Coming on too strong?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2010 12:34 AM GMT
    Where do you draw the line between coming on too strong and coming up as needy?

    Here's the deal: I meet this guy @ Facebook and being emailing him for a while, being A little flirtatious from my part and not so much from him, although I could tell it didnt bother him.

    Latter on I read on a post here that if you really like him you should just tell him not worrying about if you are showing too much interest. Now I normally dont do that but in this particular case it felt right soo I told him I quite like him, I just got a giggle and a thanks .... Felt like a Ross-Emily situation.

    So as im about to drop the towel I learn again through Facebook that he has being cheated on or something (recently) and is having trouble forgetting the guy, for which I offer my helpicon_redface.gif

    My question is: Am I coming on too strong? Trying to hard? Coming up as needy or maybe stalkery? Cause Im really not! I like him and thats it, not some crazy person. I take it as a good sign he hasnt deleated me from his fb friends lol

    share your wisdom please, Im new in the dating scene icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2010 1:33 AM GMT
    Try waiting till he also messages you back. I had this guy come on me too strong he would message me pretty often but I was not in to him but still talked to him. Then it just became annoying so I blocked him. But yes try and let him message you. I mean if he just got cheated on then your best bet is that hes not ready to take on another relationship just yet.
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    Nov 14, 2010 2:20 AM GMT
    you should recognize the gesture!
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    Nov 14, 2010 2:23 AM GMT
    ShaDoWhn saidWhere do you draw the line between coming on too strong and coming up as needy?
    Three messages (call, text, or email) per day before I get a chance to respond.
    Ok that's not set in stone, but it's a pretty good indicator the dude wants to be more than just friends with benefits.
    Edit: Also posting a thread asking strangers if he's coming on too strong speaks volumes. icon_razz.gif
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 14, 2010 2:25 AM GMT
    ok, if he just giggled and said "thanks"

    i mean to be quite blunt with u: he's not into you.

    Don't waste ur time on trying to comfort him or offering him any "help"
    if he was interested, he would be trying a bit harder to make contact with u.

    Guys sometimes like to be flirted with because it boosts their ego. They have no intention of getting with u or liking u, they just like to hear people tell them how cute/hot they are and thats it.


    Don't bother
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    Nov 14, 2010 3:29 AM GMT
    Import saidok, if he just giggled and said "thanks"

    i mean to be quite blunt with u: he's not into you.



    Don't bother



    Yes I saw the movie too, but I find it unrealistic to believe most people click at the first glance they make of each other, don´t you believe in growing his interest? I mean how many great opportunities and people would we let pass?

    believe me I appreciate your comment and I'm not trying to rationalize my "behavior" just trying something new here, usually I would write once and if theres in no reply or other form of interest walk out, but as once someone told me dating is all about trial and error. Im just trying not to come out as a crazy person thats it, not hung up on him, I dont believe he is the love of my life, he just seems like a cool guy and believe we would hit it off
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 14, 2010 3:33 AM GMT
    ShaDoWhn said
    Import saidok, if he just giggled and said "thanks"

    i mean to be quite blunt with u: he's not into you.



    Don't bother



    Yes I saw the movie too, but I find it unrealistic to believe most people click at the first glance they make of each other, don´t you believe in growing his interest? I mean how many great opportunities and people would we let pass?

    believe me I appreciate your comment and I'm not trying to rationalize my "behavior" just trying something new here, usually I would write once and if theres in no reply or other form of interest walk out, but as once someone told me dating is all about trial and error. Im just trying not to come out as a crazy person thats it, not hung up on him, I dont believe he is the love of my life, he just seems like a cool guy and believe we would hit it off

    LOL, awwwww dude. I wasnt talking about the movie, but that did make me laugh when u said that icon_lol.gif

    maybe send him some funny/witty one liners. u know, something he may not expect. Tell him that you're indeed in love with him and u fantasize about having his children one day.

    If he has any sense of humor, he will laugh and respond with a witty comeback.

    If he has no sense of humor, than tell him u were joking and to lighten up, jeeeez. and if that doesnt work. Tell him that u would still consider having his babies......in ur mouth, dripping down ur chin.
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    Nov 14, 2010 3:45 AM GMT
    Import said
    LOL, awwwww dude. I wasnt talking about the movie, but that did make me laugh when u said that icon_lol.gif

    maybe send him some funny/witty one liners. u know, something he may not expect. Tell him that you're indeed in love with him and u fantasize about having his children one day.

    If he has any sense of humor, he will laugh and respond with a witty comeback.

    If he has no sense of humor, than tell him u were joking and to lighten up, jeeeez. and if that doesnt work. Tell him that u would still consider having his babies......in ur mouth, dripping down ur chin.



    hahahahahahahahahaha you crack me up! great line though!
  • JPATL

    Posts: 5

    Nov 14, 2010 3:57 AM GMT
    I don't think you're coming on too strong or needy but it is obvious he's not into you. He likes the attention, that's it. He will contact you if he was interested, Just move on..... In my experience, I always find what I'm looking for when I'm not looking for it. just a suggestion.
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    Nov 14, 2010 4:18 AM GMT
    Import said
    ShaDoWhn said
    Import saidok, if he just giggled and said "thanks"

    i mean to be quite blunt with u: he's not into you.



    Don't bother



    Yes I saw the movie too, but I find it unrealistic to believe most people click at the first glance they make of each other, don´t you believe in growing his interest? I mean how many great opportunities and people would we let pass?

    believe me I appreciate your comment and I'm not trying to rationalize my "behavior" just trying something new here, usually I would write once and if theres in no reply or other form of interest walk out, but as once someone told me dating is all about trial and error. Im just trying not to come out as a crazy person thats it, not hung up on him, I dont believe he is the love of my life, he just seems like a cool guy and believe we would hit it off

    LOL, awwwww dude. I wasnt talking about the movie, but that did make me laugh when u said that icon_lol.gif

    maybe send him some funny/witty one liners. u know, something he may not expect. Tell him that you're indeed in love with him and u fantasize about having his children one day.

    If he has any sense of humor, he will laugh and respond with a witty comeback.


    If he has no sense of humor, than tell him u were joking and to lighten up, jeeeez. and if that doesnt work. Tell him that u would still consider having his babies......in ur mouth, dripping down ur chin.


    That's just porno creepy. he will probably give you a "hahaha you are funny (but honestly in my heart I think you are a P-S-Y-C-H-O)" response. let me guess, you are trying to show that you are not a psycho by saying creepy things so that he will not think you are a psycho? icon_rolleyes.gif If a guy says sth like that to me, i'd probably write him as a big "L" in my book.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2010 6:33 AM GMT
    maybe you are just what he needs right now.
  • TadPohl

    Posts: 259

    Nov 14, 2010 6:46 AM GMT
    Um... I was wondering.... Can I have your number?

  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Nov 14, 2010 6:59 AM GMT
    Yea, I'm sorry but I have to agree that he's not into you.

    The whole coming on too strong thing is a big turn off for me, I'm not saying the reason he's not into you is BECAUSE you were coming on too strong (because I don't think you were) but the fact that when you told him he just kinda said thanks is generally a polite hint.

    On a side not the whole playing hard to get thing isn't always a good idea either. Especially if they can tell thats what you are doing.The best way to be able to tell if he's interested is in his responses. If you start a conversation and ask him questions and all he gives are short answers... red flag. If he not only answers but comes up with other questions for you other than, "how about you?" it generally means he's at least somewhat interested and it's safe to proceed with caution haha
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    Nov 14, 2010 8:48 AM GMT
    frenchatheart saidyou should recognize the gesture!


    Im a moron when it comes to this, what gesture???
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    Nov 15, 2010 4:34 AM GMT
    amar_m said
    frenchatheart saidyou should recognize the gesture!


    Im a moron when it comes to this, what gesture???


    thank you! Im not familiar with that expression either!

    Back on topic, I am here to let you know, that yes you were all right, I've made my last attempt today and all I got was a "aww thanks" soo yes moving on.

    I am happy I tried and insisted though, never donde that before and not sure if I'll do it again, sometimes the person just sends that vibe that there maybe something more there.

    Btw @Import I will never judge your wisdom ever (if we ever cross paths again on the forums) lol
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    Nov 15, 2010 4:02 PM GMT
    TRDMRK saidthis is me, always! honestly, when im interested in a guy, i go for it and i am not afraid for one flippin second to come off as creepy or a wee bit crazy. i was kind of in a similar situation before except the guy had just broken up w his girlfriend and i wanted to really just hang out w him because i really liked the guy as a person but as we all know, gay men only talk to other men because they wish to suck their cock so the guy just bluntly said, 'im not gonna suck your dick dude', mind you, the conversation was not at all going there but he didn't fail to mention how he was a bit upset because he wouldn't of had been able to bang his girlfriend that night cuz she was not there and he only had his dog... so....

    anyway, i quickly lost interest once i saw one of his status updates say 'if your not doing anything, why don't you come on down to...' ok, i never date anyone who can't spell correctly the word you're, so that's one.. two, i wasn't up for being straight man curiosity cuz that's just no fun.. im not going back in the closet for no one, that's two.

    three, i have mars in aries.. i really don't have time for beating around the bush or bullshit.. im forward and direct and if i can't get the respect in return, i really just move the fuck along cuz the clock is tickin..

    as far as the intensity goes, i once slid a ring on the finger of this guy i met and told him that from that day forwards, he was mine. i told him i didn't give a fuck about what kind of relationships he's had before me but from that moment on, things were gonna be different..

    i then texted him a little later while i was out at dinner to tell him that i had stolen his underwear and had it in my back pocket while i was eating. did i care? not really.. was i being honest? abso-fuckin-lutely!



    I was with you till you got to stealing the underwear part. that's just gross, not to mention he would think that you are a thief and that you owe him a pair of underwear now.
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    Nov 15, 2010 4:58 PM GMT
    ShaDoWhn saidWhere do you draw the line between coming on too strong and coming up as needy?

    My question is: Am I coming on too strong? Trying to hard? Coming up as needy or maybe stalkery? Cause Im really not! I like him and thats it, not some crazy person. I take it as a good sign he hasnt deleated me from his fb friends lol

    share your wisdom please, Im new in the dating scene icon_smile.gif


    You ain't "Dear Abby". Don't help him get over his ex. You don't want him crying on your shoulder.....you want him doing something else on your shoulder.

    It's good you told him you liked him. Too many guys drop the ball because they don't speak up and are afraid of appearing needy or stalky. Nonesense with the "three day wating period" or anything like that.. If a guy likes me I want him to be assertive and let me know....the sooner the better.

    Flirting is man's best invention. It's a chanceto sense if there could be chemistry. Rejection...disinterest is part of the game. If there is no possibility of chemistry you shouldn't box him into a corner where he has to say "get away". Take it like a man and move on.

    80% of communication is nonverbal. He may be nonresponsive and seem uninterested (but really be interested) because he's cautious (but open). Let him know you are a nice guy especially if he has dealt with crappy people in the past.

    In other words.......if you really like him you do everything for his comfort and his enjoyment out of kindess, not your need to conquer or your ego. If he accepts, you are on the right track.

    It's difficult when this is done online. Better to pop the question and ask to talk by phone or meet in person.

    I feel strongly about this issue. Guys are not doing what their hearts tell them to do and fail. They do what society tells them or fear rejection.

    I recently stopped dating a guy. His strategy was to "take the bull by the horns" and prove his interest by trying too damn hard.....offering too much....he needed massive amounts of assurance that I appreciated what he was doing. In the process, he wasn't listening to me. It's called suffucation.




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2010 6:06 PM GMT
    Seems the games can be avoided by using your mind and putting yourself in their shoes. The clues are usually pretty obvious, as are the "things not to do". If it's a subtle clue, then you're reading too much into it. If you feel like you have to alter you're behavior to please someone, then it's probably not a good idea to do so - assuming you are not a nut case to start with.

    I received something like 22 texts from a guy without responding - see, that was too much, but he probably didn't think so. I would agree more than 3 is getting strange.

    Guys offering to talk with me after a breakup often came across as insincere, I figured they just wanted to fuck and this was their way. But that also depended on their profile - is it the LTR or "right now" profile?

    I agree with the posts above on letting people know how you feel, but this needs to be tempered with the, "really, how well do you feel you know them?" question. It comes across as unusual to say you like someone if the other side feels you are just a profile and a couple of exchanges. A more natural comment early on would focus on what you liked ... E.g you're funny and I like that, or it's cool that I can chat about X w you, etc.

    Anyway, as my first post, that was more therapeutic for me than helpful for you perhaps icon_neutral.gif