What to do about my insecurities?

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    Nov 13, 2010 7:36 PM GMT
    So I've been with my BF for two years now and I allowed him to be a gogo dancer. At first I was okay with it it didn't really bother me, but lately he has been staying at work longer or going out to dinner with some of the clientele that ask him to dinner. He also talks about how one or two of the workers are in love with him and how much money some of the guys make who take him out to dinner. Should I feel insecure? He doesn't pick up his phone when he is out of the house. And there was one night he didn't come home and he swears that nothing happened.

    Now I know my relationship lately has been rocky, and I'm not to most attractive person to him( well that is how I feel). I have also been lazy in the fact of exercising, not to say I'm fat, but I just don't feel happy with my body image and I feel that he isn't either, by the fact he it seems like he is window shopping.

    Sorry for my mishmash of a post. But there anyway to help me work through my insecurities. We have talked about it several times already...
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    Nov 13, 2010 10:32 PM GMT
    chompsticks saidSo I've been with my BF for two years now and I allowed him to be a gogo dancer. At first I was okay with it it didn't really bother me, but lately he has been staying at work longer or going out to dinner with some of the clientele that ask him to dinner. He also talks about how one or two of the workers are in love with him and how much money some of the guys make who take him out to dinner. Should I feel insecure? He doesn't pick up his phone when he is out of the house. And there was one night he didn't come home and he swears that nothing happened.

    Now I know my relationship lately has been rocky, and I'm not to most attractive person to him( well that is how I feel). I have also been lazy in the fact of exercising, not to say I'm fat, but I just don't feel happy with my body image and I feel that he isn't either, by the fact he it seems like he is window shopping.

    Sorry for my mishmash of a post. But there anyway to help me work through my insecurities. We have talked about it several times already...


    Perhaps you're pushing him away with your insecurities. You have a right to be concerned about your relationship, obviously, but the fact that you two have discussed this situation and your insecurites several times already may be pushing him away even further. Try to build your self-esteem back up; you can't expect him to do that for you, but it'll definitely help improve your situation.
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    Nov 14, 2010 12:47 AM GMT
    Yea, I know my self esteem isn't where it was at since we both graduated. It is kind of hard right now because neither one of us can find a decent job and living paycheck to paycheck also sucks.

    But I think you are right on that part. I might be pushing him away...
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    Nov 14, 2010 12:52 AM GMT
    I think the statement, " I allowed him..." is the first red flag for you to consider. If you feel you need to control what your BF does for a living you may not be ready to be in a relationship. If he wants to cheat he will, him telling you about his dinners or co-workers is keeping you involved in his life. Some guys will do this to make you jealous, if that's the case, move on.
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    Nov 14, 2010 1:12 AM GMT
    tallcanuck saidI think the statement, " I allowed him..." is the first red flag for you to consider. If you feel you need to control what your BF does for a living you may not be ready to be in a relationship. If he wants to cheat he will, him telling you about his dinners or co-workers is keeping you involved in his life. Some guys will do this to make you jealous, if that's the case, move on.



    That's a very valid point... Don't be too controlling or you will loose him. At least he has the decency to tell you of his whereabouts. Both of you need to man up and discuss where the rest of your relationship is going. Having a boyfriend as a gogo dancer should have you concerned but both of you agreed and need to discuss what is the best for the relationship. I never had a long term relationship with a guy so I don't know what its like...But I do know if the relationship is good and respectful you will see your way through the rockiness to persevere to that one goal... Being happy with each other.
  • Anto

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    Nov 14, 2010 1:13 AM GMT
    chompsticks saidSo I've been with my BF for two years now and I allowed him to be a gogo dancer. At first I was okay with it it didn't really bother me, but lately he has been staying at work longer or going out to dinner with some of the clientele that ask him to dinner. He also talks about how one or two of the workers are in love with him and how much money some of the guys make who take him out to dinner. Should I feel insecure? He doesn't pick up his phone when he is out of the house. And there was one night he didn't come home and he swears that nothing happened.


    He could just be stupid and not realizing how it looks to you.
    I think if I was a gogo dancer and cared about my bf I would be doing everything I could to make my bf not feel insecure about what I was doing like communicating about what is going on especially if I was going out on 'dates' with people attracted to me and being out all night long.

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    Nov 14, 2010 1:22 AM GMT
    Hmmm, adult male stayed out all night and swears nothing happen. This is a gut thing; you have to go with what you are feeling instead of what is fed to you.

    Sounds like you have become clingy and over dependent and a bit dominating in your expectations of the relationship norms. Challenge that assumption and try to determine if u are an old married couple or two souls on separate paths. but is sounds like one soul here is possibly feeling suffocated and his gig is providing another window. A view he maybe fully embracing.

    And from your photo, you are a handsome guy.
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    Nov 14, 2010 2:26 AM GMT
    Well I did not technically allow him, I just said you can do what you would like and I would support you. So he asked and I said I would have no problem. Here is the double standard though. I asked him if I could work there too and he said no...

    I understand where we are right now and I now understand how he felt a while back when I would hang out with my friends at the bar. I just don't know how to deal with it... For example, I want to hear about his day, but on the other hand I don't...
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    Nov 14, 2010 2:38 AM GMT
    hear about his day? as if he is Eleanor Roosevelt . . . that's hilarious . ..
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    Nov 14, 2010 2:59 AM GMT
    LOL, Should I just pretend he is naked while he is talking to me too? icon_razz.gif