Apparently there are alot of closet cases in Bend, Oregon.

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    Dec 07, 2010 7:56 AM GMT
    So I'm new to Oregon and while i've been asked out a couple of times, everything I hear about is just sex on DL or casual hookups while the wife or parents are out of the house. I'm not the type to seek out gay friends or anything but from what i've sensed it's very hush hush here in Bend. I came from a liberal arts college in a very open, but small, town.
    Does anyone know whats up with Bend, or if it is just because I'm new to the area?
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    Dec 07, 2010 8:00 AM GMT
    There's alot of closet cases everywhere.

    Discreet=Men cheat on their partners, on their gf/wives, or they simply are not out.

    -I don't get it
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    Dec 07, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    Well I think when you get to the more rural areas you find more of this than in the metropolitan regions. Bend is definitely out there in what I would consider a rural area.
  • misternick

    Posts: 234

    Dec 07, 2010 3:50 PM GMT
    I'm gearing up to move out to a fairly small town in the midwest for a while and wondering if I'll be exposed to some of the same.

    Since I'm not in an open relationship, the hookups don't do me much good. I like having something of a 'mo community to hang out with, which is why I like this site.

    I think it says a lot about the time and area I've been living in that I anticipate it being weird to not have openly gay people around.
  • DuggerPDX

    Posts: 386

    Dec 07, 2010 4:01 PM GMT
    I have a place in Bend and visit a couple times a month. While there aren't any truly gay bars, restaurants or nightclubs in town I have never found anyplace overtly anti-gay. I guess I'm in a different category because I'm A) in a long-term relationship, and B) MUCH older than the OP. There is one "gay friendly" bar downtown, Seven Nightclub.” it is located at 1033 NW Bond Street.

    If you are into outdoor things like skiing, mountain biking, hiking, rock climbing, etc.. you should be able to hook up with some groups, might be a good place to meet some guys.

    Also, every first Friday of the month all of the art galleries and restaurants have events downtown, it's usually very fun.

    -Doug
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    Dec 07, 2010 4:07 PM GMT
    It's the names of the mountains....they're gay.
    People end up sayin' all kinds o' kinky crap and not knowing it...then...one day...ya just gotta put a big dick in yer....well some orifice.

    Mount Bachelor...get it ....mount bachelor....I mean sooner or later....!!!
    Slide down what...board who???

    The Middle Sister...you did what? ....and there were 3 of 'em....
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    Dec 07, 2010 4:13 PM GMT
    I can totally relate KP88! I recently moved to Pullman, WA from FL and was utterly shocked! My home town had at least 7 gay bars and nearest one up here is 100 miles away icon_sad.gif

    Nonetheless, you will find that amidst all the closet gays, there are a few open gay men and most of them are very kind and accustomed to the way of life in a small town! Just do your time, finish up school, and then you can move to a bigger city with a more open population!
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    Dec 07, 2010 5:46 PM GMT
    One of the dating sites published some statistics, (based on profile check-boxes?) that when mapped, appear to show Oregon as the national hotbed of the gay-curious. Although unlike for many other states, it doesn't appear to be broken down by county, so it may be a bit misleading. This is supposed to show percentage of "straight people who have had or would like to have a same-sex experience."

    HeatMap.png

    HeatMapKey.png

    Notice the sharp change at the continental divide. They're calling it "the brokeback effect." Of course, compared to Canada...
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Dec 07, 2010 6:32 PM GMT
    KP88 saidSo I'm new to Oregon and while i've been asked out a couple of times, everything I hear about is just sex on DL or casual hookups while the wife or parents are out of the house. I'm not the type to seek out gay friends or anything but from what i've sensed it's very hush hush here in Bend. I came from a liberal arts college in a very open, but small, town.
    Does anyone know whats up with Bend, or if it is just because I'm new to the area?


    An interesting comment from someone who doesn't have his face pic in his profile and - and is asking why the gay community in Bend is "hush-hush"

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    Dec 07, 2010 6:53 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidOne of the dating sites published some statistics, (based on profile check-boxes?) that when mapped, appear to show Oregon as the national hotbed of the gay-curious. Although unlike for many other states, it doesn't appear to be broken down by county, so it may be a bit misleading. This is supposed to show percentage of "straight people who have had or would like to have a same-sex experience."

    HeatMap.png

    HeatMapKey.png

    Notice the sharp change at the continental divide. They're calling it "the brokeback effect." Of course, compared to Canada...


    Oregon does seem to be by county, there is a slightly less red spot in the middle... seems like the Oregonians are just very bicurious.

    Notice btw how Manitoba seems to be very curious, but NFL is green (small corner of Labrador pictured)
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    Dec 07, 2010 7:04 PM GMT
    Yay I've only lived in places that are strongly bicurious.... lucky me, lucky.
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    Dec 07, 2010 7:08 PM GMT
    KP88 saidDoes anyone know whats up with Bend, or if it is just because I'm new to the area?


    You must have not found them yet. There has got to be somebody bent in Bend.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2929

    Dec 07, 2010 7:41 PM GMT
    I used to ski a lot in Bend, when I was coaching. I was completely out. I did get a few anti-gay comments from a few people, but always ones known as "deeply christian" or otherwise hard to deal with. But on the whole, I found the people there very accepting, and a few of my enduring friends are from Bend.
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    Dec 07, 2010 8:05 PM GMT
    FredPDX said
    KP88 saidSo I'm new to Oregon and while i've been asked out a couple of times, everything I hear about is just sex on DL or casual hookups while the wife or parents are out of the house. I'm not the type to seek out gay friends or anything but from what i've sensed it's very hush hush here in Bend. I came from a liberal arts college in a very open, but small, town.
    Does anyone know whats up with Bend, or if it is just because I'm new to the area?


    An interesting comment from someone who doesn't have his face pic in his profile and - and is asking why the gay community in Bend is "hush-hush"



    LOL, my thoughts exactly.

    I remember thinking the same thing when I first visited Bend. Coming from a small farming community in the midwest, I thought that the yuppie ski town vibe of Bend would be accompanied by progressive attitudes and politics. Boy was I wrong! When as I drove into town I saw an overtly racist message posted on the lawn marquee of a local Baptist church, I began to realize I wasn't in Kansas anymore. A quick search of RJers in Bend quickly made it clear that, despite the west coast location and outdoor/fitness appeal, Bend residents did not feel comfortable being out.

    As I've spent most of my life in parts of the country usually written off as 'redneck', I was surprised to find myself uncomfortable there--something about it seemed vaguely menacing. In the end, I moved out of town and further north to Crooked River Ranch and Terrebonne, communities whose typical small-town, welcoming conservatism were more familiar to me.

    Now, don't get me wrong, I really love that part of the world. So much so that I'll be moving back out there in a month or two. It's just one, weird issue that mars an otherwise amazing spot, but I laughed out loud when I noticed that someone out there made the same observation that I did when he got there.
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    Dec 07, 2010 11:57 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidOne of the dating sites published some statistics, (based on profile check-boxes?) that when mapped, appear to show Oregon as the national hotbed of the gay-curious. Although unlike for many other states, it doesn't appear to be broken down by county, so it may be a bit misleading. This is supposed to show percentage of "straight people who have had or would like to have a same-sex experience."

    HeatMap.png

    HeatMapKey.png

    Notice the sharp change at the continental divide. They're calling it "the brokeback effect." Of course, compared to Canada...


    what the hell do u think we do up here all winter? gotta stay warm somehow when the powers out or a storm is howling. And Boyscout first aid for hypothermia's about as gay as it gets without penetration, lol.
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    Dec 08, 2010 9:47 PM GMT
    Damn, the south is just not representing! Funny to see how the Metro Atlanta area is much more curious though than the rest of Georgia haha.
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    Dec 08, 2010 9:51 PM GMT
    Born and raised in Bend. It's a dead town as far as gay life is concerned, believe me.

    Then again, I might not be the best resource... moved to San Francisco after college to try my luck down here, and MORE gay men definitely doesn't equal more eligible gay men. I think I might just be the kind of guy to whom the grass always looks greener...
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    Dec 09, 2010 10:11 PM GMT
    O wow, look at Oregon and almost ALL of Canada is curious lol! Makes sense I've met alot of people who are into promescuity here or in open relatinships, If I was into rando hookups I'd be happy as a clam, but I'm not lol.
    Bend is a pretty accepting town. There isn't an anti gay vibe and I have seen a few mm ff couples around and about, it's just different I guess. The town I came frome in CO had a pop of 15,000 (65,000 less than the pop of bend) and 1/2 were gay, sluts primarily, but still gay. I just need to give life here more time and meet more people icon_smile.gif


    Chemmac: I have a HS friend who lives in Pullman! He's moving to Eugen in a couple of months with his BF, tho I don't remember him saying much about a gay community.

    FredPDX: I really like my profile pic but the face I'm making is AWFUL so I cut it out, eventually I'll get around to uploading more, right now all my face pics are private icon_smile.gif

    BoulderingBum: It's like "ya you can be gay, it's cool, just don't talk about it k?" Granted a few ski buddies I've made say Bend is quickly becoming more and more accepting and of the "whatever, I don't care" variety. Just takes time icon_smile.gif

    Thanks everyone else for the comments icon_smile.gif

  • pelotudo87

    Posts: 225

    Jun 13, 2011 5:44 PM GMT
    oregonboardr saidBorn and raised in Bend. It's a dead town as far as gay life is concerned, believe me.

    Then again, I might not be the best resource... moved to San Francisco after college to try my luck down here, and MORE gay men definitely doesn't equal more eligible gay men. I think I might just be the kind of guy to whom the grass always looks greener...



    This
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    Jun 13, 2011 7:48 PM GMT
    I have no direct knowledge of Bend, so I looked up some things about it online, which I found interesting. The in-city population more than doubled from 20,000 in 1990 to 52,000 in 2000, and had gained nearly another 50% by the 2010 census, now around 76,000. The surrounding area, of which Bend is the county seat, adds nearly another 100,000.

    A great deal of those recent arrivals are said to be retirees (21.9% are ages 45 to 64, 12.4% over 65), and the racial make-up is 94% White. Many of the younger people are there for seasonal outdoor recreation & sports, which occurs year-round, either engaging in these activities themselves, or as temporary hires to support them.

    So what you see is a city that was in some respects an overnight boom town, with fewer & fewer residents who have generational links to it. And like has happened with other communities, I could well believe that the city's "old timers" might resent the "newcomers" who took over the town and changed its face, and not want to socialize with them.

    Because Bend did see a tremendous spurt in construction, which also brought new people in. By June, 2007 Bend was named the most overpriced housing market in the entire United States (Money magazine). But starting in late 2008 as the housing meltdown worsened their prices quickly collapsed, and the Federal Housing and Finance Agency released a report in which Bend had experienced the largest price drop in the country, and their unemployment rate has been staying around 12% after briefly spiking at 17%, while the rest of Oregon is around 9.5%, close to the current US national average.

    (The above gleaned from various online sources, including State of Oregon official sites, the US Census Bureau, and others)
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    Jun 13, 2011 8:47 PM GMT
    oregonboardr saidBorn and raised in Bend. It's a dead town as far as gay life is concerned, believe me.

    Then again, I might not be the best resource... moved to San Francisco after college to try my luck down here, and MORE gay men definitely doesn't equal more eligible gay men. [Art's underline]

    I sure experienced that. I came out in Seattle, living there a total of 5 years. Loved the Pacific NW, traveled quite a bit through Oregon, even bought a car and a camper trailer there, though didn't spend time in Bend.

    I did fairly well in Seattle on the man front (and the backs were good, too... OK, sorry, sorry... icon_redface.gif ), but I often felt the competition was too high for me, especially in my late 40s. So I tried to hang with the older crowd, and that helped. But as you said, lots of guys were already taken, especially in that age bracket. And I got fooled into fooling around with a partnered guy a few times, and it was horrible, suddenly finding out I had been lied to, and unwittingly made into a potential home-wrecker.

    Well then I moved back to North Dakota, where I'd previously been for a few years, and lo and behold, it was like shooting fish in a barrel! Perhaps, to continue the fishy analogy, it's also the old saying: "Big fish in a little pond." And in those days I was packing a pretty big fish (OK, sorry again, I know, a third strike and I'm out... icon_redface.gif )

    So bottom line, I had more gay sex in North Dakota than I did in Seattle, whose city population is virtually as large as all of North Dakota's combined, a State larger in area than all of Washington State. My main tactic? I used the Internet to find guys, and then networked from there with as many parties & events as I could attend, or host myself. In a land where very few gay guys were partnered, half of them in varying degrees of closeted behavior, the one drawback for me. But at least I avoided the straight married guys.