What's Going on with These Guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2010 5:37 PM GMT
    I recently went on my first "real" first and second date with a guy I met online. smart, funny, fairly attractive and he was my age. We seemed compatible enough for us to scheduled a second date and we went out to lunch. That was nice and he took me on walk around a park

    Though, when I decided to schedule a third date he wrote he had work that day (he is busy with work and the days he works change so he's wasn't making that up) Though, he try to schedule a different time for a date. He's a bit shy like me and I know the Holiday season is a busy time for people but after a while you think he'd take the lead and schedule for another time...

    I'm hesitant to contact him again because if he wants to get together again he would contact me and he hasn't for about two weeks, I don't want to move to fast or be pushy. This might make me fall into the friend zone- if I'm not already in it.

    There's another guy who is my backup and he's a friend who I suspect may be interested in being more than friends, though he seems to have a problem letting people into his life. There's another thread about him here http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1027719/.

    We've know each other for about a year and met in college and we went out to lunch almost every other day and sometimes on weekends. He even called me last month when I moved to New York asking how everything is going. I tried to meet with him during the when I back home in Chicago for a week and catch up on things but he said "It would be difficult with his sisters coming in". icon_question.gif When I want to get together with someone I make time for them but maybe that's me. I'm getting worried he's a flake or is very closeted it would cause frustration. Though, he's been throwing hints my way about the possibility of him being bi or gay numerous times...

    Advice? I'm not sure how to handle both of their behavior and I'm sure others have been in similar situations with people like this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2010 7:10 PM GMT
    Just take it all in stride. Sounds to me like you may be trying too hard. Let the chips fall where they may.

    You mentioned that the other dude was a "backup." Makes it sound like you are buying a car or computer or something.

    Relax. When you find the right guy for you, things will fall into place. Really doesn't take alot of work to figure out and no backup plan needed.
  • UnluckyTitan

    Posts: 106

    Dec 04, 2010 7:36 PM GMT
    You saidd that the first guy was shy like you. Maybe he's feeling the same exact way and waiting for you to make a move. It'sa tricky situation. The worst case is that it doesn't work out. Saddly that's something we all have to go through, it's easier to learn after a few dates rather than a few months...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2010 11:35 PM GMT
    I'm going to agree with catfish and titan.

    Take it easy, call the first guy, and if he then ignores ya, then write him off.

  • oyoung

    Posts: 97

    Dec 05, 2010 3:49 AM GMT
    zarin saidI'm going to agree with catfish and titan.

    Take it easy, call the first guy, and if he then ignores ya, then write him off.



    I have to agree with this.
    If he is also interested in you, he would take the date; otherwise, it isn't worth waiting and thinking. And don't try to change him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2010 4:00 AM GMT
    I wrote so many people off that way! Hahaha.. trust me. it's worth it than wasting your time thinking about whether he'll think about you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2010 6:24 PM GMT
    Thanks for the replies and advice.

    I didn't mean backup in a derogatory way but in a way that there would be someone else if the first guy isn't interested. If the first guy wants to call, he'll call. If not, than there's someone else out there I just haven't met yet who will be interested in me.

    I guess it is true- when you stop looking and least expect it you find it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 06, 2010 3:57 PM GMT
    Dude, ask them. Don't play games of 'will he, won't he' at the moment it's all speculation in your head. You want the answer then go get it.
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    Dec 06, 2010 4:38 PM GMT
    Ehanson saidThanks for the replies and advice.

    I didn't mean backup in a derogatory way but in a way that there would be someone else if the first guy isn't interested. If the first guy wants to call, he'll call. If not, than there's someone else out there I just haven't met yet who will be interested in me.

    I guess it is true- when you stop looking and least expect it you find it.


    How long have you been in NYC? I encountered quite a lot a flaky behavior at first and it used to bother me...till I realized that I could be very happy being single (which is when I met my partner). I had to write off the flakes and now I have a great group of friends that I can count on.

    I remember one time meeting a very cute guy handing out promotional postcards. We exchanged phone numbers and e-mail addresses, but he was always too busy to meet up. After a while, I just quit exchanging numbers because I could never remember who these people were after a while. I got tired of lengthy text message exchanges that never led anywhere.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 06, 2010 5:28 PM GMT
    You should contact the first guy. Maybe it was miscommunication -- he thought that you were going to contact him about the third date. And, he is shy. Just call him and talk to him. Tell him your concerns, see how he responds, and go from there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2010 5:18 AM GMT
    Contacted him three days ago to set up a third "date"- haven't heard back from him yet.

    lissenup, sadly there are more flaky people out there than non-flakes. But I also think it has to due to a fear of commitment and a fear of getting hurt. Complicated emotions drive a lot of human behavior.

    There's also the fact that I've recently moved here and with so many transients living in major cities no one really seems to want make a serious connections because a lot of people my age who live in New York are here for only a year or two, sometimes even less than that.
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    Dec 12, 2010 2:55 PM GMT
    You are right, there are a lot of flakes here but there are also some great people. It takes a little while to find the good ones, however. The first lesson I learned when I moved to NY is to have a "Plan B"; I got stuck at home on a Saturday night when my date sent me a text message an hour or so before we were to meet that he needed to cancel. After that, I always made sure that I had something to do and if someone wanted to meet me and enjoy it with me, he could. If he canceled I would still enjoy it because it was something I wanted to do anyway (movie, art exhibit, concert, etc.). I don't mind doing things by myself, so that helps a lot too.