Being around straight friends

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2010 9:55 PM GMT
    Some of my friends know about me and my relationship life. I love my friends and get along with them great...but sometimes I find myself in uncomfortable situations because even though my friends are okay with me being gay...I get the sense they just don't like talking about it, or me bringing it up.

    I went on a road trip with this guy I am interested in and my friend Mike. Everytime me and this guy were flirting I got this sense Mike was uncomfortable or he just didn't like seeing all that.

    Of course it goes both ways....I feel like damn you being so uncomfortable is in turn making me uncomfortable to be myself. Has anybody else dealt with this/ ?

    Does it get better? What did you do....Really interested to hear back on this topic.
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Dec 04, 2010 10:09 PM GMT
    Could he have just felt like the 3rd wheel in this situation? How awkward for three people to be on a road trip in a car and two of them start flirting or having their own conversation that the other could not effectively participate in.. I am with your awkward feeling straight friend on this one.. Sure, in a large group of people who cares? But in a situation such as a road trip I would keep everything neutral and save the flirting for another time.
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    Dec 04, 2010 11:02 PM GMT

    "Some of my friends know about me and my relationship life. I love my friends and get along with them great...but sometimes I find myself in uncomfortable situations because even though my friends are okay with me being gay...I get the sense they just don't like talking about it, or me bringing it up. "

    Yes. A friend once (not long ago) said to me, "How come you always bring up gay stuff. I don't talk about straight stuff all the time."

    I said, "Yes, actually, you do. Whenever we're together you talk about your kids and husband, your sex life, straight sex jokes, the men you think are hot, your girls (my friend's kids) and their husbands, their sex lives, their kids and who the kids are dating."

    Oy!

    -Doug


    ....and we haven't seen her since! icon_lol.gif

    -Bill

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    Dec 04, 2010 11:12 PM GMT
    Straight people are just uncomfortable when they aren't in the norm. Whereas gay people are used to feeling eschewed by society and get excited when they can talk about their personal life. It's normal conversation for straight people.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 04, 2010 11:17 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    "Some of my friends know about me and my relationship life. I love my friends and get along with them great...but sometimes I find myself in uncomfortable situations because even though my friends are okay with me being gay...I get the sense they just don't like talking about it, or me bringing it up. "

    Yes. A friend once (not long ago) said to me, "How come you always bring up gay stuff. I don't talk about straight stuff all the time."

    I said, "Yes, actually, you do. Whenever we're together you talk about your kids and husband, your sex life, straight sex jokes, the men you think are hot, your girls (my friend's kids) and their husbands, their sex lives, their kids and who the kids are dating."

    Oy!

    -Doug


    ....and we haven't seen her since! icon_lol.gif

    -Bill

    Doug and Bill, I will have to partially disagree with you. when someone talks about their husband or wife and their kids that is not talking about straight stuff. that is talking about their family. now the sex and other parts i will agree with you on. there are gay and lesbians that have children and partners is that gay stuff. i don't think it is. i see it as person who is happy about their family and about the person they are with.

    now as far as the thread. i think your friend was just probably feeling a little bit like a third wheel and he might also feel little weird because he is not use to seeing two guys together. i mean you do have to give people time to get use to the idea of you being gay. i mean in a ideal world you should not have to do this but this isn't ideal so you have to think about others first

    just my two cents
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    Dec 04, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    With my best friend, he did comment once, quite a while ago.

    I told him it was just a phase he was going through, being uncomfortable, and that it'd pass.

    It did. HA!
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    Dec 04, 2010 11:32 PM GMT
    I think that uncomfortable feeling is a normal reaction, specially in a 'holding the candle' situation.

    If you were handicapped, like in well chair, you would feel the same uncomfortable feeling from people around you.

    And just the same way, you would see the feeling fade away over time, when others see you for who you are and stop being afraid about your life.
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    Dec 05, 2010 1:27 AM GMT
    tuffguyindc said, " Doug and Bill, I will have to partially disagree with you. when someone talks about their husband or wife and their kids that is not talking about straight stuff."

    ...and that's what I think too (although your opposite sex partner is rather an indicator of straight depending on what you say) but used it as an example to her because what she was partly referring to was my chatting about Bill and I this and Bill and I that (like getting married etc) , which is my family. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

    Ironic, considering she signed as a witness on our marriage license. icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 05, 2010 1:51 AM GMT
    I ilve with two straight guys who happen to be really close friends of mine... My one Asian friend is very comfortable with it and is open to discussing the situation I have been going through... My other friend who is black and who moved out here from Ohio a few years ago has had a harder rime with it... I try to seek advice and support from him but he tends to avoid the discussion and finds a way to laugh about it. That kind of hurts my feelings because ive known him for so long and that my sexuality wouldn't matter. Although he is okay with my sexuality I know he's not comfortable with it. If anything I feel as if he's upset with me about it...
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    Dec 05, 2010 2:09 AM GMT
    I don't like to talk gay stuff with straight friends or co-workers
  • mybud

    Posts: 11829

    Dec 05, 2010 2:20 AM GMT
    I have a lot of str8 buds.....for now I go out to play pool...drink and watch football(Chiefs)...with them....My gay hook ups are unknown to them...I see nothing wrong with doing activities with your friends and saving the dating for more private times....the comfort level for both str8 and gay is maintained...granted if I ever find a serious relationship...that would be the time I would inform my str8 buddies....BUD
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Dec 05, 2010 2:25 AM GMT
    Sylas, the fact that you and your friend are gay may have put an edge on it, but the straight guy was probably just uncomfortable because he was not so included as he would like to hae been. It is the old dilemma of the threesome, whether social or sexual, that is just hard to get around.
  • oyoung

    Posts: 97

    Dec 05, 2010 2:49 AM GMT
    I could feel uncomfortable with a straight couple on a road trip, when they were flirting with each other. Even with a gay couple.
    But if I was with my bf in such situation, I would feel OK.
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    Dec 05, 2010 2:56 AM GMT
    Maybe he wanted to join in.

    On a serous note, I only really have straight friends and at first it was acwerd But it got better and now some of them flirt with me in front of there girl friends or guys I'm with. Just to be funny. I wouldn't worry about it to much it's just a whole new situation for them.
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    Dec 08, 2010 12:20 AM GMT
    When my straight friends start feeling uncomfortable when I talk about gay stuff (often, as 99% of my friends are straight guys), I find myself talking louder and more explicitly about it just to fuck with them.

    After all, what's the fun in being gay if you can't make all your friends squirm once in a while? And as a fringe benefit, the exposure makes them more comfortable next time you bring up all the gay shit that actually matters (relationship advice, etc...).
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    Dec 08, 2010 12:28 AM GMT
    hmm idk maybe its jsut the type of friends i ahve but this seems weired to me they dont talk about it.

    my friends almost always make at least 1 gay joke when we're hanging out. i think the fact that they can joke about it shows that we're comfortable with it and each other.

    if i ever dont answer my phone i can garunte i have a voicemail that starts with "hey u missed my call... probably because ur haveing butt sex. ...or ur redueing someones wardrobe that didnt ask you too."
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    Dec 08, 2010 12:43 AM GMT
    bmoney1 saidCould he have just felt like the 3rd wheel in this situation? How awkward for three people to be on a road trip in a car and two of them start flirting or having their own conversation that the other could not effectively participate in.. I am with your awkward feeling straight friend on this one.. Sure, in a large group of people who cares? But in a situation such as a road trip I would keep everything neutral and save the flirting for another time.


    I agree with this post. If I was on a road trip alone with a str8 couple, I would feel uncomfortable if they started flirting, kissing, or getting intimate.

    If it is a guys weekend out, keep everything at a friendship level. If it was a couples weekend and the str8 dude had his gf with him, that would be a different story.
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    Dec 08, 2010 1:11 AM GMT
    Nah dude, I get that feeling a lot, too. It's really uncomfortable for some straight friends for sure. It's gotten better, and sometimes I just have to help them out a little bit at a time. If they get weirded out, I just make it into a joke. It always helps to have some chicks around that are your friends and know, so that they can break the tension too. Just remember it's hard for some people....that doesn't mean they don't support you or will eventually get used to it man!