My parents are upset I can't have kids...wtf?

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    Nov 28, 2010 4:16 AM GMT
    My parents are upset that being I'm gay I can't have kids of my own, just adopted kids or kids though a surrogate mother, because they were looking forward to being grandparents in a few years down the road. This made me feel bad about myself.
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    Nov 28, 2010 4:35 AM GMT
    How can using your sperm with a surrogate not be a child of your own? It has your DNA.
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    Nov 28, 2010 4:42 AM GMT
    Tell them both your upset they can't bottom as much as you.
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    Nov 28, 2010 4:51 AM GMT
    Heartrobb saidHow can using your sperm with a surrogate not be a child of your own? It has your DNA.


    Yeah but it wouldn;t be my child through "a wife that I would be married too"
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    Nov 28, 2010 5:41 AM GMT
    Do NOT feel bad about yourself. You're doing the noble and right thing, if they need to look at it from that perspective.

    Perhaps take Mom aside (who will most likely promptly tell Dad) and tell her that you could technically marry a girl. Her life would be miserable in a marriage of circumstance and coercion rather than love, and yours would be bleak in the same way, devoid of the very essence of a happy marriage. The children, if any at all, would also likely pick up this tension and be affected by it. You could also ask her if she would marry a man she already knew she didn't love in the way a person should be, and if he deserved that sadness.


    -Doug

    PS whether they're adopted ( like one of my little sisters is) or surrogate, they're your kids of love, and that's all that matters.
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    Nov 28, 2010 5:46 AM GMT
    Just knock someone up, make your parents proud.
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    Nov 28, 2010 6:00 AM GMT
    I think a lot of gay people experience this type bullshit with their parents. One of the big reasons why is because they have this whole expectation to keep the family going and for some reason two people of the same sex can't do that. Its your life, your not living it for them. Adopt or go through a surrogate if having a kid makes you happy, just don't do it because you feel you have to.
  • ueatzit

    Posts: 174

    Nov 28, 2010 8:24 AM GMT
    medkid2014 saidI think a lot of gay people experience this type bullshit with their parents. One of the big reasons why is because they have this whole expectation to keep the family going and for some reason two people of the same sex can't do that. Its your life, your not living it for them. Adopt or go through a surrogate if having a kid makes you happy, just don't do it because you feel you have to.


    Exactly right! It is easy to get angry at your parents for thinking you cannot have children the way they think you should. However, they're just coming to terms with this aspect of your sexuality and they need to get comfortable with this. I say, approach them as if they're people greiving over losing something in their life because that is what they are. As time goes on you can bring up the topic in conversation again and highlight positive parts of having children through adoption or surrogacy with or without your future partner.
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Nov 28, 2010 1:06 PM GMT
    I have ethnic parents and they are still badgering us about having children. I have repeatedly had to explain that we don't have the right parts and such, and they laugh--but they do encourage us to foster care and adopt as soon as possible. In their culture, my culture, having kids keeps said culture alive and they believe strongly in that.

    However, it's not in the cards. Perhaps I'm too selfish, but my partner and I are a bit busy with living life in a manner we like--and it doesn't really involve having kids.

    How does this help you? Well, understand their perspective a bit. You are comingup against millenia of training that you get married and have kids. This is what society does. Grant you, my partner and I are married, so we might have played into that scenario some.

    Pull them aside when the time is right and ask them how they were planning on you having kids. Get to the core of their upset-ness. They might still think it is just a choice. In that case, you might be needing to have a deeper conversation.

    Good luck.

    Peace,
    Bardy
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    Nov 28, 2010 1:18 PM GMT
    Tell them "You're upset!!?!?!? YOU'RE UPSET!?!?!?!? How the fuck do you think I feel? Thanks for making me gay, assholes!".
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    Nov 28, 2010 1:30 PM GMT
    HotCollegeDude saidMy parents are upset that being I'm gay I can't have kids of my own, just adopted kids or kids though a surrogate mother, because they were looking forward to being grandparents in a few years down the road. This made me feel bad about myself.

    Do you have any siblings who could make your parents become grandparents? If so, then tell your parents to lean on them instead of you.

    I finally conceded to my parents' wishes for grandchildren, marrying at 29 when I never should have, and again a few years later. All I succeeded in doing was marring the lives of 2 women who thought they were getting a straight husband.

    People who imagine that a straight marriage will turn gays straight, or think being gay would make no difference in a straight marriage, are naive wishful thinkers, who only create miserable & dysfunctional relationships in many cases for both husband & wife. And bring children into this world who have to deal with that mess at home.

    Don't feel bad about yourself. Your parents made you, and if they don't like the gay results, let them blame themselves. You can't change the genes they gave you.
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    Nov 28, 2010 2:07 PM GMT
    Why? I have four male couple friends that all have their own kids via surrogates.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 28, 2010 2:11 PM GMT
    Umm ... like Mom and Dad?

    Thanks for thinking about someone other than you for a change icon_rolleyes.gif