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    Dec 04, 2010 12:54 PM GMT
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    Dec 04, 2010 1:39 PM GMT
    musefreek saidas a matter of principle, do you always ask random hook-ups if they're safe and hiv-negative beforehand?

    Until 3 years ago when I became monogamous with my partner I tricked fairly often, some from online or through gay bars. And I rarely asked about their STD status. While I support regular testing, and I look for any obvious signs of infection, we have to realize the answer we get from a guy is almost meaningless if he says "no."

    He may not really know himself, he may be lying, and he may have contracted HIV since his last test (remember the tests aren't reliable until several weeks or months have passed since exposure, but the infected person is already contagious).

    But if you treat everyone as potentially infected, and have safe sex with every stranger, as you should, then the question becomes less important. It does become a factor, however, if things progress and a longer relationship may be developing. Health issues are matters that both partners should know about.

    My worst scare came not from HIV, but from hepatitis. This online AOL guy lied to me that he had no STDs, and he showed no symptoms. We had safe sex, but hepatitis is more easily transmitted than HIV, and we slept together and kissed a lot, shared eating utensils at his house. On my 3rd day at his place he finally confessed he had active hepatitis (I think he said it was "C"), explaining that he didn't want to lose me.

    Well, I don't want to lose me, either! I was furious. I don't create scenes, but I made my anger known, and we parted, never to see each other again. That was 13 years ago and I dodged the bullet, still 100% STD-free my entire life.

    But guys, when you trick, expect the guy is infected, even if just with crabs. And if that's not an acceptable risk for you, then don't trick at all, and concentrate on finding a monogamous LTR.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 04, 2010 1:44 PM GMT
    I'd never randomly "trick" per se, if I were single. I'd have to know the guy
    at least to some degree before taking him home (or vice versa). If I'm in a bar, I'd not be the one to pick up. I have that philosophy for a number of reasons. One of them involves the perception of myself.... and sex with somebody I've never met isn't a part of the view.
  • TxGrunt

    Posts: 71

    Dec 04, 2010 4:19 PM GMT
    historically for me yes, although not 100% of the time, 90% is def close... always ask, and ask in person too and require someone tell. it is just an additional level of important information. I'd also ask the date of the last test.

    Making an informed decision about hookin up with someone must include more than just the physical appearance criteria. i would also ask in a more nuetral way.. that is, instead of asking "are you HIV neg?" I believe it is more likely to get an honest response by asking "What is your hiv status neg/poz?"

    handle that business right up front ASAP so you can move on to the real business : )

    never assume!
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    Dec 04, 2010 7:53 PM GMT
    firstly, what do some of you mean by "trick"? as in where you are hiv positive but you trick the guy into thinking you're negative?? icon_eek.gif

    secondly, my post stems from me having hooked up with a guy last night through grindr for only oral sex, which is what it was. however, i sucked the guy and before i know it he came in my mouth and i swallowed. this is fine though, i swallow from time to time. however, afterwards when we chilled and chatted a bit he told me how he used to go cruising in hampstead heath, have sex with his partner with other abroad etc etc. so obviously this guy had loads of sex when he was younger but i didn't like hearing that, especially the cruising a lot in a park thing. i mean, was he safe? was it just oral, or did he do anal also?

    so a while after i left i grindred him to say thanks and also asked him if he is safe and what his status was. he replied with his number, that's it. i replied asking again what his status was but didn't get a reply. this is when the alarm bells started going off. normally guys would just say negative, but as he didn't reply to my question i assumed he had something he didn't want to tell me.

    this resulted in me furiously googling swallowing semen of someone positive. apparently the risk factor is low but is heightened if you have cuts in your mouth. so then i started wondering well how fucking big do the cuts need to be? miniscule or are we talking gashes? what? and researched said you should not brush your teeth before having oral sex, which i did about 20 mins before i saw him!!

    this is all a bit fucked up.

    and it's funny because if he never mentioned all his sex stories it wouldn't result in my asking him about his status to which he never even replied which thus got me a bit anxious.

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    Dec 04, 2010 8:08 PM GMT
    Not that I've hooked up with random strangers much but when I have I always ask. If someone's lying you can usually tell but it is true that a lot of guys just don't know their status.

    It's part of the reason dating and getting to know someone is better than hooking up. It may give you immediate satisfaction but I've found it often leaves you feel worse.
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    Dec 04, 2010 8:16 PM GMT
    musefreek saidfirstly, what do some of you mean by "trick"? as in where you are hiv positive but you trick the guy into thinking you're negative?? icon_eek.gif




    Trick is a gay term for a one night stand, but less intimate. It usually falls in the lines of:

    your hot
    Your hot too
    lets go fuck.

    Usually you never speak to them again.
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    Dec 04, 2010 8:29 PM GMT
    I've done worse than that when I've screwed up... Swallowing is safer than swishing or maintaining semen in your mouth. Your stomach is still outside of your body and the acid denatures anything harmful.

    Even if he was hiv positive you had a very low risk activity. Did you spit blood when you brushed (learn from this to just chew gum, don't use mouthwash which can kill beneficial bacteria that compete for space with potentially harmful bacteria, and don't brush your teeth). You're more at risk for something like gonorrhea, herpes, syph, chlam, etc. You'll know within two-three weeks if you have anything, which you probably don't. At least you didn't have bareback sex as a bottom. That's pretty much asking for it if he has something.

    If you do screw up and do something stupid, it comes down to luck and statistics. But sucking dick? All females would be walking carriers of disease. It's a very common activity.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Dec 04, 2010 8:42 PM GMT
    yeah be real careful, it's the other stuff like herps, g, syph and even crabs are making a comeback. friend of mine got crabs from a glory hole and he brought it home to his partner and they broke up after 7 years.

    even glory holes are not safe and crabs are considered an std
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2010 11:38 PM GMT
    Hookups are trashy and made of AIDS.
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    Dec 04, 2010 11:45 PM GMT
    FearTheFall saidHookups are trashy and made of AIDS.


    You cruise you lose.

    Idiot.
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    Dec 04, 2010 11:47 PM GMT
    A1EX said
    FearTheFall saidHookups are trashy and made of AIDS.


    You cruise you lose.

    Idiot.


    Of course, you cruise, you lose.

    That's what I was getting at. If you cruise, you lose at life by getting over 9000 STDs and having your dick resemble a can of Dr. Pepper with leprosy.
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    Dec 04, 2010 11:52 PM GMT
    5ebastian said
    FearTheFall saidHookups are trashy and made of AIDS.

    can you get off the high horse for once, considering you were shirtless in the adult chat not to long ago. not that im judging but its a bit hypocritical dont you think?


    Um..... no it's not. Adult chat is just more active than regular chat- it also allows for more erotic cam shows- besides... the guys in regular chat are shirtless most of the time- it means nothing.

    Now... if he were showing his penis and was looking to c2c......
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2010 11:55 PM GMT
    5ebastian saidwell if you are in a monogamous relationship and actin all holier than thou then yeah it is hypocritical.


    Um- still no.

    I'm going to go eat now.
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    Dec 05, 2010 12:03 AM GMT
    FearTheFall saidHookups are trashy and made of AIDS.


    you're a bit of a pillock, aren't you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2010 12:08 AM GMT
    musefreek saidas a matter of principle, do you always ask random hook-ups if they're safe and hiv-negative beforehand?


    Safe is as safe does.

    And you can't tell if someone is HIV-negative by appearance.... So wouldn't it be a better idea to just assume your hookup IS positive? That way you can act accordingly... By either not tricking if you're not willing to accept the risk or by protecting yourself in any way you see fit.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Dec 05, 2010 12:35 AM GMT
    just ask and re-ask. it's your life. play safe
  • TxGrunt

    Posts: 71

    Dec 05, 2010 12:45 AM GMT
    FearTheFall saidHookups are trashy and made of AIDS.


    really? is this a serious statement??????? i fear it is..... age 21 ok.... really? mmm
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    Dec 05, 2010 6:05 AM GMT
    TxGruntJok said
    FearTheFall saidHookups are trashy and made of AIDS.


    really? is this a serious statement??????? i fear it is..... age 21 ok.... really? mmm


    They are trashy. How are they not? It's, "I'm hot, you're hot, spread your seed inside me." This is why the STD rate is so high among gay people. It's different if you know the person beforehand and have some sort of relationship or bond with them. But if it's A4A/CL/Grindr, it's just plain ol' being a slut.

    5ebastian: As for the cam rooms, I like to tease and promise a reward that never comes. I've killed many boners this way and plan to continue doing so.
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    Dec 05, 2010 6:18 AM GMT
    When anyone is asked anything, they can answer anyway they like, and can answer thinking they're healthy when they're not.

    Aways play safe.

    -Doug
  • austinlee

    Posts: 96

    Dec 05, 2010 7:08 AM GMT
    That's not the question, the question is do you trust him or not! There's really no way to tell!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2010 8:01 AM GMT
    FearTheFall said
    TxGruntJok said
    FearTheFall saidHookups are trashy and made of AIDS.


    really? is this a serious statement??????? i fear it is..... age 21 ok.... really? mmm


    They are trashy. How are they not? It's, "I'm hot, you're hot, spread your seed inside me." This is why the STD rate is so high among gay people. It's different if you know the person beforehand and have some sort of relationship or bond with them. But if it's A4A/CL/Grindr, it's just plain ol' being a slut.

    5ebastian: As for the cam rooms, I like to tease and promise a reward that never comes. I've killed many boners this way and plan to continue doing so.


    Somebody hooking-up isn't necessarily going to be unsafe and have the other guy 'spreading seed' inside of him....If consenting adults are honest and safe, it is really not anybodys business to pass misguided judgement on their private sex lives.
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    Dec 05, 2010 8:17 AM GMT
    Hookups are trashy and made of AIDS? lol

    You gotta do what you gotta do when most of us aren't content to settle with 2nd best just for the safe bareback sex. Use a condom and have fun. Who says we even always have sex on a hookup? It's condescending to think that 1) everyone wants to be in a relationship and 2) that we don't know what to look for, how to screen people, or that you're somehow better than us when you don't know what you're talking about because you're young enough to have not even had time to realize how to go about it in a safe manner. If you're on realjock so much posting so much and sporting yourself around and getting off by showing off on camera as they say and saying 'look but no touch,' I'm sure you're in a very fulfilling relationship. Some of us are quite fine single and don't need other people to feel socially acceptable. So I'm sure the guy you're with is the one you'll be with forever since you found each other at a young age and are fully mature.
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    Dec 05, 2010 9:16 AM GMT
    bluey2223 saidHookups are trashy and made of AIDS? lol

    You gotta do what you gotta do when most of us aren't content to settle with 2nd best just for the safe bareback sex. Use a condom and have fun. Who says we even always have sex on a hookup? It's condescending to think that 1) everyone wants to be in a relationship and 2) that we don't know what to look for, how to screen people, or that you're somehow better than us when you don't know what you're talking about because you're young enough to have not even had time to realize how to go about it in a safe manner. If you're on realjock so much posting so much and sporting yourself around and getting off by showing off on camera as they say and saying 'look but no touch,' I'm sure you're in a very fulfilling relationship. Some of us are quite fine single and don't need other people to feel socially acceptable. So I'm sure the guy you're with is the one you'll be with forever since you found each other at a young age and are fully mature.


    OHHHHH. Bitch is getting told now!

    He not only bitch-slapped you- ftf- but he insulted your 'boyfriend' too! icon_lol.gif

    I remember when he used to do porn... too bad it was for Sean Cody.
    HotMenChart_Simon_Dexter_FreshMen_fx4_th
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    Dec 05, 2010 10:40 AM GMT
    A1EX said
    bluey2223 saidHookups are trashy and made of AIDS? lol

    You gotta do what you gotta do when most of us aren't content to settle with 2nd best just for the safe bareback sex. Use a condom and have fun. Who says we even always have sex on a hookup? It's condescending to think that 1) everyone wants to be in a relationship and 2) that we don't know what to look for, how to screen people, or that you're somehow better than us when you don't know what you're talking about because you're young enough to have not even had time to realize how to go about it in a safe manner. If you're on realjock so much posting so much and sporting yourself around and getting off by showing off on camera as they say and saying 'look but no touch,' I'm sure you're in a very fulfilling relationship. Some of us are quite fine single and don't need other people to feel socially acceptable. So I'm sure the guy you're with is the one you'll be with forever since you found each other at a young age and are fully mature.


    OHHHHH. Bitch is getting told now!

    He not only bitch-slapped you- ftf- but he insulted your 'boyfriend' too! icon_lol.gif

    I remember when he used to do porn... too bad it was for Sean Cody.
    HotMenChart_Simon_Dexter_FreshMen_fx4_th


    We actually do it together in the cam room - our routine is a mix of teasing (to get an audience) and trolling (showing offensive/mean signs to the cam). I predict a fellow troll such as yourself would appreciate it.

    As for hooking up, it's trashy and hubby and I know about how slutty and untrustworthy a lot of the local sluts are, at least. We've accepted monogamy because nothing else seems clean.