Do couples and singles mix?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 1:09 AM GMT
    I have been in a relationship for 3 1/2 years now. I have never had a problem finding a relationship. I am more monogamous oriented, but when I have been single I was quite the partier and wild child.

    Anyway, I have noticed alot of my single friends just dont get it. My time is extremely limited and when I do have extra time I want to be with my family or my husband, not running off to go to some stupid bar somewhere. I love my friends but get really aggravated with them. They get aggravated with me saying I never want to do anything. I rented a cabin on a huge lake here for my husband and I to spend the weekend and one of my friends says "why? what are yall gonna do?"

    I dont care about partying anymore, dont drink much and etc. I love my friends but we have different paths to take it seems which makes it hard to maintain the friendships.

    The funny thing is they are the first ones to give me relationship advice and they cant keep a man! haha.

    Anyone run into this problem? Is it better for couples to be friends with couples and singles with singles?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 1:38 AM GMT
    Hello. New to the forums here, and thought I would respond. This is a tough situation, especially if you knew your single friends before you met your hubby. I don't think people should limit themselves to only hang with single people or couples. I think it can work either way. I am single, and would much prefer to hang out in cabin than go to a bar. I think its best to have a good mix. Maybe go out with your single friends every now and then, and invite them over on other days. If they don't want to come visit you, maybe that means they just like to party?

    I think its tough as well, because i've experienced single people not respecting a couples relationship, and unfortunately it can sometimes negatively affect the couples relationship. I guess it just depends on the dynamic of all the individuals. Just my thoughts.
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Mar 13, 2008 1:42 AM GMT
    redbull said

    Anyone run into this problem?

    All the time. While I don't believe that couples and singles can't mix, I think there ae many challenges that can potentially damage friendships.

    My single friends that perfer being single don't get why I'm not interested in going drinking with them 3-4 nights a week. Their priority in life is partying and having a good time, mine is not partying but still having a good time, just in a different context.

    My single friends looking for the next 'Mr. Right' don't get why I'm not interested in going drinking with them 3-4 nights a week as well. They are on a man-hunt, I'm I'm left hanging out at a club with a bunch of singles running around the bar looking for 'Mr. Right'. Yeah...sounds like fun.

    I do tend to gravitate more towards couples because as a group we tend to be more satisfied with an evening at someones house, or if we're going out, we're going to a restuarant or a quieter, more low-key lounge.

    Who knows...maybe I'm just getting old and that party lifestyle just doesn't appeal to me anymore. But with that being said, many of my single friends constantly partying are my age or older.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Mar 13, 2008 2:20 AM GMT
    I've seen it from both sides
    When I was single I found couples to be into couples
    and when I was in a relationship my single friends didn't want to stay around couples
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 2:44 AM GMT
    I've been single my entire life and often find myself hanging out with couples. I haven't been single by choice, things just don't seem to work out. For me the hard part about hanging out with couples is seeing them so happy with eachother while I'm alone. I've gone to the cabin with 7 other friends with 3 couples. I'm glad they are my friends, but it sucks being the single guy. My coupled friends usually seem to hang out with other couples, just makes you always feel like the 5th wheel.

    Now when I go to the bars, am I looking for "Mr Right" - yeah. Is that my sole purpose there - no. I'm there to relax with my friends, people watch and dance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 2:45 AM GMT
    i've had the opposite problem:

    i don't tell couples or coupled people how to spend their time, but they constantly try to make me see why i should be just like them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 3:17 AM GMT
    did someone get a new tri-cycle?

    don't ditch your friends because they miss you. it is annoying to lose time with a friend, but they will come around sometime. i'm fortunate enough to live in a town where hanging out all together is overly common. back at home though, poeple have plans with their lady-types or man-types and we have to deal with it.

    one example of not cool, i was hanging out with one of my best friends, and she got a cal from her boyfriend. we had just bought groceries to make dinner, and she dropped me off at my place, and said she couldnt have dinner anymore cuz her boyfriend wanted to order pizza. when it becomes you ditching on plans you had with friends because your boyfriend feel the urge to see you, he should be able to wait sometimes too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 3:25 AM GMT
    Well, a couple of you have equated your single friends to bar drinkers and partiers. As a single guy with several coupled friends, I just value and enjoy their company (for dinner, for a movie, etc...). Sometimes I think couples forget that people can simply be lonely sometimes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 9:42 AM GMT
    Can't say that I've ever been in that type of situation. I openly admit that I do give advice to a few of my coupled friends but only if they ask for it. Other then that I don't really dwell on why they might not want to hang out with a group of us since (to me) it seems pretty obvious.

    It's nice to be with your significant other when you have the time but neglect your friends since they were probably there before your BF. As long as you manage the time between your friends and your bf then you won't have to worry about too much. As for the advice, if you don't like what they are saying then ask them to respect your wishes and to not be so quick to pitch it towards you. If they can't do that then I don't think they qualify as friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 11:02 AM GMT
    When I was single, I was close friends with several couples. Two of those friendships have lasted for a great many years -

    I've been in two relationships which exceeded 8 years - one is ongoing. In the first one, we had relatively few single friends. In the second one, the one I'm in now, we have a number of single friends and enjoy their company, although with a few exceptions they live out of the area and when we see them, it's when they come to visit for 2 or 3 days.

    You are nearing 40, and you're probably entering a different phase of your life. You're nesting with your partner - the dogs, the cabin, all of that is a world apart from the perpetually single party guys. It may be that you two will develop a new circle of friends - some partnered, some single - who appreciate and enjoy the way you two choose to live.

    In short, I think this is more about who they are - and a suspicion that you've outgrown some of them - and they probably don't like that very much. They want their "wild child" back. But "wild child" has left the building.