Getting Over a Great Guy.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 18, 2010 2:28 AM GMT
    Alright, so I realize this thread may have already been posted - but I'm in some real need of advice. If you feel the need to be derogatory or sarcastic, take it elsewhere; I really need quality advice here.

    I don't date too often, or get too much into the scene, and haven't ever really 'fallen' for someone. Since late October though, I met someone who I was completely charmed by, he was mid-20s (i'm early 20's), great career, very fit, personable - really the entire package professionally/ looks-wise/ and personality. Our personalities, goals, and ideas meshed really well, or so I thought. Out of the blue this morning he sent me an email though concerned that he was beginning his career, and I still have some grad school ahead of me, and he didn't want to become attached for this reason. He tried to make it clear that it was a "stage of life" problem, not a personality thing...

    But here's my problem (sorry for rambling): I've fallen for him and this entire emotion is totally new to me. I've dumped and been dumped by both guys & girls in the past, but this somehow feels really personal. He made it clear it's over, but I really need some pointers where to go next. I don't want to nag my friends and bring up some short-term fling, or be dramatic... I want to stay focused on my school and other priorities in life, but the entire day I've felt just so .... heart broken.

    I'm wondering what other guys do to get over someone you think you are gelling with when they cut the cord? Feel free to message if its more appropriate than posting on here.
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    Nov 18, 2010 2:57 AM GMT
    Take 18+ hours at school, join all the inter-mural teams I can, and if I still have time to sleep; find a part time job. By the summer you'll barley remember his name.
    For now...HUGS
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    Nov 18, 2010 4:19 AM GMT
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    That'll solve all your probelms icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 18, 2010 7:00 AM GMT
    You should take this time to find yourself again.
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Nov 18, 2010 7:20 AM GMT
    poor you icon_sad.gif you were left standing still.
    well if you really want him, arrange a (final) date with him and ask him what really is the reason why everthing fell apart cause his reasons are weak and tell him you deserve better than calling it quits through email.
    he may ignore you if you do this thru email or text, yes, its a long shot but if he agreed to have this date, you might get at least a peace of mind or if you're lucky and play your cards right, you might get him back.
    good luck
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Nov 18, 2010 7:28 AM GMT
    Put yourself out there to meet new people. Also I recommend getting rid of anything that was his. Keep yourself from looking at their facebook or what ever pages they have. The less you see or hear the better.
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    Nov 18, 2010 8:10 AM GMT
    Aww dude , it suxs that you're hurting about this....

    But trust me , things do get better...Take each day as it comes....Focus on the brighter things in life, work on the goals that you've placed on yourself....

    If you're feeling lonely , accompany a friend and head out somewhere

    Or chat to one of us...

    I've checked into Heartbreak Hotel many times that I'm considered VIPicon_lol.gif


    And though I'm still searching, if I get hurt at any point, I usually recover pretty quickly , so I just spend time at the lobby!

    So cheer up....

    Remember you will find someone who will want to be attached to your and vice versa...


    No more sorrows mister!
  • TadPohl

    Posts: 259

    Nov 18, 2010 8:21 AM GMT
    Dude, I can relate. I once met someone for whom I fell hard. I had thought that the feeling was mutual when he proposed, but he had a sudden change of heart. It was a rough period in my life, but I took the time to reflect and even a quick visit to a relationship therapist. It was an awesome decision... the therapist

    Truth is..... at least you know that it's not you. That you are loved. You have a clear and reasonable answer and the door isn't mysteriously shut for life.

    There are a few things you can do to help yourself get over him, but with anything..... this will take time. You will feel like crap for a little while.

    The other posts here absolutely helpful.

    1. Find something to pre-occupy yourself: a new hobby, volunteer etc.
    2. Don;t take it personally. You're probably a wonderful human being.
    3. If it gets really bad, I remember that most schools provide counseling. Perhaps you may find better answers on how to cope with a pro.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 18, 2010 8:44 AM GMT
    I started keeping a journal.. daily...First it was random scattered thoughts, pity, elation, rinse, repeat. A few weeks into the process I began to see some patterns, some insight and found it the best therapist I could ever find.

    http://www.journalingsaves.com/journaling-through-the-dip-seth-godin-style
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    Nov 18, 2010 9:08 AM GMT
    You need to find your support system whether it's your friends or family right now. You need to try and keep your mind off of this situation. Do things you enjoy, try new things out, find yourself and recapture your happiness. Treat this as another of life's obstacles; learn from it and don't be defeated by it.

    I'm so sorry buddy icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2010 9:25 AM GMT
    He's lying.
    Or it could be the oldest trick in the book..
    as soon as you fall for them, they get an ego and want to lead you on.
    And walk all over you.
    So,don't be fooled by so called success and good looks.

    I've met all kinds of guys and i'm not impressed by anything..
    And I mean ANYTHING.

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    Nov 19, 2010 3:21 PM GMT
    A friend of mine had kind of the same problem. She was dating this guy who was a little older than her, they met one night when we were out clubbing but in the end he broke up with her because he wanted to settle down and he couldn't see that she wanted that as well. She was really disappointed that it ended because she kept thinking well how does he know that it could of turned out the way he wanted but he didn't seem to give it a chance.

    The infatuation is hard to let go of when you like him so much but from his point of view it wasn't the right time to pursue the relationship. It might of been a good thing because if all he can think about is his career, he might neglect you and he doesn't seem to want to do that. You've had a great moment and that should be enough, it's not an end of anything, in your life you've just had some kind of great parallel connection with someone so don't be possessive of what he represents which to me would be a kindred spirit. You can experience similar moments with other people (and more) and nothing will compare to the first time of anything anyhow so don't hold on to what you expected it to be like. You might even reconnect again in the future.
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    Nov 19, 2010 3:24 PM GMT
    I hate to say it, but sometimes the pain doesn't go away easily, quickly, or completely. I broke up with my ex last October and it still hurts, emotionally, but then again it was my first relationships and it wasn't built on the proper foundation.

    Feeling your pain! But know that it will get better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2010 3:41 PM GMT
    Sending a break-up email is egotistical, condescending and shallow.

    I wouldn't end it until you meet with him face-to-face to clear the air. Be direct and ask for honest answers. Accept whatever he has to say and move on.

    I once dated a guy and we got along terrifically. After a few months, he sends me a break-up text. A BREAK-UP TEXT?!

    Oh no, uh-huh. I went RIGHT TO the guy and demanded for answers. We talked for hours and came to a mutual decision to break-up. I left in one piece and ready to move on to the next guy.
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    Nov 27, 2010 8:21 AM GMT
    yz250mxrida saidImage and video hosting by TinyPic


    That'll solve all your probelms icon_wink.gif


    Ha ha...yeah, that's just the beginning of your problems.......Gotta grieve, cry, get it out of your system....move on, do a Stuart Smalley (SNL) reality check......it's not over...it's just the beginning...be good to yourself...2.5 billion men on this planet....the odds got to be in your favor!
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    Dec 17, 2010 2:44 AM GMT
    they'll be others, people are just people.
  • Leo123

    Posts: 126

    Dec 17, 2010 3:04 AM GMT
    The best way to get over a dick is to get another dick. Preferably a better dick.

    That, plus some healing time cures all.
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    Dec 17, 2010 4:12 AM GMT
    As strange as this sounds I let the darkness come over me during times I have really really bad days or even when something like losing a bf happens on my part or his. I let everything bad take effect twice as worse than it normally would, let my hatred, anger, everything like it just control me. Somehow through the darkness I see the light and its like everything makes sense and returns to normal. The darkness fades and the light shines brighter than before.
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    Dec 17, 2010 4:18 AM GMT
    MidwesternKid saidPut yourself out there to meet new people. Also I recommend getting rid of anything that was his. Keep yourself from looking at their facebook or what ever pages they have. The less you see or hear the better.


    That is what I recommend as well. Stay away from anything that reminds you of him.
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    Dec 17, 2010 4:22 AM GMT
    I carry with me everyone I've had those feelings for.
    This idiot will be in your memory now forever. And that could be a good thing. Something to either avoid or something to search for again in someone new.

    I've done the face to face and it didn't help me. Any excuse, whether it's him, something completely unrelated ...or you, will never help you resolve how you're feeling. It didn't for me and it also turned out the excuse he gave me was a lie.
    He's dead now. At least I imagine he is.icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 4:10 AM GMT
    lifecast2020 saidI carry with me everyone I've had those feelings for.
    This idiot will be in your memory now forever. And that could be a good thing. Something to either avoid or something to search for again in someone new.

    I've done the face to face and it didn't help me. Any excuse, whether it's him, something completely unrelated ...or you, will never help you resolve how you're feeling. It didn't for me and it also turned out the excuse he gave me was a lie.
    He's dead now. At least I imagine he is.icon_twisted.gif


    This is a good technique to use
  • Rush_

    Posts: 402

    Dec 19, 2010 4:15 AM GMT
    I've been there; last year my boyfriend of three years ended it off, and it hurt more than I ever imagined.

    I took the time to redefine myself and reinvent myself (part of how I found this site; I decided I'd tap into my athletic side), and so far it has been great for me.

    It takes time to get over anyone and you'll have to sift through the ideas from everyone else to figure out what works for you.

    For me, it was throwing myself hard into my training and health; I had lunch runs or weights depending on the day, then martial arts training at night. I took the time to cook healthy meals and write everything down to make sure my habits changed and took most of my free time and somehow dedicated it to building a new me (reading new things or information related to my fitness regimen, reconnecting with friends, just letting loose and having fun) and that is what got me through that guy and any other time something difficult pops up.
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    Dec 22, 2010 4:37 PM GMT
    robert grimes was a nice guy sexy hunky great arse he had the most beautiful voice i miss him every day its been twenty years
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    Dec 24, 2010 5:01 PM GMT
    Eric_ saidYou should take this time to find yourself again.


    I like that!
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    Dec 24, 2010 5:03 PM GMT
    yz250mxrida saidImage and video hosting by TinyPic


    That'll solve all your probelms icon_wink.gif


    Id advise against it.. that is a depressant and precipitated my depression when i was down.. its only good when you're up