Singledom?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2008 2:34 AM GMT
    Im not really the one to say, since im a hopeless romantic, but most of that i find myself wanting and happy to be single.

    Its been two years since i broke up with my boyfriend back home, and it seems like i yearn for someone to do activities with (hiking, cooking, swimming, etc....if anyone relates this to sex...DONT!), but i somehow find myself, along with a great big deal of others around my age, wanting to be single, not looking for a relationship. This empowerment, the motivation of being single and out there and desired by many men is thrilling, but i think there is an underlying reason behind it...We've come to an age where being in a relationship isnt all that great, youthfulness (undoubtedly) and singledom is something we look for.

    Does anyone agree with me on this? any thoughts or comments?
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    Mar 15, 2008 2:53 AM GMT
    You need friends to do things with. I've held the belief that we try to put so many "dependencies" in a single relationship (most often our partners).

    I try to put my "dependencies" in many people. Like friend A I can go to in matters of money. Friend B I can go to if I want to do something outdoors. Friend C I can go to if I want someone to cook with. and Friend D I can go to if I want... icon_razz.gif.

    So, be single - a relationship is only necessary when you find that person that is necessary to share it with. For now, enjoy your friends - and make some new ones too!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2008 3:08 AM GMT
    friends isnt a problem..im overloaded with those...but at times i miss having a boyfriend..
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    Mar 15, 2008 3:28 AM GMT
    At our age, each person manifests that desire for independence depending on their situation in life.

    There are those of us who yearn for not having to depend on their [authoritative] family, and those who have gained that type of independence miss that shelter or their families at times.

    There are those stuck in relationships because they can't live comfortably or would feel lost without having that companion (be he good or bad), and those like Moudi who are independent of that clingy-ness or need for a companion enjoy their "freedom" yet yearn for that warmth from time to time.

    Just two examples. Just my interpretation.
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    Mar 15, 2008 3:35 AM GMT
    i like your interpretation icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 15, 2008 10:10 AM GMT
    Add me to the lonely crowd. Sure I want independence, but mostly from my parents.

    And having been closeted all throughout my teens, I'm more than ready to find something other than singledom. Well... almost ready. icon_razz.gif hehe

    Not to mention...

    <-- Hopeless romantic as well.
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    Mar 15, 2008 12:40 PM GMT
    Yo, kids, take it from the old guy:

    You're TWENTY. This is the time to have adventures. Adventures are difficult, not to say impossible, if you have to be thinking of a partner and what he may want or not want to do. That's not to say you can't date if you want to, but relationships?

    Wait until you have a wealth of experiences, and stories, and life has slapped you around a little (which it will), and your natural urge to see what's around the next corner has abated somewhat (hopefully it will never completely go away, just abate)....

    THEN it's time to think about relationships.
  • geebus

    Posts: 216

    Mar 15, 2008 1:21 PM GMT
    yeh, I find relationships take way too much effort. Maybe because once I'm in a relationship I tend to become this "perfect boyfriend". Meh, single until someone knocks on my door ^_^
  • GeorgeNJ

    Posts: 216

    Mar 15, 2008 1:25 PM GMT
    jprichva saidYo, kids, take it from the old guy:

    You're TWENTY. This is the time to have adventures. Adventures are difficult, not to say impossible, if you have to be thinking of a partner and what he may want or not want to do. That's not to say you can't date if you want to, but relationships?

    Wait until you have a wealth of experiences, and stories, and life has slapped you around a little (which it will), and your natural urge to see what's around the next corner has abated somewhat (hopefully it will never completely go away, just abate)....

    THEN it's time to think about relationships.


    I totally agree. An exclusive relationship can be a beautiful thing, it helps a person mature, it provides stability and comfort. But there are certain foundational things that have to come (no pun intended)* before the step into monogamy. Don't cut yourself short.

    *(Well, maybe... icon_wink.gif )
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    Mar 15, 2008 2:02 PM GMT
    I've been through this years ago. If it's where you are in your life, than more power to you. You have to live the life you choose, until you decide to change it, or feel it's the perfect fit.

    For me, being single was liberating and lots of fun. This is also the time I decided to sow my wild oats and kill any potential midlife crisis that could drive crazy later, and just get the experience of a freedom and singledom checked off my life's list. But, once I went through the single phase and grew bored of the same kind of people, always wanting the old thing, and feeling the need for something more.

    Then, after 2 years, I began my search for someone dateable. Someone I could be with, but not bound to, for as long as I wanted. It was a pretty disappointing time. Most guys who put themselves on the dating block, where just as interested in sex alone, as they guys I'd had one night stands with. Only they were more tactful and willing to wait for a story to tell.

    At this point I'd grown tired of the scene and it's over simplified "I'm free to fuck" philosophy; so I gave up on Friday and Saturday nights and only occassionally went out on Karaoke nights or holidays, if at all. Than after giving up altogether and accepting a live lived single without the troubles of dating and back into a possible start at square one, I stumbled upon my now ex. They said that when I stopped looking, that I'd find the right guy for me out of the blue. Surprisingly they were right. Those 3 years were the best in my life, with someone else.

    Now, being single again. I have no plans for being single, dating, or finding a long term relationship. I'm going to focus on my career first, and let what may come, come! If it means messing around, fine; or if it means finding someone worth dating, fine; and if by some random rare chance I meet someone worth more than their weight in gold, than I'm going to hold onto them and make the best of every minute... but I have no expectations for either one of these three possibilities right now.

    But you've got to take whatever road you believe is best for you now. Do what you want and let your heart and mind lead you to where you feel you belong. But don't let anyone try and tell you what is best with your life. Otherwise you'll miss some of the most rewarding times you could ever have in your life, no matter what they may be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2008 4:26 PM GMT
    Twenties is a great age to enjoy being single. Statistically you're 6% less likely to be looking and 8% more likely to be single at that age. (For more information check out the post on my blog)

    I wish I'd felt that way when I was younger. I spent way too much of my college life wanting a boyfriend. Now that I'm 30 and guys are more likely to settle down I'm just starting to have fun ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2008 5:05 PM GMT
    vergence saidTwenties is a great age to enjoy being single. Statistically you're 6% less likely to be looking and 8% more likely to be single at that age. (For more information check out the post on my blog)

    I wish I'd felt that way when I was younger. I spent way too much of my college life wanting a boyfriend. Now that I'm 30 and guys are more likely to settle down I'm just starting to have fun ;)


    im in college now and i feel that i should be having fun, but i feel way above all these college kids..they are too immature for me, they dont know what they want and they just do whatever...which can be fun..but i know what i want...and i think ive gotten to a point where i just want to settle down...
  • helium

    Posts: 378

    Mar 15, 2008 5:15 PM GMT
    Jrdnstatz saidI try to put my "dependencies" in many people. Like friend A I can go to in matters of money. Friend B I can go to if I want to do something outdoors. Friend C I can go to if I want someone to cook with. and Friend D I can go to if I want... icon_razz.gif.


    I will agree with him on this. It's best to have different friends to do different things with. That way you don't feel that sense of being alone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2008 5:56 PM GMT
    i'm over 20 and i do not elude boyfriends ))
    i'm just interested (not on look out) in quite rare independent self-busy guys, probably, who has his own axis, configuration and properties - ok, that's look like me

    in fact, i'm always absorbed by something and..
    for example, i haven't time and need for numerous calls and shower of emotional but hollow messages everyday - and frankly, i don't need it.. (maybe i'm getting emotionless icon_confused.gif)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2008 6:23 PM GMT
    Being single has it's advantages. In my opinion though, I do think that having a boyfriend is a great thing. Sure, relationships can be hard, but hey,if you don't try how would you know if it is the right thing for you. It is important though that you and him are compatible.
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    Mar 15, 2008 6:33 PM GMT
    i like being single, but i enjoy being in a relationship, because im not clingy, and at times it feels liek im still single, because i still keep my individual life... which inevitably leads me to being single again, because guys in wisconsin are rediculously clingy
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    Mar 15, 2008 7:00 PM GMT
    What is great about being gay is that the commonly held paradigm that you have to be "partnered" to be complete or happy need not apply. We get to make up our own rules for life. It's great! icon_smile.gif Believe it or not, even the straights are stealing a play from our playbook with more and more smart/educated heterosexuals choosing to be single.

    I have been on both sides of the fence...a seven year relationship, and five years single since. Both have their benefits (and drawbacks) that allow you to grow in different ways. How I grew as a person came from both situations, and for sure, being single opened up a whole new set of experiences I would have never had being partnered and vice versa.

    So my old-timer advice is enjoy life fully whatever your current situation and take pleasure that you have the power to define your life the way you want. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 15, 2008 7:10 PM GMT
    str8hardbody saidB. I don't need a man to make me happy, I don't need a man to make me complete. .


    I think you stole that from the pussy cat dolls. They are going to be pissed.