Interesting statistic: In 2010 I actually had one date where the guy actually showed up....

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 01, 2010 2:58 AM GMT
    ....and didn't text an hour before the date to cancel. Oh, don't worry, the day before the third date he texted to cancel out on our planned date and wrote "I will call you later and explain"....and he never called.

    Tonight I was supposed to meet a guy from online. He wanted my number and he called me last night. It was his idea to meet, his time, his choice in venue. He canceled by text 3 minutes before I left for the date. I didn't notice the text until I got to the agreed upon meeting place.

    Who can top this sad statistic for 2010?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 3:10 AM GMT
    ... You went on at least 2 more dates than I did this year.

    Call me; I'll show up... icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 11:35 AM GMT
    man, if only i could give you an internet hug.

    the only date i went on this year was with a fucking gorgeous guy who thought he was meeting up with someone else. the sad thing was that if he knew it was me he would've invited me over and fucked me silly but instead we sat in the shopping mall car park eating kebabs.
    i got the fuck the second date but didn't lube the condom on him so he got dry friction burn on his dick and tore the skin on his dick. the end.
  • Smiling_Eyes

    Posts: 197

    Dec 05, 2010 2:50 PM GMT
    big hug from me as well...

    My experience hasn't been dramatically different. I am partnered and in an open relationship (which freaks out many good guys who I want to date) but I've been stood up countless times this year by men I've chatted and texted with online. I honestly don't think there's any way around it. You put yourself out there and hope that others have good intentions!
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Dec 05, 2010 3:02 PM GMT
    celtic, if you lived closer to new orleans at least one more date would had showed up!

    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 3:11 PM GMT
    I hate txting anytime so i dont txt, i havent had my share of shady guys like u have had, although i did have a date where things were going great and then the drinks came and he started flipping out saying he wasnt good enough for me and made out with me then booked it....weirdest date ever
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 3:18 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidWho can top this sad statistic for 2010?

    Can't top it, but can agree it's all too common in the gay community, and one of my pet peeves. Many of my gay friends have experienced the same thing with guys being chronically late (for which we use the term "GST" for Gay Standard Time) or total no-shows.

    Not sure why it's so prevalent, but I'd say it's likely not you. Except, perhaps, if you have a tendency to choose flakes to try to date and so increase even more your chances this will happen to you.

    BTW, I've met about 8 RJ members in person, and everyone was perfectly punctual in showing up. (Not counting the one whom we went to meet in his own house, although he and his partner were completely prepared to receive us. In fact, being that we had gotten a little lost, it was we who were about 5 or 10 minutes late).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 3:25 PM GMT
    Let me make a suggestion based on my empirical evidence.

    I find I get stood up more often with people I actually haven't met yet.

    If you're meeting guys for dates from online sources (gay.com/okcupid/manhunt) they tend to flake more consistently than people you meet in real life. I think it might be because they haven't met you, so you're just a disembodied personality in the aether that they don't have to respect the way they would a real person. So maybe you'd have more luck meeting people in real life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 3:43 PM GMT
    What I run into the most is guys flaking when it's time to set up a date. They go on and on about how they want to meet but then when you suggest a date, they totally go silent.

    I think a lot of these guys are scared of the prospect of actually dating other dudes. They use the internet so that they can browse what's out there from a safe distance.

    In a nutshell, I'm saying the problem with guys like that is themselves, not the person they're standing up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 3:47 PM GMT
    javaman9999 saidLet me make a suggestion based on my empirical evidence.


    have you read the book black swan by any chance? icon_smile.gif
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    Dec 05, 2010 3:53 PM GMT
    WTF are with people these days....i can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would not want to show up when a date is planned with you.....i would in a heartbeaticon_biggrin.gif
  • Smiling_Eyes

    Posts: 197

    Dec 05, 2010 3:57 PM GMT
    clayko saidWhat I run into the most is guys flaking when it's time to set up a date. They go on and on about how they want to meet but then when you suggest a date, they totally go silent.

    I think a lot of these guys are scared of the prospect of actually dating other dudes. They use the internet so that they can browse what's out there from a safe distance.

    In a nutshell, I'm saying the problem with guys like that is themselves, not the person they're standing up.


    I've had the same experience and I couldn't agree more! Well said!
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 05, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    Tennisjock70 said
    clayko saidWhat I run into the most is guys flaking when it's time to set up a date. They go on and on about how they want to meet but then when you suggest a date, they totally go silent.

    I think a lot of these guys are scared of the prospect of actually dating other dudes. They use the internet so that they can browse what's out there from a safe distance.

    In a nutshell, I'm saying the problem with guys like that is themselves, not the person they're standing up.


    I've had the same experience and I couldn't agree more! Well said!



    I agree with this also and have to admit I'm a bit of a flake about meeting someone from online too. I even mention that I'm a "chicken sh!t" about it. But when I commit to meeting someone, I commit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 4:25 PM GMT
    Celticmusl said....and didn't text an hour before the date to cancel. Oh, don't worry, the day before the third date he texted to cancel out on our planned date and wrote "I will call you later and explain"....and he never called.

    Tonight I was supposed to meet a guy from online. He wanted my number and he called me last night. It was his idea to meet, his time, his choice in venue. He canceled by text 3 minutes before I left for the date. I didn't notice the text until I got to the agreed upon meeting place.

    Who can top this sad statistic for 2010?


    Take it as them saving you time in the future. Flaky guys have issues.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 05, 2010 4:30 PM GMT
    javaman9999 saidLet me make a suggestion based on my empirical evidence.

    I find I get stood up more often with people I actually haven't met yet.

    If you're meeting guys for dates from online sources (gay.com/okcupid/manhunt) they tend to flake more consistently than people you meet in real life. I think it might be because they haven't met you, so you're just a disembodied personality in the aether that they don't have to respect the way they would a real person. So maybe you'd have more luck meeting people in real life.



    I wish this were true. Sadly, it's in real life with real people and with friends of friends. Reading the responses it sounds like a lot of guys go through this, it just really seems to be getting worse. The fact that I rarely decide to go on a date and it happens I think makes it feel a bit worse. I have to admit at this point I have no gay-dar and obviously I have no bs detector. I'm able to figure it all out pretty quickly however, after the fact.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 4:30 PM GMT
    I guess it happens everywhere icon_sad.gif
    My last time the guy never bothered texting or anything icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 4:44 PM GMT
    I actually had a better luck where I met guys, they showed up and date was great.
    But it has happened with me, when somebody at first would be all about texting and calling only to disappear in thin air.
    The sad part is second thing happens more oftenly than the first one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 5:09 PM GMT
    I have not been out there in the dating world in some time, but I recall men flaking out for one reason or another. While searching for guys and meeting them, I learned a few things:

    1) Pictures are not everyone's best friend. If a guy appears one way and his pictures reflect someone differently, then I still enjoyed a nice lunch, dinner, coffee, or whatever and learned something about the person. In most instances, I stayed friends with them, until recently (i mistakenly deleted all numbers from my phone) Stupid apps...

    2) Men have feelings. Duh! But some men forget we're all human.

    3) A good man is hard to find. Often perspectives of a man exist: online man who tells you anything and the man in person. The person you meet sometimes is the man who has to show you all of him eventually and explain his backage, fears, etc.

    After a few months with my partner, I learned, not every guy is as open to hear this story. Fortunately, my partner and I were prepared to open up all skeletons and see what lurked behind the screen. No, it was not easy reveal everything but it kept conversations interesting.

    Actually, its a bit like RJ, where we often open up our skeletons and speak honestly to another about our trials and tribulations. Quite therapeutic.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 05, 2010 6:10 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Celticmusl saidWho can top this sad statistic for 2010?

    Can't top it, but can agree it's all too common in the gay community, and one of my pet peeves. Many of my gay friends have experienced the same thing with guys being chronically late (for which we use the term "GST" for Gay Standard Time) or total no-shows.

    Not sure why it's so prevalent, but I'd say it's likely not you. Except, perhaps, if you have a tendency to choose flakes to try to date and so increase even more your chances this will happen to you.

    BTW, I've met about 8 RJ members in person, and everyone was perfectly punctual in showing up. (Not counting the one whom we went to meet in his own house, although he and his partner were completely prepared to receive us. In fact, being that we had gotten a little lost, it was we who were about 5 or 10 minutes late).



    Too true! I have known RJ members from real life, and have met 3 guys from RJ over the years and they all showed up and on time! At some social events, some RJ members have come up and introduced themselves with a handshake. What class!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 6:22 PM GMT
    1) After visiting your profile, I'm convinced that your prospective date is certainly crazy.

    2) Guys flaking out at the last minute is all too common. Maybe they get scared. Maybe they have no manners. Who even knows.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 6:25 PM GMT
    give me their names and addresses. I will break their fingers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 6:25 PM GMT
    It's sad man and I feel your pain. I had a few "coffee dates" which guys seem more willing to do since they're less commitment than dinner. I had one dinner date this year.

    What's messed up is that guys seem willing to meet for a hookup because it's guaranteed sex but a date isn't so guys will cancel.
  • bishop65

    Posts: 226

    Dec 05, 2010 6:26 PM GMT
    What is wrong with some men? I must say you are one handsome fella and you seem like a good guy. The only thing I can say that it's their loss and not yours! Hopefully things will be better in 2011! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2010 6:35 PM GMT
    How awful. Disappointing. Disheartening.

    The guys I've met from RJ have always been on time. But, it's never been for a date, either, so I suppose that's a difference. Just to hang out and/or go work out or something.