Keeping his options open...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2010 6:31 AM GMT
    So im dating this guy. ive known him for years. he doesnt want anyone to know we're dating, because he says that people will have outside influences on our relationship. I guess i can understand that. Then the other day we were talking and he has like a little moment of personal crisis and he tell mes i shud keep my options open, because im likely to find someone better than him. What I eventually got out of him is that he wants me to keep my options open because hes doing the same thing. Im a monogamous man, how i'm wired. I learned from my parents many mistakes. He is not really the monogamous type, least as far as it concerns me. He's been monogamous with other guys. I'm wondering why he doesnt want that with me. he's a great guy. Shud i keep my options open or stick with him and see what happens?
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    Nov 16, 2010 11:51 AM GMT
    Two Words: DUMP HIM



    He is not worth it to spend all your time an efforts on guy who is clearly not all that into you...

    His keeping options open is just way for him to bed as many guys as he can.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2010 2:00 PM GMT
    Sounds like his not serious about your relationship. He's holding on to you until someone better comes along for him!
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    Nov 16, 2010 2:02 PM GMT
    Keep your options open; he is and he's stated it. Or you can politely say you're a one man band kind of guy and options are not not in the cards for you, other than deciding to be just friends.

    In my single years, I've done both.

    -Doug
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    Nov 16, 2010 2:04 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidTwo Words: DUMP HIM


    And two more...

    MOVE ON
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    Nov 16, 2010 2:04 PM GMT
    I would say take his advice, because I sounds like he is certainly doing the same. If you are looking for a committed guy, it isn't him.
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    Nov 16, 2010 3:06 PM GMT
    He likes you but he is still searching for someone. The day he finds him, he will dump you. So dump him first, get out and save yourself a lot of pain you might have to endure later on.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Nov 16, 2010 3:49 PM GMT
    Dude...you deserve better......He tellin ya to keep your options open....that's the same as tellin ya....he's really not into ya.....Your funny...sweet...smart...Fuck him and move on....His loss....serious...BUD
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Nov 16, 2010 3:55 PM GMT
    it's very hard for us to see the bad points about someone that others can see so clearly.

    i have to agree with the other posters here, jonno.

    you deserve better.

    time to move on to a guy who deserves someone as cute and "good guy" as you appear to be.

    you CAN do better than this...person.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Nov 16, 2010 3:57 PM GMT
    I would say become less "available" to him, hard as that may be, and when he asks what you're doing just tell him that you are exercising other options. Those "options" don't necessarily have to mean another guy. Just don't be so available to this guy who clearly doesn't deserve you in the first place
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2010 5:48 PM GMT
    Yea I would leave him. In fact, I did. Now its your turn icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 16, 2010 5:49 PM GMT
    Jonno11 saidSo im dating this guy. ive known him for years. he doesnt want anyone to know we're dating, because he says that people will have outside influences on our relationship. I guess i can understand that. Then the other day we were talking and he has like a little moment of personal crisis and he tell mes i shud keep my options open, because im likely to find someone better than him. What I eventually got out of him is that he wants me to keep my options open because hes doing the same thing. Im a monogamous man, how i'm wired. I learned from my parents many mistakes. He is not really the monogamous type, least as far as it concerns me. He's been monogamous with other guys. I'm wondering why he doesnt want that with me. he's a great guy. Shud i keep my options open or stick with him and see what happens?


    Given what you've tried to write here, you need to exit the relationship as it exists today. Given what you've told the audience here, the other person is not going to be the person that you'd like him to be.

    I suggest using Firefox, and its integrated spell checker, for posts, moving forward. At 23, you SHOULD be able to spell words such as should.
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    Nov 16, 2010 5:51 PM GMT
    blackhawksfan said
    Fivealive saidTwo Words: DUMP HIM


    And two more...

    MOVE ON


    And another two more...

    FUCK HIM
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    Nov 16, 2010 5:57 PM GMT
    jprichva saidrun run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run

    Sounds like the OP should run.


    The last time a guy told me to keep my options open he started dating someone else.
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    Nov 16, 2010 6:00 PM GMT
    I would exercise your option to get out of that relationship - and fast. He clearly doesn't respect you as a partner.
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    Nov 16, 2010 6:02 PM GMT
    If what you want is a monogamous relationship, he doesn't seem to be the guy for you.
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    Nov 16, 2010 6:34 PM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    jprichva saidrun run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run

    Sounds like the OP should run.


    The last time a guy told me to keep my options open he started dating someone else.


    The last time a guy told me he wanted to be monogamous and not see anyone else, 6 hours later he tried hooking up with someone else.

    But at least this guy is honest in way that is gentle. Take the clue, don't be blue, there are plenty of fish in the sea...
  • awayfromtheci...

    Posts: 154

    Nov 16, 2010 7:12 PM GMT
    Jonno11 saidSo im dating this guy. ive known him for years. he doesnt want anyone to know we're dating, because he says that people will have outside influences on our relationship. I guess i can understand that. Then the other day we were talking and he has like a little moment of personal crisis and he tell mes i shud keep my options open, because im likely to find someone better than him. What I eventually got out of him is that he wants me to keep my options open because hes doing the same thing. Im a monogamous man, how i'm wired. I learned from my parents many mistakes. He is not really the monogamous type, least as far as it concerns me. He's been monogamous with other guys. I'm wondering why he doesnt want that with me. he's a great guy. Shud i keep my options open or stick with him and see what happens?


    If you don't have your answer by know now from all that the other poster's have told you...than you are not listening. At least listen to what you wrote and break it down.

    - I don't want people to know we are dating = I don't want the other guy that I hold in higher regard than you.,, to find out that I am dating/sleeping with you.

    - He is keeping his options open = he IS seeing someone else.

    - He is not the monogamous type = not a match for you. Keep true to yourself and to your standards.

    - Should I see what happens = you know what will happen! You have answered your own question. Don't be the drama in your own life....when you know how this will end up. Be proactive and protect your heart because no one else will.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2010 7:30 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidTwo Words: DUMP HIM



    AGREED. I once tried that...no fun. I say, go play the field as well bud.
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    Nov 16, 2010 7:45 PM GMT
    First of all, I think that half the excitement/challenge of dating is for people to know, to be able to share with everyone else how happy you are with someone, and to be able to overcome the "outside influences" he speaks of. I give him credit for admitting you'll find someone better than him, because he's more than likely right. But the fact that you had to "get it out of him" that he's been messing around isn't cool. Respect, respect, respect. He obviously didn't consider your health or well-being jumping into bed with you after he'd done the same thing with someone else, whether they used protection or not. Like everyone else, I'd say goodbye to Mr. Mysterious.
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    Nov 16, 2010 7:49 PM GMT
    I am monogamous, that's how I am wired...parents etc. I don't buy it, because I said the same thing. I think a person is monogamous because:

    A - they actually love the other person and are only interested in the one
    B - they're comfortable in a relationship and don't want to fuck it up
    C - they have self-esteem issues and fear rejection too much to try to go after what they really want when a and b don't apply
    D - you're afraid of catching something and this seems like the best way

    Lots of other reasons, but the point is that if you say you are "wired" to be monogamous, it sounds to me like you wish you weren't.

    I would explore why you feel the need to be monogamous, if the answer is because you are looking for A or B then you need to find another guy. But if the reason is something else, then working on that may be more important to your ultimate happiness.

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    Nov 16, 2010 8:12 PM GMT
    Jonno11 saidSo im dating this guy. ive known him for years. he doesnt want anyone to know we're dating, because he says that people will have outside influences on our relationship. I guess i can understand that. Then the other day we were talking and he has like a little moment of personal crisis and he tell mes i shud keep my options open, because im likely to find someone better than him. What I eventually got out of him is that he wants me to keep my options open because hes doing the same thing. Im a monogamous man, how i'm wired. I learned from my parents many mistakes. He is not really the monogamous type, least as far as it concerns me. He's been monogamous with other guys. I'm wondering why he doesnt want that with me. he's a great guy. Shud i keep my options open or stick with him and see what happens?


    If you have to apply monogamy to it you must not actually like him.
    Love doesn't exist within boundaries.
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    Nov 16, 2010 8:13 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]sfinthecity said[/cite]


    - Should I see what happens = you know what will happen! You have answered your own question. Don't be the drama in your own life....when you know how this will end up. Be proactive and protect your heart because no one else will.


    Well said, dude!
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    Nov 16, 2010 8:29 PM GMT
    jprichva saidrun run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run


    JP, this isn't up to your usual quality of sardonic, world-weary snark.
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    Nov 16, 2010 9:17 PM GMT
    Be true to yourself! You already know that you are monogamously oriented and he is apparently not. Save yourself time, and heartache by moving on now. Give yourself to a man that can return the gesture in the way you want and deserve. No judgement on him, it's just not a workable situation IMO.