Holidays Get Me Down! What Do You Do?

  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Dec 02, 2010 1:52 AM GMT
    Hey guys, it's December 1 and the holidays are here. For many, it's a time of happiness and rejoicing. For me, I want the damn thing to be over in a hurry.

    Here is my issue and need some help here to get through this:

    While my work piles up, there are Christmas events happening around me at my office. My other co-workers are invited to parties and get-togethers every year. I have yet to receive an invitation to these events. It makes me feel sad an lonely to see others enjoying themselves during this time, when I have contributed as much or more than they have, only to be left behind.

    Christmas has never been a happy time for me anyway. I was physically and mentally abused as a child and remember many Christmas mornings being beaten by my father while made to watch my younger sister open gifts. There were never any gifts for me. The head injuries I received from my dad Christmas morning was my gift.

    It wasn't until I was in my twenties when I received an actual gift from someone. I cried. It was a moment I'll remember for the rest of my life.

    Over the past decades, I have not really worried about my dreading Christmas as I would focus on giving to others. In return, there would not be something for me, and I would find out my efforts were "regifted" or simply thrown out in the trash.

    I'm alone, not only during the holidays but all year long. For those of you that are alone at this time, how do you work through this? How do you cope being alone when the focus is on couples and those with families or other relatives around you? I have no relatives. My abusive parents have deceased and my younger sister is also deceased as well. Other relatives feel as if I'm "deceased" as well and have no contact with me.

    What do you do? What should I do?

    Is it January 2, 2011 yet?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2010 2:02 AM GMT
    Don't really have any words of wisdom. But I'd give you a big hug if I was there with you! Hang in there and realize there are people in this world that care about you - I do.
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    Dec 02, 2010 3:21 AM GMT
    Wow.

    I'm so sorry to hear about the things that happened to you as a kid. It goes without saying that no one deserves that. Please remind yourself that you have great inner strength to have go through your childhood and that it makes perfect sense that the holidays would be a difficult time for you.

    If I can offer one suggestion that might help, it would be to think about finding a charity that could use your help over the holidays. Many senior citizens' homes, shelters, etc host Christmas dinners and need extra hands to prepare food, serve food, clean up and most of all to talk to their guests. My family and I have volunteered for this on Christmas Day a few times and it has been a real highlight of the holiday.

    I wish you all the best for the holidays and for 2011.
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    Dec 02, 2010 3:36 AM GMT
    You aren't the only one who experienced christmas extremely negative during childhood...

    I have ignored the holidays for most of my adult life and do things I wish to do while everyone else seems so wrapped up in it.

    Take a trip to the Caribbean! Go to Key West! Go snowskiing in Colorado.. anything but staying at home!.. You'd be surprised by how many people you'll meet just like yourself!

    You won't be alone!
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Dec 02, 2010 4:14 AM GMT
    I call a few friends and wish them Happy Holidays and then stay inside and hide with a cup of coffee and a good book--( hopefully Towers of Midnight by Robert Jordan)

    tablesm.gif
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    Dec 02, 2010 4:21 AM GMT
    this holiday i just want to crawl into a cave and hide . . . but ive just been in a bad funk for the past couple months ... .
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    Dec 02, 2010 4:29 AM GMT
    Its not for everyone but this always helps me....

    crown-royal-purple.jpg

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    Dec 02, 2010 4:35 AM GMT
    I am sorry, I don't really have much to share. But you can take a holiday and spend it doing things you love !
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Dec 02, 2010 4:38 AM GMT
    Everyone who does not have plans for Christmas is invited over to my place. I'll put on a pot of coffee and we'll take it from there. icon_wink.gif
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Dec 02, 2010 4:41 AM GMT
    Get high!
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Dec 02, 2010 5:00 AM GMT
    I just simply scanned your post but I have a suggestion. Why don't you invite the guys on your buddy list whom are within driving distance to a Christmas party.

    Just a thought.
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    Dec 02, 2010 5:56 AM GMT
    Im not fond of holidays either, from thanksgiving to valentines day, and my birthday.
    Sorry bout your situation Jeff. But you got us here, and even though we're all far, we can connect here. Youre not alone.
    Fuck everyone else, give yourself a gift! I give myself presents all the time, lol!
    And one of us suggested participating in a charity, thats a great idea. Surrounding yourself with people who appreciate your help works wonders for your spirit.
    Remember, Youre not alone.
    We're here buddy. icon_smile.gif
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Dec 02, 2010 6:47 AM GMT
    I don't know you, so it's hard to give advise and not sound like an ass, but:

    The keys are:

    friends - friends don't want anyone to be lonely, and most people don't want people to be lonely at Christmas especially if there's a positive connection.

    don't shut yourself off from people, there may be someone who would like to have you over, out or whatever but gets some kind of vibe that you don't do that kinda thing.

    be the change you want to be - ask coworkers out for beers after work some time - break a little ice, form a few bonds.

    Best wishes,

    Fred



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    Dec 02, 2010 6:53 AM GMT
    icon_sad.gif Im sad to say I totally understand where your comming from. I was never abused, but I was orphaned at the age of 10, I have a brother who I haven't seen since I was 11...and I've lost several other family memebers since. New Years is the most depressing holiday ever, I actually have plans this year of taking a few sleeping pills..so I can just sleep thru the whole thing.

    I would give you advice, but idk what to say...Im at a point in my life where every morning I go to the train station on my way to school with thoughts crossing my mind about jumping in front of it.

    Things will get better....at least thats what the happy ppl tell me.
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Dec 02, 2010 2:03 PM GMT
    To those who have responded above:

    Thank you for your thoughts and concerns. Your ideas all sound good and I might spend some of the day here on RJ to see who all is around, or read a good book, maybe get some badly needed exercise!

    To lead up to 12/25, I will have to take it one day at a time.

    Thank you again. I appreciate and love all of you.
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    Dec 02, 2010 2:19 PM GMT
    Oh its no big deal, I treat it like any other day. I don't have a reason to dislike Christmas, its just that i work retail and at a restaurant for now, and these are both jobs that don't allow for christmas holidays. You'd be surprised at how many people do this as well. Most of the other students i work with whose families live far away are going throught he same thing. We take it as a time to treat ourselves to things, dinners out, renting movies, skiing, etc. No need to feel bad and be down and out, just grab a starbucks holiday drink, pop a xanex, and buy yourself somethin nice icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2010 3:52 PM GMT
    Just as there's no law that says you have to celebrate or acknowedge Chuck E. Cheese or Chinese New Year, the same holds for Christmas.
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    Dec 02, 2010 3:53 PM GMT
    Do what people do in Vegas: Drink, Drink, Gamble, Sex. Lost cause? I think not if it fits! icon_smile.gif -just saying.
  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Dec 02, 2010 4:03 PM GMT
    I know exactly where you are coming from TNJ. I left home and most of my family members behind about 12 years ago, and as time passes by it seems we all make less and less effort to stay in touch. This past Thanksgiving not a single person in my family called me or texted me to say hello.. it wasn't until way later in the day I had found my dad left me a facebook comment. *yay..?* (So I poked him) I turn 31 in 6 more days and I am not expecting any gifts, cards, or phone calls from my family. Sucks but to dwell on it is wasted time in my eyes.

    So... what do you do? I go outside and do something I enjoy doing. Being alone isnt always necessarily a curse, it can grant you the freedom to do whatever the hell you want without having to constantly explain yourself to someone else. I find if I do something I think to be particularly challenging and I succeed at doing it, I feel 110% better about myself and that keeps me fueled and going. And well....if I fail theres no one to witness it, so it never happened icon_smile.gif

    Fortunately I've managed to find a partner in this crazy ass world that actually wants to share his and my life, and honestly sometimes I dont know what I would do without him. Every now and then though one of us gets into a slump over the holidays, but we just have to kick ourselves in the asses and get out there.. or dwell on it.

    Edit: Volunteering for the needy can really put things into perspective too
  • mynyun

    Posts: 1346

    Dec 02, 2010 4:10 PM GMT

    Well while I have not experienced the same thing you have I have somewhat similar stories of my childhood and christmas. So for numerous reasons I no longer celebrate it as well. Or if I do I may give someone something they need but expect nothing in return.
    I can only suggest getting together with real friends, not those office phonies who seem to care nothing about you. OR you can ask someone you may be close to at work why they don't ask you along. Subtly or straight forward.
    Or you can do like someone here mentioned. Go out and do what YOU want to do. Take a little vacation, or a trip somewhere or just little things. I don't know your area so don't know what to suggest. Maybe volunteering.?
    Yes the holidays can get you down ESP if you are alone. So do something to get your mind off it.
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    Dec 02, 2010 4:22 PM GMT
    Others have stolen christmas from you; take it back! I'll make a point of being here on Christmas Day! See you then!

    xo -Doug

    PS I remember years at the phone co at the bottom rung ,working split shifts on christmas day and having steamed broccoli and rice for supper, all alone.

    Make some of your fabulous desserts and take them down to the shelter. icon_wink.gif The expressions on their faces will be like Christmas cards.

    I'm sending you an early gift - it's in your inbox.

    -Doug
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Dec 09, 2010 3:47 AM GMT
    Just an update here, guys.....I am feeling much better about the upcoming holidays and I think I just might make it through. Still looking forward to the new year and to get in better shape, a new job, less stress, more money.....maybe a DATE.....on and on...

    Thanks again to everyone to share their love, concerns and words of wisdom. Love all of you!
  • joncfernan

    Posts: 216

    Dec 09, 2010 3:55 AM GMT
    These guys are right! Have an event with guys here around your area or even volunteer somewhere around you. Not everyone gets to spend the typical happy holidays - but it helps to raise some smiles when you help out others and when they know they're cared for: its really what all these holidays are about - I think. I'm sending huge Miami hugs over there and know that you've got great people here to stick through with you through the good and bad moments icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 12, 2010 1:27 PM GMT
    Just realize that just because someone is together, there are many issues that are not being seen, and to deal with that DRAMA of bad relationships are not worth. Not saying that all relationships are bad, but a great deal are and the parties involved stay around for the convenience of being there.. Go do something for you and make it a great holiday.. It will happen, you gotta be patient and Good things will occur... DON'T RUSH INTO ANYTHING OUT OF LONELINESS, THATS THE WORST MISTAKE TO MAKE...
  • doug79

    Posts: 2

    Dec 12, 2010 2:07 PM GMT
    I would try to get in touch with any relatives you know are living. They can probably see the situation that you grew up with. Not trying to sound mean because they were your family, but it seems a little more than coincidental that you are the one remaining alive through all of this. You must have been watched over through it all to be the one remaining. That should let you know that you are someone and you should feel good about yourself.

    The office parties are tough, I know. I never go to a company Christmas party because they seem superficial to me. Everyone is friendly and the rest of the year it seems like they don't like each other. I do a very blue collar job and was invited to a Christmas part of one of the accounts. If I finish my job on time I will go to their party. It's all in what other people see in you and maybe you are a better person than those you work with directly so they don't invite you. As sorry as I am to say, sometimes we get treated in life the way our family treated us. I know, I was always the one to do most of the work and I'm from a family of seven children. I feel I'm underpaid on the job and have to do the most work, just like with family. If you look closely though, you'll find there are people that know what you're about and will see it.

    Take care these holidays and I hope they don't bring you down until they pass.