Why am I so ehh?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2008 5:09 PM GMT
    Everyone is crazy about sex. I kinda don't care that much about it, like its okay and sometimes its a little fun but overall im just like eh whatever. I don't know why I am so apathetic and it makes me sad, I wanna really enjoy it and I want my boyfriend and I to have a good sex life.

    How do I pump up my sex drive?
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    Mar 16, 2008 5:17 PM GMT
    icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gif

    Wow this is a tough one, have you been going out for very long? Have you always felt this way about sex? I personally love sex, mind you I no longer think about it as much as I did when I was 20, but still it is one of the great joys of life.

    One way to spruce up your sex life is to do something you have never done before. For example, if you never bathe or shower with your partner, you can try that. Sex in the shower can be amazing!

    Or if you always have sex at the same time in the day or in the same place, try somewhere different. Try doing it in the kitchen for instance in the morning. Spontaneity and unpredictability is very helpful for a good sex life.

    Finally, and I hate to bring this up, you may want to honestly examine your feelings for your bf. I find that if the feelings are not strong enough then they will eventually impact on the sex.icon_sad.gif

    Best of luck.
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    Mar 16, 2008 5:20 PM GMT
    Hey Jbed thanks for the response. We have been dating for 2 months so not long at all. I think I am just not as sexually driven as other people, I am not asexual but not uber sexual. I do agree spicing things up is a good idea, when my bf and I get more creative like counter tops and stuff I always like that. Hehe im a scorpio so that stuff is fun for me, he is a bit traditional and likes the bed.
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    Mar 16, 2008 5:36 PM GMT
    Sex is so freakin' weird. Any problem you might have could be related to any number of things. I used to be apathetic about sex all through puberty and my early 20's. I never found it very pleasurable and my physical response was just as tepid. As I don't want to get too personal on this public forum I wont be specific, but I worked through a few issues and BAM. Now you can chip a tooth on this erection.

    So, if there is anything, anything that might be interfering you should explore it. Depression, anxiety, a past event. Something is in the way.

    Unless of course you are one of those people with a low sex drive. But being both fit and 23 that seems doubtful to me.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 16, 2008 8:10 PM GMT
    Hehe...sounds like someone's in the I gotta bf dumps icon_wink.gif

    after a while it can get stale
    but hey... it's your life
    don't you want to look forward to some carnal pleasure sometime?

    It's up to you...
    and what you like
    You like being romantic? Maybe some tantric massage courses with said bf
    You like adventure and hot bodied men?
    Then tell husband that you're going on a hiking trip together and joining a gym
    You like the dark side ...well get some gear and hit the leather circuit
    Ball's in your court...literally and figuratively
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    Mar 16, 2008 8:14 PM GMT
    ill try the massages lol
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 16, 2008 8:16 PM GMT
    What about physical intimacy that isn't sexual? Just being close, holding him, etc?
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    Mar 16, 2008 8:37 PM GMT
    we do that stuff and love it, its just the sex part that is eh
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    Mar 16, 2008 9:54 PM GMT
    Not to get to graphic about my sex life, sometimes being imaginative and trying different positions makes it fun. Imagination in sex I think is important. How do you know you are trying different positions? When you start resembling Harry Houdini and becoming a human pretzel! My partner and I also sometimes have "tickle" fights. We are both very ticklish and when we have a tickle fight, it is serious business (and fun).

    And if MunchingZombie doesn't stop dropping these little funny bombs I will not get over this cough. Breaking a tooth on his erection? Where did that come from.icon_lol.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 16, 2008 9:57 PM GMT
    hippie4lyfe saidwe do that stuff and love it, its just the sex part that is eh


    Have you ever talked about fantasies you have?
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Mar 17, 2008 12:42 PM GMT
    For me is the opposite. I am getting to be a sex addict lately. I am constantly thinking about, serching for it and fantasizing about it. I need help!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 17, 2008 10:07 PM GMT
    do you guys talk about what you like sexually?
    I know it sounds funny but when you're with the same man again and again...
    he can't read your mind
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2008 10:10 PM GMT
    Have you tried playing doctor and patient?
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    Mar 17, 2008 10:20 PM GMT
    haha doctor and patient would be a new one for us, but im sure he will be up to the idea in more ways than one.
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    Mar 17, 2008 10:34 PM GMT
    Low sex drive is not uncommon in people on vegan/vegetarian diets. Which is not to say that you should eat meat, but you might want to research what supplements you could take that would replicate the nutrients you'd be getting in greater proportion were you on an omnivorous diet. Like zinc, or maybe carnitine.
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    Mar 17, 2008 10:36 PM GMT
    The minute I saw the username I knew that was going to be said. Get creative Paradox, and explain that to my vegan friends who are nymphomaniacs.

    I can't believe I even entertain your thought but meat clogs arteries and leads to impotence. So it is the lack of a vegan diet that leads to low sex drive.

    Nice try.
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    Mar 17, 2008 10:44 PM GMT
    The instant I posted that, I realized you'd have a pissy reaction to it, so I immediately edited to add info that might be useful to you. Or not.
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    Mar 17, 2008 11:34 PM GMT
    Thanks for your concern, it isn't diet related and I know that because I have been vegan for three years. With times of being super horny, and other times of being less sexual.
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    Mar 18, 2008 12:48 AM GMT
    Have you had your testosterone level checked? That is unlikely the cause but you never know. You may simply have on your mind other things besides sex. I did not have sex with a guy until I was 25. I found my sex drive easy to discipline (masturbation), but when I started doing it with a guy I really enjoyed it.

    My question is do you really enjoy it when you do it, but you just don't think about it alot. Or do you not think about it much and don't enjoy it alot when you do it?

    And finally sometimes two guys just don't click under the sheets. You can love someone but not be compatible with them sexually. That was the case with one of my boyfriends. He only wanted "bambi" sex (no anal or oral). I had to have at least oral. I realized that it was never going to work in that department and ended it. We remained good friends though.
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    Mar 18, 2008 2:22 AM GMT
    I never heard of "bambi" sex lol no oral or anal what did it entail? kissing, cuddling, rimming, fingering? anything else?
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    Mar 18, 2008 2:59 AM GMT
    hippie4lyfe saidI never heard of "bambi" sex lol no oral or anal what did it entail? kissing, cuddling, rimming, fingering? anything else?


    Kissing, cuddling, rubbing against each other and mutual masturbation. He was very neurotic about HIV and AIDS. Mind you his roommate had lost nearly all his friends from AIDS, and he himself had lost a good friend and his best friend was HIV+. You should be happy you missed the 80's as a gay man.icon_sad.gif
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    Mar 18, 2008 7:02 AM GMT
    Bambi sex

    Hahaha

    I've never heard of that one either and god knows I've been round the block a few times.

    Think that sort of sex is called frottage.
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    Mar 18, 2008 1:16 PM GMT
    I had the exact same issues.
    Turns out it was stress related.
    I had NOT idea that my lack of sex drive was due to stress. I didn't even realize I was stressed.

    Doctor put on my Efexor XR due to anxiety and my sex drive went up by 2-3x. No kidding.

    My husband calls them my happy pills.
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    Mar 18, 2008 4:30 PM GMT
    When I first saw your name reply in the thread I was like holy shit Alec Baldwin is responding to me yay. Thanks Alec I do suffer from heavy stress, I have thought about that as a deterent so I am gonna up my meditation again cuz it does help.
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    Mar 18, 2008 5:12 PM GMT
    It's good you're looking into the stress, depression issues cause those can really be huge factors.

    Additionally you really need to be honest and open about what you like. Think about when sex was best for you and try to re-create that. Also, don't be afraid to try really kinky things. You would be surprised how many things that appear weird when you're not in your sex head, are really very hot when having sex.

    I noted your comment where you say your BF is a bit traditional while you are not. I've been there and it's not a great place to be. I am very uninhibited when it comes to sex, I actually find that I become a whole different person. I am safe though, but you can be safe and adventurous.

    I've been with people I truly love who were just too vanilla in their taste. This can be a big issue in an LTR. You need to have an open communication about this and really discuss what you need from each other sexually.



    hippie4lyfe saidHey Jbed thanks for the response. We have been dating for 2 months so not long at all. I think I am just not as sexually driven as other people, I am not asexual but not uber sexual. I do agree spicing things up is a good idea, when my bf and I get more creative like counter tops and stuff I always like that. Hehe im a scorpio so that stuff is fun for me, he is a bit traditional and likes the bed.