Am I crazy or unrealistic?

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    Mar 17, 2008 3:17 PM GMT
    I met a guy online about a month ago, and I invited him down to SF. Not to stay with me, but just to come down, hang out and aee how it went.

    So we had a great dinner Friday, took a mini-day trip saturday and hung out until around 7. He told me he had to say hi to a friend here, and I was welcome to come along. I told him no, go ahead, and we agreed to meet up later. By 1 am, I hadn't heard from him since around 9. I was really pissed off...not because he went to see his friends, but because he couldn't even call me or text me and say we couldn't be hanging out later. Whatever rhe wanted to do was fine with me; I just had no idea what was going on.

    So he calls me Sunday around 11, after I had canceled difficult-to-get brunch reservations, telling me he got really drunk and forgot to text me, and was seemingly apologetic. I told him I was hurt and disappointed that he couldn't even notifiy me that he was going to stay out with his friends. So he said he was meeting up with another friend and going to the Haight, but that we would meet up for dinner.

    Of course, around 7 PM, I get a message saying he's turning in early. That's it. No let's get together tomorrow (I took the day off to hang out with him), no sorry we couldn't meet...By then I wasn't pissed as much as I was disappointed and expecting it.

    Am I crazy for expecting common courtesy like that? If I had come to visit someone, and went out on my own, and I'd certainly let my "host" know what was going on. And I would certainly give him more than just "Making it a short night. Not going out" after making dinner the following day.

    Damn, I am already discouraged about dating. This just makes me think I should just stick with my Golden Retriever. She doesn't make drama like that.

    Ok enough venting. What started out as a great weekend turned into a nightmare. He was only 30, so maybe I should've expected it. But still...this is quite depressing.
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    Mar 17, 2008 3:20 PM GMT
    He is very immature for 30. Lame excuses for not giving you a call. "I got drunk" is a definite 'see you later' in my books.

    You don't deserve this, but look on the bright side it is better to know that a guy is a flake right away then six months or a year into a relationship.
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    Mar 17, 2008 3:31 PM GMT
    Goodness..."only 30"? I'm a month from 30, and I wouldn't find that kind of behavior acceptable either in myself nor in guys I date. I agree with JB that the guy is exceptionally immature, and that it sounds like you're better off without him.
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    Mar 17, 2008 3:37 PM GMT
    Few actions piss me off more than not keep a date/appt with me. I am very conscientious about keeping obligations that I make. And I expect others to, too. I hate having my time wasted waiting around for some smuck.

    When he messed up the first time, I would have dropped him. He would have to be trying to get me to see him after that.

  • Timbales

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    Mar 17, 2008 3:56 PM GMT
    Sounds to me like he really wasn't that into you and didn't know how to say it. Sorry if that seems harsh, it's just my impression.
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    Mar 17, 2008 4:06 PM GMT
    "the more i learn of men, the more i like my cat..."
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    Mar 17, 2008 4:10 PM GMT
    30? Age is just a number... It is no more acceptable at 25, or any age for that matter. The dude's a quack!
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    Mar 17, 2008 4:16 PM GMT
    I agree, I don't see how age has anything to do with it. Some people are just naturally flakey. It's your choice to figure out how to deal with it once you learn this fact.

    I have a couple friends like this, and I try not to make solid advanced plans with them.
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    Mar 17, 2008 4:39 PM GMT
    Well, I'm with you Latin, I'd be pissed too. There's common courtesy that trumps all, especially when you're the guest. I agree that some people just don't understand that. I think that age is only a factor from the stand point that many learn through maturity what it means to be considerate (and perhaps from being burned themselves a few times).

    Write this one off and chalk it up to experience I guess. What a shame to ruin a weekend for someone that obviously is considerate enough to invite you to visit in the first place!
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    Mar 17, 2008 5:04 PM GMT
    Thanks for the input. What keeps going through myhead is that I wasn't pissed that he went off to hang out with some friends; but that he didn't tell me it was going to be an all-night thing and our plans got canceled. Like Caslon, I'm very much a stickler for people's word...if you say you are going to do something, or be somewhere, I expect that. I know sh*t comes up - that's just life - and if you can't make it, let me know. I've had to fire 3 trainers for blowing off sessions with me. It really irritates me when people can't live up to their word.

    Well, I guess it is a lesson learned.
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    Mar 17, 2008 5:09 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidSounds to me like he really wasn't that into you and didn't know how to say it. Sorry if that seems harsh, it's just my impression.


    Timberoo, iI'm pretty sure he was into me...he kept trying to convince me to come back to his hotel friday night (not that I didn't want to, but my dog is first priority) and kept playing "grab-ass" when we took a day trip down the coast saturday.

    Maybe he was embarrassed for blowing me off Saturday and just didn't want to face me. Who knows, and right now...who cares.

    Oh and my apologies to those guys under 30 who have to common decency not to pull immature stunts like that...I ddin't mean to disparage all of you...:-)
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    Mar 17, 2008 5:14 PM GMT
    LatinMuscleSF saidThanks for the input. What keeps going through myhead is that I wasn't pissed that he went off to hang out with some friends; but that he didn't tell me it was going to be an all-night thing and our plans got canceled. Like Caslon, I'm very much a stickler for people's word...if you say you are going to do something, or be somewhere, I expect that. I know sh*t comes up - that's just life - and if you can't make it, let me know. I've had to fire 3 trainers for blowing off sessions with me. It really irritates me when people can't live up to their word.

    Well, I guess it is a lesson learned.


    The fact that you were open enough to support him visiting others while he was here visiting you should have been the first reason to ensure that he contacted you to let you know he wasn't going to show up. I'm very much a stickler for keeping ones word and being on time. A real pet peeve of mine too!
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    Mar 17, 2008 5:22 PM GMT
    Latin, there is no excuse for his behavior. If indeed the first "incident" was just an accident, he should have been bending over backwards to make up for it.

    Whether he was into you or not there really isn't any excuse for being rude.

    Ok... let's see how many crude "bending over backwards" comments will follow. icon_neutral.gif

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    Mar 17, 2008 5:32 PM GMT
    creyente saidLatin, there is no excuse for his behavior. If indeed the first "incident" was just an accident, he should have been bending over backwards to make up for it.

    Whether he was into you or not there really isn't any excuse for being rude.

    Ok... let's see how many crude "bending over backwards" comments will follow. icon_neutral.gif



    Agreed...if I had done that, I would be falling over myself to make it up to whoever. I picked him up at the airport, made some difficult and/or costly accommodations to make sure he had a good time...I guess I give people the benefit of the doubt too much when it comss to stuff like this.

    I wish I could get into the minds of people like this and see what they're thinking.
  • justjk

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    Mar 17, 2008 5:36 PM GMT
    They're thinking " I'm a lousy pig bastard!!! what else can I do to ensure that i'll be old and alone???" , Me bitter??? nah!!!!!
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    Mar 17, 2008 5:42 PM GMT
    Maybe he was into you in a 'sleep with you' kind of way? I dunno. Men are dawgs. If someone I just met was 'grab' anything with me, I'd ditch him. That's too uncouth for words.

    And I think the age is pertinent - as we expect people to behave more maturely with age. Or at least they should. I don't think that's a faulty expectation. If you can't grow up and act right by your 30s, hope is done with you.
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    Mar 17, 2008 5:55 PM GMT
    Most likely he hooked up with someone on Saturday night and spent Sunday with him. Just consider yourself lucky you found out right away that he was a flake. There are plenty of decent guys - don't let it discourage you.
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    Mar 17, 2008 6:06 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidMaybe he was into you in a 'sleep with you' kind of way? I dunno. Men are dawgs. If someone I just met was 'grab' anything with me, I'd ditch him. That's too uncouth for words.


    Maybe he didn't like what he peceived as rejection because I had to go home to my loyal and loving dog...

    I've never understood why we say men are dogs...I'd take my dog over a guy practically any time! LOL
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    Mar 17, 2008 6:10 PM GMT
    lissenup saidMost likely he hooked up with someone on Saturday night and spent Sunday with him. Just consider yourself lucky you found out right away that he was a flake. There are plenty of decent guys - don't let it discourage you.


    That crossed my mind...but as I said, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. But maybe he did. If there are decent guys out there, please let me know! I had given up hope on decent guys in SF, so that's why I was looking in other cities! LOL

    "That's one for the books, Jerry" - Kramer
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    Mar 17, 2008 6:21 PM GMT
    If there are decent guys out there, please let me know! I had given up hope on decent guys in SF, so that's why I was looking in other cities! LOL


    There are decent guys out there, but there are more difficult to find. I've met plenty of flakes and crazies which makes me appreciate the decent guys even more.
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    Mar 17, 2008 7:24 PM GMT
    Spot on lissenup! That's why I will not be letting my catch go! icon_cool.gif

    Appreciate what you have you coupled men!

    Unless of course you're coupled with one of the flakes or crazies... then just run! icon_eek.gif

    lissenup saidIf there are decent guys out there, please let me know! I had given up hope on decent guys in SF, so that's why I was looking in other cities! LOL


    There are decent guys out there, but there are more difficult to find. I've met plenty of flakes and crazies which makes me appreciate the decent guys even more.
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    Mar 17, 2008 7:42 PM GMT
    No, you are not being crazy. I would have been pissed, very pissed.

    Once again, he had to be 30 icon_sad.gif all though I dont think this is the problem but, now I know why you dont like to date men under 30 as you mentioned on another post!

    I think this is about manners!
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    Mar 17, 2008 7:44 PM GMT
    LatinMuscleSF said I've never understood why we say men are dogs...I'd take my dog over a guy practically any time! LOL


    Right! Dogs are LOYAL. A quality lacking in that putz.
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    Mar 17, 2008 7:46 PM GMT
    creyente saidSpot on lissenup! That's why I will not be letting my catch go! icon_cool.gif

    Appreciate what you have you coupled men!

    Unless of course you're coupled with one of the flakes or crazies... then just run! icon_eek.gif

    [quote][cite]lissenup said[/cite]If there are decent guys out there, please let me know! I had given up hope on decent guys in SF, so that's why I was looking in other cities! LOL


    There are decent guys out there, but there are more difficult to find. I've met plenty of flakes and crazies which makes me appreciate the decent guys even more.
    [/quote]

    I appreciate my guy everyday. Treating him to a trip to NYC for his birthday next month.

    If I was not with him, I swear I would be tempted to move to a log cabin in the woods with a couple of dogs and turn into Canada's version of JD Salinger.

    Who needs the kind of s**t behaviour described in this thread?
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    Mar 17, 2008 8:02 PM GMT
    Kozmeka saidNo, you are not being crazy. I would have been pissed, very pissed.

    Once again, he had to be 30 icon_sad.gif all though I dont think this is the problem but, now I know why you dont like to date men under 30 as you mentioned on another post!

    I think this is about manners!


    Yes, I apologized to all the RJers there under 30 who have better mannger than this guy. But his behavior - the getting drunk and telling me "oh i should have known better than to go out with this guy because he gets me in trouble", not responding when I asked him if we were still going to hang out that evening, and then COMPLETELY flaking on Sunday - suggests a level of immaturity that I've only associated with guys under 30. But again, I'm sure not all men under 30 are so immature...