finding a reliable gym buddy...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2008 11:30 PM GMT
    i've never used gyms because they intimidate me so badly, but i can't afford a private trainer in a studio anymore. i'm scared i won't go as often or train as hard if someone isn't there with me.

    i've already emailed everyone in charlotte, nc on here and no one replied, except 1 guy to tell me he was already at some other gym.

    how do you guys find your gym buddies? how do you know the person is reliable and not just trying to hook up with you? any ideas (bulletin board at the gym itself maybe?)?
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    Mar 12, 2008 11:43 PM GMT
    I'm trying to find one myself. I responded to a craigslist ad recently, and hopefully we'll meet this week. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like we're going to become regular workout partners due to differences in schedules and fitness goals, but he wanted my help with his abs so I'm happy to do what I can.

    I've been going to the gym alone for the past several months, and it's really no big deal. I wear my heart rate monitor to keep me going hard on the cardio, and I've been doing the resistance training long enough that I can motivate myself.

    Back when I was working out with a regular partner, I preferred to go during off peak hours so we wouldn't have any problems with equipment availability. Now that I'm doing it alone, I prefer to go during peak hours as I find the crowd to be rather motivating. YMMV.
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    Mar 12, 2008 11:55 PM GMT
    i'm motivated and disciplined from being a dancer and having to work out since i was 15 - it's just the nagging sense that everyone knows i'm gay, they're all looking at me like i'm grotesque, and it's distracting. i'm completely at ease at work, but very nervous in primarily straight environments like that where guys are hypersensitive to being glanced at.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 13, 2008 12:00 AM GMT
    The only way I got a "gym buddy" is through work, talking with two of the guys there (one a very buff 180 pounder, the other a scrawny 130 pounder) about fitness, workouts, supplements, etc until eventually the bigger one asked me to work out with him since we had similar schedules and the gym is only a two-minute walking distance from work.

    I can only benefit from working out with him even if he's more advanced because we both have the goal of getting bigger, but I know I'll be his "beck and call" spotter more than a real consistent workout buddy. It's the most I can do at the moment.

    I don't resent that at all, the days I work myself the most and feel that I benefited relatively more from my time at the gym than if I had gone solo.

    I'm not sure how you or others can relate to all the above, but co-workers can be a great source if not people in your acquaintance network (as opposed to total strangers).
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    Mar 13, 2008 12:03 AM GMT
    dancerjack saidit's just the nagging sense that everyone knows i'm gay, they're all looking at me like i'm grotesque, and it's distracting.

    I find that hard to believe. You look perfectly fine as far as I can tell from your photos. Is it possible that this could be stemming from a self-esteem issue?

    In my experience everyone is just as self-conscious about themselves as I am, if not more. Have you considered that maybe they're feeling the same way as you are?

    Maybe you can try a different gym or go during a different time when the crowd is more mixed, and see if that helps.
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    Mar 13, 2008 12:06 AM GMT
    definitely: i'm already planning to go only after peak hours (8-10 pm). that'll help right there.

    as for everyone being sensitive - maybe that's what i'm picking up on and internalizing it? i just find most gyms to be aggressive, and i'm just not used to it.

    this gym is also extremely cruisy, and that just adds another level of "oh lord" to the mix.

    i'd still like to find someone to go with, so that i keep pushing hard. thanks for your ideas. come be my gym buddy icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 13, 2008 12:19 AM GMT
    dancerjack saidcome be my gym buddy icon_biggrin.gif

    Ok, I'll be right over as soon as I get my transporter fixed. icon_wink.gif

    I've been to North Carolina once, and the people there were friendly and don't seem to bite. I know it's difficult, but try not to worry about what other people think. You're going to the gym to get a workout, not to make friends or hook up. Who cares what they think?
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    Mar 13, 2008 12:20 AM GMT
    i bow before you wisdom... thanks, i needed that dose of the obvious... thank you

    xo
    j.
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    Mar 13, 2008 12:26 AM GMT
    No problem, LOL. Glad to be of help. icon_wink.gif

    Have an awesome workout. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 13, 2008 2:18 AM GMT
    Hey dancerjack,

    Depending on the gym, you might be able to do group training as well. Normally, I used to groan and roll my eyes at the thought of it but the Crossfit gyms I have worked out at often have super short but intense workouts in groups and sometimes that is a wicked way to keep the intensity up (with everybody pushing everybody) and it takes away the pressure of having to find ONE gym buddy to train with. Now I mix up personal training with classes and it's a way to stay consistent, train super hard, and be social all at once. I wouldn't normally suggest it in most gyms though that are set up more for "fitness classes" or "cardio circuits" and that sort of stuff as I have found them to be completely and utterly different and not nearly as useful.

    Just thought that might be an option for you to consider.

    Oh and I agree with nwphx, it would probably help immensely to cultivate a complete lack of interest in what other people think of you. Self-esteem keeps more people out of the gym and away from health than anything else. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 2:43 AM GMT
    that's actually a very interesting idea... are these group classes on machines/free weights? or did you mean aerobic type classes?
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    Mar 13, 2008 11:02 AM GMT
    My last partner was a great gym buddy. We lifted about the same weights and were very compatible. My current partner is a cardio-spinning-yoga junkie. I love the burn of weights but don't have a spotter, so I feel your pain.


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    Mar 13, 2008 11:13 AM GMT
    1) find a good gym. a busy gym.

    2) if you are intimidated by the crowd - get up on the cardio equipment, if that gives you a view of the place, and look around - use your imagination - pretend you're back in elementary school....the gym is just a big sandbox with all the usual characters - the bully, the organizer, the loner, the busybody. Imagine them all at say, 8 years old....they don't look nearly so fierce that way.

    3) don't assume that your training partner is going to be your age, your size, or your capability. my partner's former training partner in Virginia was a guy 20 years younger and a hell of a lot bigger & stronger - but they clicked as training partners. granted, it's easier if your capabilities are similar - you won't be loading & unloading weights so much - but if you use machines, that's not an issue anyway. you may find that the best training partner for you is a woman, for example. many women work their asses off at the gym, and you'd be hard-pressed to keep up....

    The main thing is that you have every right to be there. And in time, if the crowd perceives that you are there to better yourself physically and work hard, the smarter ones will respect that.



    You're used to being on stage, Jack. So when you go in, don't slink in - OWN THE SPACE. If you look like you belong there, no one will challenge you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 11:24 AM GMT
    I've had a hard time finding a gym partner too (straight or gay). I have no problem with motivation, it's just easier to push myself if there's someone there with me on a regular basis.
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    Mar 13, 2008 3:36 PM GMT
    hey joey,

    thanks for that - it was needed. in fact, i prefer the company of women, so i'm gonna post a flyer in the boy's AND the girl's locker room, in the hopes that a woman will give me a call.

    the 8-year-old in the sandbox image is an excellent idea... now, where's the pole up in this gym?
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Mar 13, 2008 3:42 PM GMT
    Found mine on here, after almost 4 years of looking, and going through one other.
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    Mar 13, 2008 9:18 PM GMT
    I found a couple of good/reliable gym buddies by posting on Craigslist... and now are looking for a new one since I am finishing school soon.

    Good luck finding a gym buddy dancerjack...
  • sumdude

    Posts: 64

    Mar 07, 2010 5:36 PM GMT
    Hi jack. I wanna find a gym buddy in Joburg, South Africa.
    icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2010 5:52 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidi've never used gyms because they intimidate me so badly, but i can't afford a private trainer in a studio anymore. i'm scared i won't go as often or train as hard if someone isn't there with me.

    i've already emailed everyone in charlotte, nc on here and no one replied, except 1 guy to tell me he was already at some other gym.

    how do you guys find your gym buddies? how do you know the person is reliable and not just trying to hook up with you? any ideas (bulletin board at the gym itself maybe?)?


    You don't need the gym as much as you need a SHRINK. Listen to yourself. You don't even have the courage to show your face, and you're a man? That's called being mentally ill. You need to work through that with a pro.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2010 5:59 PM GMT
    Ah, Chucky. So right, and so wrong at the same time.

    chuckystud said
    dancerjack saidi've never used gyms because they intimidate me so badly, but i can't afford a private trainer in a studio anymore. i'm scared i won't go as often or train as hard if someone isn't there with me.

    i've already emailed everyone in charlotte, nc on here and no one replied, except 1 guy to tell me he was already at some other gym.

    how do you guys find your gym buddies? how do you know the person is reliable and not just trying to hook up with you? any ideas (bulletin board at the gym itself maybe?)?


    You don't need the gym as much as you need a SHRINK. Listen to yourself. You don't even have the courage to show your face, and you're a man? That's called being mentally ill. You need to work through that with a pro.
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Mar 07, 2010 6:04 PM GMT
    I like gyms, enjoy the energy. I go to Lifetime in St Louis Park to work out. I have a straight friend I play racquetball with every week at the one Bally's in the US that has racquetball (so far as I know). We've played for over 15 years. People are sometimes fearful about being checked out by others. I've found that a lot of the checking out is not critical, but complimentary. Guys have come up to me at parties and say they've seen me at the gym. Lots of guys looking for bed partners and life partners as well at the gym. Other people want to be noticed and are checking out if you are noticing them. And there are those who try and make themselves feel good by comparing themselves positively to others. If you are focussed on your goals, what others think becomes less relevant.