Why do so many younger guys worry about finding someone?

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 27, 2010 12:27 AM GMT
    look.jpg

    Isn't it more important to establish yourself first ( a job, a home, etc...) and then find someone to share it all with icon_question.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 27, 2010 12:35 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI think most guys who are young know that they have to allow themselves their whore moments (which lasts throughout their twenties) and to be able to enjoy themselves and then get it out of their systems. icon_twisted.gif



    So..by doing this, they are less apt to have "wandering eyes" when they do find a relationship later in life? Makes sense I guess. icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 27, 2010 1:08 AM GMT
    i've been looking since i was 14, i'm 59 now.....is it time yet??...............Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Nov 27, 2010 1:12 AM GMT
    Hmmm I dont know, for me Im just looking for a relationship cause I never experience a gay relationship yet icon_razz.gif! Im not looking to whore my self out and see how many people I can have sex with, rather Im in it for the long run more than a hook up. Im kinda old fashion.
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Nov 27, 2010 1:26 AM GMT
    A few possibilities.

    Because their hetero peers are often well into dating and it sucks always being the third wheel

    Because being gay isn't easy and it's nice to have someone to help you through

    Because nearly everyone wants to share their life with someone special.

    Because it sucks being alone.


    Personally I'm head over heels in love with someone who is only "questioning" his sexuality and it's been really difficult. I'd prefer if he would just make up his mind, but meeting someone else to pull me away from this crappy situation would be wonderful.
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    Nov 27, 2010 1:50 AM GMT
    mcwclewis saidA few possibilities.

    Because their hetero peers are often well into dating and it sucks always being the third wheel

    Because being gay isn't easy and it's nice to have someone to help you through

    Because nearly everyone wants to share their life with someone special.

    Because it sucks being alone.


    Personally I'm head over heels in love with someone who is only "questioning" his sexuality and it's been really difficult. I'd prefer if he would just make up his mind, but meeting someone else to pull me away from this crappy situation would be wonderful.

    I would yank you away in a heart beat.

    and: Yeah, I think it is a combination of loneliness and too much free time.
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    Nov 27, 2010 2:31 AM GMT
    For most I would imagine, validation.
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Nov 27, 2010 2:42 AM GMT
    mcwclewis saidBecause their hetero peers are often well into dating and it sucks always being the third wheel


    ^^^ The pressure to date when you are young is high. A lot of our hetero peers have already been dating for years, a good amount since early high school; yet most gay guys haven't even been on a date years into college.

    Makes you feel like something is wrong with you, even though it's an irrational thought.
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    Nov 27, 2010 2:46 AM GMT
    i guess you cand find someone and establish yourself at the same time.

  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Nov 27, 2010 2:48 AM GMT
    malefeet saidlook.jpg

    Isn't it more important to establish yourself first ( a job, a home, etc...) and then find someone to share it all with icon_question.gif


    It's harder to find someone when your group is only a very small percentage of the population. Plus the older you get the less opportunity there is as well.

    This as well: "A lot of our hetero peers have already been dating for years, a good amount since early high school; yet most gay guys haven't even been on a date years into college. "
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Nov 27, 2010 2:50 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI think most guys who are young know that they have to allow themselves their whore moments (which lasts throughout their twenties) and to be able to enjoy themselves and then get it out of their systems. icon_twisted.gif


    I don't think that ever goes away. I think also with gay guys it probably extends into older age since a lot of gay guys don't go through the normal stages of development as straight guys do.
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    Nov 27, 2010 2:59 AM GMT
    malefeet saidlook.jpg

    Isn't it more important to establish yourself first ( a job, a home, etc...) and then find someone to share it all with icon_question.gif


    Perfectly valid question. I feel a lot of it is due to social pressure in a way. In a straight relationship, the ultimate emphasis is on marriage and having kids; if you look at newspapers and magazines you will always see the latest break-up or marriage etc. For gay people I think it works differently though. Growing up, we've had to emotionally detach ourselves in a way in order to feel protected. We close ourselves off so much that we just want to emotionally connect with someone whom we feel completely understands us and whom we can express and recieve love.

    For me, I've never had the opportunity to share my life and my true self with anyone before, always kept myself to myself. I feel that the idea of being in a relationship is romanticized too much by a lot of people sometimes: generally people only think about the good things in a relationship and completely neglect the bad (which there inevitably will be) and thus when the relationship reaches a rocky patch suddenly this idealization of love that they have is shattered. Sort of deviated a bit, but I did sort of answer the question. icon_cool.gif
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    Nov 27, 2010 3:06 AM GMT
    One pertinent example: last year my sister finally got married to her boyfriend and had a baby -- a wonderful baby girl whom I love to bits might I add. And then suddenly all her friends seemed to be either getting married or having babies too a short time afterwards. A coincidence? Maybe, but I think not.

    This can directly be linked to young people being in a relationship. A friend finds a girlfriend/boyfriend. The friend could perhaps feel pushed aside and also maybe the pressure to be with someone else too. And so, they rush into a relationship without really thinking or trusting their hearts.

    Ok, I've officially milked my opinion and am tired of typing. End of my annoying inputs.
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    Nov 27, 2010 3:09 AM GMT
    I don't wanna "whore around" as that's not what I'm about. I'm 21 and I wanna find that one guy that yeah I'm sexually attracted to and sex is good but one that I also love and can connect with and have a deeper relationship than just sex. and I almost feel like having someone like that will help me in the process of growing up and stuff because I have no confidence and I think if I had someone that believes in me and loves me for who I am it will make me feel much better about myself and allow me to grow and expand in all areas of life... just my personal feeling. icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 27, 2010 3:13 AM GMT
    because i dont wanna end up like most old guys who are established and alone icon_razz.gif
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    Nov 27, 2010 3:14 AM GMT
    because I want someone to dutch oven, kick out of the bed, wake them up with a pillow smack to the head.... ya know romantic stuff.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 27, 2010 3:15 AM GMT
    KardioKing saidbecause I want someone to dutch oven, kick out of the bed, wake them up with a pillow smack to the head.... ya know romantic stuff.


    Great Answer icon_cool.gif
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    Nov 27, 2010 3:17 AM GMT
    KardioKing saidbecause I want someone to dutch oven, kick out of the bed, wake them up with a pillow smack to the head.... ya know romantic stuff.


    Hahah this gave me a good laugh... everyones so serious and then I read this lol. icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 27, 2010 3:20 AM GMT
    Not sure if I quality as the "young" that was being referred to, but for me it's because I will probably never be established, and even so, the life of my own pursuits will not be satisfying.
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    Nov 27, 2010 3:25 AM GMT
    HotCollegeDude said I almost feel like having someone like that will help me in the process of growing up and stuff because I have no confidence and I think if I had someone that believes in me and loves me for who I am it will make me feel much better about myself

    You've got this totally backwards. Someone won't commit to you until you've done your growing up, learned through experience to have confidence and believe in yourself. Confidence and self-worth are things you won't have bestowed on you by the magical arrival of some unearned relationship. You have to find these things within yourself. Once you've done that, you will surely find someone to love you for who you are.
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    Nov 27, 2010 3:29 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    HotCollegeDude said I almost feel like having someone like that will help me in the process of growing up and stuff because I have no confidence and I think if I had someone that believes in me and loves me for who I am it will make me feel much better about myself

    You've got this totally backwards. Someone won't commit to you until you've done your growing up, learned through experience to have confidence and believe in yourself. Confidence and self-worth are things you won't have bestowed on you by the magical arrival of some unearned relationship. You have to find these things within yourself. Once you've done that, you will surely find someone to love you for who you are.


    I've never looked at it like that... I guess because I have never really had anybody to connect with, that I feel I need to find that one person to give me the confidence to keep boosting myself along, because without anybody I feel like a nobody... but when I look at it like you do it makes sense also
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    Nov 27, 2010 3:29 AM GMT
    malefeet saidlook.jpg

    Isn't it more important to establish yourself first ( a job, a home, etc...) and then find someone to share it all with icon_question.gif


    Why establishing yourself and finding the right person need to be mutually exclusive goals? That is one ridiculous observation. There is no order or planning process in any of these. We constantly look for the right person and we constantly look for the opportunities to develop and establish ourselves. Considering that there are abundant number of young guys who have already established themselves and equally a lot of old guys who have not (vice versa is also valid), age is quite irrelevant. Both goals are important regardless of age.
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    Nov 27, 2010 3:43 AM GMT
    I must be from a different planet.
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    Nov 27, 2010 4:07 AM GMT
    Sure graduating college, establishing a career ect. is important but it's more fun when you have someone to share those experiences with =]
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    Nov 27, 2010 4:13 AM GMT
    malefeet saidlook.jpg

    Isn't it more important to establish yourself first ( a job, a home, etc...) and then find someone to share it all with icon_question.gif


    Cause you see you're friends having fun with sex you kind of want that too. While everyone is enjoying their youth, you find yourself wanting what they have. Only, many times, its almost impossible to have as a gay male.