Sleeping with a great guy who can't orgasm - what can I do?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2010 12:28 AM GMT
    I have started seeing a guy long distance. We have slept together three times. I am very attracted to him and I think he is to me. We have great sex in all sorts of ways, but he doesn't reach orgasm. I've asked what I can do to make him cum and he says that it doesn't matter. He's said he's come with other guys in the past. What can I do? Help! I really like him.
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    Nov 21, 2010 12:33 AM GMT
    [b]maybe you need botox thats why he cant cum..or he needs a pussy pump or just tell him fuck off and get someone a real man...............[/b]
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    Nov 21, 2010 1:36 AM GMT
    Is he on an SSRI for depression? if so, tell him to talk to his doctor about alternatives or an adjunctive therapy to help him overcome the problem.
  • LEOPOLDIVX

    Posts: 64

    Nov 21, 2010 1:39 AM GMT
    Nerviousness... medication... technique all play a part.

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    Nov 21, 2010 1:42 AM GMT
    Suck harder ?? icon_wink.gif I had this problem with a guy a while ago.... no matter what he did, nothing. This is going to sound kinda cruel and I don't want you to take it personally, but some people just aren't meant to sleep together....when it comes to love the heart wants what the heart wants not the head!

    I wish the best for you!
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    Nov 21, 2010 1:44 AM GMT
    curious_coguy saidI have started seeing a guy long distance. We have slept together three times. I am very attracted to him and I think he is to me. We have great sex in all sorts of ways, but he doesn't reach orgasm. I've asked what I can do to make him cum and he says that it doesn't matter. He's said he's come with other guys in the past. What can I do? Help! I really like him.


    ...and he will. No pressure to perform, right? icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Nov 21, 2010 1:46 AM GMT
    Comfort level and nerves can play a big part. If youre dating, you guys will figure it out, he doesn't seem worried about, just enjoy yourselves.

    If you feel "less than" because he's not cumming, that's an issue for you to work out, if he's happy getting you off, be happy you have a guy you like and that likes you.
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    Nov 21, 2010 1:49 AM GMT
    If you've been dating long distance and have slept together three times and this is on three different visits, rather than all during the same one, the guy must like you - otherwise he wouldn't keep seeing you. I know from firsthand experience that there are circumstances that make it virtually impossible for a guy to reach orgasm. If he says it doesn't matter, I'd try to take it at face value hard as that may be. It could very well be that even if he doesn't reach orgasm, he still enjoys being with you and the closeness of being intimate with you.

    If it is medication that is keeping him from being able to orgasm, he may be able to switch to something else. Then again, if it is an issue with medication, it could be the one he is on is the only one that works for him.

    Wish I could be more help.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Nov 21, 2010 2:10 AM GMT
    Be patient.

    Ask him if he wants to investigate the cause of this.

    Enjoy the sex you are having together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2010 3:17 AM GMT
    tie him up, hes holding back.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Nov 21, 2010 3:22 AM GMT
    rightasrain saidIs he on an SSRI for depression? if so, tell him to talk to his doctor about alternatives or an adjunctive therapy to help him overcome the problem.


    correct, thats the problem
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Nov 21, 2010 3:27 AM GMT
    It's just nervous tension. I had the same problem in the past. When he's comfortable in your relationship, you'll have to wear safety glasses!
  • orgrind

    Posts: 20

    Nov 21, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    "if he's happy getting you off, be happy you have a guy you like and that likes you.[/quote]

    I have to agree with this -
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    Nov 21, 2010 3:33 AM GMT
    It's more than likely that he is nervous, since he has cum with other guys. Don't pressure him to cum and as he gets more comfortable and relexed, he will start cumming.
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    Nov 21, 2010 3:33 AM GMT
    AussieMe said some people just aren't meant to sleep together....when it comes to love the heart wants what the heart wants not the head!

    Sad but all too true.
    Theoretically it may be perfect but the proof's in the pudding, so to speak.
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    Nov 21, 2010 3:44 AM GMT
    The guy I am with now didn't cum either the first few times we had sex. But now he blows a big load everytime. icon_smile.gif It's just because he's nervous. Sometimes I think we have sex too soon before we are really comfortable and know each other very well and this can cause guys to be nervous and therefore not abe to perform very well in bed. Always good to date a guy for awhile first without sex until you get to know each other and then you can take his clothes off. lol Sex will be a lot better the first time, if you don't push it too soon.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2010 3:46 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidIt's just nervous tension. I had the same problem in the past. When he's comfortable in your relationship, you'll have to wear safety glasses!


    definitely true
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    Nov 21, 2010 3:55 AM GMT
    As someone who can take awhile time to cum from a handy-J or a hardcore sweaty romp in the sack, enjoy the physicality regardless of the outcome (pun intended). If it becomes an experience where you focus more on wanting someone to cum versus enjoying the hot and sweaty body contact ... larger issues will arise.
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    Nov 21, 2010 4:03 AM GMT
    if he says it doesnt matter then leave it as such...
    so whos the bottom? LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2010 5:46 AM GMT
    Make him lie there while you stroke him until he comes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2010 5:58 AM GMT
    Kell_la saidMake him lie there while you stroke him until he comes.


    exactly, will help your upper body strength, or give your repetitive stress injury!
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    Nov 21, 2010 6:01 AM GMT
    If you where not able to cum with him, and resented it, then it would be a problem.

    If he can't cum, whatever the reason, but he enjoy having sex with you, where is the problem ?

    In case he wants to cum, can't manage it, and decided to make the best out of it (taking pleasure in giving you pleasure), you making an issues will just stress him and likely put you apart.

    If it's really important for you, ask him if there is anything you can do to help him cum (kinky stuff etc...) It there is no simple solution, just enjoy the good sex, and let him manage his own pleasure the way is his more comfortable with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2010 6:01 AM GMT
    Great sex for you=/=great sex for him
  • santz7

    Posts: 47

    Nov 21, 2010 10:03 AM GMT
    curious_coguy saidI have started seeing a guy long distance. We have slept together three times. I am very attracted to him and I think he is to me. We have great sex in all sorts of ways, but he doesn't reach orgasm. I've asked what I can do to make him cum and he says that it doesn't matter. He's said he's come with other guys in the past. What can I do? Help! I really like him.


    If you both, realy enjoy each other.. keep having sex.. the ejaculacion part is just that.. there may be many reasons.. for not having one. Want to help... tell him it does't matter.. as he already tell you.. besides only because he does't cum, doesn't mean he is not having orgasms..
    However, if this situacion affects you to the point that you are blaming your self, then you may be better off without..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2010 10:11 AM GMT
    If he has come in the past with other guys, It could be that he is still seeing other guys sexually or not that attracted to you. Are u making the trip to see him or him to you? If he is into you as much as u think he is, he need to stop sleeping with other dudes and hold out till he see u. sounds like he cant cum because hes fucking other dudes, usually this is the case. Tough love babe boi, sorry.