Is this cheating?

  • muscularman

    Posts: 13

    Nov 23, 2010 1:24 PM GMT
    my lover was secretly seeing a man that likes to be paddle hard ant torture , they were both naked and he plays with my boyfriends penis, is this cheating?
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    Nov 23, 2010 1:27 PM GMT
    If your dad had a friend like that, would you consider that he was cheating on your mother? DuHHH!
  • muscularman

    Posts: 13

    Nov 23, 2010 1:32 PM GMT
    Martin5769 saidIf your dad had a friend like that, would you consider that he was cheating on your mother? DuHHH!


    muscleman responce;
    he says that was not cheating, i say it is
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    Nov 23, 2010 1:37 PM GMT
    muscularman saidmy lover was secretly seeing a man that likes to be paddle hard ant torture , they were both naked and he plays with my boyfriends penis, is this cheating?



    ......I'm just wondering if he is testing your patience, or if he is just testing of what will your reaction will be if he "cheats" on you. But if you don't act quickly, it might be a continous thing that he will intentionally do. icon_eek.gif


    Whatever he does w. different guys behind your back and says: "it is not cheating", it is considered cheating(physical/mutual touch). No matter what he says that it isnt, he is just in denial that it IS cheating. icon_confused.gificon_eek.gif If I were you, i'd b*tch slap the sense outta him. lol
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    Nov 23, 2010 1:39 PM GMT
    Your lover has a fetish that you don't have. Fetishes don't go away. If anything, they get stronger.
    So, you're left with two options:
    1. Allow him to satisfy his fetish with someone else...either by opening the relationship or ending it.
    2. Force him to do it behind your back and lie to you about it.

    Sorry to be so blunt, but I've been there.
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    Nov 23, 2010 1:50 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidYour lover has a fetish that you don't have. Fetishes don't go away. If anything, they get stronger.
    So, you're left with two options:
    1. Allow him to satisfy his fetish with someone else...either by opening the relationship or ending it.
    2. Force him to do it behind your back and lie to you about it.

    Sorry to be so blunt, but I've been there.



    >_< ... mhmm.
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    Nov 23, 2010 1:53 PM GMT


    Did you agree to be exclusive to each other? If you both did, he cheated because he did it secretly.

    Paul gave you two options that are practical.

    I will say, though, that some fetishes aren't powerful. Many people have fetishes they consign to fantasy and masturbate to.

    -Doug
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    Nov 23, 2010 2:33 PM GMT
    I would ask you, the OP. Do you think that it is cheating?

    I would also wonder, how long he has done this.. I assume this has always been going on behind your back? Have you been dating long?

    Personally I think it's cheating and I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who chooses to act out sexual fantasies with someone who isn't me. At least without discussing it with me first....
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    Nov 23, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    muscularman saidmy lover was secretly seeing a man that likes to be paddle hard ant torture , they were both naked and he plays with my boyfriends penis, is this cheating?


    Troll alert!!!!!!
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    Nov 23, 2010 3:16 PM GMT
    AvadaKedavra said
    muscularman saidmy lover was secretly seeing a man that likes to be paddle hard ant torture , they were both naked and he plays with my boyfriends penis, is this cheating?


    Troll alert!!!!!!
    That's not trolling. That's the opening scene of a fetish porn flick. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 23, 2010 3:23 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidYour lover has a fetish that you don't have. Fetishes don't go away. If anything, they get stronger.
    So, you're left with two options:
    1. Allow him to satisfy his fetish with someone else...either by opening the relationship or ending it.
    2. Force him to do it behind your back and lie to you about it.

    Sorry to be so blunt, but I've been there.

    3. Indulge his fetish with a safe word like "Realjock." Couples have made those compromises for centuries. You may surprise yourself by getting off on pleasing your partner. The cheating bastard. (Ah, the things we do for love.)
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    Nov 23, 2010 3:30 PM GMT
    I wouldn't consider it cheating, but I've also been in his position, where I have certain fetishes that a boyfriend cannot / will not fulfill. There's a slight difference though... I told my boyfriend ahead of time (very early in the relationship) that I have these fetishes, and that they will be fulfilled. Either by him, or by someone else, and perhaps both. He was always invited to join me when I would dominate another person, and I would have preferred it if he did (he never did). I never had intercourse with the person, and they were allowed (made) to suck my dick, though I would never cum for any of them. My cum was a gift that my boyfriend and I shared.

    The key difference here is communication. I always make it a point to let my partner (when I have one) know up front about what it is I like / need to do, and make sure they are okay with it. It is never okay to do this behind your lover's back, which is the problem I see here. He went and snuck behind your back to do this, and decided "it's easier to get forgiveness than permission." That's bullshit. If he's into BDSM, he should know there's a code behind it that demands loyalty and respect for others. He has shown neither to you, but seems to somewhat regret what he did if he came to you AFTER the session.

    I'd say if you have to ask if this is cheating, then you're not going to be into this, and will end up hurt in the long run if you keep it up. He's going to do this again (trust me, if it's ingrained in your head enough to go behind your partner's back to do it, it's got a lot of control over him), and it's up to you to either go through pain now, or go through more pain later. Good luck.