Classic Sarcastic Lines You Love

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 16, 2010 10:31 PM GMT
    Sarcasm is a fine art that I fear is becoming a lost form. Time was people read the New Yorker Magazine for the wit & satire of it's writers, articles or cartoons.

    What are some of your favorite sarcastic lines from movies, books or TV?


    I'll start with one from Groucho Marx:


    "If you have trouble laughing at yourself, I'd be happy to do it for you."



    One from Mark Twain:


    "I never wished anyone dead, but I have read many an obituary with great pleasure."


    One from Betty Davis:


    "You're to speak only good of the dead.
    Joan Crawford. She's dead. Good!"
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 16, 2010 10:37 PM GMT
    Don't mind her, she's been upset ever since someone named Dorothy dropped a house on her sister icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 16, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    "Sarcasm fucking sucks."
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 16, 2010 11:52 PM GMT
    You sound reasonable ........... time to up my medication

    Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental

    You're validating my inherent mistrust in strangers
  • fitartistsf

    Posts: 638

    Nov 17, 2010 1:21 AM GMT
    ANY line from Steel Magnolias!!!! "You're evil, and MUST be destroyed!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 2:01 AM GMT
    From "An Affair To Remember," this final line uttered by Deborah Kerr playing a crippled teacher to Carey Grant's ne'er-do-well artist, has to be by my interpretation one of the greatest unintentionally sarcastic movie quotes in history: "If you can paint, I can walk!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 2:12 AM GMT
    "YOU LOOK FABULOUS!
    ...my eyes hurt."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 2:18 AM GMT
    The trouble with him is that he lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

    I want to die young at a ripe old age.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 2:18 AM GMT
    You need [insert thing] like a rat needs an ice cream cone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 2:19 AM GMT
    He may want [insert thing]...and people in hell want ice water.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 2:27 AM GMT
    MIRANDA PRIESTLY: Florals? For spring? Ground breaking...

    STEWIE GRIFFIN: Actually, my first violent act involved that ticking time bomb that I left in your uterus when I left. Happy 50th Birthday, Lois.

    BLANCHE DEVEREAUX: Dorothy, what do you think I oughta do with my bed?
    DOROTHY ZBORNAK: Put it in the Smithsonian, Blanche. Its got more miles on it than the Spirit of St. Louis!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 2:28 AM GMT
    When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me

    Emo Phillips

    Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

    Drew Carey
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Nov 17, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Nov 17, 2010 4:00 AM GMT
    ANGELS IN AMERICA

    Hannah: Are you a ...homosexual?
    Prior: Oh, Is it that obvious? Yes I am. What's it to you?
    Hannah: Would you say you are a typcial homosexual?
    Prior: Me? Oh I'm stereotypical. What, you mean like am I a haidresser?
    Hannah: Are you a hairdresser?
    Prior: Well it would be your lucky day if I was.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 4:29 AM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite saidSarcasm is a fine art that I fear is becoming a lost form.


    hopefully it will be lost quickly.... sarcasm is one of the most annoying traits EVER.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 4:36 AM GMT
    Sir, you are drunk...
    Madame, you are ugly and I shall be sober in the morning...W. Churchillicon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 4:37 AM GMT
    "You should only wish good on people.

    He's dead. Good."
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Nov 17, 2010 4:40 AM GMT
    George Bernard Shaw telegrammed Winston Churchill just prior to the opening of Major Barbara: "Have reserved two tickets for first night. Come and bring a friend if you have one."

    Churchill wired back, "Impossible to come to first night. Will come to second night, if you have one."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 4:43 AM GMT
    Sir, you try my patience...

    Yes, I know and you must come over and try mine sometime...Grouchoicon_cool.gif

    Last time I saw a face like that, it had a hook in it....R. Dangerfield. CaddyShack

    I suppose you'll piss on my grave when I'm dead...
    No, I don't like standing in lineups......unknown
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 4:45 AM GMT
    vetteset saidSir, you are drunk...
    Madame, you are ugly and I shall be sober in the morning...W. Churchillicon_cool.gif


    I heard W.C. Fields say something similar.

    Man: "You're drunk"

    WC: "Yeah, and you're crazy. I'll be sober tomorrow, but you'll be crazy for the rest of your life"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 5:29 AM GMT
    "I've tried several varieties of sex, all of which I hate. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic; the others give me a stiff neck and/or lockjaw. "

    http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Tallulah_Bankhead

    Pretty much any of these.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 5:31 AM GMT
    "Kitten you're cute but we need you to read"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 6:48 AM GMT
    Rick and Steve:
    "I want you to promise me you won't have sex with anyone after I die-"
    "But I have sex with people now!"

    2."What should we do now?"
    "Think about our place in the universe?"

    3."You're looking fat today."
    "I'm pregnant!"
    "Your ass isn't pregnant."

    4."Here's a quarter...call someone who cares."

    5. "Let me build you a bridge so you can get over it."

    Too many sarcastic funny things to name.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2010 6:55 AM GMT
    southbeach1500 said"I'm from the government and I'm here to help you!"


    Heh heh. Oh, that Gipper, he could really turn a phrase.
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Nov 17, 2010 7:37 AM GMT
    southbeach1500 said"I'm from the government and I'm here to help you!"


    So true... the fire department is particularly worthless