


    Hmmmm, first time I hear this.... interesting... it sounds completely foreign to me
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    Nov 11, 2010 3:03 AM GMT
    amar_m said
    meninlove said
    The real thing is definitely NOT defined by difficulty. I never settled and neither did Bill. It was a matter of bleshing (blending and meshing so naturally it was a little spooky).


    Hmmmm, first time I hear this.... interesting... it sounds completely foreign to me


    Theodore Sturgeon coined the word way back when in the novel, More Than Human.
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    Nov 11, 2010 3:05 AM GMT
    amar_m said
    Dtimshell saidI can tell which of the two types you are icon_wink.gif


    O NO!!! Paul is BOTH fun AND sweet icon_wink.gif like me icon_razz.gif
    Yep. We should get married when I come there in Feb, now that it's allowed there.
    Then we can buy a bungalow together on the west end of the island and live happily ever after...and travel the world banging hot dudes together. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 11, 2010 3:11 AM GMT
    Dtimshell saidOk this is a topic that has been doing my head in lately.
    Long story short, I always fall for the wrong guys, of the two I have fallen for, both are/were exactly the same; arrogant, full of themselves, selfish, ignorant, but also free spirited, exciting, really funny and care free, and most importantly, they are/were unavailable.

    But when I meet a guy who is a real catch; sweet, caring, honest, and available, I don't have much interest and usually get bored. Why is it that I always go for the wrong men?


    I think perhaps the problem is that you tend to look at the facade of guys: you feel that the image of being with an arrogant, selfish, powerful man is much more appealing than being with an ordinary sweet, caring man with substance. Perhaps you're heavily romanticizing what it means to be in a relationship and not truly listening to what you internally feel and need?

    Only you can know this.
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    Nov 11, 2010 3:25 AM GMT
    Dude - you're 20(!). You're too young to know what you won't put up with - yet. Give it time and some REAL heart-ache (late 20s are great for that stuff!)... then you'll get more clued in as they f__ you over. icon_cool.gif

    The key phrases are: Not Available, and "it has to be hard for it to be the real thing."

    You simply want more drama in your life. Case closed. You need someone to smack you around, waste your time, batter your emotions and (maybe) humiliate you publicly before you're "satisfied" enough to leave. I'd gladly do that for/to you, but it's gonna cost you... But don't worry - you'll enjoy wasting money on the process anyways.
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    Nov 11, 2010 4:50 AM GMT
    Gbob said
    Dtimshell saidOk this is a topic that has been doing my head in lately.
    Long story short, I always fall for the wrong guys, of the two I have fallen for, both are/were exactly the same; arrogant, full of themselves, selfish, ignorant, but also free spirited, exciting, really funny and care free, and most importantly, they are/were unavailable.

    But when I meet a guy who is a real catch; sweet, caring, honest, and available, I don't have much interest and usually get bored. Why is it that I always go for the wrong men?


    I think perhaps the problem is that you tend to look at the facade of guys: you feel that the image of being with an arrogant, selfish, powerful man is much more appealing than being with an ordinary sweet, caring man with substance. Perhaps you're heavily romanticizing what it means to be in a relationship and not truly listening to what you internally feel and need?

    Only you can know this.



    This! beautiful words of advice with a nice twist of wisdom from a young man. I am very impressed indeed!


    Leandro ♥