Getting Tested Before Sex

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 8:31 AM GMT
    Is it considered inappropriate to ask someone to get tested before sleeping with them? I personally don't think it is but my friend contends otherwise. I just feel like if you're comfortable enough to have sex with someone, shouldn't you be comfortable enough to ask them to get tested.

    There's this guy I'm interested in, but he's had sex with 9 women and 7 men and has never been tested. I want to ask him to get tested but I don't know how. Should I just be straight forward? Have you guys ever felt the need to ask someone to get tested or do you just rely on a condom?
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Dec 01, 2010 9:14 AM GMT
    never, ever do something you are uncomfortable with that could have terrible ramifications.

    Never.

    if he wont get tested, find another guy to play with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 11:00 AM GMT
    mizu5 saidnever, ever do something you are uncomfortable with that could have terrible ramifications.

    Never.

    if he wont get tested, find another guy to play with.



    ^^^^^^^^^^^this^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.....Keithicon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 11:03 AM GMT
    If you are not comfortable having sex with him until he's been tested then he'll have to get tested if he wants to have sex with you, simple. I suppose it's not the easiest thing to ask, but you could always say "Hey man, I'm gonna go for a sexual health check-up just to make sure I'm on top form - how about you come with me?"

    And then just be a bit less subtle about it if he doesn't get the hint!

    Mind you, even if the tests are all clean for him, still use condoms!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 11:40 AM GMT
    yup, ask him and return the favour, so do the same or show him that you did
  • Floridaguy954

    Posts: 14

    Dec 01, 2010 11:59 AM GMT
    I was recently tested and I am very sorry to admit it was the first test in several years. I am in a committed relationship for 5 years strong. We dont play outside our relationship but even in this day and age I should have never waited so long to get tested. I knew I was negative but nothing like getting the results before your own eyes. In my area in South Florida there is a place that does it for free, quick, easy and safe. There is no excuse for gay/straight/bi to get tested and get tested regularly.

    If you can feel comfortable asking someone to have sex with you and to pleasure each other, then there really should be no reason why you cant ask for testing (even with safe sex).

    Good Luck!
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Dec 01, 2010 12:16 PM GMT
    It might be the best thing for both him and you.
    He should get tested. It's simple, fairly cheap and painless.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 12:20 PM GMT
    Though I advocate testing, I've had an inconsistent attitude towards it. When I was single and tricking a lot (for pleasure, not profit icon_wink.gif ), and visiting bathhouses, I never asked about testing. A naked guy in a steam room is unlikely to have his latest HIV test results on him, nor run right out and get tested while I wait.

    And besides, guys lie, and the HIV tests don't indicate whether someone is negative TODAY, but rather only give their HIV status several months back (or at best weeks back with a more expensive test used less often by most guys). So as I've written here before, HIV tests are almost worthless for deciding whether to have unprotected sex with a stranger or not. Instead, simply NEVER have unprotected sex outside a monogamous LTR, period.

    The value of tests is in getting a diagnosis to begin treatment, the sooner the better, and in knowing not to engage in unsafe sex if poz. But if you always have protected safe sex with strangers, I'm not sure the HIV question is that important. You gotta realize that there's always a chance you'll be having sex with a poz guy, no matter what he says or what test results he may show you.

    If you ask yourself the question "Would I have safe sex with a guy I know to be poz?" and you answer "no" then you really shouldn't be having sex with any strangers at all. Because if you have sex with a stranger, regardless of his alleged status, there's a chance you ARE having it with a poz person.

    When dating, though, I've had guys ask me to get tested, and I'd do it (or actually retested, since I get tested regularly anyway). Didn't bother me at all, if that made the guy feel better, though actually giving him a false sense of security. And I'd ask them to do the same in return, though some actually declined (interesting double-standard -- you may be poz but I can't be). Needless to say, I always insisted on safe sex with them anyway, and being with a poz guy doesn't frighten me, my late partner having been infected before we got together, with whom I also always had safe sex.

    My current monogamous partner & I get tested regularly by the same doctor, with whom we have legal papers on file giving us each the right to know all medical matters about the other. We test as an example to the HIV/AIDS community, with whom we work. Difficult to preach regular testing to others, if we answered "no" to whether we get tested ourselves, at risk or not. We also get blood tests for other STDs and contagious diseases, including hepatitis, which can be contracted outside of sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 4:03 PM GMT
    Everyone says you should get tested but I'm still a virgin. Should I still get tested? And what if I start having sex but always use a condom?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 4:08 PM GMT


    Interested in just a sexual romp or interested as in you have feelings for the guy and want some lovemaking?

    Bill and I went through a complete range of std tests, at each other's request. No sweat.

    -Doug


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 4:08 PM GMT
    I dont think its innapropriate but its not likely. In a hook up situation its not easy to just jump in the car and go get tested before u do it. and even if you do if he caught HIV within 3 months of the testing it may not show. It's def a good thing to get tested but weather the test comes out neg or poz still use a condum
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 5:02 PM GMT
    waxon saidI dont think its innapropriate but its not likely. In a hook up situation its not easy to just jump in the car and go get tested before u do it. and even if you do if he caught HIV within 3 months of the testing it may not show. It's def a good thing to get tested but weather the test comes out neg or poz still use a condum





    You said it all ... thanks icon_smile.gif
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Dec 01, 2010 5:49 PM GMT
    H0TChocolate saidIs it considered inappropriate to ask someone to get tested before sleeping with them? I personally don't think it is but my friend contends otherwise. I just feel like if you're comfortable enough to have sex with someone, shouldn't you be comfortable enough to ask them to get tested.

    There's this guy I'm interested in, but he's had sex with 9 women and 7 men and has never been tested. I want to ask him to get tested but I don't know how. Should I just be straight forward? Have you guys ever felt the need to ask someone to get tested or do you just rely on a condom?


    A condom is not going to protect you from all the kinds of diseases you can catch from someone during sex. It's not inappropriate to ask for testing first by the way imo.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 6:30 PM GMT
    Nothing wrong with requesting testing as long as you're willing to get tested too. I and any guy I dated more than a few times exchanged test results.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Dec 01, 2010 6:38 PM GMT
    Ask him. If he's affended then just be polite, say your are just being prudent and tell him you value his health too much not to ask all of your partners.

    I get tested all the time at a place that does it for free in my city. Why not have the piece of mind?
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Dec 01, 2010 7:11 PM GMT
    H0TChocolate saidIs it considered inappropriate to ask someone to get tested before sleeping with them? I personally don't think it is but my friend contends otherwise. I just feel like if you're comfortable enough to have sex with someone, shouldn't you be comfortable enough to ask them to get tested.

    There's this guy I'm interested in, but he's had sex with 9 women and 7 men and has never been tested. I want to ask him to get tested but I don't know how. Should I just be straight forward? Have you guys ever felt the need to ask someone to get tested or do you just rely on a condom?


    I'm all for getting tested together before sex (at least intercourse). I prefer not to rely on a thin rubber barrier when it comes to my (and their) health.

    I totally agree with your reasoning. If you're not comfortable enough for that then being comfortable enough for sex seems kinda silly.
    A lot of people still feel really awkward and uncomfortable about sex (hell, most everyone does to some degree, really) and they kind of just want to close their eyes and jump in without having to think about it.

    Go get tested together, make a morning of it. Pick up some breakfast or lunch on the way to eat while you guys are in the waiting room. It's actually a fun little trip. icon_biggrin.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 8:53 PM GMT
    YOU can lead a HORSE to water but you CAN'T make him DRINK! Its unreasonable to ask someone you're NOT in a relationship with to go and get tested just to sleep with your ass. It makes you sound like you're a player.

    Guess what CONDOMS are for?? they BLOCK transmission of diseases. I know, it comes as a big surprise but latest research shows THEY WORK!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 8:54 PM GMT
    vetteset said
    mizu5 saidnever, ever do something you are uncomfortable with that could have terrible ramifications.

    Never.

    if he wont get tested, find another guy to play with.



    ^^^^^^^^^^^this^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.....Keithicon_cool.gif


    Ridiculous and unreasonable demand to make. If you're in a relationship, then yea get tested and bareback yourselves into oblivion. But for a random trick or a hook up, you're gonna be sending everyone to the dr?

    Wear a condom. Lose the drama. Have fun, and repeat.

    Remember, if youve slept with one man, you've slept with them all!
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Dec 01, 2010 9:30 PM GMT
    Dude...Be upfront with him...Tell him you really care for him but your knowledge about his sexual past concerns ya...If he truly cares for ya...He'll have the test...done...BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 9:35 PM GMT
    mybud saidDude...Be upfront with him...Tell him you really care for him but your knowledge about his sexual past concerns ya...If he truly cares for ya...He'll have the test...done...BUD


    He just met the guy, i'd say "care about him" is a stretch. if you dont want to sleep with him with a condom then dont sleep with him, period.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Dec 01, 2010 9:40 PM GMT
    CaliBoySwag said
    mybud saidDude...Be upfront with him...Tell him you really care for him but your knowledge about his sexual past concerns ya...If he truly cares for ya...He'll have the test...done...BUD


    He just met the guy, i'd say "care about him" is a stretch. if you dont want to sleep with him with a condom then dont sleep with him, period.


    Well that's if he's seeing it as a fuck...but maybe he has deeper feelings...I stand by what I said....BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2010 9:58 PM GMT
    Thanks guys, I appreciate everyone's responses. Just for clarity, when I said "interested" I meant interested in a relationship, not a hook up. I think if you're just hooking up with random ppl. it should be assumed they have something and all necessary precautions should be taken. With that said, I agree with most of you that a condom should be worn whether you know someone's status or not, but sexual activity isn't limited to just penetration.

    Although a condom could be used during oral, how many of us actually use it every time someone goes down on us, or we go down on them. And yes, there is a low transmission for HIV during oral but HIV isn't the only STI to worry about. Anyway, I thought about why I should ask him, and it's not only for sexual health reasons but mental as well. If he was positive for something am I ready to handle a relationship with someone who is? Can't say that I am, can't say that I even know what's it's like to be in a relationship with someone infected, so if things keep going as smoothly as they do with the two of us. I'll ask him and will definitely go with him. I'll keep u guys updated on what he says. Thanks again!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2010 1:41 AM GMT


    Get tested together. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2010 2:02 AM GMT
    Its better to tell him than keep wondering about it. Will you enjoy having sex with him if he doesn't get tested? If no then what is the point.
  • thezak

    Posts: 7

    Dec 02, 2010 2:04 PM GMT
    How widespread is the strategy?... of
    "BEFORE we have sex let's get tested TOGETHER
    for A VARIETY of STDs."

    Do sexual health checkups reduce the ambiguity and can they be
    like anything else POTENTIAL sex partners do together?...

    If you needed surgery would you want the surgeon to wash
    before operating?...

    If you needed a blood transfusion would you want the blood tested
    before or after the transfusion?...

    see also
    http://notb4weknow.blogspot.com
    http://continuedat.blogspot.com

    "tested together" alerts
    http://www.google.com/alerts
    http://www.google.com/search?q=%22tested+together%22