I cheated. Now What? Please Help me...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2010 2:37 AM GMT
    So I have been talking to this guy for about 3 months now and officially dating officially for six weeks.

    Yesterday...I cheated. I met a guy at his house we kissed a little, he sucked my dick twice then I left.

    I feel horrible. I cheated because I felt like I wanted freedom and I did not want to be in a relationship at this point in my life. BUT after I cheated, I realize I do not want to lose my current boyfriend.

    I feel I cheated because I never see my boyfriend, and when I do he is tired (which is understandable because he works) and when we hang out we just lay down. Or he ends up napping. This has lead to me feeling more like a friend, probably because of the lack of intamacy.

    So What now? Do I tell my boyfriend and brace for a breakup? Do I keep it a secret (I have not told a soul except for RJ'ers) and use this experience to make me a BETTER boyfriend?

    I am lost and I liked this guy I messed around with because he is a little shorter than me and my boyfriend is a little taller than me. I know it shouldn't be a big deal but I like feeling like the "man" in the relationship, the one to comfort them.

    Please help me I need advice!!

    At first I felt no guilt, but last night it was all I dreamt about and now its all I think about to the point that I have nothing but a never ending headache.

    I do not know if I love him or love the idea of a boyfriend.

    Please help icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    honesty is the best policy ya know. Tell him, if you wait it will be worst once he finds out. It is better to be honest about it than hide it cause it will build up inside of you. Ya it might lead to a break up, or not... just be ready for a huge argument or fight. Things happen and sometimes we make mistakes when we are in the moment and not thinking. He might understand that or not. Good luck.
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    Nov 29, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    Cheating is the beginning of the end of your relationship .. Your BF comes back home tired after a exhausting day at work , and don't want to give you , what you expect in the bedroom !! What about running a hot bath ,prepare the dinner ... so he can relax ,and both of you can enjoy a nice evening ..... No sex from him doesn't give the right , to go elsewhere get a blow job ...... icon_sad.gif
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    Nov 29, 2010 2:45 AM GMT
    Did you two have "the talk" about your relationship? Don't just assume.
    If you didn't, then you didn't cheat. BUT you two will eventually need to talk and have clear understandings about where you are in your relationship and what restrictions it might put on both of you.

    Among things, you two need to discuss what the difference is amongst friends, lovers, and boyfriends.
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    Nov 29, 2010 2:50 AM GMT
    I hate to add more weight to your guilt feeling, but you hurt yourself here, as well as your bf. You took a health risk as far as sexually transmitted diseases go. If your boyfriend wants to go down you whatever you might have picked up can be passed on to him.

    In your shoes, I'd tell him. It's part of being a responsible honorable man. Will he dump you over it? No one here knows him so can't say.

    -Doug

    PS consider what you've said here:

    " I cheated because I felt like I wanted freedom and I did not want to be in a relationship at this point in my life."
    "I liked this guy I messed around with because he is a little shorter than me and my boyfriend is a little taller than me. I know it shouldn't be a big deal but I like feeling like the "man" in the relationship, the one to comfort them."



    On your bf's side of responsibility lies this, "I never see my boyfriend, and when I do he is tired (which is understandable because he works) and when we hang out we just lay down. Or he ends up napping. This has lead to me feeling more like a friend, probably because of the lack of intamacy."

    He forgot (at only 6 weeks!) that what he doesn't do, someone else will, and that made you vulnerable to temptation that you succumbed to.

    BUT you should have discussed lack of intimacy with him in no uncertain terms your needs FIRST instead of acting out.

    -Doug

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    Nov 29, 2010 3:04 AM GMT
    Now that I read these replies, I know now I HAVE to tell him.

    If I really love and care for him, I will give him honesty which is what he deserves.

    ...Now lies the bigger question...Regardless of what he decides, do I or do I now want to pursue this relationship?

    icon_sad.gif(

    I feel like shit over this. I truly do.
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    Nov 29, 2010 3:09 AM GMT
    I just thought about what Neffa said though....

    I SHOULD be helping him unwind after work. Not just trying to get into his pants or his hands in mine. Now that I have cheated this opens my eyes to the fact that I want to help him relax after work, make him something to eat, give him a massage, let him take a nap and be PERFECTLY okay with it.

    Some things I left out is that he is 17 and still in high school and I am 19 and in college so we do not see each other often and we both still live with our parents so its hard to get intimate time. Maybe I just need to stop thinking with the wrong head.

    Its like I want a second chance now, but the problem is whether or not I will even get it.

    I really screwed shit up icon_sad.gif
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    Nov 29, 2010 3:09 AM GMT
    Firstly you cheated because you let the little head think for the big head.. When it comes to blowing your load brother, there is absolutely no way to psychoanalyze it......you did animal......Now....so did I. It didn't mean anything about the love for my wife or my commitment or shit...it meant, penis want sucking, you there, you suck, penis happy. Now that you did it, put your big boy panties on and sit down with the partner and tell him you were a douche.....it'll work thru honesty..................Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Nov 29, 2010 3:17 AM GMT
    You also need to get tested for sexually transmitted disease. You will need to wait a week and a bit (incubation period for most STDs) unless you get symptoms, then go earlier. So no sex for now.

    -Doug
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    Nov 29, 2010 3:26 AM GMT
    Doug, you're always such a sweet guy (and Bill too). We should elect you June Cleaver of RJ.....make sure we eat our milk and cookies after school...I love you guys...............Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Nov 29, 2010 3:31 AM GMT
    icon_redface.gificon_redface.gif

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    Nov 29, 2010 4:39 AM GMT
    Break up with the guy already. You're starting to make excuses to justify your actions (he works, he's tired, he naps, etc). If you're cheating on him at only 6 weeks in, chances are you're going to do it again. Spare the guy the trouble, and spare yourself the guilt. End it early and grow up a little before getting into another relationship.
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    Nov 29, 2010 4:41 AM GMT
    How do you suck a dick just twice??? And cheaters should be burnt at the stalk.
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    Nov 29, 2010 4:54 AM GMT
    tereseus1 saidHow do you suck a dick just twice??? And cheaters should be burnt at the stalk.


    Hahaha. "I only cheated with like 3 guys. And it's not like I swallowed!"
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Nov 29, 2010 5:05 AM GMT
    You need to look inside and decide whether you can be committed in a long-term relationship that's also a long-distance relationship. If you're not getting your emotional and physical needs met often enough, and can't remain faithful under those circumstances, then you need to understand those limits.

    You're 19. Your hormones and sex drive are raging. It's understandable that you strayed. But, you are capable of controlling them if you really want to make your relationship work.

    You have to be realistic. You can't be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, if you're not satisfied.
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    Nov 29, 2010 5:08 AM GMT
    I don't help cheaters... you're on your own ass.
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    Nov 29, 2010 5:14 AM GMT
    Allathlete saidI don't help cheaters... you're on your own ass.


    That's too bad. He did this once, and is seeking help to NOT be like that.

    Tereseus1, your inexperience is showing.

    -Doug
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    Nov 29, 2010 5:17 AM GMT
    If you really care about this guy then you need to sit down with him and come clean but it should not end there. You need to explain your frustrations and find out how he feels. If he's interested in working things out then you need to open up (both of you) on what your expectations are in the relationship, what the boundaries are and how to talk openly to each other. Relationships are not easy and they require a LOT of communications and NO judgment.
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    Nov 29, 2010 5:18 AM GMT
    Ugh.
    fvz9zm.jpg

    And actually this:
    64frsi.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2010 5:23 AM GMT
    damn, don't cheat. well, you can choose not to tell him but it's going to eat you inside. I would tell him tho. maybe it wont be such a big deal. who knows..
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    Nov 29, 2010 5:26 AM GMT
    Well, I'll throw out the first challenge to all you self righteous assholes: pick up the rock and chuck it if you're pure, otherwise stfu and struya (uh, that's stuff the rock up your ass). Give the poor guy a break, for fuck sakes, he at least admitted he's wrong, you self aggrandizing fickle fucking shits......Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Nov 29, 2010 5:29 AM GMT
    There's no need for you to go into a dramatic emotional confession about how you cheated and you're so sorry, blah blah blah. Just break up with him and remain friends so you can enjoy a more fulfilling sex life with others. As friends it's much easier to be honest with each other, and you can tell him later on if you want. I'm almost certain he has a few confessions of his own if he is that disinterested in your when you hang out that he just falls asleep or wants to take a nap instead of getting sexual with you. Him working long hours doesn't justify his lack of sexual interest and intimacy that has led you to cheat.. lol
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    Nov 29, 2010 5:34 AM GMT
    TRDMRK said


    why would that even be an option?

    i hope guys like u never find a man.

    there's so much more at stake here

    than his insides..along w his insides!


    And what exactly did i do to you?... but yeah i hope i never find a man...like you! ha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2010 5:36 AM GMT
    Either way you live with the consciences and learn from your mistakes.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Nov 29, 2010 5:38 AM GMT
    Six weeks is a short time.
    Guys who want to have sex are NEVER too tired to have sex.
    From what you've said about both guys, I wouldn't throw away the new guy just yet.