Heya, Realjock. A question!

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    Nov 27, 2010 7:53 PM GMT
    Hey everybody, Im currently writing a paper on homosexuality and I'm stuck on a question which i cannot answer since it needs to be answered from a gay man's point of view. This is the question "Has the ambient response and societies prejudice, of the stereotypical gay men changed your own self-image?
    What i mean by stereotypical is what we see on tv and movies, The extremely flamboyant, feminine & outgoing gay guy.
    I know that the gay community is much more diverse but it just seem's like when a random individual thinks of the term gay he immediately relates to someone like Carson Kressley(Nothing wrong with that!).
    I appreciate if you took the time to answer the question and I would be most thankful since it would make it a hole lot easier for me to answer the question.
    Im sorry if this post happened to offended someone, it was not my intention, and as you've probably noticed english isn't my native language.
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    Nov 27, 2010 8:03 PM GMT
    OK, I'll try.

    "Has the ambient response and societies prejudice, of the stereotypical gay men changed your own self-image?"

    Can you elaborate on 'ambient response'?

    For now, I'll answer this part. "Has society's prejudice, of the stereotypical gay man changed your own self-image?"

    Nope. Have I changed their perceptions of gay men being stereotypically the same? Yes.

    -Doug


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    Nov 27, 2010 8:20 PM GMT
    4thinink saidI appreciate if you took the time to answer the question and I would be most thankful since it would make it a hole [sic] lot easier for me to answer the question.

    Im sorry if this post happened to offended someone, it was not my intention, and as you've probably noticed english isn't my native language.

    Your English is not bad, but the euphemism is correctly spelled "whole lot." Hole means an opening or perforation in something, while whole means entire. Hole & whole are homonyms that are pronounced and sound identical. When combined in the phrase "whole lot" it means a great amount, the entire thing.

    I do not accept nor view myself in terms of the popular gay stereotypes that many straights have about us. I am very masculine, forceful and unfeminine when I choose, which is most of the time, and my ordinary default manner.

    In fact, as I have written here before, it was the common stereotype of the effeminate gay man, from the 1950s and 60s when I was growing up in the US, that kept me in denial for so long. In my youth, gay men were defined as lisping drag queens, total sissies. Since I didn't behave that way, my conclusion was that I couldn't be gay.

    It was learning that most gay men are no less masculine than straight men that destroyed my denial mechanism, and brought me out. I now have my own image, which is basically unchanged from my childhood -- I am a man, a real man, whatever some part of society may assume about me.

    What has changed for me is that I've learned that gay men also fit into that manly image, indeed, some much more so than avowed straights. My self-image was once distorted by society, which had classified me as straight. It took my own life experiences to make me realize that I am gay. Now I know better about myself, and no longer trust society to tell me what I am or am not.
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    Nov 27, 2010 8:22 PM GMT
    Thanks for the response. What i ment by ambient reponse, poor choice of words but basically, how people perceived you as a gay man, how they react to the fact that all gay men are not feminine.

    Perhaps you've been asked, when coming out to friends or family that you dont "act" like a gay guy, so to speak.
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    Nov 27, 2010 9:07 PM GMT
    I think stereotypes differ so greatly demographically.

    Growing up in a small farming town myself, I believe it did batter my own self image. However, coming out in this small town turned my world upside down. A friend of mine commented on that early this summer.

    She said, "I always admired you in high school because you were always yourself no matter what."

    Although, I do believe there's an adjustment period, 'coming out phase'. I find that gay men freshly discovering who, what they are will do anything to let everyone know it.

    I had a heated debate over Thanksgiving with a man in small town Indiana. He recently got back from deployment; PTSD, friend of a friend. He told my BFF, "Well I'd really like to meet your best friend, but I don't know what I would do if he hit on me."

    WHY YA' GOTTA GO THERE?

    I called him out on it. I asked him if he would like me to stereotype him just as he did me. I called him a rapist and a killer; He didn't like that one too much.

    All in all after an hour or two of screaming back and forth, we agreed to disagree. I told him that he could be stereotyped just as anybody else. Gaining my respect is not 'fighting' for peace for me.
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    Nov 28, 2010 2:16 AM GMT
    4thinink saidThanks for the response. What i ment by ambient reponse, poor choice of words but basically, how people perceived you as a gay man, how they react to the fact that all gay men are not feminine.

    Perhaps you've been asked, when coming out to friends or family that you dont "act" like a gay guy, so to speak.


    Ok I understand, and thanks! Yes, I have been asked and so has Bill.

    -Doug
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    Nov 28, 2010 2:33 AM GMT
    I take great joy in pissing off people that use, or have, a "stereotype" of what a gay man is "supposed to act like".......I was born male and grew up male and masculine according to the prevailing culture of my home area and time..I was also born gay, but never had any way to understand that I was "gay" until I was older. I just knew that I was "different." My being gay is a secondary trait.....and no I don't lisp or "over gesticulate" or know anything about fashion or interior design or theater and don't have a desire to break into song from some show tune or dance my ass off to 70's disco music. etc......... is that the stereotype?...that's not me.....can I go there when it serves my needs?...sure!....as campy as you want!.....but I do think my sons would have me commuted to a psyche hospital if they ever saw that....because it just isn't me and NEVER has been!...LOL!
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Nov 28, 2010 3:23 AM GMT
    The styereotypical image of gays has influenced my self image for my entire life. Since childhood there has been an inside life of my mind and an outside life of what other people said and did referring to people they perceived as gay. I became aware that they were not talking about me, but about someone ''over there" who was somehow obvious to them.

    Viewpoints have changed, outlooks have become more diverse and there is more tolerance, especially if you know where to look for it, but my self image is still molded by remarks, cliches and the comments of the unknowing.


    Good luck with your paper.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Nov 28, 2010 4:09 AM GMT
    No.
    I yam what I yam...
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    Nov 28, 2010 6:22 AM GMT
    it destroyed my self image. ppl called me a fag and told me i was like those flamboyant fems, which i wasnt, and it just made me close down and not want to be myself ever. i hate that stereotype and i hate that when i say i'm gay, ppl automatically see me as some drag queen in leather.
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    Nov 28, 2010 1:45 PM GMT
    Bump