Being out at work

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2010 10:03 PM GMT
    I love my job, but I feel like I can't come out. I'm living in a new area now, and do not want to be closeted, but I fear not being able to be promoted, bad job security, and not getting along with any of my co workers. The company I work for is pretty homophobic, and is a "good old boys" network. I am in no postition to risk losing the job, which is pobbile if they knew I was gay. I know its illegal, but they can always find a reason to fire you. I guess my question is would you come out?? I've been out for many years now to everyone, and it sucks hiding it at work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 12:35 AM GMT
    I always stick with the same advice, gaiined from personal experience. You are young, you have a whole life ahead of you. Build your future around you, not you around your future. If you are working for a homophobic company, the world is full of gay friendly companies. If you are skilled and have an in demand trade, then no worries. Do not stay in a job that makes you stay, unwillingly closeted. You will regret it sooner or later. I did and wish I could turn back the clock.

    Then work a bit at a time on feeling comfortable with your sexuality. When that time arrrives, you will probably see that who you sleep with is not a big deal and when it becomes no big deal to you, it become less of a big deal if anyone else knows.

    good luck....IM me if you wanna talk..............Keithicon_cool.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Dec 01, 2010 12:48 AM GMT
    tyguy115 said I love my job, but I feel like I can't come out. I'm living in a new area now, and do not want to be closeted, but I fear not being able to be promoted, bad job security, and not getting along with any of my co workers. The company I work for is pretty homophobic, and is a "good old boys" network. I am in no postition to risk losing the job, which is pobbile if they knew I was gay. I know its illegal, but they can always find a reason to fire you. I guess my question is would you come out?? I've been out for many years now to everyone, and it sucks hiding it at work.



    I used to work for a very homophobic workplace ( the state of Nevada) and quickly found out that it was best not to "advertise". Therefore I along with many other co-workers received the promotions and raises while the co-worker who was openly gay was always held back and passed over and even made the brunt of cruel and distasteful comments by our supervisor and the higher ups. You have to do what you need to these days to protect yourself.

    I was fortunate enough to be able to start my own business a little over 5 years ago. I have a wonderful group of employees and don't have to worry about the homophobia that still exists everywhere around me.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 1:01 AM GMT
    Do what you have to do to keep your job. You have to pay the bills. If that means you have to sidestep conversations in the break room and around the water color, then do it. But use your time off work to look for a new job that is more friendly. You live in San Diego so there must be some places less discriminatory.

    When you find that place, then you can come out. I have been out in most places I've worked. I do not make an announcement to say, "I'm gay!" or call a meeting about it. I just bring it up the same way straight people do when they talk about their lives. They ask, "What are you doing this weekend?" Just be natural and say something like, "My boyfriend and I are going to the beach." When you make a point to make an announcement about your sexual orientation, you just make it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 1:28 AM GMT
    The company I work for was like that for the first couple years, and in Florida it's perfectly legal to fire and refuse to hire gays.


    The upper and middle management was slamming gays, saying they wouldn't hire gays and would fire anyone if they came out. Then at an employee dinner one day I'd had enough. They were fucking around and talking shit about fags. I was defending the fags, and they were like "what, are you gay?" I said "yeah fucker, you got a problem with? In fact, wanna fuck every goddamn one of you up your fucking assholes."

    They were like icon_eek.gif

    Then I was like "just in case you're pondering that possibility, don't. You're all too fucking ugly for me or any other self-respecting gay man."

    Then they were like "you mother fucker..."

    Now the owner and everyone loves me, and knows that I won't take shit. They also take up for me when some newb comes in and talks shit about gay people...and accuse him of secretly wanting to fuck me and the other gay guy at work. Not just behind his back, either. It's a very in-your-face crowd.

    In other words, you have two choices:
    1. Stand up for yourself and make it all or nothing...you either lose your job, or impress everyone and pave the way for the company's acceptance of gays.
    2. Stay closeted and live in fear.

    Keep in mind I'm not pressuring you to come out, because I don't know your situation. I am saying, however, that it would benefit you to start thinking about a coming out plan that works for you...then implement it when you're ready.

    PS. Now we have almost as many gays (including lesbians) working there as straight/questioning/probablyDL people, and a very open atmosphere for any sexuality...wouldn't even be surprised to see a tran there someday. And there's a some pretty good eye candy there, too.
  • MrNomis

    Posts: 268

    Dec 01, 2010 1:32 AM GMT
    tyguy115 said I love my job, but I feel like I can't come out. I'm living in a new area now, and do not want to be closeted, but I fear not being able to be promoted, bad job security, and not getting along with any of my co workers. The company I work for is pretty homophobic, and is a "good old boys" network. I am in no postition to risk losing the job, which is pobbile if they knew I was gay. I know its illegal, but they can always find a reason to fire you. I guess my question is would you come out?? I've been out for many years now to everyone, and it sucks hiding it at work.


    Dont tell anyone because before you know it you are voted off Survivor Island!! trust me i made a mistake and trust a co worker then friend and before you knew it rumors and just high school like behavior began.. in less than 3 months i was fired for some bogus reason..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 1:41 AM GMT
    With most jobs that I've had, the whole "do you like to fuck men or women" conversation never came up. Sorry to hear that it has in yours enough to make you feel uncomfortable about not coming out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 3:15 AM GMT
    I am between jobs as we speak. I lost my job 3 days before Christmas in 2009 when the own feel he need to down size and cut the work benfits (spell?) and screw the worker while he say he can't afford keep them but he open a new store and buy his self a high end sport car. That make me sick! No job since now!

    BW
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 3:38 AM GMT
    Im not out at work. My boss is the only one that officially knows (kind of found out by accident). But i dont hide it either. I just dont talk about my personal life with my co-workers. there is no threat at all about being fired if they found out. My boss is gay and we have another gay co-worker in the office.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Dec 01, 2010 3:51 AM GMT
    Um... well, I think it's probably best for you to stay in the closet at work if you are worried about job security. The current economic situation warrants that you think about having a job first, being 'out' second. Most 'out' gay guys I know here in SC are self-employed as lawyers, doctors, and small business owners.

    I have to say that I would be hesitant about being 'out' here in SC, since I have no legal recourse to redress any grievances should I be terminated for being gay. For this reason, I have no plans to reside in SC for indefinite period of time - I want to move on to bigger and better things.

    Ultimately, the choice is your's, and your's alone. You will be the one confronted with the consequences if things go horribly wrong. Have you considered working for a different employer or industry?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 4:01 AM GMT
    Funny how this thread popped up right around my company Christmas Party. It's a pretty big deal since our branch alone in Ottawa has 1200 employees. Most people are bringing their significant other or girlfriend/boyfriend, or coming alone.

    This year, I'm bringing my boyfriend Dan. I've mentioned this in other threads- I'm out to my immediate team at work. It helps that 90% of them are women. So far, I've had nothing but positive feedback for bringing my boyfriend.

    However, there are others outside my team whom I interact with in a totally professional manner. Others who kind of respect me for being sort of a hard ass. I'm concerned that I may be treated differently or they may change their attitude towards me. This sort of thinking has changed for me. Recently, I've found myself more confident in telling people I have a boyfriend. I don't make a parade of it, but when they ask, I answer honestly.

    If anything, I feel that if they see me out with my boyfriend, they see that I am not someone who would shy away from social activities and that my sexuality does not hinder me in the slightest.

    It's this Friday! Wish me luck!!!