How does the dynamics of a gay relationship work?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2010 10:21 PM GMT
    In heterosexual relationship, there are roles and duties that each person follow. Also most hetero relationship follow archetypes about a relationship is to suppose to work. But with gay couples there are no such thing. So I was wondering how does your relationship works.?
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Dec 05, 2010 12:11 AM GMT
    Although the basic roles of men and women remain, societal change has eroded away the definitive roles of each gender even in a heterosexual marriage.

    People just find what they are good at and stick to them. Homosexual relationships have been found to be more equivalent in the amount of work each partner does, more so than a heterosexual marriage. They are generally better at communicating with each other.
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    Dec 05, 2010 1:16 AM GMT

    I can´t speak for others but I found my relationship to be a total power struggle with both parties wanting to be the man. Maybe that isn´t so prominent with heteros..
  • oyoung

    Posts: 97

    Dec 05, 2010 3:42 AM GMT
    In my mind, most gay couples could handle their roles and duties very well, while some str8 couples deal with their roles and duties very bad.
    I guess, it more depends on personalities than gay or str8.
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Dec 05, 2010 7:49 PM GMT
    tanlejos said
    I can´t speak for others but I found my relationship to be a total power struggle with both parties wanting to be the man. Maybe that isn´t so prominent with heteros..


    This whole state of mind confuses me.. Are there not two MEN in the homosexual relationship? Both pparties wanting to be the man?? I guess tanlejos meant that both parties fight for the "role" (hate that word) of being the one who sits in front of the TV or perfectly sculpts their fantasy football team while the other cooks, cleans, and does the laundry. This is the typical hetero man in a typical hetero marriage, which fail around 49% of the time.. That should serve to exemplify exactly why both parties in ANY relationship should consider themselves equal.. Noone is above doing the dishes or mowing the yard.. And, in my best opinion, if you're not man enough to have another man in your relationship- perhaps you should find a woman (they aren't as bad as some here make them out to be!). The whole man/woman dominant/submissive approach sounds like something for the birds, not the gay relationship.
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    Dec 05, 2010 9:09 PM GMT
    Roles, shmoles...as it works for us; the major things: I do the work/repair on the houses/cars, he handles the paper work/accounts. As for house work/chores it's who ever has the time; however, he doesn't like the way I do laundry (tend to just throw it all in and turn it on. He says you have to separate some things) and I don't like the way he does dishes...
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    Dec 06, 2010 3:21 AM GMT
    bmoney1 said
    tanlejos said
    I can´t speak for others but I found my relationship to be a total power struggle with both parties wanting to be the man. Maybe that isn´t so prominent with heteros..


    This whole state of mind confuses me.. Are there not two MEN in the homosexual relationship? Both pparties wanting to be the man?? I guess tanlejos meant that both parties fight for the "role" (hate that word) of being the one who sits in front of the TV or perfectly sculpts their fantasy football team while the other cooks, cleans, and does the laundry. This is the typical hetero man in a typical hetero marriage, which fail around 49% of the time.. That should serve to exemplify exactly why both parties in ANY relationship should consider themselves equal.. Noone is above doing the dishes or mowing the yard.. And, in my best opinion, if you're not man enough to have another man in your relationship- perhaps you should find a woman (they aren't as bad as some here make them out to be!). The whole man/woman dominant/submissive approach sounds like something for the birds, not the gay relationship.


    bmoney1 - You´re right I was talking about the breadwinner role, the provider. The other things didn´t matter so much and burdens of the domestic world were shared equally.
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    Dec 06, 2010 5:15 AM GMT
    We've both found our niches. It used to be that I would do most of the housework while he took care of the children. It got a little frustrating, especially since I worked about twice as much as he did. But now as they grow older and more self-sufficient, things are equivalent more often then not. I cook, he cleans. I do the laundry, he does the ironing, etc. He takes care of his vehicle, I take care of mine. He takes care of the finances. I take care of the backyard. He takes care of the social niceties with others and so on.

    However, it is not difficult to notice that he is the more assertive partner and is the breadwinner. Up to this point, he has earned significantly more than I do. While I do provide input, I let him make most of the decisions regarding big money spending. However, that will change in the next couple of years as I finish my training years. In the next 5 years or so, I will quickly out earn him. I sometimes wonder how he will take to a reversal of roles. Probably not well. People already joke about it and he laughs it off. I hope he keeps that up.
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Dec 06, 2010 6:54 AM GMT
    tanlejos said
    bmoney1 said
    tanlejos said
    I can´t speak for others but I found my relationship to be a total power struggle with both parties wanting to be the man. Maybe that isn´t so prominent with heteros..


    This whole state of mind confuses me.. Are there not two MEN in the homosexual relationship? Both pparties wanting to be the man?? I guess tanlejos meant that both parties fight for the "role" (hate that word) of being the one who sits in front of the TV or perfectly sculpts their fantasy football team while the other cooks, cleans, and does the laundry. This is the typical hetero man in a typical hetero marriage, which fail around 49% of the time.. That should serve to exemplify exactly why both parties in ANY relationship should consider themselves equal.. Noone is above doing the dishes or mowing the yard.. And, in my best opinion, if you're not man enough to have another man in your relationship- perhaps you should find a woman (they aren't as bad as some here make them out to be!). The whole man/woman dominant/submissive approach sounds like something for the birds, not the gay relationship.


    bmoney1 - You´re right I was talking about the breadwinner role, the provider. The other things didn´t matter so much and burdens of the domestic world were shared equally.



    I see, when you add money into the mix it exponentially complicates everything.. I think in any relationship the man has been programmed that they are the one to be making the money. I wonder how the stay at home dads cope with this complete role reversal? However, I think that if you're deep enough into a relationship that money becomes a concern, both parties should be doing everything they can to make ends meet.. I do see how it can be a struggle for anyone if they feel that they could be contributing more in some way. I have never delt with this kind of situation though, so I don't think I could offer anything of benefit.