Going with your gut instinct

  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Dec 01, 2010 4:51 AM GMT
    Has there EVER been a time when you agreed to meet someone for a first date, or coffee or a movie or whatever, just to get to know him a little better and you DIDNT go with your first instinct and JUST SAY NO to begin with?
    Did you regret it in the end?
    Has there ever been a time when you had the highest hopes of things going well on a date with someone you were VERY interested in and it just fizzled form the start?
    What did you do? How did you "get out of it?" Was the date just a complete bust and now he wont stop calling or texting you?
    Was it awkward to see him a few days later?
    this happened to me aabout a week ago, and now.....I just dont know how to let him down gently....Im not an A-hole, and I dont wanna hurt him, but NOW Im starting to get annoyed that he wont take the hint and stop texting me for ...

    your thoughts please....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2010 5:27 AM GMT
    Ah, situations. I wasn't in this type of scenario. The guy I was seeing seemed really interested in me. Besides knowing one another in a fitness club. We started hanging out more and more. First meeting for coffee was great and the dinners and drinks that followed helped in getting to know each other and when the time came I express myself it basically died. It just fizzled out on it's own. The long stares are gone, the constant invites and touching became so much that it needed to come to halt. Now in looking back it was probably for the better. We should have only stayed friends. Now the ocassional meetings have been akward buy we have to deal with it. Dealing with the wanted and the not wanted can be difficult. Do I regret what happened? No.

    How many signals can one take before they get the message? In your case, if dude don't get the message you need to be upfront! Just say look I'm sorry , I am not into you.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Dec 01, 2010 8:10 PM GMT
    Been on both sides of this one.

    Just return texts with closed ended statement rather than something they could reply to easily. So instead of "great - how are you" it becomes "great - thanks for asking."

    Then next time you are on the phone or in person just tell him - "hey I really value our friendship and I don't want to lose it so I want to just step back from anything other than being friends." And it doesn't hurt to throw in the old "it's me not you - you are great, I just can't be anything other than friends right now."

    Another line that lets people down easier is "You're great. I'm just feeling it right now."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2010 8:16 PM GMT
    LanceKC said And it doesn't hurt to throw in the old "it's me not you."

    Yes it does, it's the most insulting thing you could possibly say. It means you have no respect for their intelligence.
    Better to be painfully honest than to use a line as lame as that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2010 8:16 PM GMT
    WAY too many questions for one post.

    I always go with my gut feeling but there was a time in Pittsburgh this dude hit me up online but i ignored him.

    Ran into him at a bar later, and had the hottest sex for two days in my hotel room.

    So, sometimes you can be really surprised and you can't always judge a book by its soft core sex cover.
  • joncfernan

    Posts: 216

    Dec 01, 2010 8:31 PM GMT
    Same here. Been on both sides. It's better to be upfront and if you want the results you're going after. Sadly, some people get so into the other that they can't even decipher their coded messages (been there too lol). and ur not an a-hole for not being interested - but you will look like one if you handle the situation poorly. Go with ur gut!
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Dec 01, 2010 9:37 PM GMT
    I never regretted following that lead of my inner self.....That voice is the rational you....For once your thinking with your brain and not your cock...my opinion...BUD
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Dec 01, 2010 9:57 PM GMT
    If you are 100% certain that there's no potential, the direct approach is best. Just let him know that you're glad that you were able to meet up, but that you just aren't feeling it for him. No harm, no foul.

    If you are not sure, however, it doesn't hurt giving it one more go before putting the kibbosh on it.

  • oyoung

    Posts: 97

    Dec 01, 2010 10:23 PM GMT
    NC3athlete saidIf you are 100% certain that there's no potential, the direct approach is best. Just let him know that you're glad that you were able to meet up, but that you just aren't feeling it for him. No harm, no foul.

    If you are not sure, however, it doesn't hurt giving it one more go before putting the kibbosh on it.



    Guess, this is mature
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2010 11:55 PM GMT
    Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't....but the older I've become - I listen to my gut a hell of a lot more!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2010 10:23 AM GMT
    Just respond to his texts with "ew". If you talk to him on the phone just say "ew" every time he finishes a sentence. Like:

    Him: Hi TallguyNLA
    You: Ew
  • royaliam

    Posts: 1

    Dec 03, 2010 11:11 AM GMT
    just be his friend and say write too me once in a month just friends.thanks
  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Dec 04, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    makarov99 saidSame here. Been on both sides. It's better to be upfront and if you want the results you're going after. Sadly, some people get so into the other that they can't even decipher their coded messages (been there too lol). and ur not an a-hole for not being interested - but you will look like one if you handle the situation poorly. Go with ur gut!


    thanks so much for the advice guys! ! appreciate it
  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Dec 04, 2010 3:29 AM GMT
    mybud saidI never regretted following that lead of my inner self.....That voice is the rational you....For once your thinking with your brain and not your cock...my opinion...BUD

    Ireally am trying to be an adult and a gentleman....no reason to act like a teenager....thanks!
  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Dec 04, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    AvadaKedavra saidJust respond to his texts with "ew". If you talk to him on the phone just say "ew" every time he finishes a sentence. Like:

    Him: Hi TallguyNLA
    You: Ew


    hahah! humorous! thanks for makin me smile!
    I needed that this week....
  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Dec 04, 2010 3:31 AM GMT
    NC3athlete saidIf you are 100% certain that there's no potential, the direct approach is best. Just let him know that you're glad that you were able to meet up, but that you just aren't feeling it for him. No harm, no foul.

    If you are not sure, however, it doesn't hurt giving it one more go before putting the kibbosh on it.


    Agreed! good solid advice!
    thank you...
    its nice to know I can get advice from guys on here that I can actually use!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 06, 2010 4:02 PM GMT
    The times I've gone with my gut instinct in regards to guys like kissing in public for example, I usually am wrong so I do stop and reason with myself before initiating some things these days. I hate holding back but it's sometimes better because when I do embarrass myself I don't get over it which is problem in itself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2010 6:41 PM GMT
    Yeah recently I agreed to go on a date with some guy that I had hardly really talked to before. I wasn't too excited but figured "ah what the hell, been a while since I have been on a date". So I go on a date with this guy and he is COMPLETELY not my type. Then he tried to make out with me in the car and I awkwardly tried to hurry up and get out of there.

    The way I ended it doesn't make me TOO proud. He asked to go on another date a few days later and I said I was busy. He told me to let him know when I wasn't busy next...and I just didn't. I got lucky and he only texted me a few times after that then stopped completely.
  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Dec 07, 2010 6:57 PM GMT
    The real trick is learning how to distinguish the difference between desire and instinct. Always trust your initial instinct...always always always!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2010 7:07 PM GMT
    I've been burned by not listening to my gut instinct when it came to roommates, including currently, meaning I'll have to move on January 1st. Gut instinct was right every time. Ignore it and it'll burn ya too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2010 7:11 PM GMT
    Sk8Tex saidThe real trick is learning how to distinguish the difference between desire and instinct. Always trust your initial instinct...always always always!


    I would have to disagree Sk8Tex, and it could just be because of my age personally.

    There have been many times when I met up with a guy/got hit on by a guy/talked to a guy online/met a guy online that I thought would be a complete dud or waste of time. I found that I was shockingly surprised when I ended up actually meeting them and getting to know them. They turned out to be some of the best sex Ive had.

    On the flip side, there has been times that my instincts were right, but I usually give someone a chance.