Would you say that praise boosts YOUR self-esteem?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2010 2:14 PM GMT
    Or are you your own worst critic?

    Some people think that the more praise someone gets the more confidence they will have -- and for some people this is very true -- however there are also the people that, no matter what people say, they will never let the comments affect them.

    There was one time in my life when I based my abilities off of people's praise. It gave me a false sense of confidence and after a while you start believing the hype. Having learnt my lesson, I now steer clear from any compliments (when I get them), which is just as bad!

    So what are you?
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    Dec 05, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    cold saidCompliments are lovely, but cheap.


    ...and some are merely observations that are true. Validation from another.

    -Doug
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 05, 2010 2:48 PM GMT
    Compliments are nice, but it depends on how it's directed. If my Dad compliments me on a project completed.. and I put in hard work, it means a great deal. If a guy compliments me on my looks in a bar, I thank him, but
    probably not in the same category as someone I value and appreciate.

    I don't think they help my self esteem. I'm already very aware what I'm capable of and can accomplish. Compliments on looks are nice, but there are many that mean more.

    One that I appreciated however came the other day in the gym....
    "Man you look great, you have really come back (from my illness) in such a short period of time".
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    Dec 05, 2010 3:34 PM GMT
    If the word Kudos is used, it's very cheap (and in many cases, insincere). I hate that word.

    Madonna once said that a million people can praise her, but she'll be thinking about that one person that didn't get it.
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    Dec 05, 2010 3:41 PM GMT
    For me, I tend to take compliments in areas that I'm insecure/care about. For example, if my tutor praises me on my essay saying that I mentioned really good points and had a very strong argument, I would be 'over the moon' that day.

    However if someone said 'you're the most talented pianist I've ever heard!', I tend to just smile and not take it to heart. If ever there's a superlative in the compliment, like 'most intelligent' or 'the funniest', chances are I won't take it to heart because it's not an accurate representation.

    I fear that praise feeds the ego.

    *oops, this is in response to HndsmKansan's comment! I'm not just answering my own question for fun lol*
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    Dec 05, 2010 3:46 PM GMT
    wrestlervic saidIf the word Kudos is used, it's very cheap (and in many cases, insincere). I hate that word.

    Madonna once said that a million people can praise her, but she'll be thinking about that one person that didn't get it.


    I can definitely relate there. I tend to focus on the criticism more than the praise because to an extent I believe that praise breeds complacency; criticism encourages improvement.
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    Dec 05, 2010 4:11 PM GMT
    It depends on how often I hear the comment. If I am regularly praised or criticized for something then it will affect my confidence. If the comment is just one off then I just shrug it off.
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Dec 05, 2010 5:15 PM GMT
    Random praise boost my self-confidence but for a very short period of time. The thing with me is that i have to have a string of praises to really boost my confidence a notch permanently or else it will just be a case of getting some confidence one moment then losing it the next day.
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    Dec 05, 2010 5:26 PM GMT
    Someone once told me that self esteem was a false concept, and therefore didn't really exist. I like that idea. Criticism can be tough to take, but no amount of praise will "raise your self esteem" if you don't believe it yourself. In fact, it could make you feel worse if you see it as patronizing (e.g. They're only saying I'm good looking because they want to sleep with me. They're only patting my back so they can get me to work overtime).
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    Dec 05, 2010 5:31 PM GMT

    Some people have this knack to see the good in everything around them. Such people will often praise others because it's merely stating what they see.


    -Doug
  • austinlee

    Posts: 96

    Dec 05, 2010 5:32 PM GMT
    hm.. what matters is whether the praiser means it or not.
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    Dec 05, 2010 5:33 PM GMT
    austinlee saidhm.. what matters is whether the praiser means it or not.



    Bingo.
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    Dec 05, 2010 5:33 PM GMT


    My self-esteem is pretty high but I like to hear a good compliment now and again... Personally it helps to hear nice things about yourself as long as it is sincere and not over done...
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    Dec 05, 2010 5:39 PM GMT
    Praise helps me feel good about myself for the next 30 minutes. after that, I return to my normal confidence. I am an inward reflecting person and i dont care much about what other people think unless they are close friends.

    What does boost my self confidence is completing a task or goal that was difficult. This is especally true if it is something that i was working on for a long time period.

    Example:
    two semesters of 3.5+ GPA is a nice goal and I feel great about the fact that i can invest hard work into school and get a return that not everyone is capable of achieving. (raises self esteem)

    This current semester my grades have declined because I have allowed more distractions to keep me from working hard on school. I think i will be a little lower this semester. On top of that, my bodyfat % has increased a little due to stress and grab and go food habits. Lowered self esteem.

    I still am in good shape, and people indicate interest, so i know that is just my perception. OVERALL, I know i can do better, and i will need to consider making different choices if i want these circumstances to change. At this point, praise that i still look good, or that i am trying hard regardless help motivate me to make those changes
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    Dec 05, 2010 5:41 PM GMT
    kandsk saidSomeone once told me that self esteem was a false concept, and therefore didn't really exist. I like that idea. Criticism can be tough to take, but no amount of praise will "raise your self esteem" if you don't believe it yourself. In fact, it could make you feel worse if you see it as patronizing (e.g. They're only saying I'm good looking because they want to sleep with me. They're only patting my back so they can get me to work overtime).


    When your a developing child, praise is far more important. It builds how much you will challenge yourself as you grow older.

    (sorry for posting twice)
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    Dec 05, 2010 5:44 PM GMT
    Compliments are sweet at times, but unless you like what you see in the mirror, does it really matter what everyone else thinks?
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    Dec 05, 2010 5:58 PM GMT
    Actually, compliments that just praise the achievement and not the effort can be harmful.

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    THE MINDSETS

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    Confronted with the hard puzzles, one ten-year-old boy pulled up his chair, rubbed his hands together, smacked his lips, and cried out, “I love a challenge!” Another, sweating away on these puzzles, looked up with a pleased expression and said with authority, “You know, I was hoping this would be informative!”

    What’s wrong with them? I wondered. I always thought you coped with failure or you didn’t cope with failure. I never thought anyone loved failure. Were these alien children or were they on to something?

    Everyone has a role model, someone who pointed the way at a critical moment in their lives. These children were my role models. They obviously knew something I didn’t and I was determined to figure it out—to understand the kind of mindset that could turn a failure into a gift.

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    WHY DO PEOPLE DIFFER?

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2010 5:59 PM GMT
    A sincere compliment or praise of any kind is always nice and can boost any person's self esteem.

    But, as you can see, there are so many different viewpoints and ideas about praise that if you do praise someone, you may not get the response you expect. People who have been praised or complimented insincerely or for something they know they didn't deserve, may become somewhat unappreciative of it in the future, even when it is deserved. I've seen this in many people.

    Also, when it comes to compliments about one's physical beauty, remember that the beauty of the body is assisted by the beauty of the mind. There's a lot of truth in the old adages By the Time You're in your 40's or 50's, You Have the Face You Deserve. Also, Ugly Deeds Precede an Ugly Appearance.

    So, compliments about one's attractiveness can be genuine and deserved. Everyone wants to be beautiful.

    But, not many people appreciate insincere compliments. So, don't give them out lightly. Say what you mean, and mean what you say and base it on your own, true observations.

  • tokugawa

    Posts: 945

    Dec 05, 2010 6:10 PM GMT
    Gbob said
    wrestlervic saidIf the word Kudos is used, it's very cheap (and in many cases, insincere). I hate that word.

    Madonna once said that a million people can praise her, but she'll be thinking about that one person that didn't get it.


    I can definitely relate there. I tend to focus on the criticism more than the praise because to an extent I believe that praise breeds complacency; criticism encourages improvement.


    Honest, constructive criticism, given in a non-judgmental way, is certainly justified.

    Dishonest, and/or non-constructive, and/or excessive, and/or unjustified and/or judgmental criticism fosters low self worth and destroys confidence. This is true especially when the criticism is coming from a parent and directed at a child. People who have such parents are more likely as adults to be introverted, non-assertive and have difficulty making friends; they tend to remain in abusive relationships and fail to move on long after the reason for the relationship no longer exists.

    Some men criticize excessively, often regarding trivial matters, but are very stingy with praise (except when trying to hook up, usually unsuccessfully, with the cute guy at the end of the bar.)

    Why are guys so stingy with praise when people deserve it, especially for their family and friends?
  • DCguy2001

    Posts: 314

    Dec 05, 2010 6:20 PM GMT
    Both. I'm my own worst critic, but praise is always appreciated.
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    Dec 05, 2010 6:20 PM GMT
    austinlee saidhm.. what matters is whether the praiser means it or not.


    But how do we know if they're being sincere or not?

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 05, 2010 6:20 PM GMT
    Usually when I get a compliment I get somewhat embarrassed. Especially if it is about looks or muscles or something.

    However, a couple of weeks ago at my new job a 21 yr old beautiful woman said to me: "there you are with those big blue eyes, you really are handsome. I can admit that." That made my whole week!

    I'm congratulating myself now that I didn't tell anyone about this instance for two full weeks! I'm getting better.
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    Dec 05, 2010 9:00 PM GMT
    Since I have inner peace, and am secure within myself, I don't need it or seek it. Also being a True Blue Aussie it's all apart of my culture to be self deprecating too, and thats a wonder powerful liberating thing too.
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    Dec 05, 2010 9:06 PM GMT
    Watching Judge Joe Brown or any show with people far worse off than myself.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Dec 05, 2010 10:00 PM GMT
    Oh dear, you dislike compliments? because they gave you a false sense of comfidence?....If this is true Your setting yourself up for total dispair and a lifetime of living alone with 100 cats , all because you dont like or trust people....
    Shoo, i love compliments, i'v recieved the biggest compliment from my job this month and was giving a plaque,a company pin and dinner for 2 at a 5 Diamond restaurant for outstanding work.....Am i supposed to not trust them either...icon_idea.gif