No one over thirty?!?!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 11:42 AM GMT
    Being somewhat philosophical, I find myself incredibly curious as to how we as gay men have created a ridiculously ageist community. Before continuing, I must add the disclaimer that I have neither been dismissed or disregarded as a potential partner because of my age. In fact, everyone says that I look much younger than my 37 years (which makes me wonder, what SHOULD I look like at 37?) and I find myself looking forward to being a handsome fifty...

    However, it is somewhat disturbing to read posts in which men under a certain age - men in their early twenties - say, quite frankly, that they are not interested in men over a certain age and list the "cutoff" ages as anywhere from 30 to 35.

    Do we not all wish to live long, full, healthy lives? Would we not all want to spend a considerable part of our lives with another that we would call a significant?

    Moreso, what will happen to our gay brethen who, once reaching their thirties, find themselves somewhat perplexed when the next generation of twentysomethings says that their "older counterparts" should be removed from the shelf and the dating pool?

    Anxious for your thoughts...
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Mar 13, 2008 11:59 AM GMT
    Who cares what a bunch of idiots in their 20s thinks?

    You live your life for yourself, and try to be a good decent person.

    Life is really too short to fret over what a younger (and less experienced) generation of Gay men think about aging.

    Loz
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    Mar 13, 2008 12:18 PM GMT
    Thanks for the reply - not fretting here (at ALL)...just some thoughts.

  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Mar 13, 2008 12:22 PM GMT
    No Namesake, it wasn't a personal dig. I'm sure you're not fretting.

    It's just the younger generation is only doing what the previous younger generation did - ignoring the fact that they will one day be older, and not realising how offensive their prejudice can be sometimes.

    Take care

    Loz
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 12:30 PM GMT
    My 30s have been the best times of my life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 12:37 PM GMT
    When I see gay people restricting potential boyfriends based on age (especially the age of 30 which is very young) it confirms my belief that there are three guarantees in life; death, taxes, and human foolishness.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 2:44 PM GMT
    hey im in my 20's (25 in fact) and i find myself incredibly attracted to guys in their 30's anything up to round 38 and even some guys in their 40's! so not all of us have sworn off the more experienced amongst us!icon_smile.gif
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Mar 13, 2008 2:55 PM GMT
    First off ... namesake .. post a pic of you that IS NOT LOCKED.

    Second ... I never really had a cut off when I was in my early 20s. It really depended on the guy.

    It's the same w/ me now in my early 30s.

    Some guys are just prudes online; if you met them in person ... they most likely be all over you regardless of age.
  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    Mar 13, 2008 3:01 PM GMT
    What are you all talking about?
    Guys over 30 are SOOOOO disgusting!
    I mean just look at my buddy and hot list.
    icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 3:24 PM GMT
    Nothing wrong with being 30.

    Guy I'm kinda seeing is going 30 in May and I'll be 8 years behind him by next month. No problems whatsoever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 3:41 PM GMT
    hey kinetic just checkout your hot list, good taste!!!icon_biggrin.gif

  • Mar 13, 2008 3:49 PM GMT
    most guys in there early 20's are still getting out of the whole high school mentality that you cant date someone that is more than 3 years away from your age.

    And for those guys in there 30's why are you so desperate to have a guy thats in there twenties can you say insecure?
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Mar 13, 2008 3:50 PM GMT
    I would have a hard time dating anyone UNDER 30 unless they could demonstrate uncommon maturity and broad life experience. I think about myself and my friends in our 20's, and we were such clueless kids in retrospect, because many of us (not me, thankfully) often said inane things like we would never date anyone over thirty...
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    Mar 13, 2008 4:08 PM GMT
    Actually, at 38, I completely get it. I get why a guy wants a guy close to his own age, and would want someone young while he's young. I wasted my youth worrying about all the mores and what people thought about everything but if I could get them back I'd be dating in my age group.

    WHAT I DON'T GET are the men in their 30s and 40s who are dismissive of anyone over 30! That makes no goddamned sense to me at all! Yet I run across that far more often than not. Young can be hot but 30s and 40s are even hotter in my opinion, but I have more luck with guys in their 20s than I do in my own age group. It's all part of our unique experiences I guess.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 4:38 PM GMT
    Damarco saidActually, at 38, I completely get it. I get why a guy wants a guy close to his own age, and would want someone young while he's young. I wasted my youth worrying about all the mores and what people thought about everything but if I could get them back I'd be dating in my age group.

    WHAT I DON'T GET are the men in their 30s and 40s who are dismissive of anyone over 30! That makes no goddamned sense to me at all! Yet I run across that far more often than not. Young can be hot but 30s and 40s are even hotter in my opinion, but I have more luck with guys in their 20s than I do in my own age group. It's all part of our unique experiences I guess.


    Thank you! Finally, someone else says something that isn't somehow rooted in losing their vanity or sexual frustration, that actually makes sense to me!

    As for most of the rest of you...

    I too feel that it's more important for me to date someone whose closer to my own age and maturity, and if that means I'm looking for someone closer to my age; which would put it under 30 than so be it.

    I'm working of a reasonable assumption, but is this really an issue about ageism, or is this an issue of the availability of some easy ass online? Sure, it's not listed in your profiles, but you're only human, and only gay men at that, you'd be glad to see where a one night stand with a young hottie would go, if you could. As would most of us. But, maybe not everyone online is looking for a one nighter or 'for now'. Maybe some of these 20 somethings want something more real, than what the 30 somethings and above have come to settle on[, unfortunately].

    But what I don't get is how someone in their 40's listed in a monogamous relationship could be offended by what the younger singles are doing with their own lives; unless of course, they were looking for more than friend. Seems kind of fishy to me.

    Personally, though I defended it as my own, actually don't mind Some 30 something guys. Maybe they didn't solely rely on their good looks in their younger years, and have more to offer than just being in the scene and knowing what's hot, and aren't scared of a world where they can't get by on their looks alone.

    But similarly, I'm just as easily turned off by 40 something plus guys, as they are above my experience level and for the most part unattractive to me. Sorry, but honesty is the best policy for me. Maybe if I was 30 something I'd concider dating a 40 something guy, and but when I reach those years I also want to focus dating someone closer to my age, as long as the terms of the relationship are sensible and not too outlandish. I don't think I could handle a completely open relationship or play together one either. But the point is, that it's best to stick what you know, and who you can best relate to.

    Let people date and not date who they want to. It's not like there are rules that could be placed out there to make sure every 30 something or whatever guy gets his piece of young boy toy meat; so get over it. You're creeping some of the younger guys[, who don't post on this website] out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 4:44 PM GMT
    l don't have a problem dating young guys? lf some young'ens dont fancy me because i am so called over the hill l really don't give a shite?

    The world is my oyster boys and remember you will be over 30/40/50 one day also?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 4:50 PM GMT
    I think some of us really young (18-22) guys just want to be with someone who is going through the same time in their life because college years are kind of crazy and someone else who has already experienced the work place for 15 years might have trouble relating. It's something in common being in college and being the same age, I couldn't imagine myself with someone older than 22 right now, and I'm 20, so I think its just about personal likes and dislikes and not about being ageist. Our generation grew up in some weird ass times, at least I did for sure. Values, interests, that all goes with it.

    Just my interpretation of the way I feel about the subject hehe, I think everyone can be right in this situation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 5:13 PM GMT
    I don't think it has anything to do with the actual numerical difference in years.
    I think it has more to do with level of maturity, common experiences and common interests.

    There are guys 40+ that are still in emotional middle school, and then there are guys in their 20s that have their life together and are really mature. Most of us will try to find guys that are as mature as we are at the moment.

    And then there's the issue of being in the same stage of life, or liking similar things, etc.
    So in a sense, many people stay within their age group because they believe it will bring them someone to share more with.

    In any case, I do agree that it's kind of mean to simplify it to a simple age range ("Prefer guys 20 -35"), and stupid.

    In the end age is just a number, and we all know that.
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    Mar 13, 2008 5:25 PM GMT
    patsfan10 saidI think some of us really young (18-22) guys just want to be with someone who is going through the same time in their life because college years are kind of crazy and someone else who has already experienced the work place for 15 years might have trouble relating. It's something in common being in college and being the same age, I couldn't imagine myself with someone older than 22 right now, and I'm 20, so I think its just about personal likes and dislikes and not about being ageist. Our generation grew up in some weird ass times, at least I did for sure. Values, interests, that all goes with it.

    Just my interpretation of the way I feel about the subject hehe, I think everyone can be right in this situation.


    I agree for people in your age group not being interested in somebody over 30 is understandable. You are going through to many changes, and to be honest when I was in my early 30's I would not even consider dating somebody in that age group. I never wanted the role of "sugar daddy."icon_razz.gif

    What kills me is somebody who is 25-29 not wanting to look at anybody in their early 30's. Or someone who is in his late 30's only wanting guys less than 30. That to me is kind of strange.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 6:34 PM GMT
    jbedwards saidWhat kills me is somebody who is 25-29 not wanting to look at anybody in their early 30's. Or someone who is in his late 30's only wanting guys less than 30. That to me is kind of strange.

    Amen. icon_rolleyes.gif

    I've been with someone 8 years older, and someone 9 years younger. I don't think age defines maturity level, and some older guys take much better care of themselves and look better than younger guys that have partied too hard. Each person is different, and to put a firm restriction on age is rather silly IMO--even more so if that age bracket falls outside of one's own age.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 6:52 PM GMT
    redheadguy said... they want sex all the time.

    I need at least 48 hours notice to get the engines revved up, and the request should preferably be in writing.

    I'm going back to bed.



    It seems that some of the 30 something can never be satisfied.

    This entire posting is a link to the thread this quote comes from...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 7:17 PM GMT
    The ageism is only something I really come across online. We don't walk around in 'real life' with our age pinned to our shirts like a profile. Someone may pass on my profile just based on the fact that I'm 32. But I've been told I don't look my age. Whatever that means. In person, you can gage someone's personality better; how they sound, interact with people. Online is a strange place of words and 2 dimensional photos.

    I don't like to put an age on the guys I date. Chronological age doesn't always match maturity level. I'm dating a guy right now that is 18. He's artistic, smart, well read, and we have a lot in common when it comes to movies and music. He's more mature than his age...and I look younger, so we say we meet in the middle haha icon_biggrin.gif
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Mar 13, 2008 7:27 PM GMT
    "When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not." -- Yoda
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 7:33 PM GMT
    Auryn said"When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not." -- Yoda


    you rule icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2008 8:36 PM GMT
    I wouldn't date a guy under 30...last thing I want to do in my life is be a babysitter or guidance counselor. And the line "I'm more mature than my age" from a 22-year old is just a load.