Did I say the right thing last night?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 12:52 AM GMT
    Hey everyone would love your help on this...

    Well lets just say theres me, a friend from way back jessica and a mutual guy friend, luke.

    Ages ago jess had a party at her house and luke was there, and I started talking to luke that night and we decided to go out for a few coffees over the next few weeks and a date to the movies.

    Anyway last night, we went out on the town for a bit and as we were heading back to our cars (we both came seperatly due to having things we had to attend to before) I told him that I liked him. And he said he had no idea, and that he thinks im an awesome guy, but after being in a bad relationship that went on for a few years he isnt sure on trusting another guy...

    I'm not 100% sure where this leaves me and him, is there still a chance at all? do I give it time? do I ask him if he would like to take the friendship further (I only told him I liked him I didn't ask that question)???


    He is the most genuine person I have met in a long time, very caring, and just a great all round guy, and his hot too!! hehe.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 1:22 AM GMT
    I would say take it easy. Give it time to sink in with him. Carry on as you have been. Everything doesnt happen over night.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 1:57 AM GMT
    hmmmm..sounds like you are describing my boyfriend of almost one year, bud.

    when we met at a gay party, he was just coming out of a marriage with another man. they had been together for over 12 years. the last half of those years had proven devastatingly difficult for my lover. when we met, he had been away from his former partner only two months and he informed me, upfront, that he had no desire to jump back into a relationship. I told him that was no my desire, either. but we felt an immediate attraction and connection to the other. the chemistry was awesome and could not be denied. the sex was more than either of us could have expected...

    well, fast-forward several months, and while we were lying together in bed, we both voiced the realization that we were already in a relationship...didnt really know when it had taken place, but knew that it was there. so many things contributed to this realization..the phenomenol sex..the caring and concern for each other...the desire to be with each other,no matter what we did...the openess for discussion about anything...

    we have been through several rough patches. even one that i thought we were over. but we talked. we held each other....and at this point, we are establishing the perimeters of being with other men on our own and in our relationship, together. my boyfriend came from
    an extremely controling union, and he wishes to experiment with others one-on-one, and with me in threeways...at first, i wanted to reject such outside connections, but i love the guy and want him in my life, so we are working together on this major issue in gay relationships. we are in an open relationship, but we are both first with the other. there are deep, deep feelings (at this point, boyfriend has admitted to being afraid of voicing the true depth of his love for me...but i know, and have told him that, even without his lips telling me. he has told me he will tell me he loves me, but it must be on his own time and when he feels the time is right. just to please be patient and do not push him away if i find him too slow in his responce) that we have for each other...

    so, yes, there is hope for you and your friend, who is not ready for a relationship. talk with him. be patient. learn to compromise. listen to what the other has to say, and do not be afraid to voice your true feelings...

    believe me, when the right guy comes along, you just want to work with him on all levels to assure that you both find mutual happiness and enjoyment for youself and the other...

    and above all else, be responsive and understanding of what your friend has gone through and is going through. be sensitive. be attentive. be there for him if he needs a shoulder to cry on. he may not be ready for a new relationship for sometime..or like my situation, he may discover out of nowhere that more than just friendship has taken place..

    good luck, buddy. wish you the very best in whatever takes place-
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 3:27 AM GMT
    It sounds like you have a little crush on this guy but he does not feel the same for whatever reason. Try not to read to much into things. A crush may keep you from seeing clearly. Don't push yourself on him or be too intrusive. Maybe he just wants to be friends. Take him at his word and be the best friend you can be. Don't be too sensitive and get your heart broke!icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 3:57 AM GMT
    let your friendship build with him. give him that time to see you for who you are not just by what is said but by what he sees.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 8:02 AM GMT
    First thing... don't push the issue or try to rush him. That will chase him away for sure.

    Give him time to let what you've said sink in... and give your friendship time to develop more, too. Be supportive of him and be a good friend to him, and just let things develop naturally. He might end up falling for you... or he might not. Sometimes, it can take a while to decide you're ready to try another relationship... sometimes it can even take a year or more to take that chance again, so try not to read too much into what was said or to get your hopes too high.

    Good luck! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 9:15 AM GMT
    Oh well that's a simple answer for a simple question.

    Give it time buddy and hopefully things will go smooth for you. Don't pressure or push the issue and just continue doing what you're doing. Your potential BF just said he got out of a bad relationship and has some trust issues, correct? Then all you have to do is be the exact opposite of his last bf and not give him any reason not to trust you i.e. don't lie and make up excuses that would question your intergity.

    If you can do that, along with giving the situation some time for him to marinate in, then you'll be fine.
    Push too hard and you might creep him and send the wrong message.

    Cheers and good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 10:14 AM GMT
    he thinks im an awesome guy, but after being in a bad relationship that went on for a few years he isnt sure on trusting another guy...

    This really means:

    "I'm not into you but I haven't the guts to tell you the truth."
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 16, 2008 10:46 AM GMT
    Just let the ball drop..
    you put it out there
    if he wants to pick it up and play with it icon_smile.gif
    it's his turn, right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 1:20 PM GMT
    Yes, you said the right thing. Good for you. We'll never get what we want in life without asking for it. You're hot too btw.. if he doesn't feel the same way about you.. well then, he's insane.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 2:23 PM GMT
    I say take your time, but I tend to agree with redheadguy that he was likely trying to let you down easy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 2:35 PM GMT
    You definitely said the right thing; open communication is the silver bullet for a situation like this.
    Just take your time and exercise a little patience.
    Luke will greatly appreciate your willingness to let "things" develop at a pace he's comfortable with.

    I'd suggest just continuing with the coffee dates, and continue to let Luke know that you enjoy spending time with him; Like GQJock suggested, make it clear that you're there for him when he needs/wants you.

    It sounds like Luke will need some reassurance that you're a man he can trust, and that'll take time to build.

    Best of luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 3:14 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidI say take your time, but I tend to agree with redheadguy that he was likely trying to let you down easy.


    I don't know if I agree 100%. I think there are certainly times when guys try to put you down easy. And generally speaking you'll realize this in the next few weeks when you'll propose hanging out and he'll either 1) not return your phone call or 2) be constantly busy with "stuff"

    But I think there's the possibility that he's actually interested and is telling the truth. If there's any common thread in the parade of total losers that I've dated, it's the fear of commitment and the desire to cling to something "safe." (read as: unemotional) Boiled down to it, it's just fear. Some people live their lives in fear.

    If you're willing to put up with that and are compatible with that, then you should wait it out. Personally, I'm not attracted to guys who are afraid. (ah that explains why I'm single)

    ... Bitter, party of one, your table is ready!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 3:18 PM GMT
    I think the majority of the guys have it right, just be his friend and let things play out naturally. If you push anything you may lose a friend. If it's meant to be it will happen.

    You're young and sexy so get out and enjoy the freedom of meeting different guys and experiencing life. Safely of course! Who knows you may realize that Luke was not the one for you after all.

    There's plenty of time for serious relationships.

    By the way, I think you were really brave to put your feelings out there and be honest with him. More guys should take a lesson from this. Trocks are you listening? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 3:22 PM GMT
    You are only 21 so time is on your side. It sounds like you really like this guy. I would consider though that if he has been in a bad relationship it may take him awhile to get over it, can you wait, should you wait? I personally would keep my eyes open for another guy there are a lot of great gay guys out there. You also have to wonder that in a relationship with this guy his previous bad experience might be an issue.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2008 3:41 PM GMT
    i agree with GQ. you put it out there, now it's his turn. but whatever you do, do not sit and wait around for this guy to come around. go about your life. do not ever wait for a man -you'll be waiting forever.