Lost Virginity.

  • Desmondlug

    Posts: 92

    Nov 13, 2010 6:43 AM GMT
    So all my life I had planned to loose my virginity a special way, with someone I love. Maybe on my 21st birthday. But recently lost it, as recent as tonight. I have been seeing this guy and it sorta just happened...... I don't plan on dating him cause I realize were different. But for some reason I feel dirty. I used protection and all, anyone know why. I feel like a hooker... lol.icon_redface.gif
  • rndale

    Posts: 90

    Nov 13, 2010 7:13 AM GMT
    I am 25 and still haven't lost my Virginity. Is that weird?
  • Desmondlug

    Posts: 92

    Nov 13, 2010 7:17 AM GMT
    I think its good to save it for someone special... lol. I just feel dirty about mine.
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    Nov 13, 2010 3:45 PM GMT
    Desmondlug saidSo all my life I had planned to loose my virginity a special way, with someone I love. Maybe on my 21st birthday. But recently lost it, as recent as tonight. I have been seeing this guy and it sorta just happened...... I don't plan on dating him cause I realize were different. But for some reason I feel dirty. I used protection and all, anyone know why. I feel like a hooker... lol.icon_redface.gif


    Get used to feeling dirty.
  • gymfunu

    Posts: 28

    Nov 13, 2010 4:02 PM GMT
    Well, first of all one doesn't lose their virginity.....we can lose our keys but you don't accidentally suddenly have a dick in your butt. The fact that you use the terminology of "loss" also undermines YOUR agency in engaging in sex. You made the choice.....you didn't LOSE anything.....you CHOSE to have sex. Stop pretending (or let's be nice.....stop viewing yourself) as a victim.

    You feel dirty because you have internalized a patriarchal socio-sexual disciplinary practice meant to control women's sexuality (which I find interesting because you are supposedly a male). Sex doesn't always have to be special or amazing or even an expression of love.....sometimes sex is just sex. The cultural meanings assigned to sex are constructions and the meaning of "virginity" were designed long ago to ensure that progeny of a specific woman were verifiably of her husband. If we assign huge significance to the hymen and its presence (or absence) then what we are doing is policing women's sexuality and making sure that the notion of virgin/whore function is in place.....a woman is pure until she has her hymen broken and then she becomes a whore.

    Now, you are supposedly a male and hence you have no hymen......perhaps you should act like a male? You CHOSE to have sex; you obviously WANTED to have sex and yet, here you are pining about how you feel dirty. You have internalized this silly notion of virginity and coupled it with a cultural-religious puritanism that says sex is good only in the confines of some romantic relationship. Get over it......get a non-christian counselor and figure out your issues.......realize the oppressive qualities of the notion of virgin and how its internalization only hurts (men and women).
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    Nov 13, 2010 4:16 PM GMT
    Dude!

    Be gentle with yourself. You have built-up your expectations of the time, place, and person you wanted to share yourself with and it didn't go according to plan. Life, love, and (yes) sex, rarely go according to plan.

    I'm assuming you mean that you had your first receptive anal sex experience last night. Because you've never done that, expect it to be new...and raise some emotions that might be confusing. Anytime we do something new (sex or otherwise) there's a lot of learning that subsequently occurs.

    If I were to make an assessment on what you're feeling, I'd have to say that you placed a high value on waiting for 'the one' to do that sex act with...and now that you have, you feel regret. And you tell us that he is definitely not 'the one.' It is logical that you feel this way. You can modify your expectations, decision-making, and behavior in the future...but what's done is done (and can't be taken back). So, now we turn to how to live with your new reality. This really is good news for you. You're likely not going to commit to spending the rest of your life with this one guy. So, now you can move on to finding 'the one' for you. Continue your search, keeping in mind that you only have to get it right once. Additionally, you now have more information about what your likes/dislikes sexually are...where your boundaries lie. This is important information for you...and for a potential mate.

    Again, be gentle with yourself. The only thing that has changed is now you have one more in a series of life experiences that make you the wonderful man that you are.

    Peace!

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    Nov 13, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    gymfunu saidWell, first of all one doesn't lose their virginity.....we can lose our keys but you don't accidentally suddenly have a dick in your butt. The fact that you use the terminology of "loss" also undermines YOUR agency in engaging in sex. You made the choice.....you didn't LOSE anything.....you CHOSE to have sex. Stop pretending (or let's be nice.....stop viewing yourself) as a victim.

    You feel dirty because you have internalized a patriarchal socio-sexual disciplinary practice meant to control women's sexuality (which I find interesting because you are supposedly a male). Sex doesn't always have to be special or amazing or even an expression of love.....sometimes sex is just sex. The cultural meanings assigned to sex are constructions and the meaning of "virginity" were designed long ago to ensure that progeny of a specific woman were verifiably of her husband. If we assign huge significance to the hymen and its presence (or absence) then what we are doing is policing women's sexuality and making sure that the notion of virgin/whore function is in place.....a woman is pure until she has her hymen broken and then she becomes a whore.

    Now, you are supposedly a male and hence you have no hymen......perhaps you should act like a male? You CHOSE to have sex; you obviously WANTED to have sex and yet, here you are pining about how you feel dirty. You have internalized this silly notion of virginity and coupled it with a cultural-religious puritanism that says sex is good only in the confines of some romantic relationship. Get over it......get a non-christian counselor and figure out your issues.......realize the oppressive qualities of the notion of virgin and how its internalization only hurts (men and women).


    A great read, and thanks!

    -Doug
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    Nov 13, 2010 4:23 PM GMT
    You're not dirty... you're human.
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    Nov 13, 2010 4:25 PM GMT
    Dont feel dirty, it happens, sometimes is special, sometimes its not. very few scenarios envolved rose petals on the bed. Cheer up icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 13, 2010 4:27 PM GMT
    oh honey please i met a married man in a motel and he popped my cherry and it was dirty forbidden and hot!icon_smile.gif Good for u babe
  • bayboy

    Posts: 35

    Nov 13, 2010 4:27 PM GMT
    gymfunu saidWell, first of all one doesn't lose their virginity.....we can lose our keys but you don't accidentally suddenly have a dick in your butt. The fact that you use the terminology of "loss" also undermines YOUR agency in engaging in sex. You made the choice.....you didn't LOSE anything.....you CHOSE to have sex. Stop pretending (or let's be nice.....stop viewing yourself) as a victim.

    You feel dirty because you have internalized a patriarchal socio-sexual disciplinary practice meant to control women's sexuality (which I find interesting because you are supposedly a male). Sex doesn't always have to be special or amazing or even an expression of love.....sometimes sex is just sex. The cultural meanings assigned to sex are constructions and the meaning of "virginity" were designed long ago to ensure that progeny of a specific woman were verifiably of her husband. If we assign huge significance to the hymen and its presence (or absence) then what we are doing is policing women's sexuality and making sure that the notion of virgin/whore function is in place.....a woman is pure until she has her hymen broken and then she becomes a whore.

    Now, you are supposedly a male and hence you have no hymen......perhaps you should act like a male? You CHOSE to have sex; you obviously WANTED to have sex and yet, here you are pining about how you feel dirty. You have internalized this silly notion of virginity and coupled it with a cultural-religious puritanism that says sex is good only in the confines of some romantic relationship. Get over it......get a non-christian counselor and figure out your issues.......realize the oppressive qualities of the notion of virgin and how its internalization only hurts (men and women).


    YAY!! the rarest of combinations: a brain -- which, in addition to being able to apply logic, has also internalized all the basic rules of grammar/spelling/punctuation -- AND he's hot as all get out. It's like finding the Holy Grail.

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 13, 2010 4:28 PM GMT
    Desmondlug saidSo all my life I had planned to loose my virginity a special way, with someone I love. Maybe on my 21st birthday. But recently lost it, as recent as tonight. I have been seeing this guy and it sorta just happened...... I don't plan on dating him cause I realize were different. But for some reason I feel dirty. I used protection and all, anyone know why. I feel like a hooker... lol.icon_redface.gif


    Maybe because there was no special meaning to it? Since you don't plan on dating him, it was just a "casual" thing...right? icon_confused.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 13, 2010 4:30 PM GMT
    I wouldn't beat up on yourself at all. You probably just reacted to things at the moment. Use it as a learning experience and make the next time the one to remember. My first time was with my current bf... but he wasn't the first guy I kissed.. that fell to somebody I hardly remember now.

    Just move forward, smarter and more atuned to what you really want.

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 13, 2010 5:19 PM GMT
    I guess you must have felt that you had done something wrong, either in a moral sense or in the sense that it didn't go according to your plan. As this was a recent event that heightened your sense of wrong doing, what you felt might have been exaggerated/ blown out of proportion.
    I'm sure soon you'll feel better and perhaps recognize some similarities between your plan and fairytales.